The Blyth Standard, 1908-07-30, Page 6Abp,
Next Tliing to an Airship.
"f was always interested lo airships and
flying machines, so 1 bought n theatre."
''Whi did you do that?"
"A theatre hag wings and flies,"—Philad•
e1P41a Inquirer,
Golf Definition,
!Dailey—Say, do p00 know anything about
cru?
Pepprey—Not ouch, Why?
Manley—What's r "bunker," de You 0'1001
Peppery—I suppose Its one of those cranks
hist simply live on the links—Philadelphia
Pre,:.
Strides of Surgery.
"You say ono of the nurso9 at the hospital
has :'our heart?"
"She has, indeed "
"And the doctor has your appendix? sur-
gery is malting wonderful strides."—Houston.
Pea,
Up•to-Date.
"Mrs, Bounder 10000 '0 1011811 address In
her gowns."_
"in what way?".
"She had adopted the Directory style, and
you know her husband canvasses for one."—
Philadelphia Ledger..
Good Plan Gone Awry.
Greueh—Tae Rev, Mr. Smiley's scheme to
bass around the cigars and let the men smoke
during services has proved a failure.
Blink—What was the trouble?
Grouch—Ills wife bought the eigars—Chve-
land Pialu Dealer.
The Lawyer's Own Fault.
' "Well." said the lawyer for the defense 10
his client, "I was certainly surprised at
your conviction."
"I wasn't; 1t was ail your fault."
"All my fault? 1 put up a magnificent
fight for you!"
Yes, au' you kep' yelling at the fury that
you demanded justice for me till they avant
an' gave it to me,"--liouetou Post.
Teddy Knew,l'
"Paw," said little Toddle, reading a vaude-
ville poster, 'what are slapsticks?"
"Wel my son,"'said pawto gain. time,
"what do you think a slapstick is?"
"Teacher's ruler," sold Teddte, unenn-
cciously rubbing the paint of his hand,"—
New York Tithes.
The Practical First.
"Maggie, 1 want you to incinerate the re-
fuse."
All right, ma'am; 1'11 cone and do it as
won As I finish burning the wlhiuo-"i3alU-
store Arnorlcaa.
Points of View,
'the Seutimeutalist—A love letter has been
round in Assyria that is 0.040 200110 old.
DOeeli4 that appeal to You? Why, the very
Must of the band that penned it and the heart
that inspired It has been scattered to heaven's
four winds.
The Cynic—I suppose it's hill of the usual
nauseating slush?—Cleveland Plain Denier.
A Candelabored Pun.
"These electric light hills are driving 010
posit0'oly crazy." said the man who worries.
"4'0 not 4,0 bad as that," answered (lie
merry wag. "It's probably 0 mere case of
chatidellertum,"—Wasilingt,on Stat'.
Refuted.
harmer Bonk tmusiugly)—They soy Dea-
con Rlutchpenny's wife was a Paragon before
hemarried her, and—
Mrs:. Bonk (briskly)—Nething of the hind.
She .was a Smith. 1 knew the whole tatnilY•
—Puck.
Appropriate Proverb.
Briggs --I have made a will leaving nay
brain to the hospital, and got 00 acknow-
lodge front the authorities,
Griggs—Ware they Pleased?
Briggs—'they wrote that every Otto helps.
—Illustrated Bits.
Not Fair.
"Le'ek here, Abraham," Enid the bud -e,
"It'. Peon proved 0111'10 here 1.1 coat that 10-
stead of, doingsomething to help supper.
your wife and children, you spend ywar
whole time. hunting 'possum!"
The old negro hung his head.
'Now, Abe, You love your wife, don't you?'
"Alt suttluly does!"
„And your children?"
"Yes, suh!"
"And you love them both better--"
"Better ev'ry day, ledge!" Abe broke hi.
--better then a thousand 'possum'."
"10k bytih, 10000," exclaimed 'Abe, with
' widening eyes, "dot's Lakin' a coon et a
pow'1u1 dtsad000000cl"—From the Bohemian
Magazine, for July.
:According to the Point of View.
