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The Huron News-Record, 1891-11-25, Page 3a • felallesartereate.....7^aerea: gager aeleffeellaegesaaleMlaeleffetnerateesseat?ara 11reataaeteeieaeeeeseteaeeeattesasle•feea$elnseerseoeeaa-otstr save Your Rair liritelY nee Of .45'0e8 Ia1 Vigor 'Thie nreParation has no squat as I edressing, It helms the ti calp clean, cool, rani licaltbY, mad preserves the color, 444 heauty of the hair. 441. was rapidly becoming bald and ay; but after using two or three ()Wee of Ayer's lair Vigor InY; Iaix grsve thielz and glassy and the original coior w restorefla'-Uelviet Aldrich, canaan Centre, N. g. 44 ame time itgo X lost all xrty hair in COnsequeneo of 010041e3. After due waiting, no new growth appeared. 1 then used Ayer's 'Hair Vigor and my bairgrew Thle.:. gild Strong. It Lae apparently cqmo to stay. 'The s evificsntly a grbat aid to nature." --J. 13. WiUiam, Jfloev1fle, Team. "I have used Ayer's! flair Vigor for the past four or five years and find it a most satisfactory dressing.for the hair. It is all I could claire, being harmless, causing the hair to retain its natural eolor, and reipti ring but amen quantity to render the hair easy to arrange." - Mrs. M. A. Dailey, 9 Charles street, Ra-erbili, Masa. " I have been using Ayer's Hair Vigor ler several years, and believe that it has cans,,t1 my hair to retain its natural e.oler."-Mrs. IL J. 1Ing, Dealer in Dry Goods, &ea Dishopville, Ayers Hair Vigor9 lin:Ramp BY Dr. J. O. Ayer & Co., Lowell, Mass, eold by Druggists and Perfumers. ar4-scuarime.r,p0._5..cremar...tacaxanolausarammommussemm..... The Huron News -Record sz.so a Yeee-e1.25 In Advance. Wednesday Nov. 25th, 1S91. SITTING DOWN ON TIM "I don't altogether like this young mtn who comes to .see you so often. I hear he is nothing but a dry -goods clerk," is what the head of the family said to his daughter one day at the dinner table. "lie is a very nice young gentle• min," replied tho clatoghter ; be- sides, he is something more than a 'poor dry gools clerk! Ile oats a large silery and is manager of ono -of the departments, and expects porno day to have an interest in the business." "I hope he may," responded tho old man, "but he strikes me as a very flippant, impertiuent young pereon, and in my opinion should beset down upon." • "won, 1 have invited him to take tea with us this evening," said. the dangl.ter, "and I hope you will treat lam politely, at least. You will #ntriaitn a very different per- son .fropgrWliae, yen linppneeel Lim - to be." Ze "Olt, 'I'll treat him politely enough," ho said. That evening Mr. Millik in appeared at supper,and made a favorable impression upon the old goutlenaan. "Ho is a clever young follow, after all," ho thought, "I havo done him au injustice." It was just hero that Bobby spoke 'out. Bobby was a well-meaning little boy, but too talkative. "Papa," he ventured, "you know what you said today at dinner about Mr. Millfkin ; that he was an impertinent young man and ought to be sat down on "Silence, sir!" shouted the father, swallowing a mouthful of hot potato. But the little boy wouldn't sil- ence. "It's all right," he continued con- fidentially, but in a whisper loud enough to be heard ont of doors, "he has been sat down upon. Sis- ter sat down ou him last night for two hours." After this the dinner went on more quietly, owing to Bobby's sudden and very jerky departure. DONT'S FOR SUBSCRIBERS. Don't forget to send the amount clue when you order your paper dis- continued. Don't forget to send your old as well as well as your new address when you change your paper. Don't keep the publisher waiting a year or even longer for your sub- scription but pay promptly. Don't forgot that it is just as great as sin to defraud a paper out of its dues as it is to cheat the butcher or the baker. Don't lot it escape your memory that the new postal laws make it a larcency to take a paper and refuse to pay for it. Don't thiask because you aro good for the amount, that wo ought not to be in a hrirryTo get