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The Huron News-Record, 1892-06-15, Page 7PNDER IN W$.LLflNDI, Representative Farmer Speaks1 i. MR. C. C. HAUN. ,Tho following remarkable facts are fully certified to as being undeniably correct in • every particular. Mr. Haun is well known in the viotnity, having resided here over fifty years, and is highly respected as a man of the, strictest honor, irhoso word is ae good as his bond. As will be seen from his letter, four physicians had attended him, and it was only after he had given up hope of oure that he decided to try Burdook Blood Bitters on the recommendation of a neighbor who had been cured of a similar disease by its use. Mr. Haun writes as follows: DEAR Sans,—I think I have been one of the worst sufferers you have yet heard of, having been six years in the hands of four of our beat doctora.without obtaining permanent relief, bub continually growing worse, until almost beyond hope of re- covery, I tried your Bitters and got relief in a few days. Every organ of my body ' `sae deranged, the lin er enlarged, hardened and torpid, the her rt and digestive organs seriously deranged, a largo•absoesa in any 'back, followed by paralysis of the right leg, in fact the lower hall of my body was entirely useless. ` After using Burdock Blood Bitters for a fow days the abscess burst, discharging fully five quarts of pus in two hours. • I felt as if I had received a shock from a powerful battery. My re- covery after this wes steady and the cure • permanent, seeing that for the four years since I have had as good health as ever I had. I still take an occasional bottle, not that I need it but because I wiah to keep my system hi perfect working order. can think of no more remarkable „case than what I have myself passed through, and no words can express my thankfit-.lnesa for such perfect recovery. O. C. Hams, Welland P.O. In this connection the following letter from T. Cumines, F,eq., a leading druggist of Welland, Ont., speaks for itself: Me'srs. T. Milburn & Co., Toronto. GErseneuEN, & have 'bean personally acquainted with Mr: C. C. Haun for the last 20 years, and have always found him a very reliable man. You may place the utmost confidence in anything ho says with regard to your mediss"ine..:Eio has on any 9Ktt2ions wij,i; n the last four years. to • me that' it was marvellous tho way the Burdock Blood Bitters had cured him, and that he now felt as able to do a day's work as he ever felt in his life. Although quite well ho still takes some B. B. B. occasionally, as he says, to keep him in perfect health. Yours truly, THOMAS Culmens, Welland, Ont. The steadily increasing sale of B. B. B., the length of time it has been before the people, and the fact that it cures to stay cured, attest the sterling merit of this nionaroh of medicines, the people's favorite blood purifier, tonic and regulator. The Huron News -Record .60 a Year—$1.25 in Advance Wednesday, June I5th, 1892• • 'EAST HURON TEACHER'S CONVENTION. A meeting of the Rust Huron Teachers Association was held in Collegiate IustJ.ute, Seaforth, ou Thursday and Friday of last week. 'The weather being very unfavorable the attendance was not so largo as might have been expected. The first session began at 10.30 a. ill. Thursday. After the usual opening exercises,roll-calling,reading of min utea and the appointing, of the various Committees, the President, Mr. A. H. Plummer. Blyth, called upon :lir. James S. Hogg to discuss the subject, COMPOSITION, This papor drew forth a very in- teresting discussion by Messrs. Lough, Robb, Clarkson, McFaul, Doig and Scott. The meeting then adjourned for , noon. The afternoon session begmn at 1.30. The first subject was GEOGRAPHY, by Mr. Black. He cyusidered that this was a very important subject. He did not, however, give any particular method of teaching this subject, as he considered that methods used successfully by one teacher tnight prove a complete failure in the hustle of another. The subject was further discussed .liy Messrs. Robb and Lough, Mrs. Coulter then outlined her method of , TEACHING A TABLET LESSON with a class, and presented a written exercise by those pupils which was ive11 worthy off commendation. This paper