One evening when Teddte was sitting
up late' than usual he yawned, and his
mamma. said:
"Alt, 'Terre, you are sleepy; you bad
better go to bed now,"
"Why, lot nota bit sleepy, replied
eddie, "I'm only airing my mouth,
'Taus,"—Tho Circle.
bt'-
CIO
Would Wait and See.
er—What's-your name, little girl?
(tirl—Dorothy.
But what's your fast name?
rl-1 don't know what it will
not married yet—London
"Johnny,"
outgrown vont,
"What Pd 1
replied
outgrown yon
News.
liable Desire.
his mother, "you have
005."
u hear you say 100m -
y, "is that 1 have
l.ipper.a." — Chicago
P011atd w110
law of yt tyitatio
ther was-tt;ying to
"Well, 1 don't sec.," 1
gravitation doesn't pull
frons heayett."— the (Slate.
*,Sister Won.
"Well, Bobby, how is your si,vte
asked the parson.
"Oh, she's sick in bed; hurt 11er-c'l1
terrible," replied the youth.
"I'm sorry to hear that. How did
it 'happen?" `
"We. were playin' who could lean
he farthest out
t ewindow-and
she wan. — ppins tis
ed in the
er bro-
COW TESTING
ASSOCIATIONS.
Dominion Department of Agricul-
ture Branch of the Dairy and
Cold Storage Commissioner.
Eden Bank, B. C lsstwiation fon May
had the record for 2.11 cows el an aver-
age production of 017 lbs. milk 3.7 test,
34.1 lbs. fat. In each of the twenty
herds some individual cows gave over
1,000 lbs, milk, while the three best sin-
gle yields were 1,030 lbs„ testing 3.1,
1,750 lbs. testing 3.5, and 1,780 lbs. milk
in the 30 days, The best herd average
WM front a lot of 00 cows yielding 1,284
Ms, milk, 3.4 test, 44 Ma, fat. Such ani-
mals hast be a pleasure to handle, a
source of pride and satisfaction, as well
as of good cash profit.
A good Ontario record for the sante
period Is at the Central Smith Associa-
tion, where a herd of 20 cow's averaged
1,006 milk, 3.2 test, 35 lbs, fat. The best
cow in that herd gave 1,405 lbs. milk,
testing 4,0, and the lowest yield in the
same herd was 400 lbs. milk, testing 3.2:
A contrast to the above -ds at St. An-
toine, Que., for the same period, where
00 cows averaged only 6$4 Ibs.,milk,
3.3 test, 21.9 lbs, fat, The 80 cows gave
'a total yield of 39,244 lbs, milk, 1,317
bis. fat. If they had milked as well as
the cows at Eden Bank, B. C., they would
have given an additional weight of ac-
tivally sixteen thousand pounds of milk
and over seven hundred pounds of but-
ter fat during the one month)
Are there not some more places where
there are still some poor cows left? The
poor cows are quickest detected by sys•
tematic weighing and testing.
C. F. W.
Ottawa, June 20, 1908.
An Exceptional Woman,
Tlagttitr4te-You say your wife threw
a, teacup 'And streak you on tho,head?
Plaintiff—Yes, your honor.
Magistrate—How far was she away
front you at the time?
Plaintiff -About 10 feet.
Magistrate—What did she'''^aim at?
Plaintiff—At ate.
Magistrate—Well, all I've got to say
is that you ought to be proud of a wife
like that—Spokane Spokeeman-Review.
Family Repartee,
Ne
"When I- married you 1 thought you
would at least have money enough to
provide me with the necessities of life."
"Ah, my dear," replied her husband,
"and when I monied you I thought you
were at least economical enough to get
along with what I had. So, you see,
we're both disappointed"
FACTS
FOA SICK
WOMEN
YD A
PiRES CUBED AT 110+R BY
NEW ABSORPTION METHOD
If you suffer from bleeding, itching,
blind or protruding Piles, semi enc your
address, and 1 will tell you how to cure
yourself at home by the new absorption
treatment; and will also send some of
this )1o1110 treatment free for trial, with
references from your own locality if
requested, Immediate relief and per-
manent clue assured, Send no money,
but tell others of this offer. Write to -
'day to Mts. :l. Suuune•s, Box P. 8,
Windsor, Ont.
Breaking It Gently.
"I understand, sir, that you aro the
possessor of a swollen fortune."
"Well," gruffly answered the beautiful
girl's father, "what is that to you?"
