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The East Huron Gazette, 1893-03-02, Page 8itrBE LIMEKILN CLUB. *KURNEL JOHNSON WAS ONLY AN `AVERAGEiVIAN AFTER ALL. *other Gardner Has a Few Words to Say .About Eulogies, and He Shows- That It Is Piot Always Wise to Pratte the Dead. "At a late meetir•' dis club," said brother Gardner as he arose with solemn .countenance. "we disposed of some re- solushuns on the death of Kurnel Cab• iff. It now becomes my dooty to an- nounce dat we hey met up wid another loss. Another kernel has been called •away, reducin our list of kernels to about fo'teen. As mast of yo' am aware, Kurnel Kyann Johnson departed dis life las' Tuesday arter a sickness which only• scattered itself through two short weeks. I know it am usual in Bich cases fur somebody to observe dat de late de- eeased was a great an good man, possess- ed of about all de varchews of mankind, but I cannot consistently foller =le rale. In the fust place, as yo' all am awar', I doan' believe in eulogies, and in de nex', 3t nebber did help a dead man any fur de libin to stand up and lie about him. "Kurnal Johnson was jes' an aiverage man—no mo' and no less. My fust meetin' wid him was under rather em- barrassin sarcumstances. One night at midnight I heerd my Leghorn chickens islakin a great fuss, an I riz up and went out to de coop to investigate. Do kurnel wasin de coop an had already lifted two tat pullets off de roost. I lit onto him and hammered him,for half an hour, an lie den explained dat he was welkin in his sleep. I could Stan up yere and say dat de kurnel was an honest man, but I shan't do it. He was as honest as de aiverage, an days-piraise nun "It am usual to observe. in sich cases as dis dat_ departed was "possessed of qualities which endeared hint to a large ,circle of frien's. - I cannot say dat fur de -kurnel. He had some of de meanest streaks in him -of any man I eber met up wid, an onas many as fo' different oc- caahuns I hey had to take him by de neck and temporarily improve his man- n ers, If I was called upon to sw'ar to 'it I should say he had twenty faults to ,one varchew. His circle of frien's -wasn't much bigger'h de head -of a burl, an it was growin smaller all de time. I has actually -.*rowed de kurnel- to take mita plug of Iobacker in de presence of twenty-two men, bite off a large huuk an calmly replace itin his pocket widout skippin a cog ! "I reckon some of yo' expect to h'ar -me say dat de kurnel. was a kind father. :an a lovin husband, but I shan't do it. -Re was about cle aiverage. He'd lose ,three dollars shootin craps when his wife - was shoeless, and he'd put up two dol- lars on a hoes race when his chillers hun- gered for Caters. It was hisself fust an de fam'ly next. I hevlanpened into his cabin when he 'peered to be a lovin hus- • band, an I hashappened in *hen he was licking his ole woman . wid a strap. - Sometimes he would surprise de chillen 'wid popco'n candy ansometimes wid such a spankin dat de police would git arter him. "I haven't said dat de world was bet- ter for the kurnel hevin lived in it fur forty-eight years, seben months and four- t een days, nor shall I. It wasn't. If he had bin bo'n a rabbit or a mewl, or if he hadn't bin bo'n at all, it wouldn't hey Made a cent's wuth of difference to de world. Like de aiverage man, he ar- rove, hesloshed round au he went hence, an nobody on de next block consarned demselves about his livin or dyin. Our loss am not eben his gain—not as any one _kznows of. About de only phrase I can wring in on him is dat we shall miss him. We shall miss him bekaee he was anus trying to 'borrow money ; allus behind :in his dues; allus , kickin an ' com- pglainin and gittin up disputes about Deal in de lion's den. He- died owin de grocer, butcher, landlord an about .ebery member of dis club, an de fam'ly didn't hey a shillin. in de house. 'It am perhaps needless to add dat his wife selected a ninety dollar casket an had twenty-five hacks in de funeral puroeshun,.an she looks to dis club to put up a hundred dollar monument. .`-`We shall display de. usual ; emblems :of mournin fit de kernel Ws shall set ;asiide a page to': his anen cry - We shill # member ebery good deed he 4eber dun -try our level best to forgit dat he had - single fault. We owe dat to de dead, ,and it's mighty seldom we owe any mo.' "When it comes my turn togo I only ask ',of die club dat it puts de words on - = ny tombstone, 'HO. was aiverage.' De ▪ world will understand de rest" THE ARIZONA KICKER. u`o Out for tl4itac tan- From = Boston. AR -. PiEANr Sl; RISE. During the Mast year the -Kicker has had; no less tha(r six different editor of the "Horse Thaw department. As -near- as. we can rewem'ber., one was lynched over in Mach Valley, one waseshot by.