also brought forth con• siderabie discussion with the final conclusion that her method was an excellent one. Next in succession tame the DE'tb GATES' REPORT OF THE PRO- 4,01Ir.. vIsolA7a p3SOQl1Tl0N. by *T. A synopsis of the various papers read at that aaso!aia ton were given by him, It was thou moved by Mr. Clarkson and and seconded by Mr, Doig, that a vote of thanks be tendered Mr. Lough for hie vary able report, and that his expenses be paid by this aisoaiation, which motion irai ut. aniwously carried. Mr. J. G. McLeod next read e paper on HOW TO OBTAIN ORDER He stated that this question is one that dery closely affected ea.h;oue of us in the teaching profession, and often decides the question ot success or failure. A teacher who obtains order must have firmness and decision. This enables • him, after giving orders, to see that thin t ate ouried out. A teacher should also know how to present the work eo as to keep the con+hult attention of his pupils. If pupils are kopt couatautly employed and their work [/tad.+ t n t.m'asti In )g there is little ear of disorder. This subject was also further dimmed by several teachers present. This closed the pruueed- ings of the day. TILE EVENING. Ih the evening a publicentertain- ment was held in Cardno's IIsi? and was patronized • by a Targe audience of , teauhtirs and citizens. The programme, prepared by a cont• mittee of the • teachers 'of Seaforth, was well carrier, out. The principal •feature of the entertainment was au adilreee o11 the laud marks of Caua• dian history, by G,;W, Field, B. A , of Guelph. IIe claimed that these land marks were as follows : 1st, The discovery and exploration ot Canada by .Jacques Cartier ; 2nd, Surrender of Canada to the Ell fish in 1759; 3rd, The Constitutional Act of 1791 ; 4th, The Act of i:Jnion in 18.1 ; 5th, The British North American Act of 1867. lie pictured each of these events in glowing language, introducing the names of the chief characters who took active part in hiinging titm about. Mr. Field's address through- out was eloquent, innereetin; and instructive. This address was suplemented by instrumental selec- tions by Misses Ewing and Dolle; Vocal solos by Mrs. Smith, Mre. Bright and Mr. Will's, and read ings by Mr.. Lowrie -!lull(. Dr. McKay, each of which were v Il received. Mr. Thjmas Kidd, chair! a,tu of the Collegiate Iustituto Board, acted as chairman. THE SECOND D,\l•#. 11 Pen resuming business at 9 o'clock a. m., Friday, the in1n014 s of the previous day's proceedings were read by Mr. A. Scott and adopted, after which came the electipn of officers, resulting as follows : Presi- dent, Mr. Black ; Fiver, Vice•l'resi- ddnt, Miss Wilson ; Secretary, A. Scott, An Executive Committee, consisting of Misses ]feylar and J. S Hogg was appointed. Anditors, I1essrs, `Clarl sou and McFau1 ; Provincial Delegate, Mr. J. King ; Dominion Delegate, Mr. A. H Plummer. The election of officer's concluded the President called on Mr. W. Prendergast, B A., to in troduce his subject of rlRST•LESSONS 0`i ALGEBRA He first teaches the use of the algebraic signs ; then by a number of well chosen examples heillustrat- ed his method of overcoming the various difficulties which present themselves in the four elementary rules, disapproving of simply ask- ing p.uplle to change the signs in the subtraliena, and that like signs when Multiplied give plus, but un• like give minus, This paper was ably discussed by Messrs. Clarkson and Robb. '4.efgast1 Q140k0o441d'Robb; apo IE)Uoh ,valuable 10'0E0 40011 WO carried off by the listeners, Mr. Lough next p1•eeented the scheme for analysis, which was drawn up by the gotnutittee ap' pointed for 111nt purpose. This scheme met the approval of all the teachers present. Mr, Plummer, ex•Preeident, illustrated He method of teaching music by using a number of teachers as a class. He adopts the tonic col. fa. method, first drilling thoroughly 4311 One or two notes, then inCI'easi•ug the number uutil the seal& is thor- oughly mastered. ]le thou explain• ed accent and time. by introducing eirtlple exercises, M r. Plum mer also answered sever[? gnest ious asked by Messra. Horton, Clarkson and Lough, THE RESOLUTIONS. The fol rowing is the report of the resolution Committee : (1) ItHsolved that the thanks of this Conventi •n be tendered the Uollei,•iato 1n+titute B,lard fur the use of their buIding for the pur— pose ut' hold,ng the tneeting of the Association. (2) Resolved tltst the clause whsrehi' an exatniuer is ap- pointed by the Public School Board to Hct with the Inspector and the masters of IIigh Schools in the ex- amination of eutrsnceexamivalione, be rescinded, and that en exchange he allowed betvreeu districts. (3) Resolved that the Public School teachers he Hl lowed to Use the 11 igh School history. These several r0• solutions were adopted. After tendering a Vote of thanks to the retiring uihcera, .the Institute ad- journed to meet at the call of the Executive, SANDY'S CLEVERNESS. Sandy Macgregor tcgregor was a shrewd, pawky chic?, fond of a juke, and it was a difhiult matter to catch him napping. One day several of the villagers had assembled in the local jun to have a- social glass and to discuss the alarm iug iuflneuzl complicit• tions. Au Englishman named (lobbing; who ran down all cures for it; shad decidedly • the worst of the argument with Sandy, and, therefore, resolved to touch Sandy on his tender D!mint, namely the pocket. "Sandy." says sail bobbins, "if you were to go outside au•.1 stick a blade of your knife in anything, I'll bet you I. I'll toll you what it is sticking in when you come hack." "A. bet it 1a," salt? Sandy, "1 wager ye canna dee oily sic thing, sae table your Money." "All right," said Robbins, as he deposited- ?lis atiko with a compan- 10I1 and gave a sly w.iuk to the coins pa0y. Sandy went out, and in a short time returned, "Wool, neighbor, an' whit is tt stickiu' in I" he asked. _ "In the handle," exclaimedRob• bins, triumphantly. as 110 hold out his hafid far the stakes. "Man, y'o're rale smart," cried Sandy, "I wonder if that is one o' yer London tricks, But baud a wee, ye're wraug there," and he held up the handle of the knife minus the blade. " If yo gang oot yell, fin' the blade stickiu' in an auld ash tree." Sandy of course, won the wager, and it was a sight to seethe chagrin depicted on Robbins' .counteneuce. Thad, was. his last bet with Sandy. TYPE WRITING. Mr. Bengough, of Toronto, next occupied a few minutes in exhibit- ing and explaining a typewriter. He maintains that this instrument, would be of great educational value in our schools. Inspector Robb be- ing called upon, stated that during the half hour allowed to him he purposed discussing SOMil OF THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN SCHOOL LAW AND REGULATIONS and in connection witn this 'would anawer all questions in Question Drawer relating to this subject. Mr. Robb's explanations and answers led to further discussion by Messrs. Lough, Black and Scott At the conclusion of this diecuesion the meeting adjourned for noon. THE AFTERNOON SESSION. On resuming business Mr. Lough answered, satisfactorily, several questions from the Question Drawer bearing upon his particular work. Mr. Clarkson then anawored several questions relating to his particular work. These answers led to other questions by Messrs. Horton and McFaul, all of which were answer- ed to the entire satisfaction of all present. Mr. George Anderson then in• troduced the subject TI'l111 AND TIME MEASURES. He clearly explained the terms Solar and Lunar year, showing the difference in length, and plainly ac- counting for this difference. Ho next named and described the varioue instruments used to mark time from the earlier ages until the present century. Considerable dis- cussion followed by Messrs. Pren- REPLY FROM THE PEW. "Joe" Jones, one of Sam's num- erous brothers, has enlisted in tho ministry. His first sermon was preached in a country church at Pine Log before a large congrega• tion of fanners, back woodmen and crackers. Sam's method were fol- lowed with considerable su'ecoss,but when Joe branched off on his own hook he struck a snag. IIe caused his hearers to wince when, slapping the Bible nearly off the pulpit, he exclaimed : "A man what will cuss a oath'Il steal ! " There was a lively shifting among the pews and much cautions looking around and head shaking. Joe saw, and determined to push his point. "Brethren and sisters," he re - pleated, " I want to say to you that a man what will cuss an oathll steal 1 What have you got to say to that 1" An aged cracker arose at the back of the church and, fastening his glittering gray eyes on Joe, drawled through his nose : "All I got ter say is it's er gol dein lie 1" Joe was so discouraged that ]1e rested on his oars two weeks before making any more bold assertions. THE CARPENTER'S WEQlN4.