Zurich Herald, 1947-12-25, Page 6►
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JUST X' FUN
The Legal Way
A lawyer thus illustrates the
language of the craft: "If a matt
were to give another an orange,
ale would simply say: 'Nave an
Orange.' But when the transaction
is entrusted to a lawyer to be put
in writing he adopts this form: 'I
hereby give and convey to you, all
and singular. my estate and inter-
ests, right, title, claim and advan-
tages of and in said orange, to-
gether with all its rind, juice, pulp
and pips and all rights and advan-
tages therein with full power to
bite, suck, and otherwise to eat
the same or give the same away
with or without the rind, skin,
juice, pulp an'd pips, anything here-
inbefore or hereinafter or in any
other means of whatever nature or
kind whatsoever to the contrary in
any wise notwithstanding.'
"And then another lawyer comes
along and takes it away from you!"
So Dumb
Mother was slow to comprehend
what seemed so perfectly clear to
little Sue. The pride of the family
talking about a "fedder,"
"A 'Tedder'?" mother questioned.
"Why, you know, Mummy," pa-
tiently explained Sue, "it's a leaf
from a chicken,"
Unpredictable
Lady (indignantly, after crash) :
I turned the way I signalled.
Man: I know it. That's what
fooled me.
Kindly photographer: "Now my
little man, just keep looking at the
birdie in the cage."
Modern Tot: "Rubbish! Pay at-
tention to your exposure, focal
length and lighting, or you'll ruin
your plate."
The Handy Jingle
Pat, who had but Iately arrived
from the old country, was experi-
encing considerable difficulty mas-
tering correct English. His cousin,
who had spent several years in
America and had gained a good
working knowledge of grammar,
attempted to instruct him.
"Now, Pat," he said, "don't say,
*It is me,' Say 'It is I,' and remem-
ber that by saying to yourself 'It
is I said the spider to the fly.'"
A few days later Pat came to
his instructor and said, "Shure,
O'ipi getting along foine. Oi just
remember that 'It is me, said the
spider to the flea' and Oi get it
right every time."
"Miss Fitts! Are You by any
chance a rabbit fancier?"
Not Stranger
An enthusiasts,; golfer came home
to his dinner after a game. During
the meal his wife said: "Willie
tells me he caddied for you this
morning!"
There nom" exclaimed Willie's
father. "I thought I'd seen that
lad before."
Around and Around
Mrs. Gabby: "This morning
Mrs. Crabbe told me the very gos-
sip I asked you not to repeat to
any one because I promised Mrs.
Hinkle I wouldn't tell."
Mrs. Jabber: "Why, the mean
thing! She promise.d nuc she would
not tell a soul. I'll certainly tell
her a thing• or two!"
Mrs. Gabby: "Oh, no, don't do
that; I promised her I wouldn't
tell you she had told me you told
her."
Tower of London
and Traitor's Gate
From the Tower the King pro-
ceeded in ancient clays, accom-
pattied by his minstrels, in his re-
splendent barge along the river to
Westminster to open Parliament,
says The Port of London Month-
ly. By this river came also those
who entered Traitor's Gate on their
last journey to the scaffold and the
block. Here it was that Anne Bo-
leyn and small Jane, "Queen of
Nine Days," came to be "received"
on the steps by the Constable of
the Tower, and later, by their
bloody deaths, to prove how dan-
gerous it was to flaunt the Tudor
Sovereignty.
Here, too, Sir Walter Raleigh,
sailor, explorer and poet, lauded to
languish in. prison for many a long
year and be later brought forth to
feel t'te axe which "cured all dis-
eases," Small wonder that the tete-
et/Colter quailed before the steady
!<a••e of the brave old man, and
l'ad to be admonished, "Strike,
man. strike. What dost thou fear?"
IT'S A LONG WAY FROM SNOWY BRITAIN
In summer togs, the British royal family enjoys warm weather of Capetown, South Africa, as they
visit the beautiful gardens of government house.
ritain Claims
Falkland Wands
The governments of Argentina
and Chile are reported preparing
to submit claims to the United
Nations for possession of the Falk-
land Islands, which Iie some 500
miles off the coast at the extreme
tip of South America, The Falk-
lands consist of about 100 islands,
with an aggregate population of
around 3,000, miles predominating
in the proportion of about four to
one. One of the larger islands had,
when the last census was taken,
a male' population of 1,300 and only
three women. The islands are so
scattered that at one time there
were British and Spanish settlers
who did not know of each other's
presence.
Title to the islands is not very
clear, but they have been adminis-
tered by Great Britain for at least
40 years, There are three ways in
which acquisition may be recog-
nized. First is discovery, secondly
is occupation, and thirdly the es-
tablishment of an administration.
Britain qualifies by all three re-
quirements.
The Falkland Islands were first
sighted about 150 years ago by an'
English explorer, but he did not
land. Some years later a French
expedition did land, and shortly
after there was a Spanish landing.