it but re- member so long as it is in your pocket it does us no good. Don't forget, dear reader, that those who defraud a paper out of what is duo will have to settle the bill in the next world, in a. place where no paper can be published ou account of the calorific state of the atmosphere. Don't get excited and stop ycur paper if you see something in= it that does not agree with your ideas, but remember that there ie a chance, and a largo ono too, of your tieing and Jeaices ny call forth worai or piatso 'from tiinb- tenths of the subscribers. TEE TALK O TUE DAY, PICTURES OF LIFE AS IT IS IN BLACK AND WHITE. The Idlosynorasles of 411 Sorts of POoPle Under the Brushes and the Pens of the Artist and Humorists -The Latest paragraphs of the Newspaper Wits. "A prominent society man was on the train last night." Better late than never -Husbands. A catch phrase -"Sick 'em!" - Burning kisses necessarily follow a spark. Money which is "coming to you" does not always arrive. Every one's sweetheart sometimes gots up in arms against him. Man needs somebody to sympathize with him even in his meanness. The young man, like the mosquito, is of- ten mashed on a pretty face. Many young hearts have been set on fire this summer by tennis matches. Sometimes there is a good deal of pride iu telling how big a sinner you used to be. Corn is well provided with ears, but its talk doesn't amount to much, it's too husky. These are the days when the tramp and the pumpkin are both getting very seedy. • A western fanner recently thrashed 1,200 bushels of wheat and two tramp in one day. "Love level,: ; 11 ranks," but not, the veldt odor of an onion; that is too much for it, somet Mies. "What did your affianced Bey when you told her you were broke?" "She said she'd break with nie." A greet many of the European peasants think that it's pretty rocky for them to bo cut off from their rye. It is pastime when one misses •the train, although it may be diflienit to determine where the fun comes in. The Cheapest Way. ---"Don't mu fin 1 yachting expensive?' "Oh, no. tiievcr try it except as an invited guest." "The shades of night are felling fast," sang Mr. Mitts as Ile went to pull down the blind and jerked it off the roller. No Cause for Divorce. -If you ever hear that a num is resigned to his troubles, you know that it is hecause he has to be. Jack (sadly) -"One call I made last night cost ine ten dollars." Tom (happily) -"And one I made cost me a diamond ring." "Thanks," said the guest to the colored man who brought his soup at last "You, have taken a great wait 'ft Ina wand," - "I am the shortstop in our nine." • " 'Tis very strange," said she. "Tho lone stop seems more in your lino Whene er you visit me." "Papa," said little Freddy, whose nauti- cal knowledge is a little mixed, "when ships beat their records, do they do it with their spankers?" "Your trip to the sea shore must have done you good. You look like a new man." "I feel like seven mem" "How's that?" "Engaged to seven girls." Alas, for all Oleic ecstasy, They knew not what was best; The young man reachial the front door, The old man did the rest. Sure Relief. -Hay fever victim -"Doe - tor, can't you tell me how I can fled relief from this constant inclination to sneeze?" Physiciane--"Yes, sir. Sneeze.", She (sternly) -"What was that noise I heard early in the hall this morning when you came in?" He (hastily) -"It must have been the day breaking, darling." Doctor -"Did you have a heavy chill?" Fair Patient -"It seemed so." Doctor-. "Did your teeth chatter?" Fair Patient - "No; they were in my dressing -case." "Where are you going my pretty maid?" "Going to cooking school, sir," elm said. "Can I go with yon, my pretty maid?" "We don't cook veal today," she said. Ben -"I aon't think such of girls.How- ever, I'd rather be a girl than a goose." Tom -"Probably; but 1 think it impossible for you to accomplish the transformation." Ethel's Winning Way. - Ethel -"1 shouldn't attempt to drive you out on a bluff at poker." Staylate-"Why not?" Ethel -"Because I know you would stay." Out in Kansas -Traveler -"What is that tall chimney for? Some one petting up a factory?" Citizen - "Naw. That's ,tirn Bbbes well. Cyclone turned it inside At the Seaside Hotel. -Kitty -"I wonder why Clara hurries to her room wheneve- sae gets a letter?" alaud-"She wisher to give the impression that it's from /0011." "ren your little brother talk now?" "Yes. He een say some words real well." "What are they?' "I don't know. They're word/ I never heard before."