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The Huron Expositor, 1983-06-01, Page 9i VQMO117, THE HURON EXPOSITOR, JUNE 1, 1983 — A9 Grieving doesn't end with the funeral BY SUSAN HUNDERTMARK Even now, though it's almost a year later, she listens for his voice when a group of teenagers walk by the house. When a car pulls into the driveway in the middle of the night, she wakes up thinking, "He's home!" But, cold reality pierces into her mind and Joyce Schenck realizes that her son, Brad will never come home. At 19, he died in a car accident in London last July. Wide awake in the dark, she now faces the difficult task of getting back to sleep. Memories flood into her mind...the smiling face of her blond -haired, blue-eyed son... sitting by the phone waiting for the funeral home to let her see his body...talking to the coroner to make sure he didn't suffer before he died....the bitter realization that he will never graduate from college, get married or attain his dream of being a bush pilot. it's been a difficult ten months; so difficult that she asks the other members of Bereaved Families of Ontario which meets every two weeks at University Hospital in London when it will stop hurting so much. Someone says two years. She wonders whether she can make it through another year of this pain. At times, she knows she can cope; she can smile when she thinks of him. But, she knows what as the numbness slowly wears off, there will be more rough times ahead. NO SET PATTERN There is no set pattern to grieving or a set time for mourning, says Ross Ribey, funeral director of Whitney-Ribey Funeral Home. Emotions run very high when there is a death and those who are grieving should not be afraid to cry because tears are the main part of the grief process. Tears should be allowed to flow whenever the grieving person feels them coming on. To hold back could cause problems later on. Death is a reality which must be faced by everyone , Mr. Ribey says. Those who can face it and go through the, grieving process will remain mentally healthy. "1 know of a case where two young girls were taken away from their home when their younger brother was dying from leukemia. They did not return until their brother was dead and buried. Now, years later, they are seeing a psychiatrist because they were denied the opportunity to face death and work it through." The funeral is a necessary ritual in the grieving process. It helps the family to accept the reality of deathand begin to learn to cope with it. In some cases, until the survivors actually see the body in the casket, they don't believe the person is dead and can't begin to mourn their loss says Mr. Ribey. Grieving doesn't stop after the funeral is over, It is a long process which can be triggered years after a death. Though his father died several years ago, Mr. Ribey still finds himself occasionally shedding a tear when he thinks of him. HOSPITALS ASSIST "A prescribed way to act after a death is a thing of the past," says Yvonne Kitchen, a nurse at the Seaforth Community Hospital. Hospitals now help dying patients and their families deal with the emotional side of death as well as the physical. Palliative care units provide sensitive listening for griev- ing people who want to talk about their feelings, she says. Providing a sympathetic ear is also the job of a minister, says David McKnight, Minister of the Egmondville United Church. Mr. McKnight, who initiated a course on dying at the Blueridge Community College in Virginia, says that expressing and sharing the various emotions a grieving person feels is one of the first steps in dealing with death. Talking about death isn't always easy. The subject has been in the closet for years in North America. People are just starting to talk about it again, he says. for most people, agrees Mr. Ribey. Because the majority of people are dying IT'S FINAL in institutions instead of the family home as "People are afraid of death because they used to, death is an unknown and it's final; there's no comeback. You don't therefore something feared and unmention- die for a week," he says. In fact, people who able. consult Mr. Ribey about their wills often SAY NOTHING say, "If I die" rather than "When 1 die." People have a tendency to avoid those This attitude towards death isolates who have experienced a death in their people even further from death. The fact family, says Mrs. Schenck. They don't know that everyone dies is hard enough to accept; what to say and feel uncomfortable in the not being able to talk about it makes it even presencre of someone who is grieving. more difficult. Therefore, instead of saying what they think "It's really simple things that help me will be the wrong thing, they say nothing. deal with my grief. Just touch my arm or tell "Some people won't talk to me about me you'll be there if 1 need to talk, and I feel Brad because they want to spare me from better. Even if 1 don't want to talk about it at the tears and the pain. They don't realize the time, it helps to know that I'm not that some of those tears are tears of alone," says Mrs. Schenck. gratitude because I'm glad they remember- ed and want to talk about him," she says. The needs of the bereaved are being People may also avoid a grieving person recognized. Several groups such as Be - because they are afraid of facing death reaved Families of Ontario and Coping with themselves. If death can happen in your Cancer have formed to help them learn to family, what's going to stop it from cope