The Clinton New Era, 1891-07-17, Page 7Ig roi' to hitch this 'ere yoyugeaft
oilk here is My treat large;
I right here an",thaw the gran
Mise hull tlimg is•thawn;
$e`ll o1iaw that, corner off to -day until
bit's et it hare;
Tar-morrer I will move his stake an'
he'll clew over .there..
Books bad, yer say, to t?ee a gaff put in
aman'el front yard,
An' blattin' like a barn -yard on tl}ie
stylish boolevard;
Batt that six cliff shall. eat that ,grass
t► until I get him fat,
Au' if he feels like.blattin', w'y, I reckon
lie will blat.
'an I fust took my farm out here this
wuz a country road; ,
the way wuz perstchure tan',
Wore huckleberries growed.
y caff wuz then hitched in my yard
for the hull town's inepeotion,
4n' ;ng darn enterprisin dood oum
aroma,, to make objection.
W'en this road growed a village street
my cuff wuz in the yard,
An' now the street it swells 'ith style—
city boolevard,
Blit I will hitch this 'ere young caff out
here in my front lawn;
He'll stay right here en' olxate the grass
till the hell thing is ohawn.
on, say the way-Peirry on makes the
hull pity laff.
Well, let 'm laff; this 'ere's my lawn
an' 'this "ere is my caff,
Iia' things hez reached the purtiest
pass the wort' hes Over sawn
'EV an of duff can't let Ms miff chew
grass on his own lawn.
Wall, let 'em laff; this 'ere young caff
shall stay here anyhow,
Au' if I hear 'em laff too hard I'll trot
o`iit°'the of cow,
T'lI hitch 'em both to the sahge stake
right here in my front lawn,
An' let 'em stay an' chew the grass till
the hull thing is ohawn!
A FRIENDLY HAND.
When a man an't got a cent, and he's
feelin' kind o' blue,
An' the clouds hang dark an' heavy, an'
won't let the sunshine through,
It's a great thing, oh, my brethren, for
a feller just to lay
His hand upon your shoulder in a
friendly sort o' way!
It makes a man feel curious; it makes
the tear -drops start,
And you sort o' feel a flutter in the
region of the heart
You can't look up an' meet his eyes;
you don't know what to say,
When his handis on your shoulder in a
friendly sort o' way!
Oh, the world's a curious compound,
with its honey and its gall.
With its cares and bitter crosses; but a
good world after all.
And a good God must have made it—
leastways, that's what I say
When a hand rests on my shoulder in a
friendly sort o' way!
. W'EN MELINDY TOL' 111E YES.
Just two weeks from my big fall out
-- . , with my first sweetheart, Lucindy,
Did Melindy, my Melindy, tell me
"Yes;"
An' the atmosphere wuz windy, 'way
from Pokumville to Indy,
Windy with the breezy music of eter-
tnal blessedness.
i' site said it fair an' squarely, an' not
"Call again" or "May be,"
An' a New Jerusalem, glory lit the
fie!' an' wilderness.
An' the sun burst out like laughter on
.• the round face of a baby.
W'en Melindy, my Melindy, tol' me
"Yes!"
Like a twenty million orchestra away
beyond all countin'.
The bob'links bubbled over in a
music waterfall,
An' I felt jest like a-mcuntin' on the
meetin' house an' shoutin'
That E radise was open, with admis-
sion free to all.
..J ach grass blade in the medder wuz a
string to Natur's fiddle,
That wuz played on by the zephyrs
with a velvety caress;
An' of Natur's jints were limbered, an'
she sashayed down the middle,
W'en Melindy, my Melindy, tol' me
„Yes!"
An' the angles played so bully thet the
t 4 music reached the gateway
" An' came spillin' through the' op'nin
and a-singin' down to earth—
Came a-singin' such a great wa y thet
the universe wuz straightway
Shontin' in the glad redem'ti on of a
!�. holy secon' birth:
An''I—I set a straddle on the ridge
pole of creation,
An' only fit to holler in my Bootie'
happiness,
W'en Melindy, my Melindy, filled my
heart 'ith jubilation.