"I merely thought that Iwould give
you due notice of my intention to help
take the swelling out of it. :Myrtle and
1 are going to be married." -Chicago Re-
cord -Herald.
• `♦
CORNS CURED
IN 24 HOURS
You can painlessly remove any corn, either
hard, soft or bleeding, by applying Putnam's
Gorninxtroetcr, -isneverbums,leavesnosoar
1 coutalnsnoaelds;Isbnrmlessbecausocomposed
i only of homing guns and balms. Fifty years In
use, Cure gnarantoedsub, s=4:1;.Y all druggists
260, bottles, Itehtse
PUTNAM'S PAINLESS
CORN EXTRACTOR
No other medicine has been so
successful in relieving the suffering
of women or received so many gen-
uine testimonials as has Lydia E.
Pinkhan't'avegetable Compound.
In every community you will find
women who have been restored to
health by Lydia E. Pini -ham's 'Veg-
etable Compound. Almost every
one you meet has either been bene-
fited by it, or has friends who have,
In the Pinkham Laboratory at
Lynn,Mass, any woman any day may
see the files containing over one mil-
lion one hundred thousand letters
from women seeking health, and
here are the letters In which they
openly state over their own signa-
tures that they were cured by Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound has saved many Women
from :surgical operations.
Lydia E. Pinkham's 'Vegetable
Compound is made from roots and
herbs, without drugs, and is whole-
some and harmless.
The reason why Lydia R Pink -
m's Vegetable Compound is so
sful is because it contains in -
which act directly upon
e. organism, restoring it
normal condition.
a are suffering from
thos s ili : ills peculiar to their
a
should not lose sight of these
is or doubt' tetfitbihty of Ioydia
.Pig#kham's V b1e Compound
Air
Lord Randolph at the Bank Door.
Sir Edward Hamilton, who retired
from the Treasury on Saturday, apesk
ing of the Chancellors of the Exchequer
tinder whom he has served, said that
Lord Randolph Churchill "was often
very nervous while at his treasury work
—felt himself, I think,5, a little out of
We depth. I remember his standing in
front of the Bank of England's doer and
saying to Inc, `Iran too nervous to go in,'
1t took me quite a quarter of an how
to got him in. He was going to see the
directors, and I think lie was afraid of
saying something which would reveal his
ignorance."—London Chronicle.
•.•
The Part He Took,
She—Will you take part in our theat-
ricals?
He—Really, I should like to. What
shall I take?
She—Tickets,—Philadelphia Inquirer.
Henry Elliott, Esq., of Sherbrooke, N.
S., Inspector and Superintendent of
Bridge Cbnstruetioa for Nova Scotia,
says:
"A bottle of MINARD'S LINIMENT
cured me of a very severe sprain of my
leg, caused by a fall while building a
bridge at Doherty Creek, Cumberland
Co."
MODEL PLAYGROUNDS.
Chicago in the Lead, With One Park
That is Almost Utopian.
The critics along the Atlantic coast
are engaged in a etreuuous rivalry in
developing the idea of playgrounds for
children and recreation centres for the
pleasure and instruction of the masses.
of the people. The public school chil-
dren are being enrolled in athletic
leagues said the general public are con-
tributing generously toward the equip-
ment of school playgrounds and public
parks, with gymnasium apparatus and
paraphernalia for games and outdoor
sports of all kinds.
Chicago has taken the lead among
Western cities in pushing the play-
grounds propaganda; in fact, it is doubt-
ful if any Eastern city equals Chicago
in this respect, says the Kansas City
Journal. Sherman Park playground Is
considered a model, the highest and
latest development in the world of the
public recreation place for the people.
It combines the scenic beauty of a min-
iature park with fields large and small
for gymnastic and athletic purposes.
It also contains a series of buildings
of solid construction and classically
chaste design. Within these buildings
are public assembly halls, small club-
rooms, gymnasiums, shower baths,
restaurant, reading rooms, and every-
thing that the minds of the builders
could devise for physical, mental and
social culture. Sociologists have pro-
nounced Sherman Pork and its play-
grounds system to be "well nigh per.
fection, almost utopian."
This little earthly' paradise was for-
merly as bleak and unattractive a spot
as any that could be found in the iron-
bound tenement district of a large city.
