The Huron Expositor, 1870-02-25, Page 14111111011101OMMI
18, 1870.
Wr--011 EAPEST.
NEW -YORKER,
ILIXSTRATED
and Family Weekly.
. T. MOORE;
a Rochester. N. Y.
:0, this famous Journal
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partment, lately introduced,
iv. W. F. Clarke, of Guelph,
eer of the Canada Farmer.
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AND COMFORT
'tING OF PERFECT SIGHT.
ungsovalaable asperfecteight, and
an only be obtained by ueing
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eer tire the eye, and last many
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for Seafortb, M R. Counter, froni
iey can be procured.
!LAZARUS,. MORRIS & CO..
_Montreal.
EMPLOY NO PEDLERS.
Wify. 2 -1st, 18.70: 764y.
ORTH
NGMILL
SASH, DOOR., ANI)
AND FACTORY!
:•-ribers beg leave to tender their sin-
s to their numerous cestomers ,and.
large, for the very liberal patronage
e commencing business in Seaforth.
have now a very largeotock of Dry
. on hand, and having hitely enlarged
e and added New • ery (there -
their facilities for doing work with. -
Ley feel confident of giming every sa- •
k th(m e who en y favour them with
age, as none but first-class workmen
I.,
attention paid to custom planing.
BROADFOOT & GRAY.
Jan'y. 21st, 1870.
NT ACT OF 1864,
AND 1869
hada,
of Ontario,
of Huron, of Huron. -
Wit:
Matter of JAMES WATLING,
An Insolvent.
ty the 25th da.y of February next,
clock in the forenoon, the undersigny to the jodge of the said Court for a
rider the said Act.
Goderich, in the County of Huron
ey of January. A. D., 1870.
JAMES WATLING,
By HAYS. & ELWOOD,
His Attornies a& litene
In the County
Court of the County
Is Read This• !
II pay agaits a salary of $30 per week
expenses, or allow a large commission,
new- wonderful iieventions. •
M. WAGNER & Co., Marshall, Mich -
4111111111111111111111111r
WM. F. LUXTON,
"Freedom, in Trade—Liberty in Religion—Equality in Civil Rights".
EDITOR & PURISM,
VOL. 3 - NO. 12,
SEAFORTH, FRIDAY, -FEBRUARY 25, 1870.
WHOLE O. 116.
BUSINESS CARDS.
MEDICAL.
11TRACY, M. D., Coroner for the County of
. Huron. Office and Residence—One door
East of the Methodist Episcopal Church. •
Seaforth, Dec. 14th, 1868 53-ly
TT L. VERCOE, M. D.�. M., Physician, Sur -
111. etc.. Office and Residence, corner
of Market and High Street, immediately .in rear
of Kidd & McMulkin's Store. -
Seaforth, Feb. 4th. 1870. 53-1y.
-1FIR. W. R. SMITHe Physician, Surgeon, etc.
If Office,—Opposite Veal's Grocery. Resi.-6
dence—M ain-street, North. •
Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1863. '53-1y-
.
T CAMPBELL, M, 110. M., (Graduate of Mc-:
• Gill University, Montreal) Physician, Sur-
geon, etc., Seaforth. Office and Residence—Old
Post Office Building, up stairs, where he will be :
found by night or day when. at home.
Seaforth, July,15th, 1869. 84-1y
LEGAL.
CIL CAMERON, Barrister and Attorney -at
Law, Goclerich. Ont.
De.cember 14th, 1869.
• '
ILTAYS k-ELWOOD, Barristers and Attorneys
at Law, Solicitors in Chancery, Notaries
Public Conveyancers, etc. Office..2- Over Mr
Archibild's Store, Crabb's Block, Goderich Ont.
Money to Lend,
W'. TORRANCE HAYS, ° 3. Y. ELWO9D.
Seaforth, Dec; 14th,- 1868 53-1y.
10110 ENSON & MEYER,. Barristers and Attorney
I)
at Law, Solicitors in Chancery and. Insolv-
-ency, Conveyancers, Notaries Public, eta Of-
fices,--Seaforth and Wroxeter. Agents for the
Trust and Lean Co, of Upper Canada, and the
Colonial Securities Co. of London, England.