-Harpeas Young People. Centerfieltlor-"Hi, there! Kid! hand up that ball, quick." The Kid-"Yis. .1 es' wait a sec' till I see Tim Smithers safe over der home plate, den I will."-Hpers Weekly. Fast Shrinkage.-Reportah-"So poor Will was accidentally stringled to deatle Howal it happen?" Flicker - "Got caught in a shower and couldn't unbutton the col- lar of his flannel shirt." The new reporter had carefnlly read the office rules, and when he wrote ep a suicide from a thinl-etory window he referged deli- cately to an "obtuse, nauseating sound of coneursion." Old Fogy (reading paper)"Tt says they weighed anchor; but confound them, they don't say !ow much it weighed. What I want is facts, but these newepepers never tell what a man wants to know." "It seems to 1110 that you might make a better use of your time than in loafing az mind saloons." "GT eat snakes I Yoe calla, expect a man to sit in the parks such rainy weather as this, can yaw" Mr..laggs-"I tell you, whisky is a handy thing 1 ) have moiled w hen you have cramp). a Mrs. Jagas (who knows a thing or twol-"Ves and (Tempe are a handy t'hingtn-h'ri�1 in the house." mend weecreeten have 'whisky THE FISH AND BRAIN FAI,LACY. IelehAzia cononniettles Not rarneass 'kr In- teinionat Acenteementa. Agi ai milt of st(.rsenal experience, tap a writer i Temple latr, 1 znizy state that having ecano years sinee lived for a period of foray days, en far as what la called solid food is coneernefi., solely on • tish, with, of con:a a the eddition of bread (no potatoes were eaten during the period), I discovered, before the forty days Inel expired, that fish was net the ht.& of life. In the course of my experiment I not only lost flesh but also enerey, nor did 1 feol my head clearer or my triou,,,,lits and- feelings more alert than whee subsisting on more' varied food. While thing upon fish only ono feels "a want," a crewing for "some- thing you don't know what-thatis to say, yon cannot give a 0.0,6 to your desires, nor does the feeling weer off ae you continue the dietary; at allevents, in my case "cestoin came not to the resile," The. popular fallacy in connection with fish nifty be noticed, nemela, the oft re- ' posted assertion that the eating of that .particular food increases brain power. No one who has studied the subject cen fay believe the assert ioa. A. num might eat 15 huge portion of fieh every day of his life, and on the day of hie death, if the quautity of plioailiteettis (the brain invigorator) con - e01 were to become visible., it woad not' iwatemt to mire than might r&! *ably suf- fice to tip a couple of lueifer matches. Com- anunitiee Iteve eeletet1 that lived t solely 011 fish, but theee were cerleady not fatuous for intellectliel sttainments. Nur are 01.11' lister in many of which much fish is presumably co:14mile,', the seats of any ;Teat amount of brain power. None of our lisherfelks are remarkable for imam, or even what is called common sense, their views of life and its responsibilities being shrouded 1:1 haze of superetiti Tu. which they leek suffi- cient strength of natal to blit...throti,v1i. No fishina community, so far lis is known t•) the wri ter, has ei veil to the world a groat wee. Melt of mina: • -poets, peecliersalaw- yers, warriors, philosophers nt physicians -have emanated, in Scoolauti at any rate, from all elasies except the fishing classes. The Origin of Throe Dolls. Three reasons are given to eacount for the origin of the arLsvalwelow's sign. One says tleit the balls are iteefl becalise they were the emblem of St. Nieliolfoa who is said to have given three purses of gold to three vir- gin sisters to eaable theni t 1 mirry. An- other legend littriatttes the eze of ta:•en balls to the members of the Lemlevel famila,11 first great money lenders of }algae el. They were droagists before they lercanii Capita - 111, eed usal tat) three golden pills in me - m •-f their ola sc,1: anothes :tote= atteibutes their oriainel 0 to the Medici family of Fr1.11.!0. The Malieis were money heelers, wlie used the three pills as a pun nil their medical sountl:ea nalue.