The French gave up the islands
to Spain, and subsequently Spain
transferred then' to Britain with
the status of dependency. The
British then established meteoroli-
gical stations. The location is valu-
able strategically, and that was why
the Germans sent out a strong fleet
in 1914 to destroy the British wire-
less depot at Port Stanley. The in-
ferior British fleet was sunk, but
the Admiralty quickly assembled a
stronger fleet than the Germans
hcd out there and destroyed it in
turn.
The trade of the inhabitants is
almost entirely with Great Britain.
There are some minerals, but the
chief business is wool, there being
600,000 sheep on the island. The
settlers are nearly all descendants
of Scottish shepherds who were
sent out by the British ix'overn-
ment.
Reconversion
The remarkable reconversion
feat of United Kingdom antonto-
bile industry is underlined by the
announcement that production is
already 95 per cent that of pre-
war.
Animal Crackers
eh Lbicai:o Sun Syndicate
"When 1 go ahead I scup on
my heels -backward I step
on niy toes... so I walk
sideways."
inovv Your Hockey Stars
By ED. FITKIN
Whirling 'Wally Stanowski's ef-
forts to readjust his style of play
to suit the modern trend in, hockey
will be one of the most interesting
sidelights to the current N.H.L.
season,
Stanowski, a will o' the wisp on
skates, has n o
peer in spectacu-
lar, rink -length
rushing but his
zig-zagging ma -
weevers, how-
ever colorful, are
n o t productive
with any degree
o f consistency
nd actually
Wally Stanowski are outmoded in
Defence the streamlined,
get -the-puck-up
system now in vogue.
At training camp prior to the
start of the 1946-47 season, ly,,tl-y,' .
play was disappointing but under
the constant urging of Coach Hap
Day, he showed marked improve-
ment and hopes are -high that he'll
come bouncing back to the stan-
dard that made him an All-Star
defenseman before the war inter-
vened.
*
Ever since he came East with
St. Boniface Seals and displayed
his will -o -the wisp style of hockey,
Toronto fans have been Stanowski
conscious. He and Billy Taylor
were the individual satellites of
that meniorable Memorial Cup ser-
ies, which the Seals won, and, after
one look at him, the Leafs decided
that Stanowski would be a sensa-
tion in a Toronto uniform. The
only catch was that Red Dutton
had him on the New York Ameri-
cans' negotation Iist. To get him,
the Leafs parted with Hap Day
and King Clancy.
Stanowski, who was born at
Winnipeg, April 28, 1919, failed to
make the grade with the Leafs on
the first attempt and was sent to
Syracuse for seasoning. The late
Eddie Powers, who coached the
Stars, used him at left wing most of
that 1.938-30 season and Wally
wound up with one goal and 16
assists. He starts the following
season with the Leafs and after
bagging two goals and seven as-
sists, he suffered an ankle injury
and later was sent to Providence.
* *
Wally finally clicked in sensa-
tional style in the 1940-41 season
and was the talk of the league. He
scored seven goals, had 14 assists
for 21 points and was selected as
an All-Star defenseman, The next
year, however, Stanowski hit the
skids with a boom and throughout
the league schedule he found it
almost impossible to recapture the
form that had made him such a
standout the season betore.
But there were signs in the late
stages of that campaign that Wal-
ter the great was beginning to
snap out of his slump—and when
the Leafs moved into the Stanley
Cup playoffs Stanowski really came
back to form. Once again he was
the Whirling Dervish of all-star
fame. He scored two goals and
assisted in eight others to play a
potent role in the dramatic Stan-
ley Cup triumph of the Leafs over
Detroit that year.
* *
Stanowski went into the R.C.A.F.
during the summer of 1942 and was
stationed at Winnipeg and Trenton,
Ont. While in the Air Force, Wal-
ly married and now has a boy, who
is officially Wally Jr., but gets
called "Skippy."
He ,rejoined the Leafs late in
1944, received his discharge and
began playing regularly in January,
In 34 games, Stanowski scored two
goals and had nine assists. In the
playoffs, partnered with Reg. Ham-
ilton, Stanowski was a stanoottt as
the Leafs wound up with the Stan.
ley Cup.
Whirling Wally had a disap-
pointing season last year but his
habit of staging spirited comebacks
just when everyone is down on him
keeps the hope glimmering that the
1946-47 car•'aaign will see Stanow-
ski bark at his 1941-42 p-eak.
Cordless Iron
With the cord attached to the
heating unit in the safety base, a
new cordless electric iron, on which
Canadian production begins will
overcome the bugaboos of uneven
heat and fire hazard. The iron
proper is lifted. from the base for
use, while a heat regulator in the
base provides the desired temper-
ature for various fabrics.
