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The Times Advocate, 2005-01-26, Page 20Crossroads 20 Wednesday, January 26, 2005 Exeter Times Advocate Grade 12 artistic talents on display at SHDHS South Huron District High School Grade 12 art class grads will show off their artistic talents during an Art Show in the small gym Friday (9 a.m. - 5 p.m.) and Monday (9 a.m. - 8 p.m.).Twenty-four students will have a variety of art on display, including some items for sale. Open to the general public, the art show will feature paintings, sculptures, drawings, photography and video.Teacher Carleen Hone is impressed by the quality of the work and said some of her students are already talented enough to be professional artists. Some are going into art programs at post -secondary schools. Pictured in the left photo with their work are Nicole Muller and Brieanna Harburn, while at right are Stacey Crerar, Meghan Stuart and Derek Mead. (photos/Scott Nixon) Which is worse ... to dump someone or be dumped? By Nicole Christie SPECIAL TO THE TIMES -ADVOCATE (Editor's note: The author is a student at South Huron District High School who wrote the following article as a school project.) EXETER — So which is worse? Being the dumper or dumpee? I have been questioning this for weeks and decided it would be fun to do a little of my own research on it. From having experience on both sides, and recently breaking up with someone, I can honestly say it is worse to be the dumper. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was break up with my now ex- boyfriend of almost a year. It wasn't that he had done something wrong, it was simply because I couldn't return the strong feelings he had for me, and I knew that wasn't fair. He deserved someone who loved him just as much as he loved her. I knew he would be heartbroken, and naturally he was. For days after I had to do the `deed', I was on an emo- tional roller coaster. I cried over every lit- tle thing and felt extremely guilty. Seeing him upset and knowing I had broken someone's heart broke my own heart. Once all the breakup drama was over with, my friends and I talked a lot about breakups and whether or not it was worse to be the dumper or the dumpee. I argued with them that it was worse to be the dumper, but of course almost every- one disagreed. Their main argument was simply, "It hurts more to be the dumpee because you are losing someone you really care about. If you are dumping someone it isn't as bad because you know that you don't want to be with them anymore, so it's easier." Now don't get me wrong, of course the one being dumped is going to feel terrible about losing someone who meant so much. However, you know there's noth- ing you can do about it, so you move on with your life. When you're the dumper, it's not that you don't care about them anymore, you just can't be with them anymore. You feel so guilty because you hurt someone so much, and of course let's not forget the 'what if?' factor. What if I made a mis- take, and just lost something I can never get back? Or what if this is just a phase I'm going through? After thinking about all of this, I decided to do a little research of my own. I sur- veyed various males and females at my high school to see what their views were on breakups (see chart). So it seems the rest of the females are on the same page as me, while the males seem to think being dumped is worse. It's probably because males are so much more immature then us females. Obviously the males think more about their own feelings being hurt instead of thinking about the other person's feel- ings. I was surprised to find that the females who had not experienced being both the dumpee and the dumper in a breakup thought being the dumpee was worse. My excuse for them is that they are just inex- perienced. Until you actually have the experience of being the dumper, and knowing that you have broken someone else's heart, you think that getting your own heart broken is devastating. Now of course this same excuse could go to those arrogant males, but I doubt their views would change even if they were experi- enced, considering the fact that the expe- rienced males still only thought about themselves in a breakup. Another question on my survey was "if you have broken up with someone, what was your reason?" Some of the answers are as follows: Females: • he cheated • he was abusive • he had feelings for someone else • she had feelings for someone else • loss of attraction • too different • relationship wasn't growing • he used her Males: • she was too clingy • he liked someone else • things weren't working out • she lied too much • beliefs • distance • she cheated on him Whoa, guys — what's with all the cheating? I had so many surveys from females that told me they had been cheated on or she knew he had feelings for someone else. Guys, if you know you can't make a commitment, don't! Again, don't get me wrong, I know about a few of the female cheaters too, so same goes for you! To the girl who was abused, my thoughts are with you — great job for dumping him' I'm sure when you look back on your life that will seem as one of the most courageous things you have ever done. I am impressed because most of the breakup reasons are good ones like not feeling the `same' and the relationship not growing. Take it from an experienced person, when you feel that the relation- ship is going anywhere, and you don't feel the 'same way', don't just tell your- self it will get better and it's just a silly phase you're going through. Believe me when I say it's not a phase, it's the real deal. Listen to what your heart is telling you, not your head. That's what I did wrong. Near the end of my last relationship I lis- tened to my head too much instead of lis- tening to my heart. Because of this I ended up being unfair to the guy I was dating. It turns out I was just pretending that things were working. Of course I did- n't realize this until right before I broke up with him, and even more after. Another thing that surprised me on my survey was how long it took people