~Colonel Taylor for r eferr to histhoronghb;ed a butte( and -the othersfour-threw" lip sit" without notice and:- traveled fa her *Otto get a,. change_ of climate. Last:week dudi*Youngman, wearing eyeglasses, patent leather shoes and a 'iv-M*404 cam aTonw and applied. =for the p-Pekand wed tool b on 4n• hie expectation of having to foot> -this funeral expenses within -fa; -weekHe went over to -I ne yree last Tuesday to • wiliness the horse ;race, and he- hadn't cleared the town Were We had given; ap order te Dan.Powers, the undertaker, to trial up one of his -popular twenty- eight: dollar coffins and three hacks for -a funeral procession. :We confesss- to be- ing powertnilypowerfully surprised and consider- ably chagrined when our horse editor walked intotheoftice Thursday morning in the best of health. e had not only escaped w thout :veer -itch, but- daring his sojourn at Lone Tree had split. Major Jackson's left withnbullet, ,bluffed Jim Williams to-a:standstill an stood off a. gang of sixteen cowboys at o ob- jested to his decisionin one of tier races. West oncejumpedhissa y to seven dol ars per-` knd h tfjj t time he �h op- a,-, at1 innse we aha make- k� -dolls feel it put d i warirthe-public--tom lookout for.hutl He hails oar He ie. est—Pioneer ill tow a ni rat€esnde otof, ogre n tytae He .w l ae rabbit, tgure that Bees with o wUQop .lie•is<deceptive,: uwever. s hoots with bothhlands, Qfli htning. a0 is -a aneroaa d most aT n - ©old: could besoslred out of his al' vith - eundel anrt_ edwitcid ne Cowan fourtehfi ort Qli -the h a i esti#= gaga sticswindle The circulars tc ani 1 000 inhabitants, ,pure air, excellent water, .three ratir ads, good schools, plenty 'of churches and other attractive things, and offer city lots, 50 by150 feet in size, for the low price of thirty dol- ,lars each. We rode over to Golden City last week to look into the matter. The site is a mountain. The "schools, fac- tories ac-tories and churches" consist of one "shack" occupied by an old Indian so mean that his tribe kicked him out. He also constitutes. the 1,000 inhabitants. The air may be all right, but we couldn't find the water, the railroads, the agri- culture nor the rush. Every city lot stands on end, with its hind legs in the air, and is liable to have a rush of blood to the head. We have been warned not to pitch into this "boom," but we un- hesitatingly pronounce it a swindle of the most contemptible sort. The menn- tain,is government land to begin with, and would be a dear bargain at fifteen cents unless one wanted to becot:le a hermit among rattlesnakes and buz- zards. In that case one might go a quarter: We do not know the rwindlets engaged in the scheme, but if they will call open us—singly or collectively : - we won't require any formality nor keep them waiting over a minute on the front steps. Succass To Hart. —The Hon. Thome, fs Kane arrived in town from Colina ea: 0., on Monday in search of his biotite" James, who is supposed to have met ab death in this vicinity last fall. t n. looking over the records - of the ei..os men in our private graveyard Mr. i.ae, was satisfied that his . brother was not among them. Neither did any of the e seriptioni on the coroner's: books fit him. We remember, however. that a'than 'wae hangedtnear T_i rkey Bend in -September° for riding off on one of Major Green's mustangs, and we gave Mr. Kane elle • ter of introduction andhill directions. The major is always willing to put him- self out under such, circumstances, and we haven't ;Much doubt that the gentle, man from Ohio will discover that the stranger': was his missing: brother. He needn't feel the least bit embarrassed if it turns out that way, as we never realm a ea ea family matter of such things. We simply hang the man, bury him' if the ground isn't baked -too hard, and the -af- fair stops right there. --M. Quad in Kingston News. MARRIEDTHE OTHER FELLOW. A Matrimonial Advertisement Which: Did Not. Result as Intended. An advertisement appeared in the London Advertiser a -short time ago from a man residing at Temby Bay, named Ibbotson, in which he spoke of his desire to secure a christian woman as a wife: Among those who read the ad- vertisement was a widow residing at Perth, mother of twochildren, who ans- wered it. The gentleman wrote a re- ply, eply, in which he -described his house and worldly goods and explanted that 'hee-de sired