• The Chicago Poet p tt bllahhs a httmgrous poom,> 00Uided "'j'ito CAI. pc 14 kg ritk I.pelttel''s, \Vooin ,f1 unout idol ()lip (it is'to he hoped) that under the seine title n similar, style of verse was published more than thirteen year ago in it St, Louie papor, and a sequel published it, the Beaton Journal. These are the three poems : ADV1061 To MOTIigns. Are you disturbed at night and broken of your rest by a nick child Buttering mac/crying with pain of Cntt ing'Teeth If so Pond at once and e a bottle of "Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup''' [for Children Teeth ing. Its value is incalculable. It will relieve the poor little sufferer immediately. Dependnpon it, mothers; there is no mi8toko about it. 1t ones Dysentery a'hd Dlarrhma, regulates the stomach and bowels, cures Wind Collo, softens the gurus, reduces inflammation, and gives tone and energy to the whole system. "Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup" for children teething is pleasant to the taste and is the prescription of one of the oldest and beet female physicians and muses in the United States, and is for sale by all druggist's thronghont the world. Prion 25 cants a bottle. Be sere and ask for "Blue. WIssr ow•s SoaroroNo Svnor,"and tato no other kind. 666y THIO OAnPENTL•'n's WOOING, , CI I a door you, darling one, I hall ways loved your leftist;, And window you intend to grant The hand my bopes ai•evafterl Your roof if you imagine that I've not enough to board you: We'll have a good, square weal, for I Cau hammer steak afford you. I sawyer father yesterday; 'T I, plane he'd have us marry. O lot us G) the joiner's hie, , Nur let us shingle tarry. The cornice waving now, my love; The gables all tow ringing; A lath! Why let me longer pine? Pm sawdust when inn singing. —Chicago Post, 1892. THE CARPENTER'S WOOING. "011, bean my wife, my awl tJ me !" He cried, his name ttddressiug— "lf 1 edztl such a love as yours, I'd ask no other blessing ' "I am rejuist to hear. you speak," , Toe Malden said with laughter— "F.0 i Lomat 1 haumner guileless girl, It's plane what you are rafter ; Now. is filo love you jnit a bit, What further will you ax me? Can—will you be content with that, Or will you further tax m0 r" Ile Iouk,d hand saw her words weresquare— 'N•o rival can displace me— :Yes, one more favor 1 implore,, Awl that is, dear Bin, brace me 1" —Eugene Field, in the St, Louis Times -Jour- nal, A PEW JOLLY TJOUGILTS.. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS . TO WILE AWAY AN IDLE HOUR. The Newspaper )vies Bare ata Itxeellent Streak of Werk in Thein—Tho Jokes They Sprung on an Unsuspecting Public 7)nring 11)0 Past Week, THE [SEQUEL. She came full chisel to his arms ; it r. -ally 1110(10 hint stair To have ho• make a bolt for him Before he c.tuld prepare. Ile tried to screw itis courage up, And did his level heat To nail the Itltter then and there, While clttspid unto her breast. Says he, "1t augurs well for me, Awl seems to hinge On this ; Aud what is mortise plane to see, 'rite porch child wants a kiss•" He kissed her lip, he kissed her cheek, And called her his adored— He duns his claw -hammer next week, Anil she will shore his board. —Yowcob Strauss, in the Boston Journal, Decdmber 7, 1878. He Was Not Snporetitions. He. elate into the office with his hitt in his hand, and the Man at the desk, knowing what ilei was after, steeled his heart against hint. "flood morning," he said, us if apologiz- ing to the morning. "Can I negotiate 0 small lotus here ?' •'You can not," said the man at the desk "Yue scent to be very ,positive about it." "1 (hm't seen[, I .uu. (; >od 11101'11 111g." "Thanks. I slid that when I came in,'' all this yet politely. "You're sure I can't negotiate a loan?" "Sere of it." "Not rot' any amorint?" "No not one cent," "Thanks. You are not a superstitious man, are yon?" he said, changing the sub• jest so suddenly that the man at the desk Wits startled. "Not at all," he replied. • "1) u1't have any faith in signs ?" "Not the slightest." "Wouldn't, believe nue if you saw it ?" "Uf course nut." - "That's, what 1 thought," and he started Oat. "Here,." said the man at the desk, "what 'tlo you 1(101)1 by asking um such ques- tions ?" "Can't tell you for less than a, quarter," said the tramp grinning. 