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The Wingham Advance, 1907-07-11, Page 3'r PRACTICE VERSUS THEORYwamaiN LIVE. 'Wouldn't it be dreadful," remarked Kitty, swinging iher parasol nonchttl. antly, as we strolled down the avenue, "If they 'should sueceill in establishing A College of Courtship in Chicago, as somebody has been threatening to do?" "Why dreadful?" I inquired mildly, flicking the curb with my cane. Kitty flashed, me a scornful glance. "Just fancy a man laying hi a heart at your feet according to a scientific method," she exclaimed, "and timing his tender speeches with a stop -watch, and kissing you according to the hy- gienic rules and*" "Counting his heart beats or, feel- ing his pulse or appraising the tint „of your blushes while he tells you he loves -r you?" I broke in sympathetically. "Yes," agreed Kitty, "and quoting hie proposals from a. copy book and his love notes from the `Lover's Latest Letter Writer.'" "Oh, well," I °aid, consolingly, "I don't think you need bother about it." "Why?" asked Kitty, lifting her lashea innocently, "Don't rut think anybody will propose—" '11 don't think anybody will take a course in the college," I eoreeted, .quickly. "Courting is like cooking. 'You've got to be born with the knack. Its' a gift of Providence or fate, as unaccountable and inexplicable as a. straight nose or a. good constitution. and it cannot be cultivated any more than either of them. It is one of- the things in which brains don't take the prizes and theory doesn't count." ','What does count I" demanded Kitty promptly. "Well—practice," I replied, frankly, "And if you were born with the knack," interrupted Kitty, "you can't Y.' help practising, I—I suppose.' "And if you are not born with it," I rejoined, "you can read Laura. Jean Libbey and G. Bernard Shaw and Ella Wheeler Wilcox and all the guides to love -making that ever were printed without learning how to be - "Or where to stop," interrupted Kitty. "Or what to say to a woman." "Or what not to say to a, man. It's --it's just like making batter. cakes!" added Kitty, suddenly. "What!" "There isn't any reliable recipe for it," she explained, "and you can only ' tell whether or not yon'have done it properly by the way it turns out. I've asked Dinah twenty Units how to mix batter -cakes, but she couldn't even tell me how much flour to put in. Yet she can mix the batter with her eges shut. She sags nobody ever taught her; she just `knowed how,' and then 'done it.' And she scorns a cook book as Cleo- patra or Mme. du Barry would have scorned a Lexicon of Love, or a. treatise on the art of managing a man." "And," I hazarded, "I'll wager that, like love, the oftener she makes them the better she does it." "Of course," assented Kitty. "And she says she began making them when she was old enough to hold a pan," "We all begin in the kindergarten," I averred. "Who—fall'?" asked Kitty disconcert- ingly. "Oh, er, everybody—who has the knack," I stammered. "We begin by writing valentines and hanging May baskets and playing kissing games and cutting our initials on the trees Inside a heart and finish—" • "We never finish," broke in. Kitty, "If we attain any—success." "What," I explained. "Don't you ever expect to stop—" "Not," announced Kitty, tranquilly' 'until my grandchildren refuse to be made love to." "Will you please explain—" "You can't explain it," declared Kitty, "any more than you can ex- plain why all the cleverest men get the worst bargains in wives and all the most beautiful women marry wretchedly; or why a red-headed girl with a. turned - up nose and freckles and a figure like a barber's pole can fascinate every man she meets, while another woman with a Greek profile and the linesof the Venus of Milo sits alone in the parlor every evening doing fancy work.' ner "Or" I appended, "why a man with • the head of an Adonis, and the brain of an Aristotle is thrown over by the girl he loves for some little runt with crooked legs and an insinuating man- ner and the faculty for saying senti- ment& things to a Woman—" "And plenty of practice in court - Ship," added Kitty. "Yes," I mused, flicking my cane thougtfully, "The Chlicag,o professor proposes to teach men and women how to 'understand one another." "That's the saddest and funniest part of it," replied Kitty with a little gurgle. "How can it he funny and sad at the same time?" I demanded. "Don't you see," cried Kitty, "how ead it will be for the man, and how funny it will be for other people, when he wakes up ?" "When he—what?" "Oh, /Aim!" exclaimed Kitty, im- patiently, "no man ever finds out how little be knows about women un- til he marries one of them. And the 4 most awful mistake he can make is to " go headlong into matrimony, believing he really