to get over their breakup. I had ranges every- where from five minutes to two years. Most of the time limits were between two to six months. I can understand a month or two, but a year or two? It just doesn't seem to be possible that you could be hung up on someone for so long. I guess it must be some of those clingy girls the guys were talking about! After reviewing all my survey answers, I decided to check out the Internet and see what the experts had to say about breakups. Turns out that you can't find a thing about the psychology of a dumper vs. dumpee in a relationship. So the Internet wasn't much help to my argu- ment, although I did find a bunch of sites to help anyone who has recently been involved in a breakup and isn't handling it too well. So if you are one of those peo- ple, check out the Internet. It could be a great help. I guess it turns out there are quite a few people out there who do agree it is worse to be the dumper. For those who do not agree, I hope it is just lack of experience and that you will come to your senses soon. All I have to say is, for all you dumpers out there who do feel like the scum of the earth, congratulations for finding the bravery to break someone's heart, and know you are a better person for putting someone else's best interest above your own. Males Females been dumper 7% 17% been dumpee 38% 13% been both 55% 70% ex- perienced both and thought dumper was worse 34% 60% ex- perienced both and thought dumpee was worse 66% 40% had not experienced both and thought dumper would be worse 45% 27% had not experienced both and thought dumpee would be worse 55% 73% much, and of course let's not forget the 'what if?' factor. What if I made a mis- take, and just lost something I can never get back? Or what if this is just a phase I'm going through? After thinking about all of this, I decided to do a little research of my own. I sur- veyed various males and females at my high school to see what their views were on breakups (see chart). So it seems the rest of the females are on the same page as me, while the males seem to think being dumped is worse. It's probably because males are so much more immature then us females. Obviously the males think more about their own feelings being hurt instead of thinking about the other person's feel- ings. I was surprised to find that the females who had not experienced being both the dumpee and the dumper in a breakup thought being the dumpee was worse. My excuse for them is that they are just inex- perienced. Until you actually have the experience of being the dumper, and knowing that you have broken someone else's heart, you think that getting your own heart broken is devastating. Now of course this same excuse could go to those arrogant males, but I doubt their views would change even if they were experi- enced, considering the fact that the expe- rienced males still only thought about themselves in a breakup. Another question on my survey was "if you have broken up with someone, what was your reason?" Some of the answers are as follows: Females: • he cheated • he was abusive • he had feelings for someone else • she had feelings for someone else • loss of attraction • too different • relationship wasn't growing • he used her Males: • she was too clingy • he liked someone else • things weren't working out • she lied too much • beliefs • distance • she cheated on him Whoa, guys — what's with all the cheating? I had so many surveys from females that told me they had been cheated on or she knew he had feelings for someone else. Guys, if you know you can't make a commitment, don't! Again, don't get me wrong, I know about a few of the female cheaters too, so same goes for you! To the girl who was abused, my thoughts are with you — great job for dumping him' I'm sure when you look back on your life that will seem as one of the most courageous things you have ever done. I am impressed because most of the breakup reasons are good ones like not feeling the `same' and the relationship not growing. Take it from an experienced person, when you feel that the relation- ship is going anywhere, and you don't feel the 'same way', don't just tell your- self it will get better and it's just a silly phase you're going through. Believe me when I say it's not a phase, it's the real deal. Listen to what your heart is telling you, not your head. That's what I did wrong. Near the end of my last relationship I lis- tened to my head too much instead of lis- tening to my heart. Because of this I ended up being unfair to the guy I was dating. It turns out I was just pretending that things were working. Of course I did- n't realize this until right before I broke up with him, and even more after. Another thing that surprised me on my survey was how long it took people to get over their breakup. I had ranges every- where from five minutes to two years. Most of the time limits were between two to six months. I can understand a month or two, but a year or two? It just doesn't seem to be possible that you could be hung up on someone for so long. I guess it must be some of those clingy girls the guys were talking about! After reviewing all my survey answers, I decided to check out the Internet and see what the experts had to say about breakups. Turns out that you can't find a thing about the psychology of a dumper vs. dumpee in a relationship. So the Internet wasn't much help to my argu- ment, although I did find a bunch of sites to help anyone who has recently been involved in a breakup and isn't handling it too well. So if you are one of those peo- ple, check out the Internet. It could be a great help. I guess it turns out there are quite a few people out there who do agree it is worse to be the dumper. For those who do not agree, I hope it is just lack of experience and that you will come to your senses soon. All I have to say is, for all you dumpers out there who do feel like the scum of the earth, congratulations for finding the bravery to break someone's heart, and know you are a better person for putting someone else's best interest above your own.