W'en 6f+3lindy, my Melindy, tol' use
"Yes!"
l
Ontario sent 60 delegates Wednesday
to the Christian Endeavor Convention
at Minneapolis.
Well-to-do residents of Thousand
Island Park are alleged to be implicated
in smuggling meat from Canada.
1'NRl k"b�ift lS k 0 -ARE' I
sow O4ie t1.4* uttgge.t X4ikra yf fife Olt r
rerifotrat9d !1 Hoax,
Joseph
Mulatto ways:
Mee ee of my 401.0044 ;Atwood wider rid .,
temtiell than that in wbi*b 1 stated dist It •
zeutberet planter had: aueceeafnlly employed .'
*w bar of paonkeys m breaking hemp is
his hemp Ilelda Thi$ dispatck 1vas dated al
Richmond, Ky., and war as follows;
"J, B, l'arkes, a substantial farmer seal
Kingston, in this county, has successfully
trained a force of seven large monkeys to
work in his hemp fields and to break and
prepare the hemp for market, They do the
Work quicker and better than ;the negroea hl
formerly empleyed,and the cost is about
one'fqurth. It required about four montbi
of patient training.to get the annuals to um
deratand theduties required of them. Butnoe
they seem to comprehend kali, and perform
their daily labor with but little difficulty
The monkeys were sent to Mr. Parkes by hill
brother, who is engaged in business in Caps
Town, South Africa, and who had seen the
animals put to similiar uses by the natives el
that country' #fr. Psrkes will, send foe
about ten More, six of which will be sold ti
John G. Taylor, another extensive raiser o1
hemp and a neighbor of Mr. Parkes."
Tocarry out the hoax ury friend W. H
Polk wrote a lengthy communication to the
Lexington Press, in which he stoutly pro-
tested against this importation of thea for.
sign labor as an outrage upon the nerace
This new phase of Ihe. laleor pi oblate wet
commented on all over the country by 'exit'
tors,t most of whom app sated the joke,
The London Telegraph printed an editorial
,en the subject a column long, in which, anal
repeating' the story of the dispatch, it ob.
(serves: "The result of the experiment is, we
regret to say{ evorything•that Mr. Parkes ex.
petted or could`have desired. * * * Thu
sort of thing will never do. Monkeys are
excellent. and engaging animals on barrel
organs, or seen from the right 'side of stone
bare at a zoological garden. Monkeys, hbos'
eiiel,' must not be' plowed 't5'" of gtig8 in oo,
onpatious which are too lofty for them. They '
shoe ld not; u>tldek any eit?Gumstanceat, whittd
eve•&lis tenfpta+ao4es to adopt sngh"a course
he`•' iermittad to enter into rivals'' with hu,
in in bbliigs.
"At 'present we are glad to think that there
is no immediate prospect of Mr. Parkes' ex,
periment being repeated on our shores. Yee
nobody can tell how soon the infection of the
new system may spread to England. Monk.
eys at the dock gates at 6 in the morning;
monkeys filling the workmen's trains into
the city before dawn, and going back again
at night; bands of monkeys prowling round
the streets of the metropolis, and yelling out
something intended for 'We've got no wort
to do'—how spoon will this infliction be upon
as in grim reality?"
The negroes, however. were tilled with
mingled terror and indignation, and held
mass meetings all over the South denonno.
Mg Mr. Parkes and bis monkeys and protest,
ing against the further importation of these
new African rivals.
I continued this "monkey business" in e
subsequent article of some length, in which
described how monkeys are employed he
British Honduras as drummers, street ear
drivers and policemen, and how at Belize
they have been successfully used to break up
a gang of dudes who loitered on the street
corners and in the vestibules of the theatres
and churches. The authorities trained sevi
eral hundred monkeys to wear eyegla'ss'es and
fashionable clothes and stand in thele places.