-St. Louis 1 Zepublic. Where the Line Was Den on. What a mystear i) women! How t how vide, how forgiving! Like a 1.1033 rose, he love 11 ecl 1 ts delicioue pe,•fume over Inc letsband's heart and home. She loves for the sake of loving, and where she has once given her heart there it eLays, and all the personal abuse and had treatment heaped upon her by the object of her unc- tion only causes her to worship him with increased devotion, as the voilet, when crushed under foot, gives forth. to sweeter fragrance. But there are some things which a hus- band cin do to this mystrioita creature 'that will trimly:- lave to hate azul matte her fly off in search of a sharp ax or a- le. gal separation. A woman in Illinois has created a mild sensation by suing her hus- band -not for a divorce, but for her false teeth, which he took away when she in- sisting upon biting him. -Galveston News. The Disobedient Husband. Mrs. Rural (aegrily)-You promised me when you went up to the city last winter thet you wouldn't go near Couein Maggie's. Mr. Rural -Y -0-s, my dear. " But You did." " I --I only took one meal there, my dear." I knew it -I knew you had taken a meal there or ecnething. Murder will out," " What's happened, my dear ?" " She writes that she is coming here with her six children to stay all surnmer."-New York Weekly. 1.1yAterica1 Vomiting. An nniqne and successful treatment by Dr. Tyson, for hyeterical vomiting, is re- eorded in The Medical and Surgical Journal : " A young girl, fourteen years of age, in- sisted that she vomited everything she swal- lowed, even water. Her statements were found to be true. She had every manner of treatment employed,' lint to no purpose. She was blistered. and received strong cur- rents of electricity to no effect, and was filially discharged. She returned a few clays afterward, claiming to he as bad as ever. The resident physician, knowing that all else had been tried, told her emphatically that whatever she vomited she must im- mediately swallow. To the surprise of all, her vomiting ceased, and since the order was given she has had no further trouble." An Old Proverb. The oft quoted proverb, " God tempers the wind to the shorn lamb," frequently and wrongly ascribed to the Bible, occurs in Laurence Sterne's '` Sentimental Journey." The Inter -Ocean explains, however, that it is but a rendering of a proverb much older than Sterne's time. The " Sentimental Journey " was written about 1767. But Bishop Herbert, nearly 100 years before, in his " Jacula Prutlentum," uses the expres- sion, " To a close shorn sheep God gives wind by measure." Estienne, a French writer, in 1594 said, " Dieu mesure le froid a la }welds tondue" (Gml measures the cold to the shorn ewe). Estienne gives another form of the proverb as " Dien donne le head scion Itt roblie ;" that is, "God will not let the cold exceed the warmth of the fleece," or, as it is less poetically rendered by an- other French writer, with a different and more practical meaning, not so fregtamtly falsified by the actual facts of life, " God cuts a man's coot according to his measure." That this proverb is French in origin there seems 00 doubt, as various Vel'S1011S of it are found in different writers. A Proverb of Wide Application. "I never thought of the application be- fore," said the professor 110 he wrestled with a section of sluing chicken; "but it is t rite in regard to pcultry that it is the good die young." Got What She Wanted. She-- A n uhfortunate