It has been converted into an ideal re-
sort for tired, careworn people at a
cost of 5150.000. The big ball field—
in the fall a football gridiorn—is flood-
ed in winter end in a single night is
converted into a ekating pond. There
are separate Itlayfields, besides, for setts
ior and junior boys, and another for
women and children.
There is an immense swimming pool
M the open air; around it is a border
of white sand. Before a bather enters
this pool he passes ander a shower both.
Near by ie another large pool for wo-
men and children. In short, Sherman
Park is thoroughly equipped for the
pleasure and uplift of the people in 'sin-
ter as well as in summer.
Domestic Repartee,
Mrs. Snapper—You seem to think I
am nothing but a miserable idiot
Mr, napper (calmly) --Ott, no; you
PRICES UP AT BAYREUTH.
Once again theatre ticket speculators
arc driving Third bargains in Bayreuth
festival tickets, At Bayreuth itself huge
bills are posted announcing that all the
twenty performances, front July 22nd to
August 200, are sold out.
Professional ticket dealers watch for
this announcement to start on their
cangmign, It ai American
public that they look for custom, and is
is on record thn.t a $5 scat fora "Parsl-
fal" performance will sometimes sell for
$50 or more,
The 1.ostspiel management tries to
stop the traffic, :but although stricter
control over the sale of tickets is excr-
eisetl this year than before, it has avail-
ed little. Phe tickets are bought up by
private persons acting for dealers, and
so it comes about that the German pa-
pers just now are full of advertisements
offering scats at Bayreuth, while otli-
eiallly they are annouueod to be unob-
tainable. �'--
A Dream.
I dreamed I want Into the Zoo,
AAS stole a Polar Lear;
But I couldn't do a thing with him,
lir hide him anywhere.
So I sneaked hien softly to my borne,
And then, before I knew,
Ile grabbed me tight around the neck,
And down the street we new.
I s-creumoti for help and loudly cried,
But on 0110 seemed to caro
The people didn't wen stop
To help me or to stare.
I grabbed at things as on ova tied
10 hopes of getting stopped—
But everything 1 touched at all
Fell over on my head.
At last, when I was Almost dead,
He stopped and with a shako
Ile threw me down upon the ground.
And then I was awake.
At first I didn't dare to think
That I was still alive;
And then into my pillow
I made a happy dive.
And now I never seem to care,
When I go to the Zoo,
To eve the Polar bears at all—
Does that seem strange to you?
Maud Weatherly.
Dr. Jackson, former Health Officer of
New York City, says in his report to
Governor Hughes, that house flies are
the cause of five thousand deaths an-
nually in that city from typhoid fever
and other intestinal diseases, Wilson's
Fly Pads kill all the flies and the die -
ease genne too.
Bigger Ships in Suez Canal.
Notice bas recently been given by the
Suez Canal Conuuissioners that veasele
drawing 28 feet of water are now per-
mitted to pass through the canal. Hither.
to the limited draught has been 27
feet; the minimum depth in the canal
is now between 30 and 31 feet, as com-
pared with 28 feet 3 inches, when the
canal was first opened, The canal has
been successively deepened from 1884
to the present time. In 1808 it was 28
feet and in 1802 29 feet 6 inches; work
is now in progress to obtain a tttfhimum
depth throughout of 34 feet 8 inches,
but it is not expected that this depth
will be realized before the end of 1912s
The progress may be summed up as
follows: Prior to 1884 the maximum
draught for shipspermitted in the canal
was 24 feet 0 inches; in 1901, 25 feet
7 inches; in 1900, 27 feet; it 1s now 28
feet, and probably next year the limit
will be increased to 30 feet,
•
Minard's Liniment Cures Colds, etc.
• -•
Out of thet Mouths of Babes.
Little Margie's father had a bald
spot. While kissing him at bedtime
one evening she said: "Stoop down,
papa; I want to kiss you on the head
where the lining shows."
Little 6 -year-old Lulu was looking
at the numerous stars one night. Af-
ter a time she exclaimed:
"Oh, mamma, how grand and beau- t
tifuI Heaven is I And, just think, we
can only gee the wrong side of it!"