understands the sex and to- tally unprepared. for the surprises in store for him. Them are just as many kinds of women an there are kinds of weather, and every woman has as many phases as an April day. There'e hothing so disappointing as going to sleep on a perfect night, with the eters shinmg and being waked up by a thunder shower. The men who really understand women are those who haven't any theories and never expect anything but the ;unexpected; who play all the matrimonial tunes by ear and mix their attitude toward a wife, as Dinah mime her batter -cakes, by in- etthet, putting in a little sugar or a drop of vinegar, just at the right mo- ment, when it is most needed. The man who enters holy wedlock with a theory In his mind is like the man who al- ways trots around with an umbrella and rubber overshoes. Re's prepared for the worst; but be is too burdened down with the Weight of his theories and his umbrella to enjoy the eninehine. lietrimony isn't All storms and it isn't all fair weather; and you can no more tell one day What the domestic atmos- phere will be on the next than you can tell from day to day what the weather will be. The people who get along the lbest are thoee who aren't looting for eltorms and trouble, but who are just wil- ling to take one another as they beppen to tem% as we do Christmas gifts, or tt table d'hete dinner, or a vaudeville afteW." "And," I enjoined, enthusiastically, "who enjoy variety for variety's sake. "Bute I added. "These vague—" "Thee are," interrupted Kitty, "just as theer are four seaeons; but you've got to have lived through the seasons before you really appreciate them or undenstand them, A Hottentot can read a description of a snow storm without hexing the slightest idea of how it feels and an Eskimo can 'study up on simodis without knowing how they will strik him. A man can read everything that ever was written on wo. Mon aml yet not. lconw enough to keep his feet off a girl's frock or to avoid arguing with his wife whim her mouth le full of pins. And a woman can study treatises on num until her head aches and then net like a fool the first time she meets one." "And that," I declared. flourishing my cane, "is where the practice comes in and the theory gees out." "Yea," agreed Kitty, "the theory has got to go before the practice comes in, or you'll get horribly muddled. Every wmnan is a different geometri- cal problem with a different answer. Imagine a courtship college graduate sending his wife violets on Monday morning when she wants them for Tuesday nialit, or thoughtfully buying her a purple bat when she wants one to match a yellow frock, or sitting in the parlor penning her a poem when she wants him to C01116 upstairs and hook the back of her dresa." "Or fancy a lady expert in love," murmured, "feeding her husband o angel cake or health food when he 1 dying for beefsteak, or singing 'him a aria when he wants to take a, nap—ins A Severe Case Cured by DA NERVOUS INIKESION, JUST SUPPOSING • Pink rills. Potato Growiag AIRSHIP la AN ACTUAL PACT. WBAT MAY HAPPEN WON TEE "I iuffered so much from nervous dys PePele. that I feared I would become fl The Ontario Department of 4 e gricu • It , From Onarlee Batten Inoreiens "The sane" saye Mrs. Alfred Austin, a Var- ney,,Ont. "For months," says Mrs Aus- tin, was prostrated with. this trouble. I got so bad could not eat a, mouthful of food without it nearly choking me. I wan affected. with sueh terrible feelings of dizziness And nausea that I had to leave the table sometimes with just etwo or three mouthfuls. of food. for a meal. My nerves were all unstrung and I grew so weak that I could not Oven sweep the floor. In fact, my nerves affeeten me to such an extent that I feared to be left alone, I could not sleep at night% and used to he awake until I feared my reason would leave me. I was taking medicine. con- stantly, but it did not eto me a bit of good. I had used Dr, Williams' Pink. Pills on a former occasion evillt good re - suite, and et last determined to try them again, I can say nothing better than that these pills have been a blessing to me, as they have made me a well woman, Every trace of the indiges- tion is gone, and my nerves are as strong and sound as they were in girlhood. Now I can eat anything that is on the table, and I get sound, refreshing sleep at nights. All this 1 owe to the faithful use of Dr. Wil- liams' Pink Pills, which I shall never cease to praise." Dr. Williams' Pink Pills fill the veins with new, rich, red blood. That is why they strengthen the nerves and every organ in the body. That is why they cure all troubles due to bed blood or week, shattered nerves, such as anae- mia, with its grinding, wearing back- aehes, headathes and sideaches, rheuma- ti•sm and