1Tore's your quarter. Now tell tae." • "Th.ut'ks. Come out to the door," and the than followed the tramp to the (loon. "11)011, at your window," and the man tread thele in tine gilt letters : Lo.t,ts negotiated. for any amount," and when Ile turned to pay his respects to his visitor that stutvc and simple gentleman bad disappeared somewhere in the crowd at the street. The \Vaggip5(rrarnpand the Innocent C05,, He tvt)s a tramp and he was sitting in the park, but his attire was not quite so disre- puteOle as to warrant the policeutan. in driving him out. The officer stopped inure spouse to a hail from hint. "Say," he said, pointing to a very hard- lookiug specimen away over on the other side, • would you take that gortt for a tramp?" "Well, you bet I wouldn't take hi,n'e for anything Mtllsu;"'-ireplicd the oliieut'-(.ronti- den tly- Sute you wouldn't take 'im for nothin' else 0" "Course, I am." • "Wouldn't 6(115 'fm for stealin' m hen dol. lar Willie from me, would you ?'' The officer laughed a large horse laugh in reply. "Wouldn't, take 'inn for stealin' a silk hank'cher out of or hind coat-tail pocket, would you ?" 'rhe officer slapped his hand behind him before he laughed this time, and theft the way he put out after the tramp was a sight to behold, 1>ut, he didn't get him, and when he sante hack after the informer he didn't get hurt either. The Only [Vey Out. He Knew His Crip.—Bass—You are get- ting down to the store later and later :very morning, Mr. Cheekly. Mr. Choekly (who has a grip on the affections of the boss's daughter)—\Nell, 1'11 try and even things tip by knocking of work a little :artier every afternoon.—Texas Siftings. The most chunk fabric is the trout yarn. --\Villiantsport Sun, A plain case of u,istit—A young girl in hysterics.—Lowell Courier. "I'm up in arms agttn," as the baby re - ,narked at 2 a. m.—Philadelphia Record. "Ocean greyhounds" get that name he - cause they are nut tarryers.—Philadelphia nines. The housewife has opened her war on the 11101118 with a sort of tar -era boom,—Phila- .ielphia Record. Lust by a nose—the man who didn't get the position lie sought because his proboscis was too red,—New York journal. Guest—I say, landlord, your food is worse than it was last year. Landlord—Ilnpossi- ble, sir !—Flying Leaven. It is never too late to rnenrl. '?hie is why the cobbler never has your boots tlone•at the time promised.—Boston 1'rauecript. The Boston girl—I)id - you ever fall iu love? The Chicago girl—lull? Not hutch ; I just jumped into it.—Life,, A 111(.11 can neatly always have the last word if he will consent to make it. his name tit the bottom of a cheek.—Washington Star. "Didn't I see you at the opera last et•en- ing?" said \lartin. ''I don't know," re- turned Hicks. "I wasn't there."—Pomona News. The travel -stained strawberry that visite us these days has not had time to get the cinder out of its eye since its long journey. —Minneapolis Journal. At the Stock Exchange.—First Stock- jobber—Shall we go and take 80met0ing? Second ditto (unt!ungiugly—From when] ? --11 Motto per ?riders. • Willie's 1dea.—"1'm glad I'm not a Chinaman," said Willie. 'It must be aw- ful unpleasant to It Ive it. dark all day hurl the sum shining affil night."