some- one to take charge of his honsehold. • The widow, after some respondence; purchaseda ticket to go to -her prospective husband. - She did not find things quite as she expected. - -- The household consisted of the -father and nine children, the youngest of whom was 7 years. of. age. The children's- mother had died insane, and the churn- ing widow was loath to complete the transaction - which she had .begun bravely. She was stopping at Hilton, and the widower went thither to inters view her, but the ladywould not:ibe seen at all.. This would be a sad ending were It not that another chapter yet -reinaina-:*O be told. A young man of Temby Bay heard of the lady being there and- that she nad two little children, 5 and Syear's old. He, had a nice little talk with .her Sunday, proposed marriage. with her Monday, was accepted and the wedding took place Tuesday. The widow says she has not made a mistake; even- if -It was a hasty action, for the young man in question is sober, respected and in- dustrious. At last accounts Mr. Ibbot- son was on his way to Bruce mines to meet another lady who had taken pre- liminary steps toward matrimony in re- sponse to the advertisement - She Had Nothing. -, One of the women who always ;make the acquaintance of children onthetrain and otherwise show their broad rspirit was coming in- Wednesday marring. So was a rosy-cheecked, boy, rejoicing :.in the name by which the father of his country :was known; also the lady Whose position in life is`mother tothe'lad He and the other woman soon became ac- quainted, and she asked the usual set of questions in regard to4tis name, -age and tastes. Suddenly he retaliated.. • "Have you gotta mother?" he asked, glancing towards his own maternal rola- tivA ' - "N " said the lady. ' "Hu—nm," said George, Meditatively. Then he inquired hopefully: "Have -:you got any little boys," and again the lady answered no. The pause was longer this time, but George finally bethoughthimself of an- other relationship, "Have you gota huebandt" And once -more the answer was in- the -negative.`. George pondered silentli* awhile "Well,' -!'said he finally, "will yon tell me what you -have got?" r` And the lady ' meekly murmured: "Nothing."'•, 4.—Your Stages of Jags. Mike Ryan was on the boat belonging to the Knickerbocker lee Company :oli which Patrick -Carroll was killed several cc -months ago. Ryan was -witness in Our motto.is Good Goods :and Fair: Common Pleas yesterday in an action bre ht by. CarrolI's administratrix, lil Buckley; to recover dathages frons th„ company. Ryan was Biked whether he` was drunk. when Carroll was wed No 4b t 1 had,.lfrom a Auarterto half a jag on: he said. clge egerich elevated--, his s e. brows asked.`the witness to de , e his meaning "Well, sir." -said Ryan, -- "a carter o a jag is when you s l walk stra hr half a sag -is , t Stalk sttaigbt; fifiewipta of wi you oan'twalk strglit; and quarters is when you are drunk iT " irk orld. TRS `T3#'pORY ENGLISH --Services at Fordwich, 1004_1a. m., at Corrie, 2:30 p. m.; at Wroxeter, 4-:30 p m, Rev. Mr. Brownlee. Incumbent. Sunday Scheel, one hour and a quarter before each service. . ETHODIST.-Services at 10:30 a.m., and 6:30 M p. m. Orange Hill, at 2:30 p. m, Rev. Mr. Greene, pastor. Sabbath School at 2:30 p. m. J. R. Williams, Superintendent. P RESBYTRRIAN.-•Services at Fordwich at 11 a.m.; at Gerrie, 2:30 p. in.: Bible Class at Fordwich in the evening. Sabbath School at Gorrie1:15p.m.Jas.McLaughlin, Superintendent. BAPTIST.-Services in Gerrie at 3 o'clock, p. m. and at the church on the 2nd conces- sion of Howick at 10:30.a. in„ and 7 p. m. Rev. J A. Osborne, pastor. METHODIST -Services in the Fordwich Metho dist Church, at 10:30 a. in. and 6:30 p. m. Sabbath School at 2:30 p. in. Prayer -meeting on Thursday evenings at 7:30. Rev. Mr. Edmunds pastor. cJ N O. BRETIIOUR, FIRE ANS STOOK InsuranceAgent WltaCIM TEa2. RariiseaNTA: Wallington Mutual Fire Insurance Co. Waterloo Mutual Fire Insurance Co. -Perth Mutual Fire Insurance Cs. Economical Mutual Fire Inonranis Cs. Mercantile Insurance Co. Etna Insurance Co. Give John A Call. Auction Sale -0Y VALVABLu Freehold Property, Situate in the Township of- Howick in the County of Huron: • - THERE will be offered foe sale by Public Auc- tion by the undersigned At the Albion Hotel, in the Village of Fordwich, in the county of Huron, ON TUESDAY, THE 21ST day of tiARCH,1893, atthe hour of one , 6'elock in the afternoon, all t at valuable property commonly known as the •hMcLean,property," containing about 341 acres. more or less, and;which-may be snore