neuralgia, heart palpitation, n indigestion, St. Vitus' dance, partial par- s alyels, kidney troubles, and those spe- u dal ailments that render the lives of t so many women and growing girls a, because such things are recommended, I the book of rules." "Yes," sighed Kitty. "Think of no big into matrimony with nothing but stock of read,yonade ideals:" "And having then, scattered in the di mime court," I added, "Managing a roan or woman," wen eon Kitty, "is like manteging a baby The high-browed lady who conduct the 'mothers' meetings' may be an ex tot en; meersetroloien awn manl know all about putting in pins or taking a button out of the mouth; while the East Side mother with five children hanging to her skirt can cook her hue band's dinner with one hand an nurse three eases of measles and on of whooping cough evith the other without time tremor of an eyelid. I isn't education and it isn't theory an it isn't brains that make one esucensfu In motherhood or matrimony; it's the little gift of knowing hewn—en" "And what!" interpolated "And when—that the gods bestow indiscriminately," finished Kitty, "and bestow the oftenest it se -ems on other wise unendowed. people. The lose a ma knows about letters, the more he seem to know about making love; the less he line of honor and intelligence, the more he acts of feminine adoration." "Well, ''the less a woman knows o the ologiee," I retorted, "the more ehe scenes to know about using her eyes and nutting a flower in your coat lapel; the less fluently she can talk art, the better she can talk nonsense; the few er talents she has, the better euts.band she gets," "And," finitched Kitty, waving her sunshade dramatically, "one week o actual practice- in love -making is bet ter than all the theories that could be Invented by the most eminent board of edam:aim that ever existed. Why, a College of Courtship would, be just like throwing water on tile divine fire. Be sides," she added, "where would they find professors to teach the art of love making and the sciente of managing a. woman? The single man doesn't know anything about it—" "And the married men are all to busy keeping in practice themselves," I began. "They an too clever to profess to un- derstand it," agreed Kitty. "And too wise," I added, "to give themselves away. But—why don't you do it yourself, Kitty?" I cried with sud- den inspiration. "Do—what?" Kitty glanced up at me suspiciously. "Apply for a professorship!' "I wish you wouldn't talk nonsense," returned Kitty with superior dignity. "You've got a good theory," I de- clared. Kitty twirled her parasol impatiently and tossed her chin. "And you might give a. course in— kissing." "Mr. Curtis!" "And another in the eye language." Kitty gazed over my head thought- fully. "And lessons in the subtle art of wheedling and the finesse of pretty fib- bing." "Well," broke in Kitty reflectively, "perhaps I shall." "What I" n burden. But you must get the gen- uine pills with the full name, "Dr. . Williams' Pink Pills for Pale Peo- a pie," on the wrapper around each box. Sold. by all medicine dealers, or by mail . at 50 cents a box or six boxes for $2.50 from the Dr. Williams' Medicine Co., t Brockville, Ont. • 6 'PHONE GIRLS OF MANILA. Position Sought by Members of Aristo- cratic Manila telephone subscribers feel that - though living in what the average Amer - lean believes to be a semigbarbarous land the rest of the world has no "edge" on t them in being served by comely maidens CI as "hello girls." The Filipino telephone 1 operator comes from tee best families of her land-, and takes her work more seriously than her fair skinned sister of the Occident, says the Kansas City Star. She has her servant, who is also her • chaperon, to accompany her to the of- ' Bee, carrying her back to the security ° of her home when the gong rings on her s day's work. The Spanish custom of never permit- ting an unmarried woman above the ago of 12 years to leave the portals of her f case unaccompanied still prevails with both Spaniards and Filipinos of the bet- ter claw, and their employment as tele- phone operators permits no relaxation of the watchful care. • The fact that the field of labor, aside , from domestic service, for the Filipino girl is so limited, makes employment in this line especially desirable and much f sought after by the daughters of the ' well-to-do Filipinos. Hence to be a "hello girl" in the Philippines is an honor car- rying with it prestige and entry into the best society. To serve as "central" in Manila a, girl must speak and: understand English, Spanish and Tagalog, and some of them posses -s a working knowledge of Japan- ese, Chinese and other Oriental tongues. j The chief operator—an American yo- man—of the recently established Manila O