When the ladies passed by they bowed po.
llitely and tipped their hats gracefully, at the
same time murmuring:
"Ah, there, ladies! Stay there. ladies! aw
—egad "
The dudes all grew disgusted and quit the
b usiness until not one of them is to be found
in all British Honduras.
Such, in brief, is my career as a prevari-
cator. 1 have not attempted to furnish a
complete list of my fables. No oue knows so
well as myself, perhaps, how gigantic would
be the undertaking. To me has been ascribed
the authorship of many really creditable lies,
such as that about the famous cucumber man
of Texas, which emanated from the fertile
brains of fellow drummers. I have no desire,
and I think the public will sustain me in the
Assertion that I have no need, to claim the
laurels which belong to other men. I am
content to keep those I have honestly won.
ALL MEN.
young, old, or middle-aged, who find
themselves nervous,weak and exhausted
who are broken down from excess or
overwork, resulting in many of the fol-
lowing symptoms ; Mental depression,
premature old age, loss of vitality, loss
of memory, bad dreams, dimness of
sight, palpitation of the heart, emis-
sions, lack of energy, pain in the kid-
neys, headache, pimples on the face or
body,itching or peculiar sensation about
the scrotum, wasting of the organs, diz-
ziness, specks before the eyes, twitching
of the muscles, eye lids and elsewhere,
bashfulness, deposits in the urine, loss
of will power, tenderness of the scalp
and spine, weak and flabby mnseles,de-
sire to sleep, failure to be rested by
sleep, constipation, dullness of hearing,
loss of voice, desire for solitude, excit-
ability of temper,snnken eyes snrround-
th Leaden Circle,oily looking akin,
re all symptoms of nervous de-
ility that lead to insanity and death
unless cured. The spring or vital force
having lost its tention every function
wanes in consequence. 'Those when
throngh abuse committed in ignorance
may be permanently cured. Send
your addrosa for book on all diseases
peculiar to man. Address M. V.
LISBON, 50 Front St. E., Toronto,Ont.
Books sent free sealed. Heart disease,
thusymptoms of which are faint spells,
purple lips, iiiimbness, palpitation, skip
beats, hot flnshes, rush of blood to the
h'ead,du pain in the heart with beats
strong, rapid and irregular, the second
heart beat quicker than the first, pain
abont the breast bone, etc., can positive-
ly be cured. No cure no pay. Send for
book. Address M. V. LTIRON, 50
Front Street East, Toronto, Ont.
,Tnne 20, Is190.
Sure Cur. for Verdancy.
Beeswax—Do you know, Miss Kultshaw,
that when I mingle in literary, society I feel
quite ashamed of myself. I've really read so
little that I can't understand half the allus-
ions, 'and in fact I seem 'awfully ' green.
What would be a good thing tb read up?
Miss Kultshaw—If you feel so very green
as you hay 1 should be inclined to recommend
a course of Browning. --Grip.
The Value of Coetnetice.
He—"What a creamy ane; l ziou Lily
White has?'
She--" Very; and when you take the top of
it oir it becomes skint -minty.''
Lo lure and .After.
It. i.s 0 Ay humorous to note ;Lis ouarv,'l.nt.,
efec`' ,t toe patent medicines as shown by
their -Before at,1 After" ilfu,trations. One
in p: r1iiiMer, that has appeared in nearly
evert Raper in the country of lr>s than live
nnvire.l eircul:uioo. i, very ,rmarkable.
"Before" was a man of abaft sixty years of
age, thin face, drooping mustache, uncombed
hair and round shoulders. "After" La a natty
vnnng 'nnu of about twenty-five, and the re-
sult of using thio Liver 1' am k groat, tt not.
only Inale him twenty-:ive years younger,
but it combed his hair. wrtx"i1 his mustache,
gave him a new mat of false teeth, put a neat
collar and. necktie on him an,1 a clean shirt.