with their grief. happening in theirs asks, Mrs. Schenck? Help for the bereaved will be examined in Facing the reality of death is a scary thing a story next week. Life after death explored Minutes after they have been pro- nounced clinically dead, thousands of people have come back to life with a glimpse of what they think is life after death, says David McKnight, minister of the Egmondville United Church. During a series of seminars at the church in May, he presented several of these. near -death experiences, all of which, he says, are alike. "Irrespective of belief, people have had similar experiences. In fact, if you have religious beliefs, you're likely to see things that don't coincide with those beliefs during a near -death experience," he says. The near -death experience of Dr. George Ritchie was one of the best publicized to North America, says Mr. McKnight. A taped speech of Dr. Ritchie's experience was played to a group of approximately 10 people. Born in 1923 in Virginia, George Ritchie had his near -death experience when he was 20 -years -old and stationed at Camp Barkley in Texas. A respiratory problem he developed got worse rapidly and he was rushed to the x-ray department of the base hospital with a temperature of 1061/2 degrees Fahrenheit. After the x-ray machine clicked, he fell to the floor and was pronounced dead. In the next nine minutes, Dr. Ritchie travelled with a divine being into another dimension before a ward clerk saw the arm of his "corpse" jerk and urged a doctor to give him a shot of adrenalin to his heart. He came back to life with no brain damage although a lack of oxygen to the brain for more than five minutes should cause irreparable damage, he says. And, after extensive questioning by the psychiatric community in the United States, he has been pronounced sane. While travelling on the other side of death, he says he saw the levels of development of the human soul. Hell was a "city of souls devoid of love with no fire or high walls to keep them there; only their hatred and bitterness kept them there." The next level consisted of earth -bound souls who could not let go of human life and spent eternity following humans around trying to influence their lives. The great minds of human existence reached the next level where they continued their work.with highly developed technology leaving Dr. Ritchie to conclude that "you and I are in the kindergarten on the universe." The highest level consisted of "beings of light" which had reached the ultimate achievement of pure love and compassion. Dr. Ritchie's guide on the tour of this second dimension was one of these beings. After telling his story across the country, Dr. Ritchie, who is now 60 -years -old, says the only people who have ever doubted him have been ministers. He is now a practicing psychiatrist in southern U.S.A. Transportation costs will be less in '83 Streets, parking, traffic control and other road related expenses will cost Seaforth taxpayers about 52,000 More than last year, or a total of $331,961. Wages will decrease about 54,000 to 543,000, while part-time wages will increase nearly 53,000 to 54,700. The budget provides for a department plan to sell its half ton and its 4 -ton truck and buy one 1 -ton vehicle, mayor Alf Ross says. $22,000 to purchase a new tractor has been moved to thea 1984 budget but payment will be deferred until 1985. 5190,210 will be spent on roadways, including 5145,860, mostly for road and sewer work on, E. William St. While traffic control and parking will cost the town Tess this year, nearly 5300 more will be spent on streetlighting, including $3,000 for new lights and a cut of more than 53,000 for streetlight maintenance. Council now plans to close in the Coleman St. ditch as part of work on that street in 1985, says mayor Ross. Environmental services, handled by the same council committee, will go up about 516,000 this year to a total of 5171,061. That includes a decrease in sanitary sewer spending of $3,000. Pumping charges are estimated at the 1982 actual amount, 586.661. Part of the 1982 deficit was caused Anstett Jewellers introduces their Pearl Spectacular June 2-11 8 Albert St., Clinton 482-3901 Pearl Splendor Treasured gift of the sea this summer s most popular fashion access ry We will be happy to explain the subtle nuances of pearl valve to you, a d aid you in selecting the fine cultured pearl jewellery exactly right for Coda 's fashions Anstett's Pearl Spectacular Highlights Come Jn 10 see our special displays of pearls and pearl jewellery 1 REGISTER YOUR NAME in our free draw for strand of cultured pearls. Draw to be made on June 11 last day for our Pearl Spectacular. No purchase necessary 2 RECEIVE A FREE PAIR of 4 m m pearl earrings. 