Money at 8 per cent; no commission, charged.
aes. II. BENSON, H. W. C. MEYER,
Seaforth, Dec. 10th 1868. 53-ly
ir 9C A.UG HEY HOLMSTE AD, Barristers,
a31_ Attorneys at Law, Solicitors in Chancery
and insolvency, Notaries Public and Conveyanc-
ers. Solicitors for the R. C. Bank, Seaforth,
- Agents for the Canada Life Assurance Co.
N. B. —$30,000 to lend at 8 per. cent. Farms,
Houses -and Lots for sale.
Seaforth, Deo 14th, 1868. 53-tf.
PF. WALKER. Attorney -at -Law and So-
licitor -in -Chancery, Conveyancer, Notary
&c. Office of the Clerk of the Peace,
Court House, Goderich, Ont.
N.B.—Money to lend at 8 per cent on Farm
Lands.
Goderich, Jan'y. e8. 1870. 112-1y.
DENTAL.
G. W. HARRIS, L. D. S. Artie
-ficial Dentures inserted with all the
• latest improvements. The greatest
care taken fur tne preservation of decayed and
tender teeth. Teeth - extracted without pain.
Rooms over Collier's Store.
Seaforth. Dec. 14, 1898. ly.
HOTELS.
0 HARP'S HOTEL, Livery Stable; and Genera
0• Stage Office, Main -street. R.L SHARP, Prop.
Seaforth, Jan. 8th, 1869. - 53 :tf,
• COMMERCIAL HOTEL, AinleYville, Jameti
kj Laird, proprietor, affords •firat-class accomt
modation-for the travelling public. The larder
• and bar are always supplied with the best the
markets afford. • Excellent stabling in connection
A inleaville, April 23, 1869. 70-tf.
T:It. ROSS, Proprietor New .Dominion Hotel,
, begs to inform the- people of Seaforth and
the travelling community generally, that hekeeps
-first-class accommodation in every thing required
by travellers. A good stable and willing hostler
always on hand, Regular Boarders will receive
every necessary attention.
• Seaforth, Feb. 8th, 1869. 63-1y.
ARCHITECTS.
• MMLL & ROOKE, Architects, eta Plans
•0 -C
and Specifications drawn comedy. Carpen-
• ter's, Plasterer's, and Maeon's work, measured
and -valued.. Office -L -Over J. C. Detior & Co.'s
store, Court -House Square, G-oderich.
• Goderich, April 23, 1869. • 79- ly.
TTENRY WA,TKINSON, Architect and Build-
er. Plans, Specifications aril Details drawn
correctly. Every description of Building Works
• measured and 'valued. Bills of quantities pre-
pared. OFFICE. —Next door North Of Mr. Hick-
sca's old store, Seaforth.
Seaforth, June 9th, 1869. 79- tf
SURVEYORS..
fel & W. MallILLIPS, Provincial Land Sur -
Vire veyors, Civil Eneineers, etc. All manner.
of Conveyancing done with neatness and dispatch.
G. McPhillips, Conamiasioner in 'B. R. Office—
Next door south Of Sharp's Hotel, Seaforth.
Seaforth, Dec. 14, 1868. •
53-ly .
AUCTIONEER. ,
IIAZLEHURST, -Licensed Auttioneer fo
JJ„ the County of Huron. Goderich, Ont
Particular attention paid. to the sale of Bankrupt
Stock. Farm Stock Sales attended on Liberal
Terms. Goods Appraised, Mortgages Foreclosed,
Landlords Warrants Executed Aleo, Bailiff
tfFirst Division Court fer Thiron.
Goderich, June 9th, 1869. • 76. tf,
A CANADIAN SONG.
BY MES. mooDIE.
• 'Oh can you leave your native land,
An exile's bride to be ;
Your mother's home and cheerful heerth,
To tempt the main with me—
Across the wide and stormy sea
To trace our foaming track,
And know the wave that heaves us on
Will never bear us back?
And can you in Canadian, woods
With me the harvest bind,
Nor feel one lingering sad regret,
For all you leave behind? -
Can those dear hands unused to toil,
The woodman's wants supply,
Nor shrink beneath the chilly blast
When wintry storms are nigh?
Amid the shades of forests dark,
• Our loved eye will appear
• An Eden, whom; delicious bloom
Will make the wild more drear—
And you in solitude will weep
• • O'er scenes beloved, in vain,
And pine away your life to view
Once more your native plain.
Then pause, dear girl, ere these fond lips
Your wanderer's fate decide ;
My'spirit spurns the selfish wish—
You must not be my bride—
But oh, that smile, those tearful eyes
My firmer purpose move—
Our hearts are one—and. we will dare
• All perils thus to love."