It reduced the size of bis ears, and t+, com-
pete the wonderful transformation even
changed his, eoat, The most wonderful of
all the invetions of this age is the patent
medicine's. Electricity is nowhere; and it's
chew;,, also -100 doses only $1.00.
Three Pronunciations.
What do you think of this bar •arat scan•
dal?" asked Shingiss.
"Baccarat," reRlibd Dukane; you mean
baccat•acv, don't you''?" ,
"Is that the way to pronounce it?"
"Of course! I'll leave it to Dinwiddie."
"All right! Dinwiddie, how do you pre-
aninethis game that the Prince of IV�
and Sir William Gordon -Cumming played.
Tranby Croft?"
"I pronounce it bad, sir; very had; tarok
in fact."
C. C. Rtcnkitns & Co°
G$r;'rs—I have need your MINARD'S
LINIMENT in my family for some
year5'arid Believe it the hest medicine
in the market as it does all it is recom-
mended to do.
Cannaari Forks, N. 13., D. KtsnsTrnn.
John Mader, Mahone Bay, informs
us that he was cured of a very severe
attack of rheumatism by useing MIN -
AH.D'S LINIMENT.
"How dared you!"
"I had not read it—I could not kuow—d
"You have no excuse?"
"I lied net even cut the leaves!'
"One
could perceive from tufa very first chapter
the risque character of the whole novel—and
for a man—for you to lend such a book to me
was an insult."
"An insult !"
One I shall never lentis: t"
Silence obtrudes itself sit otfensixely as to
be heard, She sighs impatiently, and roar
the winlow looks ejt:the nib rP !lilt of miw
c►1e[ous wrq'ifiiig' stars," Se 'crosses 'over
:slowly to the cosy library table with its
*edaotle% litter of Wagasinee and late nFve1 ,
She taps ilei foot: Her pretty ' forehead.'' Is
angrily puckered.
A look of despair settles tipoil
his anxielis face. He watches her, idly toying
meenvwhiie with the offending volume.
His hands iaechanicclly clasp an ivbry
paper -cutter.
"Yoh *ill clever forgive ane?"
"I will neve- forgive you!"
He inserts the knife between the flutter
ing leaves. A look of relief spreads itself eves
kis face. He grins.
"Never?"
"Never !"
"You mast!"
"Must!" (with kowtow
"The Brae
chapter betrayed the book?"
"It did." (uneewily). i Ladies, clean your Kid Gloves with
"Then why—may I Mather s Glove Cleaner, for sale only by
ask—do l dud all of the leaves cut?" Beesley & Co. Also a full line of dress-
ed and undressed Kid Gloves in all the
YOTT Int Pte?
Does u doll aching ,of lsrve or
mtugcle, or the *eater pangs of
neuralgia, toothache, or lumbago
make life a misoryi Thousands
eerO oolnxpelled to ander day In and
day out srppply because they are
unaeti,ualnted with the extraordin-
ary pain subduing power of Tier-
viline-the great :nerve pain cure.
It is certain to cure- nerve pain
speedily, Nerviline cures tooth-
ache, rheumatism, neuralgia,lum-
bago; etc ,V'erviline is powerful,
penetrating, ; and effectual. Sold
everywhere.
To Correspondents.
Correepondente who may be goin o
for a vacation, will greatly oblige
Os Af,theyypequre a substitute.
ern]! corte4P9udent Ahoee .stock of
Stationery -Is exhausted, has but to
' and,he shag recsi fe more.
We want all the slaws we can get
and Much prefer it to personalities
that may lead to trouble.
People who kuow,itema of news that
they would like to see in print,
should hand them in to our regu-
lar correspondents, or forward
nisi to thio pffice themselves.
Pit be sure the .`item . is reliable
and' of Some lfatereet. t
NEWS NOTES.