alliance, 1 ha t cif , Miss Qiiickly's wasn't it? He -Maybe, but he Wes jest her kind. You said, yon know, that she wanted a husband bad, ana she certainly got, it. -Yonkete Coact te. Nn Time to tofie. frs Wieltstaff-I thought you weren't going away until next week. Mrs. Bingo -I didn't expect to, hut my huabandatoldenas sereeteietasy athatiele-hattees boil coming. mat STONE- ifuOKERS; A UNIQUE INDUSTRY A$ FOLL0'.1/ED IN LAKE ONTARIO. NonseibMg About the Ilisainess o( Flshlfl)5 • Stones Vrosu the liot tom of the take -Their Operating Ground Between Drente and Whitby. Wheel tho scriptural writer referre•I to the heertlemsuess of giving a same to a seeker alter bread he had evidently never beard of the "stourahookere" of lake (Maui°. Thesemon seek stones for their deity broad, and' seek them in the buttme ef the lake, from the (IeptI:1 sf which they lisle up the boulders with long Looks. In all probability it is the tally place iu the world where such a calling is pursued, as it is only made practieable or profitable by the natural cwalitions of the eountry. Though it has attained quite a position in a eonunerciadtiense hy 11113011 4/f ifs extent, there aro probably tew-Outattig the business who know leueh about it. Many tourists in that region nall doubts lees observe long lines of rougli•alaking ischomierevelebereil off shore, especially on tine, call)) trimmings. They lie there with tleer patelied and blackened bails lirailed up, swinging in L4pdarent idleuess at their &w- elfare, while st some distance from them two or three rsolitary-looking men iu ascots' angle with long poles which they thruet down in the water. Theta, are the hookers' at work. Their business cansiste of fishing up large and small stones from the bottom of the like near the shore to be need for building per - pees. 'rheir principal ground of operation lies on the north shore of Lake Ontario be- tween Broute and 'Whitby. The vessele en- geged in the bueinoss are meetly seow-built (that is, fiat at both mitts) and sehooner- rigged, with a capacity ranging from two to ten tote of stone, a toise bone; about, a curd. Some are rather handsome, well-equipped bouts, and one that used to sail from fort Credit was said to have leen 0 crack TOMIlt D yttellt, at some former stage of it existence. On account of their lueivinese when loadea with stone they carry long raking insets and an Minim:re spread of canvas, which is all right as long as they are loaded, but makes them naolity cranky when running light in gte ut Iicir oat& C1l1S1StS 4. 101',';': 1011g.hamlll iron rakes, eleage•liernmore, and :ihoveis. They maao their heatagiereers at Is)rts lie Like +dee e. and may line morning miens 3.:10 th,,v 'nay he seen steeline sloe ly net of port. \,I•appe=1 in the gletealikt. shore mis they drift 11 aselesely .lawn a mile or two and thee tli.doc, i,hroken by a Itearee aeti- mend. There is a trampling of feet ota tho deck, ti:anchor tiroas splaeh ;: ea the ehains rush after it. The carte 111 ne.1. 00 man, dressea in warm clothing, with high rnl=lier thigh -boots and water -pr. ed ;Teens, jump into the scow Anti pull elf loweals the shore. l'heie are three methods of se:miring the etoneg-quarrying, raking, and "blind etav- ling." Quarrying, as its name 11011 0, is :simply going ore shore awl breaking, away pieces from the low cliffs with sledge -hem- mers or picking stone off the I•eaclu•s. 'When raking, the boate move along with- in a short distance of the shore, where the tnen can see the bottom and pick up the stones they find with the long -hand- led rakes or hooks, Where stone is scarcer they move out into deeper water and drag their 'leeks along the bottom, pulling in all they catch. is auk?, statiikng," Under favorable eircumstaneet ahool;grri man can makefrom $40 to $60 per day, Isq, as maybe supposed, such occaeions twee/1*g and far between. As a matter of fact, managal the elements conspire to make the ',Milk. era; life anything but a happy one. If the wind freshens up as it usually dos on that