PARLIAMENT.
_
FRIDAY.
,
The Speaker took the chair at 3 o'clock.
Mr. MACKENZIE said that in addressing the
House for a short time upon the topics which
were contained in his Excellency's Speech, it
would be his duty to remark not °illy upon the
state of public affairs, but on the composition end
character of the administration of public affairs
at the present time. In doing so, it might be
necessary to revert, not merely to what had been
done wrong in their estimation, but also to what
the Government had failed to do. Acts of mis-
sion were equally as prejudicial to the interests
of the count*: as wrong acts of connnission. —
One honorable gentleman, in a recent deliverance
to the public, had annoiriced.that a very danger-
ous state of society had , xisted in the country, a
statement that was entirely at variance with the
declaration put into His Excellency's mouth by
his advisers. He alluded to the extraordinary
statement made by the Minister of Finance when
he said in the letter which he had quoted yester-
day, that not only are the lives an properties of
the inhabitants endangered by an organized body
of lawless men in the neighboring States, but
persons in various parts of the cohntry are agita-
ting some avowedly and some secretly for Annex-
ation to those States! He (Mr.- Mackenzie) be-
lieved it to be a calumny upon the country; and
entirely without foundation. To say that the
state of the public weal was in so dangerous a
•condition, that an armed band. of Fenians were
on their border, and that it was not fit to call the
attention of Parliament to it, was- what he utter-
ly denied. They had had many extraordinary
complications which existed in the •Ministerial
camp ; they had the statements from members of
the Government who had recently joined, both
on one side and on •the other. They had one,
against the other, and such a state of discord, in-
ternal discontent and feud existing, as would
justify him in characterizing them as a leader of
the House characterized 'Sir Robert Peel's Ad-
ministration—"as aggregate of hypocrisy."
Sir Joile MACDONALD—" Organanized hy-
poerisy." •
Mr. MACKENZIE—" Yes ;" an organized hy-
pocrisy at ene time, but now, as my hon. friend
on my right suggests, it has evidentlY become a
• " disorganized" one. (Cheets.) The leader of
the Government congratulated himself in 1864,
that the Reform party had been broken up and
• disorganized, and he congratulated himself upon
having been the chief promoter engaged in ac-
complishing that result. But he (Mr. Mackenzie)
thought that the hon. gentleman might now con-
• gratulate -himself further, on not only having
achieved the distinction which he seemed then to
covet, but also on:having effected the disorgani-
zation of the Conservative party.
Sir Gno. E. CARTIER : There was no such: ar-
rangement as that you speak about with regard
to the Province of Ontario.
Mr. MAcKENZIE said that it was by reason of
this movement to which he had referred that the
Government had been successful in carrying the
elections. While some of their (the Govern-
ment's) supporters had fallen away, and while
all the alliances formed subsequently by them,
were adverse to the idea prevalent at the Union,
yet they had made other conquests. His hon.
friend the Secretary of State, who had come into
the House as a strong opponent of the Govern- •
ment, had said that there were two alters set up
in the House—one at which, Abel worshipped, and
another, at which Cain paid his devotions. He
(Mr. Mackenzie) would like tie know from that
hon. gentieman whether he now preferred to pay
his devotions, not at Abel's altar, but at that of
Cain? He (Mr. Mackeuzie) was exceedingly de-
sirous to know whether his hon. friend could
worshipwithmore good to himself, and moie at
ease at Cain's altar than an Abel's ? He had him-
self been branded as a Fenian, an Annexationist,
and a disloyal person, although he had, given his
earnest support, at the expense ahnost of his
political consistency, in order to accomplish the
Union of the Provinces. Yes, sir, continuedthe
speaker,. "as my friend here suggests to me, I
was branded even as the friend of the now Secre-
tary of State." (Cheers.)
Sir GEORGE CARTIER There is no harm in
that.
Mr. MACKENZIE, `‘yes 'this man was described
• as a rebel, as an advocate of .Annexation, and the
Browns, Mackenzies, and McKellars were classed
as allies of this "dangerous man." And now we
find the dangerous man sitting cheek by jowl with
the Government. (Chem.)
• Sir G. Canannt—"We took him in to avoid the
danger."
Hon., Ma Howz said it was only by the Globe
that these reports were put into circulation.