415
•
Two thousand Patrons of Industry
visited the Ontario Agricultural Col-
lege 8a. TUe ieyls
he O'anttdian l:'aciflo Railway have
sequred drreet entry into the heart :of
Chicago. "
The death is announced of David
Orser, of $righton township, at 94
years of age.
At a wedding in Hamilton,Ont-
on Thursday, both the contract
ing parties were blind.
Tableau.
After Tea.
There is a charming young widow in South
Minneapolis who retains a 5 -year-old girl as
the only pledge of her dear departed. The
little one has just begun to learn her alpha-
bet. A gentleman called upon the widow the
other evening. Of course the fond mother
wanted to show off her child. Taking up A
newspaper and pointing to the big letters in
an advertisement, the mother said:
"What letter is that!"
"A" responded the child.
"What comes after At"
"And what comes next?"
"C," lisped the little one.
The inquiry was pursued stilt further, but
along toward the end of tb , ,habet the
little girl lost her bearings and .:,. ,r answer-
ed a question.
Finally the gentleman thought he would
put a few questions. He began with this
one:
' "What comes after T?"
The child looked him straight in the eyes ae
she answered:
"A map to see mamma." •
On a Cash Basi».
Country Editor—Mr. Squash, I can't take
your subscription out in garden -track any
more.
Farmer Squash—All right, Mr. Editor.
I'm perfec'Iy willin' to sell it to you at the
regular market price'
most desirable shades.
Tramps' stole $350 from the
pocket of a coat hanging on the
wall at the house of A Campbell,
Dunwich.
The seven-year-old son of
Frank Hartley, of Thorold, was
drowoek in the Welland canal
Thursday afternoon.
George Hughes is under arrest
in London, Ont,, charged with
bigamy. The alleged offence was
committed in 2877.
At the public meeting hold in
Toronto, it was decided to erect in
Toronto a $50,000 memorial of
the late Sir John Macdonald.
And fl.. Did.
He—"United States Senator Ingalls has
written a very fine poem on opportunity. I
agree with its philosophy, but it is not every
awn who knows when his opportunity Domes,
In my mind the getting of a good wife may
be a man's opportunity "
She—"I agree with you in that, of course.''
He—Now, I think ynu are my opportun-
ity--." .
She-t'Y'oh think sot"
Ire -"I do. What do you think?"
She (bluthiin ` "Weil, if you have found
your opportunity you
you shoiuld einbrace it,"
Disputing the Record.
1:rindtts,ne—"Dou't , ynu remember what
Paul says: No prophecy of the Scripture is
On Thursday morning as Mrs.
of any private interpretation'?" Chas. Ralson, of Seymour, was
iiiljurdan—"Yes, nary it wasn't Paul. Itimilking in her yard a bull ap-
TRIAL TRIP
The 9 year-old son -of Mr Fow-
ler, of Jaffa, died on Friday from
blood poisoning, caused by a rusty
nail running into his foot.
Ameer Ben Ali, alias Preachy
No. One, was sentenced to life
imprisonment at New Yolk Fri-
day, for the murder of Carrie
Brown.
English Spayin Liniment remove
all hard, soft or calloused Lumps an
Blemishes from horses, Blood Spavin
Curbs, Ring Bone, Sweeney, Stifles,
Sprains, Sore and Swollen Throat,
Couhs, etc. Save 050 by use of one
bottle. Warranted the most wonderful
Blemish Care ever known. Sold by
J. H. Combo, Druggist. June 27, 1 y
Harvesting is well under way
in the county of Esser, and the
yield of wheat 13 likely to bo above
the average.
On the 22nd anniversary of
their wedding Mr. and Mrs. Jos.
Moorebouse, of South Elmsley,had
their first child, a daughter, born
to them.
The faaiily of Dr. Soper,Wind-
sor, had a barrow escape from
poisoning Thursday. A servant
mistook a box of hellebore for
pepper,and used it while cooking.