"What do you mean by smoking
my pipe, young man'P' queried the
stern father of a precocious 5 -year-old.
"Mamma said if I teased the eat
again she'd make me sntoke for it,"
exclaimed the little fellow, "and I
teased her again."
• •
For sixteen years the name "Salada"
has stood for the maximum of quality,
purity and flavor in blended Ceylon
Teas, so that the only, thing you need
to look out for is the "Saluda" label on
every package of tea you boy.
The Invaluable Cuckoo.
The fact that there Is a national dao.
ger in the disappearance of the birds is
coming to be more and more widely
recognized. A writer in Suburban Life
tells of the work of the cuckoo as an
insect -destroyer. "To watch either the
black -billed or the yellow -billed cuckoo
flourish his long bill dexterously among
the fruit trees or bushes affords much
pleasure, as we know that Ire is doing
his beat to store away all - the insects
he can find, either\ in hisownlittle atom.
ach or those of his fledglings. Twelve
or more caterpillars -big, fat ones—
seem only a fight lunch for him, and,
when at last lois appetite is appeased,
he will kill the destructive insects, ap-
parently for the fun of it, killing, Met-
ing and indifferently throwing them
away without turning en his perch,"
.,-
Minard's Liniment Cures Garget in Cows,
Impoliteness.
A Mormons dog came in one day,
And he and I commenced ly
And we had fun, and niceto fanp,atoo;,
Long as he 'hayed as a dog should do,
But when he got so awful rough
I hollered that I'd had enmfgh,
But 'stead of stopping as he should,
As anya think he would,
He knocked me down and tried to see
Get acquainted with
Black Waled
the big black plug
chewing tobacco. A
tremendous favorite
everywhere, because of
its richness and pleasing
flavor. 2700
A Woman's Revenge.
One of our young society women has
a veryy goodlooking husband, of whom
site is most proud. Having noticed that
this gentleman was pitying marked at.
tention to a lady in her 00011 se0,-sbe
kept a careful watch, and was fortunate
enough to discover among her husland'e
papers a quantity of letters written by
the said lady. She then reflected as to
what course she should pursue. She
thought long, and at last hit upon n
strange plan. From among the before -
mentioned correspondence the lady, ac-
cording to "Aphrodite" in the Gentle-
woman, selected four letters, pasted
them on the back of her fan, and then
accompanied her husband to a dinner,
where she knew site would meet her ri-
va). It was not long before the fan at-
tracted the attention of: the guests, who
tusked to be allowed to look at it, 'l'he
fan then passed from hand to hand, and
when it reached the rival she turned
crimson, and under the pretext of a
sudden indisposition withdrew hastily.
4 s
Your druggist, grocer, or general store•'
keeper will supply you with Wilson's
Fly Pads, and you cannot afford to be
without them. Avoid unsatisfactory sub-
atltutes,
♦4•
Remarkable Natural Fortress,
There is in the northern part of Made:
gasenr- the most remarkable natural for-
tress in the world. It is occupied by a
wild tribe who cell themselves the Peo-
ple of the Rocks. The fortress is a pre-
cipitous rock, 1,000 feet high and eight
square miles in area. Its sides are so
steep that it cannot ire climbed without
artificial means, Within it is hollow
and the only entrance is by a subter-
ranean paesage.,
Minard's Liniment Cures Diphtheria.
A Relief.
"Hello, old mean," exclaimed Bull, at
the Literary Club reception. "I tell you
its' a delightful surprise to see you
here."
"So good of you to say so," replied
Brown.
"Yes. You see, I was afraid I wouldn't
find anybody but bright and cultured
people here."—Philadelphia Press.
Pointed Paragraphs.
(Chicago News.)
If it wasn't for Sunday school pic-
nics, ants and bugs wouldn't have
much fun.
There are always a Lot of people
trying to dodge the man who thinks
he can tell a funny story.
When three pr four women get to-
gether the silence becomes so thick
that it can not be heard.
I° the average man could be born
again and had his way about it, he
would select a different set of rela-
tives.
Nine men out of ten who come up
and shake you by the hand either
want to borrow money or hand you
a piece of advice.
•. •
Take no sulretitutes for Wilaon'e Fly
Pads. No other fly killer compares with
them.
A GREAT BLESSING.
