The Wingham Advance, 1907-07-11, Page 3'r PRACTICE VERSUS
THEORYwamaiN LIVE.
'Wouldn't it be dreadful," remarked
Kitty, swinging iher parasol nonchttl.
antly, as we strolled down the avenue,
"If they 'should sueceill in establishing
A College of Courtship in Chicago, as
somebody has been threatening to do?"
"Why dreadful?" I inquired mildly,
flicking the curb with my cane.
Kitty flashed, me a scornful glance.
"Just fancy a man laying hi a heart
at your feet according to a scientific
method," she exclaimed, "and timing
his tender speeches with a stop -watch,
and kissing you according to the hy-
gienic rules and*"
"Counting his heart beats or, feel-
ing his pulse or appraising the tint „of
your blushes while he tells you he loves
-r you?" I broke in sympathetically.
"Yes," agreed Kitty, "and quoting hie
proposals from a. copy book and his love
notes from the `Lover's Latest Letter
Writer.'"
"Oh, well," I °aid, consolingly, "I
don't think you need bother about it."
"Why?" asked Kitty, lifting her
lashea innocently, "Don't rut think
anybody will propose—"
'11 don't think anybody will take a
course in the college," I eoreeted,
.quickly. "Courting is like cooking.
'You've got to be born with the knack.
Its' a gift of Providence or fate, as
unaccountable and inexplicable as a.
straight nose or a. good constitution.
and it cannot be cultivated any more
than either of them. It is one of- the
things in which brains don't take the
prizes and theory doesn't count."
','What does count I" demanded Kitty
promptly.
"Well—practice," I replied, frankly,
"And if you were born with the
knack," interrupted Kitty, "you can't
Y.' help practising, I—I suppose.'
"And if you are not born with it,"
I rejoined, "you can read Laura. Jean
Libbey and G. Bernard Shaw and
Ella Wheeler Wilcox and all the
guides to love -making that ever were
printed without learning how to be -
"Or where to stop," interrupted
Kitty.
"Or what to say to a woman."
"Or what not to say to a, man.
It's --it's just like making batter.
cakes!" added Kitty, suddenly.
"What!"
"There isn't any reliable recipe for
it," she explained, "and you can only
' tell whether or not yon'have done it
properly by the way it turns out. I've
asked Dinah twenty Units how to
mix batter -cakes, but she couldn't even
tell me how much flour to put in. Yet
she can mix the batter with her eges
shut. She sags nobody ever taught her;
she just `knowed how,' and then 'done
it.' And she scorns a cook book as Cleo-
patra or Mme. du Barry would have
scorned a Lexicon of Love, or a. treatise
on the art of managing a man."
"And," I hazarded, "I'll wager that,
like love, the oftener she makes them
the better she does it."
"Of course," assented Kitty. "And
she says she began making them when
she was old enough to hold a pan,"
"We all begin in the kindergarten,"
I averred.
"Who—fall'?" asked Kitty disconcert-
ingly.
"Oh, er, everybody—who has the
knack," I stammered. "We begin by
writing valentines and hanging May
baskets and playing kissing games
and cutting our initials on the trees
Inside a heart and finish—" •
"We never finish," broke in. Kitty,
"If we attain any—success."
"What," I explained. "Don't you ever
expect to stop—"
"Not," announced Kitty, tranquilly'
'until my grandchildren refuse to be
made love to."
"Will you please explain—"
"You can't explain it," declared
Kitty, "any more than you can ex-
plain why all the cleverest men get the
worst bargains in wives and all the most
beautiful women marry wretchedly; or
why a red-headed girl with a. turned -
up nose and freckles and a figure like a
barber's pole can fascinate every man
she meets, while another woman with a
Greek profile and the linesof the Venus
of Milo sits alone in the parlor every
evening doing fancy work.'
ner "Or" I appended, "why a man with
• the head of an Adonis, and the brain
of an Aristotle is thrown over by the
girl he loves for some little runt with
crooked legs and an insinuating man-
ner and the faculty for saying senti-
ment& things to a Woman—"
"And plenty of practice in court -
Ship," added Kitty.
"Yes," I mused, flicking my cane
thougtfully, "The Chlicag,o professor
proposes to teach men and women
how to 'understand one another."
"That's the saddest and funniest
part of it," replied Kitty with a
little gurgle.
"How can it he funny and sad at
the same time?" I demanded.
"Don't you see," cried Kitty, "how
ead it will be for the man, and how
funny it will be for other people,
when he wakes up ?"
"When he—what?"