particular- ly described as follows: AHand singular those certainparcels or. tracts oL land and premises situate, lying and being Park Lots Numbers Ten and.:::Steven, also Seven, Twelve;' Twenty-five, T.reuty-six, Thirty-one and Thirty-two, together w.di Iota Numbers Thirteen and Fourteen, on the South side of Louisa Street, all in the town ofFordwich, in the county of Huron, save and except such' portions. as have • been sold to the !Toronto, Grey and Bruce Railway. Company and .half an acre sold to one Hattchinson, containing thirty-four and a half acres, more or lest. :.The said property is laid out iu: town lots end is also suitable for farming and gardening -.pur- poses. The property will be sold subject to a reserve bid: Trusts os Sus :-Twenty_per cent. on the day of sale, aid the balance within twenty days, without interest. Further terms and conditions of sale will be made known at the time of sale, or in the meantime upon application to B. S. COOK, . Agent, Fordwich. P, 0, WM. H. NEWTON," Auctioneer. Re leiAliod; d upped a ment of over .i,000 worth of Hew 8prlimer Dry Goos3m in front of Store, Lakelet, the other day, and lots more coming forward. "What are you going to do with. all the goods?' everybody asks. But when prices are quoted they ' say "His . bead is -level ; they'll go quick enough!" The New PRINTS are exquisite. In DRESS GOODS we have a greater variety than usual, with trimmings to match. Two job lines of BLACK SURRAN Dress Silk at $1.15 and $1.25, regular price $1.50. Real IRISH POPLINS in beautiful colorings. IPAPLSS at closest figures. Store full in all departments. wi ;esti them all. in TEA. Try our 191e. Dried Apples and Tallow wanted,. Lakelet. ooten Si&. AVING bought the woolen mill stock from J. W. Water- house and moved it into my Furniture Warerooms, I will sell the same very cheap for cash to make room for Spring stock, some of :which has already been put in, and more coming, and .1 am prepared to fr..rnish g sod woolen mill goods both as Yarns, `! Tweeds, Flannels, Druggits, Blankets, Shirting%. Sheetings, Underwear, Fulled Cloth, Dress Goods, Etc,, Etc., ,Etc., - which--ne will _sell siheap for cash; or we will sell goods on account of next seaeoii'swool to good :men at cash prices. - acted moo.- the-5e. orj. those pQ"Ip a crevrdis beeit: attragaen A1.frifF.tf Z" -u- tie •e�tr-�3�Q1`e� s'I ispett7rrcln uabooa Ste `experiences 4'erzn _ s 7s°attentioil. tare hNA; �,IraY�noat , :- ing with Everybody." 14MB, Deal- ysprng -,stock of window shade and window poles is now on Exhi- bition.- itiQn ome and see them. z. Trod Donaghy Regent House, Fordwich Is Showing a Grand Stock of General Merchandize for the Christmas trade. And in Order to Co.tch the Crowd, Prices have been Marked down to cost, for the next Thirty days. A Specially Fine Line of Glassware in stock. LDryowest Gpooricdess .in every style, the Choicest Lines and the Boot and Shoes to suit this season. Full Lines of Rub- ber goods. Ladies' and Gents' Furnishings in Large Varieties, splen- did Furs. on CHomanpld.ete stock of Seasonable and fresh Groceries always Bargains -Every Day tar Come and Get them. �Iu � der llenrys Hardwaie • Store. • Fordwich A. B. Allison, DEALER IN Groceries, Confections, Canned Goods. Pastry. Toys, Notiohs, Oysters, Biscuits, Notions, Etc. J. A. T EMBER of Colic geons, Ont. JAMES Veterina RADDATE of 0 and registered aryAssociation. i3 Residence Next to Me ALBERT STREET N. Mc ISSUER OF MMA witnesses require Office: -At the Di DE S. JFROME, L. a-orrie, the 1st month. Teeth extr warranted. Tor and Oldest bureau for - Every patent taken the public byanotiee tif i�utift circulation o tr- orld, Splendidly Tian should be with year; $110Ps sLTafEs 361t; Execut C NOTICE is hereby. NOTICE hol. estate of Alexander ship of Howick, in of Ontario, shall ecutors a verified Et before the tout el A.D. 188$ And all persons in quested to settle sal said 1st day of Marc Dated at Howick, i 1€393. • FOP A Neat and C H CONSISTING of ing part of ,lot 1 Turnberry, Two balance in orchard a me h gtabiea , For further t3 Estra CAME onto the pr 30. con. 9, Howi sober, four heifer cal to prove property, � sway. Holste LOST. -From the siuee about the a Holstein Steer Spr white. The finder giving information , MISS F (Graduate of .Naga -I-RICHES PIANO Theory Explm "This is to certif- completed in a cred- quired for a ce pianoforte teaching,, to those who req Shat branch." Niagara Falls, Ap � ansto WI Marble w Betties requiri inns wlil do well Wecarry a lax ramie. We guarantee eve first-class Cali before par ►e convinced. •