lake about 1 0 a. ne, it discolors the water so nmeh iu shore that raking is impossible, while the accompanying rough water makes blind stavling a hazardous employment. On the other hand, the farmers along the lake sliore have a decided objection to the hook- ermen removing the stone from the shore, as the banks are thus weekenotl and liablo to be undermined. The consetalence ie that some yeais ago learners got a bill put through the Legielature that no hooltermen rhonld approach 11e.i.:,rer than. 5 ) feet from the shore under a penalty of not more than 0. a'he stone was mostly fine limestone and is obtained in large squares. Every licevy gale from the east throws up large quantities of stories, but during the slimmer months the hooaers pick the bottom of the lake near the sliore almost bare. They dispose of the stone in 'Forma°, where it i$ used for building foundations, and the price paid is from $S to $!) per toise. A RUSSIAN ROMANCE - A Sensible Father Recognizes the Power of Love and Yields. There died the other clay in Russia the ratiowned Pr ince Jussnapow, who was worth several hundred millions of roubles. He had been for many years a widower with two beantiful daughters, of whom the younger died three years ago, but Ito had 110 male heir to take his title and great for- tune. In 1 89.2 the eller daughter, while at a hall, was seriously. enamored of a handsome young lieuteeant. Count Stnorokow-Elston, who also paid very great attention to the young, Princess, bit! without thinking about the pontbility of a marriage with her, he being a poor lieuten- ant and she the richest heiress in tt11.9iit. Two days after the hall tile young lady went to her father and told him of her love, add- ing that she could not 0101 would not live wit -bout Count Sumorokow. The Prince at first was very much snr- paised at hearing this, as he had counted on different husband for this (lanai:ter, 111:o, the year before, had even refured to wear the crown of Bulgaria. However, con- ceiving that, he could do Ito thing in this case, he proud:10,i his daughter Ids consent if the Comit's previous life would not hinder a connection with him. The result nI investigatioes showed that the Cou»t was at all events a noblemaii, and the ola Prince thm•eupon visited him in his made 1. dwelling. The Prince spoke vele- 031011 ly to 11, tol d 11110 that lie had made 0 f1,!;.!'p il preS8i011 011 1118 dridighter, Whi) 11"(1".• of the opinion that. she hail male an impressam on the (atunt, if such was the case the Count would be very welcome in the Jie -.aro sov palace. 9118 Culla i nulled ht( ly foil.) wed the Prince to the palace; after a ries t tines the wedding took plane, reel 1-inc cen nearce- ly find a happier couple in all Puege. When the old lain, .1 SSW Iu laaghter's happiness-. and the noble eheravt ..e• of his son-in-law he requeeted and get 1 e111)a'f;`.011 from the Emperor I •) a Arid him, ond now, after the 11117th ,,f ihr Pri e, he nee poor lieraemint has he tit le of of Jo:swe- pt-me and the imulciiar, inherit am 0of millions 1, homIS, nmell re;11''lo in excel- lent condition and tte femily psae s, con- taining- silliest. atenamadde 1-) in oetd, silver, jewe'. • anti we plat t • t. A 11 es: ample cen 1 c i e.e 1 la11 1 ft ). 01=1 Prince' • 1,i. 1 A trit'U. AND FINNY •1,0W The extent to which theory ellen falls in practice is furnished by a venerated professor, a most dis- tinguished inathemetician, whew) works are still used as textbooks iu many of our institutions, and which occurred within ths complas of our own experience. He went to Bethel, ; on his return he spent the Sabbath in Lewiston. Monday morning be was told, the horse was eick. Never. tireless lie darted. The horse went a few rods, fell down, and broke both thins. He then sent his wife home, and also sent to 13rtinswick for another horse and carriage to take him and the broken chaise home. When the driver came they lash- ed the two vehicle!) together and etarted. All went well till they came to the first lonr,b, steep