Mr. Macamezre said it was a good sign when a
-person deserted from the Liberal side and went
over to the Government side, that the first thing
•
• thatehe was asked to do, thet he was obliged to
do, Was to abuse the Globe newspaper. lt was
satisfactory to find that all the members who
came into the traces of the first, Minister of ,the
Crown should begin to abuse the Globe news-
paper. The fact was well known that if the
Opposition succeeded in bringing thirty-two or
thirthy 'three Liberal members to that House,
they succeeded simply in defiance of those gen-
tlemen's actions,. and that they had never at-
tempted to make charges against their opponents,
preferringto take a more manly and. honest
course; but if that was really the case—if those
accusations were correct—what was the reason
why the Ministry had not in the slightest degree
advanced? The reason was simply because this
combination or Coalition, or conspiracy, call it
• what they might, was not formed with a view to
advance the Union, but, in order to advance si
political party, that it might sustain the leaders
of a political party in a position in which they
might hold sway for theaext ten years by virtue
of the expenditure on thd Intercolonial Railroad.
I think Mr. -McDougall wag -seriously to blame
for not proceeding at once to discharge the object
of his mission. This • question simply occurs
whether Mr. McDougall had time after receiving
his instructions t� reach the Territory before the
breaking out of the so-called insurrection. If
our Government had carried out the original
•agreement, it wonld have facilitated the intro-
duction of Canadian authority into the Territory.
• ,f have alluded to some of the many , faults and
great wrongs done by the present Administration
in the matter of the union of the Provinces; and
it remains to consider -whether in the ordinary
• administration of affairs they have made up the
great loss and evil they have inflicted on. the
country. Instead of this, however, we find all
the Departments of the Government in a state of
disorganization : only less great than that which
exists in the ranks of the Government itself. The
Financial Department is in such a state of utter
•disorder that it is quite impossible to give the
slightest attention to any document coming from.
it. Last session a report was taken three times
for correction and came back , incorrect after all.
The balances are false. The late Finance Minis-
ter brought clown a statement made in 1868,
showing the amount of interest on the public debt.
At tb.e beginning of the next session we were in-
formed that there was an error of $200,000 or
$300, 000,. We find that most extraordinary
irregularities have taken place in the Receiver
General's Department • that there has been no
proper system of book-keeping ; that the ledger
has not been posted for years ; that it is very
nearly impossible for eny one to get a proper
statement of ouralebentlitre debt. make these
statements simply becaulse they ei e known to
everyone. and the extraordinary revelations made
inconnection with one of!the officers of the Gov-
ernment some time ago show a state of things
which no merchant in the country could endure.
and which would bring 4ny ordinary commercial
affair into ruin in a couple of months. There is
another of extreme impottance—I allude to the
management of the Government. Not content
with thirteen Ministers in the Cabinet, they
brought before this House a Bill appointing four
Railroad Commissioners to arrange and manage
the letting of contracts, These Commissioners
appear to act in entire hostility to the report and
advice of the Chief Engineer—an experienced
officer placed in that important position by a
former Government. We hear complaints that
the system of letting out contracts will ensure
further disaster and immense outlay. I believe
that the selection of the road will be naturally
hostile to the mercantile interests of nine -tenths
• of the population of the country. With regard
to the Government's policy of banking, I desire
to make one or two remarks. I paid particular
attention to the explanation given by the head of
the Government last. night, and he said the
measure which would be brought down would be
the samein its general principles as that of last
year with some modifications. Now, if the Gov-
ernment Mean that they are merely to introduce
the banking law of last year with some new modi-
ficatiens to satfsfy bankers alone, they will find
that what will satisfy the bankers will not satisfy
the commercial community. I cannot believe
that my hon. friend, - the member. for South
Lanark*, who has always maintained opinions at
variance with the banking measure in question,
will give it his support. The Minister of Justice
said last night there wee no reconstruction of the
Government • that it was the same as it had al-
ways been. Now, one of the last things the
Hon. John Rose told us last year, was that this
Banking measure would be submitted this session
and that in the interval there would be a change
of sentiment in the public mind. I can't believe
that the hon. member for South Lanark would
stultify himself -by entering the Cabinet when
such a measure was to be brought forward. If
he does support this schem- e I shall withdraw
from him every little portion of my confidence
which he possesses. (Laughter.) I now come to