—.New York Herald, "There's nothing without work, you know," Thus sl)oke the sooty prowler ; "So rise, I prythee, and welt go And gaily work the growler." f —Washington Star. Al XMIGN 'GIW` T RRQR. ILAii} E<I' BUnaLAIUlES ' AND I}It1714'4 0•WTfA0 S OOM)1)1'T1lp IN TUE VI0INITY OF KINGSTON The villagers of Portsmouth, Out, ario, and the formate About the city of Kingston are in a stats of tartar over the conduot of several burglars. Over two weeks ago their actions came into prominence through a brutal assault upon Mise Campbell, Bath road, whose face was bruised by the cruel lists ot a bulgier he. cause' she would not dewed float aeleamiug. The fellow fled 0u the approach of Mise Campbell's step- father, Nomoroue thefts ha vet•ilice been recorded, and Italy the farm- ers have been guarding their places with, guns. They had frequent oe• casions to use them, but the gang of desperadoes Las been very defiant. Several nights ago a conflict tout: place; and one of the miscreants was wounded. His comrade,, picked him up, carried him to a suhdpit, and dared further interference. Friday night a dastardly outrage was committed at the residence of the \Vidow Morton, Peril) road; about seven miles from Kingston. Mrs. Mottos, aged sixty-nine years, and het' daughter, aged twenty-three years, lived alone. They were awakener) on Friday night by a' man in tl sir room. The widow was pulled from her bed, and she defended herself. The daughter was grabbed and dragged towards the stairs by the brute. Mise Mor- ton told the story : "He dragged me, despite my mad resistance, step by step down the stairs. 1 caught hold of mother, and pulled her along also. 1 don't really know what possessed me with such stieugth, but I believe 1 would have been a match for trim had he not graphed me by my streaming hair. Then whet agou the brute Causes 1110. Ile fivally gut ale out the back door. In the meantime mother was doing evetythiug 1)urslbletoaid nue, and et last resu:tea lu a spade lying close by. Reisiug it threateningly above her head, she warned the u she would kuock its brains out. 'lite tel low ne lets. uttel t'd 0)1114118. All the time we Were yell- ing 'Murder' and 'help' at the top of our voices, and this startled Cam- ick's Clog, which commenced bark- ing fiercely and' mishit; a great row. The luau 'seethed' to get frightened ut this,. and finally when he had tofu almost every stitch oil' me, he let MO go. Mother and I then fled though the fields to the Catuicks, who had been roused by the yells and were all up and about. The people were afraid to move out, and :hence the fellow escaped.' The police have•a good description of •On Saturday night a most villain - First '91 man (in logic class)—Say, what ons outrage was committed at the does LU. U. mean? Second '04 man (tubo residence of Richard Atkins, Ports - does has been there, with a sigh)—It generally mouth. Atkins was on guard at i I1e11138 nothing at FLU. —Princeton Tiger. the penitentiary, and Mrs. Atkins Caution in the Nursery.—"And why, and the children were alone at Jennie, dill you tell Willie you wouldn't ire home, Two .lass broke into the his little wife?" '`rause he didn't est ate 'til he knowed 1 had five cents."—New house, ane 0130 of 11100), with a ham. Yo }Ierald• mer iu his foxed, approached Mrs. Assis,ant—Dmn''tyou think Spacer's work Atkins and demanded money. Ile is deteriorating? Editor (putting a bundle got all in the house, some 75 cents. in an envelope)—It is certainly going back. —Cincinnati Commercial Gazette. He laughed over the haul, and re - The only way the average man can ex- turned to the bedside and talked press his itisgust with lonely woman's pre• good huuio•edly. Finally he as- sent habit of wearing a trail is by stepping wilted the :soman iu au outrageous on it every chance he gets.—Somerville way. Then he got up to go. Mrs. Journal. Patient—Doctor, I have trouble about Atkins said : He looked at me swallowing. Does tlutt amount to any- ' and said I was pale. Then he said, thing 0 Doctor (,looking down Itis throat), !'You are cold,' and covered we —Yes, that amounts to $5.—Fliegendc with a blanket lying on •0 conch Blatt er., nearthe bed. He purposed to See here, Aggers, I've a bone to pick with you." "Pm with you. There's ares. leave the house, and in doing so he taurant across the way:' Make it a1 mutton bent over me and said : '•rake a bone, fo'r I've toan appetite."—Brooklyn good look at mu. I want t0 take a Eagle.good look at you so that if I meet A New Brand.-.—), What a splendid' color Miss Jones has !"'said Cltotlie, "She• ltas, you again I will give you a wide indeed,'' said Miss Senvius. "She• must berth. I�rine years ago I served discovered a new druggist.