14 kt gold studs. with every purchase of a strand of cultured pearls 3 PICK AN OYSTER from our tank You re guaranteed o pearl, With any purchase of '10 00 or more ANSTETT JEWELLERS r by these 1982 charges, which were $10,000 more than was budgeted. Garbage disposal will cost $48,800, about $9,000 more than last year, including 536,000 in capital expenses for the new landfill site. Storm sewer costs nearly double to 516,400 including a 59,000 capital expense for Seaforth's share of the McKillop Lawrence Drain and to close in an open ditch on Brantford St. READ and USE EXPOSITOR CLASSIFIED Action Ads PHONE DIRECT 527-0240 / �Ilr,tllllrsr�rr�lrl►�I�rt>•►,�►rinr Business Management Seminar Pa Time Management "There Is never enough lime 10 get everything done," This Seminar will give participants a practical 'take back 10 your office" method of using their time in more efficient way FRDB's Management Seminars are stimulating and thought provoking workshops Through the case study method. participants can assess their management approach and techniques in given situations Group discussions and presentations enable participants to benefit from each other's experience This Seminar will be held Weitneaday, June 8th, 1983 - 1:30 - 4:30 p.m. Conestoga College Clinton Campus Huron Centre, Vanastra (519) 482-3658 $2650 Registration lee for this three hour Seminar Workshop is 826 50 and includes all reference material and our after.semmar service REGISTER NOW WITH Federal Busineaa Development Bank P.O. Box 878 Stratford, Ontario 115A 6W3 (519) 271-5650 OR FILL-IN AND RETURN REGISTRATION FOPM to the above address SNon 1, domeds nor remin.lrer rant often. an franca.. ram MANAGEMENT Fill in and return registration coupon to the above address Please make your cheque or money order payable 10 Federal Business Development Bank ✓ P.nlNpanlls) nee, fsl Address Postal Code Name of Business City Telephone ca Federal Business Development Rank Von, success i5 00, only business, Banque federate de developpement (.ane la U of G course covers change Most of us are terrified by any major change in our lives, and actually prolong the agony, according to Univer- sity of Guelph Psychologist, Professor Sam Luker. "Whether it is divorce, mid- life crisis, retirement or even a new job, people make the change harder for themselves by often focusing on the fact that a part of their lives has ended rather than focusing on the new," he explains. "A crisis can be seen as an opportunity or danger. de- pending entirely on your point of view." This July at the University of Guelph's Summer Camp- us, Professor Luker and clergyman -counsellor Lance Woods are presenting a three-day workshop on Tran- sitions. "The workshop is not therapy. but a down-to-earth examination of what happens to us during a transition, he stresses. "We then go on to discuss various patterns of response to change, and wind up with new ways of negotiat- ino three nerilnnc nassages with greater ease." According to the psycholo- gist, there are three phases common to every transition. These are the death of the old way, the need for time in a neutral zone or limbo, and then the birth of the new. Because they fear the un- known and feel that their very sense of identity is in danger, some people try to return to the past way of life. Equally common is a tendency to rush the process instead of learn- ing to come to terms with themselves and gradually growing into the new role. The co -leaders will exam- ine the physical, psychologi- cal and spiritual changes accompanying major transi- tions in our lives. For information on Transi- tions or other courses in Summer Campus, which runs from July 11 to 22. contact Continuing Education, Room 103, Johnston Hall, Univer- sity of Guelph, Guelph, On- tario, NIG 2W1 or call 519- 824.4120 extension 3956. WAYNE ERICH MATZOLD, son of Erich and Lillian Matzold of R.R. 2 Seaforth, graduated from Waterloo University Friday, Mav 27 with a ,,Bachelor of Science degree. Wayne attended S.P.S. and S.D.H.S. @op11(41 On May 20 nine members of the Lupul fancily flew to St. • Catherines from Edmonton. Alberta to attend a wedding the next day of Lupul and Kysyj. Steven and Mary Lupul of Seaforth were unable to attend. May 24th the groom's father, Bill Lupul brought the Lupul family to Seaforth to visit their relatives, Steve and Mary. The family of 12 Lupuls had a great reunion and visit. SPACESHIP TO GUIDELAND—Angie Roth, Shelly Merner, Ayesha, HiII$ and Angela McLean blasted oft through the Milky Way to become -Guides. Nineteen Brovinies from the 1st and 2nd Seaforth Packs flew up to Guides last week. Local people at K of C convention in Toronto The Ontario State Board of the Knights of Columbus held their annual Charities Raffle. draws, Monday, May 23rd at the closing session of their 80th Annual Convention at the Royal York Hotel in Toronto. Five cars were offered as prizes. The winners are first, 1983 Buick Century. G.M. Flood, Peterborough; second, 1983 Pontiac 6000, K. Goonwall, Stoney Creek; third, 1983 Chrysler Le Baron, J. Jack- son. Oakville; fourth, 1983 Ford Mustang, Jeannine Parisien, L'Orignal, Quebec; fifth, 1983 AMC Concord, Henri Deschamplain, Dubre- ville, Quebec. Proceeds from this Knights of Columbus draw by the Ontario State Board goes to their principal charity, the Arthritic Society. All councils in the Ontario jurisdiction participate. Members, execu- tives, Grand Knight Dennis Rau and Deputy Grand Knight Mozart Gelinas, ticket chairman forthe Father Stephen Eckrt Council of Seaforth and area extend thanks to all who purchased tickets in the Council area. The State Board donated 560,000 last year to the Arthritic Society. Delegates to the conven• tion from the Father Stephen Eckert Council were Grand Knight Dennis Rau and Mrs. Rau and Leo J. Hagan. council recorder. SHOP BRICKMAN'S! For all your gardening needs!! 8" IMPATIENS HANGING A BASKETS $U 00 4" POT FALL MUMS 5O4 YOUR ONE STOP GARDEN CENTRE!!! 4" POT DOUBLE IMPATIENS 5O1 ( LARGE FLOOR PLANTS $1 600 OPEN•• 7 DAYS PER WEEK 9 A.M. TILL DUSK tl� BRICkMAN'S COUNTRY GARDENS to M.y;t«k RR NO, 1 Sebringville Lot 24 Con. 7 Ellice Twp. e PHONE: 393-6223 123 to LI/towel MIt�tNl Brldlmarea e XKlnkora 15 Hwy Wertburp Sebrinovllle 515 Hwy to London Slraifsrd to SI Marys