the question of Militia affairs, There is a para-
graph in the Address from the Throne in which
the Governor-General felicitates the country on
the fact that the Militia Act has been enade a
success. I know something of the feeling of the
•Volunteer Foree on this matter, and I never yet
met an officer who was satisfied with the Militia
Aet. In Montreal, on a recent- parade, five regi-
ments mustered only 198 men aed one battalion,
and an entire battalion, numbered but 30 men;
while the whole force at present does not come up
to the strength of an Ordinary battalion. • If the
.Act is successful, it s becalm the people are
determined, in Ontario at least, to maintain the
defence of the country. The country is prosper-
ous because of the vigorous action of its people—
s circumsttee which the Government finds it
impossible prevent. If such a Government as
this had a polpulation like that of one of the South
American republics, they would have a revolu-
tien every week; butes we are a people accustom-
ed to self-government, we can submit to a great
deal, and endeavor to change things by constitut-
ional means. • According to the 69th resolution
of the Quebec Conference, the Government were
bound to proceed with improving the internal
navigation of the western lakes; but there is not
the slightest reference in the Speech to -thie
point. If this is a species of political morality, I
pity the Conservatives of the country if such a
solemn pledge was given it, was that the Liberals
should be represented in the Cabinet. Now the
Finance Minister tells us ' they would be rightly
served if the Minister of Justice filled the . three
offices with Conservatives. I commend that
statement to the careful consideration of every
public man, and every journal in Ontario. If the
Government in power were the only men in the
country who maintained the Union of the Pro-
vinces, it would be our duty to support them;
but the Finance Minister takes it for granted that
all but these heaven -born -Ministers were opposed
to the Union of the Provinces and British con-
• nection, and were in favor of Anoexation - but I
can infoien him that only for the reform party the
Confederation of the Provinces would never have
taken place. I do not know that I have much
more to say, but I may advert to one thing, and
that is the statement made yesterday byethe
Finance Minister, with regard to the public at -
counts. He was not able to give us any approxi-
mate time as to when he would be able to have
these accounts ready. He gave as a reason that
change of circumstances had produced disarrange-
ment of offices and duties in the Lower Provinces,
and so it was impossible to obtain froin them the
statements at so early a day as was desirable.—
We were told that Same story the first seseion.---
When the hon. member for Sherbrooke made that
statement iii the first session I was satisfied he
was correct. Tha second sessian I was still will-
• ing to mike the same allowance, and so in the
third; but in other sessions are we to be told the
very same story ? If the officers are so incompe-
tent in Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, as not to
understand the public accounts in three yen.; it
is time to make some changes. •
MONDAY
The opening of the adjourned debate was made
by a Speech from Mr. 'Iowa. The Hon. Gentle-
man endeavored to refute the statements made
both by previous speakers and the Press as t;
his conduct in connection. with the Red River
matters. Mr. McDougall replied, hedging in,
Ma Howe pretty effectively. Messrs. Bble and
Holton followed. - Sir. F. Ilineks entered into a
lenghtly defence of Coalition, and attempted to
• explain the causes for issuing his recent ciroular ;
but being rather closely pressed, by members, he
made anything but a success. Sir. A. T. Galt
replied, going -back to Sir. Francis Hineks' former
Administration; and explained at length his
views on "Independence, •
TUESDAY.
The debate was continued and concluded on
the evening of this day. Some sharp -shooting
was indulged in by Members. • Mocks, Howe
and McDougall coming M for very heavy shares
of criticism.
• 1.----
ErfROPEAN NEWS.
FRANCE,
,
The trial of the editors of the Revell (irreconci-
lable organ) for violation of the Presstaw has just
been brought to a close. M, Delesdanset, chief
editor, was sentenced_ to imprisonment for thirteen
months, and to pay a fine of 2,000 francs. M.
Caron, another editor, was sentenced to six
months imprisonment, and 2,000 francs fine.
The Government has proof of a plot to assassi-
nate the Emperor and Prince Imperial, ancl
seized a plan, foundfon one of the prisoners, to
throw bombs through the Emperor's window at
the Tuileries.
France objects to the proposed dogma of In-
fallibility because if admitted, French Bishops
would no longer be answerable to common law.
M. de Fouvielle has been sentenced to six
months' imprisonment, and to pay a fine of 500
francs, for violation of the Press Law. Henri
Rochefort writes from prison to the Mareeilluise
that the Perfect of Police has seized his editorial
articles. He complains that while up to the pres-
• ent time incarcerated journalists have been al-
lowed to write to newspapers, he has been denied
the usual privilege notwithstanding he is e De-
puty in the Corps Legislatif, and has not been de-
prived of civil rights.