—New four years in Kingston penitentiary York Press. for a crime I did not do.' He moat. Upset her point lace handkerchief ed away, and Then stopped sudden• He vowed he'd write a sonnet, And than he bore it off iu glee ly, saying : `Jim, I think 1 will tire Anti got $5 on it, yet.' What he meant by this Indo —Cloak iRcview, not know, but I think he meant he Vicar's, wife—Willie Smith., how is it °unit" to shoot me. tie went out yon do nut take off your haat whole you meet c me ? v\'illi: —Well, mum, if I take o11 in ' of the house, and when I was put• hitt to you, what be 1 to do when I meet t' ting up the curtain at my bedrodm 1:)at'soit1—•lady• window 1 saw two Wren in the yard "Young 1)11u1," said the merchant, "do sitting ou a board and eating. The you think you could keep our books ?" 0 i•11•a'a; I p(Veallme so ,but why the villagers had during the night put deuce don't you lock theta up in youah On fourteen Hien on patrol,. and as safe?"—Wltshington Star. soon a8 the exhausted and frig hten- Annt Furby Low (at art, store window)— ed woman could raise an alarm she Did you ever ! Look at that little bit of a did so. Then the vigilantes watch - picture ! It's marked $200. Uncle Si Low (with an air of superiority)—'?hat menus ed closely. Two men were chased, by the gross.—Puck. fired at, but not caught, One drop. Professor (to class in physics)—Now Nle- ped his bundle of provisions, taken scribe this electrical machine, if you pease. from Guard Holland's horse. Every Head boy—It consists of a large glass wheel avenue of escape is now being turned by a crank. Applause from the class. —Free Lance, guarded. The Atkin brothers are Glanders—It is said that paper can be now on the search, and the husband used effectively in keeping a person waren is desperato. To a reporter he said: Gatley—That is very true. I remember I, ;qt. rt is any man' caught, and thirty day note of mine once kept me fav sweat for a rnolth.—Brooklyn Life. my wife says he is the man who as. "1 suppose that there are times," said exulted her, I will shoot him on the Mr. Dollargilt, "when every man feels spot. I will not wait to have him utterly insignificant." "Yes," replied Mr. tried in the courts. I was up all Boodlebonda, "I feel so now. I have some last night' and have not had a bite house."—Washing- uta Ilia Mr. Newsome (showing visitor through his reputed ancestral halls)—And this is the snit my great-grandfather wore when be gave up his heart's blood during the Revolu- tion.. Miss Gotham (looking in vain for hu'let holes' or saber [•cuts) --Ah !—was your great grandfather killed while in bathing, Mr. Newsome ? An Old Fogy Sat*nttll. "I was just stopping to see your modus operandi," explained the visitor in the sawmill. "We ain't got any," apologized the saw. yer• "I've been tryin' to got the boss to a full-blooded English fox•honlrl. I introduce some of the new fangled invert• woaldn't take 200-200-1 wouldn't take tions, but he says the old-fashioned way is 200 cents for hien. You the Assessor?— good enough for him." Chicago Tribune. -- — Newwife—To-morrow is your birthday, ?iron %Vtth Purls. darling, and I am going to stop at the iew- eler's and buy you a present. Het' hubby painters at work on my ton Star. to eat all day. I would be avenged Great Discovery --"Bah jove 1" said if I could see the man who was in Chollie. "Here's a winkle in the window my house. I would not hesitate to glaws that enables a fellah to see short shoot him like a dog. It is too b d gyrls or tall ones just as the fawncy may that in a civiliz Il countrya man's stwike him. Haw l"—Indianapolis Jour- 1)01 family cannot be protected from A Sudden Suspicion.—"That's a find desperadoes such as those who rob• looking dog of yours." "You bet ! He's bed my home." Atkins was the promoter of. the Saved army move- ment, which afterwards failed. He prayed yesterday morning that God would give him strength to avenge himself oil the man who violated the sanctity of his home. Tho most vigorous efforts will now be nut forth to capture the fellows, who are suspected to be ex -convicts. Tramp—Ill pull his leg for a dime. Dentist ---I'll pull his tooth for a dollar. —(lot something cheap, pet., I haven't paid Irate Citizen—ill pull his nose for him for my Christmas present yet --Jew• nothing. elers' Weekly.