hill be- tween Lewiston- audBrunswick ; on its summit they held a consultation. The professor said : "Mr. Chendlor, it ie too much for the horse to hold these two carriages ou this steep deliceut : take the horse out; I will get into the shafts." "Professor," replied Chandler, "the breeching is strong." • "But the horse, Mr. Chaudler ; it is ioo Tech for the /1000. I know hcw to take advantage of tho descent, and can manage it much !letter lli,tti the horse." "If the horse can't hold it, yon cau't:' "Doyou, sir, intend to place in inificigienitmttr.fiiet,e /}ii.f.rezbelow eeitia tkntecirsege oJ 1 have made mathematics the st udy ur lifetime." "I have no intentiiu to be dire spectlif sir; hat I know that a horse understands his own business, which le handling a load 011 a hill. I was sent n p here' by my employer to taketoetro of his property, and if you prefer to bo horse yourself I enunot be responsible." "I," replied the professor, "will assume all responsibility." Tito driver, nothing loath to wit• noel the operation, took out the horse and held him by the brittle ; and the professor, getting iuto the shafts, took hold -of them at the ends. The forward carriage 0155 just descending tho hill and the hinder one a little over tho summit, when the professor trod on a rolling stono, which caused him to plunge forward, and increased his velocity so much that lie was forced to walk faster and exchange the slanting position—with his shoulders thrown well back and his feet braced— which he had first adopted, for a perpendicular ono. Soou he was phishrei. into a run, the carriages going at a fe-firftli At the bottom of the hill was a book; on each side precipitous batiks. The professor was between Scylla and Charybdis, going six feet at a leap. In order to cramp the forward wheel, he turned sed• denly to the right. Tho shafts of tho forward carriage wont two foet into the bank, breaking both of them short oil.; the lashing of the hinder one slipped, and it run into the forward oue, breaking the fen- der, and both vehicles turned over at tho bottom of the hill with a tremendona crash ; the learned gentleman described a parabola— one of his favorite figures—and landed two rods a.vay. Ho rose from the earth, his knees skinned, pants torn, a piece of skin knocked off lois forehead, and his best hat flat as a pancake underneath the hind carriage ; and, looking around, "Is it it possible I could have been so much deceived as to the mooten - turn 1" "I don't know anything about momentum," said Chandler, "but I know something about horses. I know it makes a mighty difference on a steep hill whether the animal has two legs or four, and whether he weighs one hundred and seventy. five or one thousand two hundred pounds." It cost the professor $37.50 to pay the damages. • NOT TO BE FOOLED WITH New York Recorder : She wore a blue calico dress and had roey cheeks. She stood for over an hour shyly walking up and down near a corner letter box on Ninth avenue yesterday afternoon. By and by the letter carrier came along, and she seemed to breath easier. "Can I have it back?" she said blushing furiously. " Have what back 7" said the carrier, with a look of deep interest in his sad eyes, "Why the letter I just mailed to John." "Ah, John is your bean, oh 1" "Who told you 7" she asked, blushing like a winter apple. "You live iu tho big brownstone house ?" "Ugh, ugh.'' "And got all those letters with tho pink envelopes?" s,,,that,'atothes=kintio•Johtl•- uses." "And I noticed that lately—ahem the lettere itptt ett44004 (hoz. p4,4 Om" "Pia 1 ever !But, eay, yon letter oleo la mart now 1" "Yes; well, you probattly bati little spat, and---" "Go way 1" VAnd you eat down to -day to bring John to time and wrote him a sassy letter. Am I right 1",, "That -that's just about it." she said al4wly, her face on fire. "And now, ahem, you've sudden- ly changed your mind, ancl-1' "Oh, I have now, really!" "Ab, Yee, and you want me to give you that letter back so that John won't break away entirely V' "That's -that's it, sure pop now." "Well, it's agiu' the rules of the department and I don't see "$h,uo.ke onthe postmaster 1 This is a casenf true love, I my, I don't propose tti loss John that way, not after leading him on all winter an' only havin' one tiny little spar_ Have you a hesrt to feel for a poor hired girl? If you have hand over that pink envelope'atldressed in red ink, Mr. John IT. Gatiswold, or 1'11 throw hot water all over you the next titne you call at our house. I tell you true love is not to be fool- ed with I" She got it. THE USE OF WORDS. Many words once written' with diguitied inetives naw cause tie to read passages of standard literatut is With a gelftw. The word "imp" was once a term of high honor. But how now sounds the Hue from Spenser. "Ye sacred imps, that on Putnam) dwoll." Over 111,:11y a grave of the old French nobles rutty b read the hue, "Hero lies that noble imp." A sacred- poere, written by Gascoigne three centuries ago, begins a stately address to the posterity of /1111'1111am with tho words "0 Abralattea brats," brat being then a word ot stately meaning. Opening en old dictionary at raudot.0 one day my eye happened to fall on the word "tragedy." A note explained that it comes from a Greek word which moans "a goat song," because the oldest tregedies were exhibited when 31 goat was sacrificed or givou as a prize to the best actor. Tho WO 1 11 "infant" means literally "not speaking." Have you a pug dog ? Did you ever thing his face looks like that of a monkey 1 Tho moukey he most resembles is tho pug monkey which gets its name from Pug or Vuek, as Shakespeare writes, the spirit of mischief. Canter is an abbreviated from of Canteibury gallop, so called be- i p„Llgrims to Canterbury rode at the pace "-Of. moderate ga/lop. A grocer, so says thi-diatiatsj; was originally ono who sold by the gross. DA "grenade" rlarives its name from its shape, which resem• tiles a pomegr granate. A"biscuit" means "twice baked," because, ac- cording to military practice, the bread or biscuits of the Romans wore twice prepared in the ovens. Did you ever notice the leaves, of the dandelion? They are said to resemble, in form and size, the tooth of the lion, and so the French call it the dent de lion. and wo the "dandelion." Tho Pope was formerly called the "Papa,'' which means the same as "pap a" or father. Viuegar comes from two Latin words, vin and acer, meaning "wino" and "sour." These are only a few of the many curious and interesting things I found in my afternoon scarch in the old dictionary. When you are at a loss for some• thing to do follow my example, and you will be suiprised at the many bits of iuformation you can pick up in a little titne.—Irish Times. - - A WISE YOUNG NVONIAN, Young Adolphus Fitzwilliam, beloved a fair maid, But to ask her to marry him ho was afraid, Beeeuse of catarrh, which she had very bad ; S7 much eo that often the youth was quits glad To omit, at tho petting, the kiss of the lover. The reason of this she set out to die - never. 1 Catarrh mekes me loathsome. It's fatal to love. 0, darling Adolphus, by all that's above, I vow I'll net lose thee if eoniething there is To drive out catarrh aril to sweeten a kiss." Ss this wise young wont eu began searehing for a cure, and good hick at- tendA her. She found Dr. Sage's Catarrh Remedy, at the drug store, and felt con- vinced that a preparation which the pro- prietors had enoh confidence in that they were willing to pey $500 for a 09.110 they cennot euro, must be worth trying. She bought it. She tried it. It oured her. And when Adolphus kissed at the altar last week, her kiss was as sweet as roses in Jane. Girls, a word of advice: If you want a lover to stay a lover, you must it rid of eatarrh. De as thi; sons:i le girl did and get the only euro remedy fer this disgusting and dangerous diseano-Dr. Sago's Catarrh Remedy. --Floods in Spain have boon tor ribly disastrous this sionson,the. valleye .nt 1.4 ti .F.N."Tiff T;Wen iri undated and the farm crops and dwellings swept Away.