First Man—What a blessing children are/
Second Manlenthuslastleally)—Aren't they?
Now that my wife has two to look alter,
she bee no time to play the piano.
If he could sit on all of me.
S —Prom "Our Baby Beek," by Fanny Y,
are cheerful ellough, fiery.
ISSUE NO. 31 lK�t
NIGERIA FISHING TACKLE',
Natives of Nigeria aro remnritably
sl,.lful anglers, and their 111111er 01
catching fish ruonuuouds itself alike
100 simplicity and success.
The tisheruuw minis a 0115011 line
weighted at the other cud with a small
stone, and et regular distances 010115 the
lite he attaches a number of hooks
made of rwintals' bones in the, form of it
narrow 1', while to the angle of each V
is fastened a. short line made of sinews
and baited with a hind of snail; tin, fish,
swallowing the bait and line, swallows
also the hook, which is so acted upon by
the tension of • the line as to eSpand its 1
two prongs and fasten them firmly in I,
the throat. -
The victim struggles and whirls about
the line, tints attracting its fancily and
neighbors to swallow the sante Snare, --
London Standard,
Sufferers from Fits, Epilepsy, St.
Vitas' Dance., Nervous Troubles or
FallingSickness should write rho
• Linn8 00., 110 Icing street,Toronto
fora trial bottle of their Fit Cure tad.
Treatise. Roclose 100 for postage and
necking.
Dining Late and Long.
In Sir Algernon West's early days so-
ciety often dined late and long, and the
late Lord Clanwilliam once told hint of
one occasion when ire dined at a friend'?
villa neat Putney and the meal did not
begin until 8 o'clock,
When they at last rose from the table
end went to thein rooms, Lord Otanwil-
liam flung open his window and saw the
haymakers coming into the field. " 1
wonder," he thought, "what hour they
begin work," and on consulting his
watch he found it was 8,30. The hay
makers were returning to work from
their breakfsat.—Tit-Bits.
Minard's Liniment Cures Distemper.
• •
The Funeral Came Too Lir,
Billy Martin, aged 4, came to his mo-
ther and in great osetasy exclaimed:
"Olt, mother) Louise and Carberry
found such a Mee dead cat, and they are
going to have a funeral, and can 1 go?"
Permission was given, and when Billy
returned he was questioned as to the
outcome of the funeral.
"They did not have it at all."
"And why not?"
"Mother, was the answer, "the eat was
too dead." --Success Magazine.
♦.•
Ten cents' worth of Wilson Fly Pails
will kill mora house flies than three
hundred sheets of sticky paper.
•.•
Literature to Order.
said the publisher,
aid t u "to
I want you,"1
write a novel to be called 'Ma Lilies,'"
"But," inquired the author, "where-
fore?"
`I have just bought at auction a job
lot of paper lilies which can be used for
window dlsplaye all over the broad
land."—Kansas City Journal.
♦_s
Wilson's Fly Pada kill them all.
•.4
Fatal Questioning.
Judge—Have you been arrested be-
fore?
Prisoner—So, Sir,
Judge—Have you been in this court
beforeP
Prisoner—No, sir.
Judge—Are you certain?
Prisoner—I am, sir.
Judge—Your face looks decidedly
familiar. Where have I seen it be-
fore?
Prisoner—I'm the bartender in the
saloon across the way, air,—Harper's
Weekly.
11ERCANTILERUST U
OF CANADA, LIMITED
OFFICES AND SAFE DEPOSIT VAULTS
Bank of Hamilton Building, - - - - Hamilton, Oaf,
AUTHORIZED TO ACT AS
Executor. Administrator, Trustee, Guardian. Assignee. Liquidator.
Receiver. Transfer Agents. Registrar of Shares.
A Trust Company Doing a Strictly Trust and Agency Business
CORRESPONDENCE INVITED
`l SON. WM. GIBSON, President S. C. MACDONALD, Manager
Azgazzi
ALWAYS, `l
EVERYWHERE IN CANADA,
ASK FOR '
EDDY'S MATCHES
Eddy's Matches have Hailed from Hull since 1851—and
these 57 years of Constant Betterment have resulted in
Eddy's Matches resetting a Height of Perfection attained
by No Others.
LBold and used everywhere in Canada,