"Oh, /Aim!" exclaimed Kitty, im-
patiently, "no man ever finds out
how little be knows about women un-
til he marries one of them. And the
4 most awful mistake he can make is to
" go headlong into matrimony, believing
he really understands the sex and to-
tally unprepared. for the surprises in
store for him. Them are just as many
kinds of women an there are kinds of
weather, and every woman has as
many phases as an April day. There'e
hothing so disappointing as going to
sleep on a perfect night, with the eters
shinmg and being waked up by a
thunder shower. The men who really
understand women are those who
haven't any theories and never expect
anything but the ;unexpected; who play
all the matrimonial tunes by ear and
mix their attitude toward a wife, as
Dinah mime her batter -cakes, by in-
etthet, putting in a little sugar or a
drop of vinegar, just at the right mo-
ment, when it is most needed. The man
who enters holy wedlock with a theory
In his mind is like the man who al-
ways trots around with an umbrella
and rubber overshoes. Re's prepared
for the worst; but be is too burdened
down with the Weight of his theories
and his umbrella to enjoy the eninehine.
lietrimony isn't All storms and it isn't
all fair weather; and you can no more
tell one day What the domestic atmos-
phere will be on the next than you can
tell from day to day what the weather
will be. The people who get along the
lbest are thoee who aren't looting for
eltorms and trouble, but who are just wil-
ling to take one another as they beppen
to tem% as we do Christmas gifts, or
tt table d'hete dinner, or a vaudeville
afteW."
"And," I enjoined, enthusiastically,
"who enjoy variety for variety's
sake. "Bute I added. "These vague—"
"Thee are," interrupted Kitty, "just
as theer are four seaeons; but you've
got to have lived through the seasons
before you really appreciate them or
undenstand them, A Hottentot can
read a description of a snow storm
without hexing the slightest idea of
how it feels and an Eskimo can 'study
up on simodis without knowing how
they will strik him. A man can read
everything that ever was written on wo.
Mon aml yet not. lconw enough to keep
his feet off a girl's frock or to avoid
arguing with his wife whim her mouth
le full of pins. And a woman can study
treatises on num until her head aches
and then net like a fool the first time
she meets one."
"And that," I declared. flourishing my
cane, "is where the practice comes in and
the theory gees out."
"Yea," agreed Kitty, "the theory
has got to go before the practice comes
in, or you'll get horribly muddled.
Every wmnan is a different geometri-
cal problem with a different answer.
Imagine a courtship college graduate
sending his wife violets on Monday
morning when she wants them for
Tuesday nialit, or thoughtfully buying
her a purple bat when she wants one
to match a yellow frock, or sitting in
the parlor penning her a poem when she
wants him to C01116 upstairs and hook
the back of her dresa."
"Or fancy a lady expert in love,"
murmured, "feeding her husband o
angel cake or health food when he 1
dying for beefsteak, or singing 'him a
aria when he wants to take a, nap—ins
A Severe Case Cured by DA
NERVOUS INIKESION, JUST SUPPOSING
• Pink rills.
Potato Growiag
AIRSHIP la AN ACTUAL PACT.
WBAT MAY HAPPEN WON TEE
"I iuffered so much from nervous dys
PePele. that I feared I would become fl The Ontario Department of 4
e gricu
• It
, From Onarlee Batten Inoreiens "The
sane" saye Mrs. Alfred Austin, a Var-
ney,,Ont. "For months," says Mrs Aus-
tin, was prostrated with. this trouble.
I got so bad could not eat a, mouthful
of food without it nearly choking me. I
wan affected. with sueh terrible feelings
of dizziness And nausea that I had to
leave the table sometimes with just
etwo or three mouthfuls. of food. for a
meal. My nerves were all unstrung
and I grew so weak that I could not
Oven sweep the floor. In fact, my
nerves affeeten me to such an extent
that I feared to be left alone, I could
not sleep at night% and used to he
awake until I feared my reason would
leave me. I was taking medicine. con-
stantly, but it did not eto me a bit of
good. I had used Dr, Williams' Pink.
Pills on a former occasion evillt good re -
suite, and et last determined to try them
again, I can say nothing better than
that these pills have been a blessing to
me, as they have made me a well
woman, Every trace of the indiges-
tion is gone, and my nerves are as
strong and sound as they were in
girlhood. Now I can eat anything
that is on the table, and I get sound,
refreshing sleep at nights. All this 1
owe to the faithful use of Dr. Wil-
liams' Pink Pills, which I shall never
cease to praise."