The decision of the High Court is more serious
than was reported. By order of the Court, dated
18th February, 1870, Pierre Napoleon Bonaparte
is to be judged :—Firstly, for having committed
"Voluntary Homicide" on the person of Victor
Noir, and that this was preceded or followed by.
an attempt on the person of Ulrich Fouvielle ;
and secondly, for having "attempted the homicide
of Fouvielle. ' This order places the Prince under
article 304 of the Penal Code—the punishment
being death. In the case of extenuating circum-
stances the Court can lessen the sentence by two
degrees.
BRITAIN.
A Fenian demonstration • was announced to
take place at Cork on the 16th; but it was sup-
pressed by the authorities.
The released Fenians are to have a grand
public reception at Dublin. t
The Irish members of the Ilouse of Commons
have all agreed to accept the Land Reform Bill
introduced by Mr. Gladstone.
• The Saturday Review notes approvingly the ac-
ceptance of Mr. Gladstone's Land Reform Bill by
the Irish Members of the House of • Commons.
The writer thinks that the Irish people will also
accept it, unpalatable though it be, as the first in-
stalment of reform.
The Daily Telegraph is assured that Lord
Derby will accept the Conservative leadership of
the House of Lords.
• SPAIN.
Carlist disturbances, reported at • Muscle, 1
Calatayua, and other places have been promptly
suppressed. • Indications are unmistakeable that
the Carlists are plotting for a general outbreak
in -the spring. • The Government is awareof their
•designs, and prepared to meet them.
• GENERAL. •
The Diet at Stockholm has passed a law ad-
mitting Dissenters and Jews to political rights.
The King signed the law immediately. •
BERLIN, Feb. 19.—The Reichstag has been the
scene of animated discussions during the past
few days on the policy of Count Von Bismark.
He was bitterly attacked by many of the
menizbe8Y
•
• NORK, Feb. 19.—Steamer Tybee from
Saint Domingo brings news that President Baez
has completed arrangements for the popular vote
on the question of annexation to the United
States. The feeling in ita favor is growing and a
large majority for it expected The revolution-
ary movement is virtually ended.
A Brazilianscouting party found 1,000 women
in a starving condition, of whomonly 400 had
strength to COMO. away, and reporta the road
covered with other women lanced or with their
throata cut by the scouts of LOpez. Deserters
say that Lopez is constructing canoes to cross the
Paraguay or to descend the Parana also that he
•is habitually drurik, and that he by:a fortificatien
350 yards long defended by 700 men and four
guns at Panedero,' meths Aqua Ray River.
VARIETIES.
The wont millers are those w o grind -the
faces of the poor.
,Some lawyers resemble folks ho sleep in
214y position, it is immaterial on which side,
they lie.
The gas is so bad in a certain country town
that the man who puts it out uses a lantern. to
find the lamp -posts. •
"Bill, I eat a good deal of fish now, they say
its good for the brain." "1st it ? Well, John,
buy you a Whale !" •
Advice, says Coleridge, is like the snow—the
softer it falls the longer it dwells upon and
the deeper it sinks into the mind.
An exchange says : ''There are one hondred
and fifty waterfalls within ten miles of Ithaca,
New York." How many chignons?
At Vicksburg, the frequenters of whiskey res-
orts are not asked what liquor they prefer, but
are asked to " nominate your family distur-
bance
. "Mike, they tell me iou've got a twin brother:"
so 'tile Me brother Pat is twin to roeself,
Only he's born in Ireland' and me in Amenity."
The members of the California "Moderation
Society" bind themselves to drink only -wine,
beer, and cider, except when they are discour-
aged, when. whiskey is to be allowed.
"Tom., how do you do ?" "Mountain dew,"
was the ready response. It is only necessary to
state that Tom had just imbibed a glass or two of.
the popular beverage named. •
Josh 13111ings says "there is no real satisfaction
in laying up in your buzzum an injury, than there
is in stuffing a dead hornet who hez stung you,
and keeping him to look at.