George D.Pardo died in Raleigh
township Friday morning, having
been injured the previous evening
by the breaking of a hay sling
with which be was working.
was Peter."
"You are mistaken It was Paul."
(Producing copy of Neu Testament)—
"Ther, s only ung ,way to convince some men.
11 ,.ire's the passage - -11 Peter, t : ;Y►. Read it
t • vnnr.••If "
t'1q after rea,iitig it) --"11 doesn't ,sound
like i .,ter 1 sb.::l !,,,,k the matter up."
it Celine Out.
lli,f yea' s•.itfer much clurin * your illness,
Mr. sapson," young woman.
“N,,, hut, thc.c:i as, one peculiar thing,
don't you know My mustache cattle out."
"ire ie.!: 1 wasn't amara that you bad
any.''
•'Well, don't you know; said Dap.-ei, rather
embarra.,sxd,"that's what [mean it gwew,
don't you know."
W.r,tf.in't Bear Quotation.
" What an uriginal fellow your brother is,
Miss Amy. You should have heard his re-
marks this morning when the big coudnctor
stepped oa his corn." '
'Wuat did he say, Mi:. Semple?"
0, as I said, they *mai original; so 1 can't
quote thorn " ,
A hast Boy.
t3uilks--" 1 wonder that your yon should be
such a spendthrift."
Closeflat—"I can't understand it either;
send that boy away to spend the summer,
and it wouldn't take him over a week."
Erpert Opinion.
"What la the matter with me, doctor!" the
patient asked in a despairing tone.
"Mattor with you, maat" was the doctor's
cheery reply. "Matter with you, do all
Why, man, you're sick."
Chapter 1: Weak, tired, no apps'
ice.
tChapter 2: Take Hood's Sftrsapa
rilla.
Chapter 3: Strong, cheerful, bun-
grv.
The Prince of wale + was hooted
by a crowd of rout hs while dining
with Emperor William's party in
1/ondon Priddy. -
proached hor. She attempted to
drive it off, but it attacked her,
breaking her jaw and leg', and
bruising her generally.
Before they get through with
one scandal at Ottawa, another
crops up. The Public Accounts
Committee has ascertained that
clerks in the departments have
been drawing extra pay by cheques
made eut to dummies. John
Jones gets a cheque for his salary
in his own name, and a cheque for
an additional amount in the name
of a bogus Thomas Smith. Th;
superior offi,•ers have known that
this was going on, if they have
not actually taken a Kana in it
for their own benefit. Day by
day the evidence accumulates
that the whole crew should be
turned out.
50 CENTS 50
To the end of the year.
To NEW SUBSCRIBEW
Although the Clinton NewEra is the
largest paper in the county,and gives
more fresh home news every week
than any other, we will send it on
trial trip to new subscribers at Ulf,
-Life is au ocean,
Bach one has his bark."
Some have a bark they would
gladly be rid of—a ceaseless, per-
sistent, determined cough l pres-
ent by day, not absent by night.
If yon take theiwingsof the morn
ing and $y to the uppermost
parts of the earth, it wilt go with
you 1 There is just'ono thing to
do; begin a thorough treatment
with Dr Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery, and the problem is
solved . Tho picture is not over-
drawn— colds, lingering and ob-
stinate coughs,and even consump-
tion, in its early stages, yield to
this potent vegetable compound.
Large bottles, one dollar,at drug.
gists, and guaranteed to benefit
or euro, in every caro, or money
returned by its makers, _
Minard's LinimentIsmberma n's frien
price of the lowest.
•
or 50 Cents C.
'1'
Iii
We will send it to New Subscribers
for the balance of the year. This is
equal totwo months subscription free
ubscribe at once
And get the benefit of full time. If
you want a sample copy, send a post
card with your address on. Subscrip
tion may be paid to any of our agents
or forwarded direct to the office.,
t
-e-
r.
i
4