Dr. Williams' Pink Pills fill the veins
with new, rich, red blood. That is why
they strengthen the nerves and every
organ in the body. That is why they
cure all troubles due to bed blood or
week, shattered nerves, such as anae-
mia, with its grinding, wearing back-
aehes, headathes and sideaches, rheuma-
ti•sm and neuralgia, heart palpitation,
n indigestion, St. Vitus' dance, partial par-
s alyels, kidney troubles, and those spe-
u dal ailments that render the lives of
t so many women and growing girls a,
because such things are recommended, I
the book of rules."
"Yes," sighed Kitty. "Think of no
big into matrimony with nothing but
stock of read,yonade ideals:"
"And having then, scattered in the di
mime court," I added,
"Managing a roan or woman," wen
eon Kitty, "is like manteging a baby
The high-browed lady who conduct
the 'mothers' meetings' may be an ex
tot en; meersetroloien awn manl know
all about putting in pins or taking a
button out of the mouth; while the
East Side mother with five children
hanging to her skirt can cook her hue
band's dinner with one hand an
nurse three eases of measles and on
of whooping cough evith the other
without time tremor of an eyelid. I
isn't education and it isn't theory an
it isn't brains that make one esucensfu
In motherhood or matrimony; it's the
little gift of knowing hewn—en"
"And what!" interpolated
"And when—that the gods bestow
indiscriminately," finished Kitty, "and
bestow the oftenest it se -ems on other
wise unendowed. people. The lose a ma
knows about letters, the more he seem
to know about making love; the less
he line of honor and intelligence, the
more he acts of feminine adoration."
"Well, ''the less a woman knows o
the ologiee," I retorted, "the more ehe
scenes to know about using her eyes
and nutting a flower in your coat lapel;
the less fluently she can talk art, the
better she can talk nonsense; the few
er talents she has, the better euts.band
she gets,"
"And," finitched Kitty, waving her
sunshade dramatically, "one week o
actual practice- in love -making is bet
ter than all the theories that could be
Invented by the most eminent board
of edam:aim that ever existed. Why, a
College of Courtship would, be just like
throwing water on tile divine fire. Be
sides," she added, "where would they
find professors to teach the art of love
making and the sciente of managing a.
woman? The single man doesn't know
anything about it—"
"And the married men are all to
busy keeping in practice themselves," I
began.
"They an too clever to profess to un-
derstand it," agreed Kitty.
"And too wise," I added, "to give
themselves away. But—why don't you
do it yourself, Kitty?" I cried with sud-
den inspiration.
"Do—what?" Kitty glanced up at me
suspiciously.
"Apply for a professorship!'
"I wish you wouldn't talk nonsense,"
returned Kitty with superior dignity.
"You've got a good theory," I de-
clared.
Kitty twirled her parasol impatiently
and tossed her chin.
"And you might give a. course in—
kissing."
"Mr. Curtis!"
"And another in the eye language."
Kitty gazed over my head thought-
fully.
"And lessons in the subtle art of
wheedling and the finesse of pretty fib-
bing."
"Well," broke in Kitty reflectively,
"perhaps I shall."
"What I"
n burden. But you must get the gen-
uine pills with the full name, "Dr.
. Williams' Pink Pills for Pale Peo-
a pie," on the wrapper around each box.
Sold. by all medicine dealers, or by mail
. at 50 cents a box or six boxes for $2.50
from the Dr. Williams' Medicine Co.,
t Brockville, Ont.
• 6
'PHONE GIRLS OF MANILA.
Position Sought by Members of Aristo-
cratic
Manila telephone subscribers feel that
- though living in what the average Amer -
lean believes to be a semigbarbarous land
the rest of the world has no "edge" on
t them in being served by comely maidens
CI as "hello girls." The Filipino telephone
1 operator comes from tee best families
of her land-, and takes her work more
seriously than her fair skinned sister of
the Occident, says the Kansas City Star.
She has her servant, who is also her
• chaperon, to accompany her to the of-
' Bee, carrying her back to the security
° of her home when the gong rings on her
s day's work.
The Spanish custom of never permit-
ting an unmarried woman above the ago
of 12 years to leave the portals of her
f case unaccompanied still prevails with
both Spaniards and Filipinos of the bet-
ter claw, and their employment as tele-
phone operators permits no relaxation of
the watchful care.
• The fact that the field of labor, aside
, from domestic service, for the Filipino
girl is so limited, makes employment in
this line especially desirable and much
f sought after by the daughters of the
' well-to-do Filipinos. Hence to be a "hello
girl" in the Philippines is an honor car-
rying with it prestige and entry into the
best society.
To serve as "central" in Manila a, girl
must speak and: understand English,
Spanish and Tagalog, and some of them
posses -s a working knowledge of Japan-
ese, Chinese and other Oriental tongues.
j The chief operator—an American yo-
man—of the recently established Manila
O