An Irishman and a Scotchman met at a tavern,
when there was but one bed for them. On re-
tiring, the Scotehman said he did not care which
side of the bed he -took. "Then," said Pat "you
may take the under side:'
"What—tipsy again ? " said a wife -to her hus-
band. "No, my dear," said he,'not tipsy, but
a little slippery. The fact is, somebody has
been rubbing my boots till they are as Smooth as
gl ass'. -
A Scotch clergyman, speaking a drowsy ser-
mon asked, "What is the prize of earthly pleas-
ure ?" The deacon. a fat grocer, woke up hastily
from a sound sleep, and cried out lustily, "Seven
and sixpense a dozen."
A man lately made application for insurance on
a building situated in a village where there was
no fire -engine. He was asked : "What are the
facilities in your village for extinguishing a fire?"
"Well, it raMs sometimes," he replied, with great
simplicity.
Itinerant Vender; "Gie US a _Christmas -box,
G-uvnor ? I allus has my teeth thawed 'ere. Prac-
tioner: iight, my man' Step inside, and
take out one for nothing." (Itinerant vendor
does not seem to see the pull of it). •
Rough [to Reverned inquiring for Bethesda
Chapel]: 'D'ye know the Three Tuns public -
house ? No 1, Well, then, ye know the small
bup at the corner o' Moon street, as Joe Smiley
keeps, and the Fancy uses? Don't know
that ? Well, ye know Bill Smith's ----the Gold
Diggin s public-leouse ? No ! Lor, bless ye,
ye don't know nothing—better ax a pieeceinan."
"Why, Bridget," said a lady who wished to
rally her servaut girl for the amusement of the
eompany, upon the fantastic ornamenting of a
huge pie, "clid you do this'?" You're quite an
artist, pray, how did you do it ? -"Inelade mum,
it was myself that did it," replied Bridget "Isn't'
it pretty? I did it with your false teeth mum!'"
"What shall I help you to `.0) inquired h land-
lady's daughter of a modest youth at the dinner -
table. "A wife," was the meek reply. The
young lady blushed, perhaps intlignently, and it
is said that the kindly offices of a neighboring
clergyman were requisite to reconcile the par-
ties.
A petulent old lady having refused a suiter to
her niee:a he expostulated with her, and request-
ed herplainly to divulge her reasons. "I see the
villian in your face " said she. " That's a per-
sonal reflection, madam," he answered.
A venerable member of the Presbytery, lately
fell into a e,ertain canal. He was drawn out half
drowned and conveyed to a house in the neighbor-
hood and put to bed, "will ye tak some epirits
and water sir" asked his considerate host. Na,
na ! I have had plenty of water for ae day; Pll
tak the speerits noo.
A Methodist preacher in America, bragging
how well he had instructed some Indians. in re-
ligion, called upon one of them, and, a.fter some
questions, asked him if he had not foundgreat
comfort last -Sunday, after receiving the sacra- •
meot ? "Aye, master," repliedlhe savage, 'but
I wish it had been brandy:"
A lady, in passing through Connecticut last
summer, observed the followin' g notice on a
board :--" horses taken into grass : long tails,
3s. 6d, short tails, 2s." She asked theowner of
the land the reason of the difference of price. Ile
answered—"You see Ma'am, the long tails can
brush away the flies, but the short ones are so
tormented by them, that they can hardly eat At
all."
A poor Irishman applied to a magistrate for
relief; and upon some doubt being expressed as
to whether he was &proper object for parochial
relief he enforced his suit with much earnest-
ness. -40ch, yer honour," said he, 'sure I'd
be starved tang since bet for me cat."—Tut for
what?" asked the astonished interrogator.—Sly
cat,' rejoined the leishman.—"Your cat—how
so "—'Sure, yer honor, I sould her eleven times
for sixpence a time, and she was always home
before I got there myself." •
Marshal Turneue, happening one hot day to be
looking out the window of his ante -chamber, in a
white waistcoat and night-cap, a servant entering
the room, deceived by his dress, inist.akes hint.
for one of the under -cooks. She came softly be-
hind him, and witha hand which Was none of the
lightest, gives him a violent -slap on thebreechee.
The Marshal instantly turns about, and the fele
low, frightened out of his wits, beholds the face
of his master. Down he drops on his knees—Ohl
my lord, I thought it was George." "And sup-
pose it had been George," replied the Marshal,
-rubbing his breech "you need not have strnck so
hard.
• A printer's devil wanting to kisslis sweetheaet
addressed her as follows :—"Miss Lucy, aan .1
have the pleasure of placing my 'imprn' upon
your bill ?"