You Wit) Enjoy Slaying Al
The Stn Regis Rotel
TORONTO
livery Raton Wit It Rath
Sheerer and Tetc Etboae
Single, $:.'.50 up—
Double, $3.1t0 'Up
rood Gond, Dining and Dane.
ing Nightly
Sherbourne al Cnriton
Tel. RA. 4m 36
R00MS Oi:AUTIFULLT
FURNISHED $1.50 tap
HOTEL METROPOLE
NIAGARA FALLS
U1'E•. -- ci.eg.ti, STATION
VOCE OF THE
'BESS
How to Pay a 1Vlortgage
A great deal of hokum is writ-
ten and spoken about taxes and
debt, but only work and saving
ever was able to pay off the mort-
gage on the old farm and no easier
method has yet been'•devised.
—Fort William Titnes-Journal,
Historical Shock
When those Canadian stamps
honoring Alexander Graham i3"il
start to wander into the United
States, a lot of Americans are going
to be amazed to discover there is
something that Ellison did not in-
vent.
— Windsor Star,
We've Forgotten
Remember that old popcorn
veurior who poured into each sack
a- liberal supply of home-made
brut, -••Brandon Sun.
Tit For Tat
Twisting the lion's tail was long
an American pastime. America. S
cannot logically object if sor :'
British members of Parliament r,.
taliate 'ty plucking a few tail fea-
thers from the eagle.
-- New York Sun.
Distinction In Prices
Used -car prices in the United
States are reported falling from
the grotesque to the merely prepos-
terous.
— Edmonton Journal.
Raising the Aunty
Because her favorite nephew took
her up for the first time in an ele-
vator to a height of 200 feet, a
heretofore loving and wealthy
aunt has disinherited him. There's
no end of trouble in sight for those
who persist in raising the ante.
— Guelph Mercury,
Human Lapses
Accidents are bound to happen
but these can often be prevented
if the human element is fully pro-
ficient. A study of accident records
would no doubt disclose that more
mishaps result from human lapses
than are caused by mechanical de-
fects.
— Sarnia Canadian Observer
No Chance To Win
How can you win? They don't
know wlty a stock market does
what it does even after it does.
— Louisville Courier -Journal.
Sure Failure
Recipe for matrimonial failure:
One girl, one boy, two jobs, one
small furnished flat, one mother-
in-law, one car, two dogs no ba-
bies, no books.
— Windsor Star.
World Rolls On
A former boilermaker now occu-
pies the position of governor gen-
eral of Australia, succeeding the
Duke of Gloucester, and the world
rolls on.
— Port Arthur News -Chronicle.
Locale of Exhaustion
Why is it that when a woman
tells a doctor she's all tired out, he
immediately looks at her tongue?
Saskatoon Star:Phoenix,
Said by ail Druggihts-25c,
35c (tube), S0c and else p
slid
Mal MOM
for Both Children
and Adults
All
csuoSTOPE$
GENUINE
PHILLIPS'
(tiff 6F MAG®E$14
n„„e ,nn1,t
nun ons)
mmemTamm
Robbed of Sleep by
Rheumatic Pain
But No Pain Now—After
a Few Weeks of Kruschen
A woman's gratitude at being rid of
"such dreadful pains” caused her to
write this letter:—
"I used to have such dreadful pains
in my knees, ankles and shoulders, to
say nothing of my back, which used td
feel as though it would break. I had no
ease, especially at night ... but since
taking Kruschen Salts for a few weeks
only, I feel a different woman, thank
goodness. I have no pains now. I feel
much brighter and better in every way,
and shall certainly continue with
Kruschen."--(Mrs.) M.H.
Most rheumatic pain and swelling is
caused by too much uric acid in the
body. These painful deposits settle in the
muscles, joints and tendons, irritate the
nerves, and inflame the tissues, Kruschen
Salts acts on these pain -making deposits
by helping your system to disperse them
and to pass them out of your body. This
relieves the pain and if you are wise, you
will continue with the little morning dose
of Kruschen as a help against further
attacks. Try Kruschen for the relief of
rheumatic pains and lumbago. 25c and
75c at your nearest drug store. ,
1111
(17-17:04715-
tr;. S A-'`°
FE® p Srait. JOB
Hardie Engineers have developed two orchard
guns and a new row crop spray boom that brings
a new and greater measure of speed, ease and
thoroughness to all spraying operations.
The Hardie 202A Spray Gun gives
the same performance as TR202 but with different
control mechanism. Opens and closes with half•turn
of handle. Stays set no matter how high the pressure.
The Hardie TR202 Spray Gun
delivers as much spray volum e
as anymultl.nozzle gun.Singlo
trigger control is adjustable
from wide driving spray to
long distance stream. Inbuilt
ratchet holds trigger in any
desired position.
When the Hardin Loveirite boom encounters any obstacle
the wings fold back, returning to spraying position when, Write for Catalog
obstacle fe passed. Either or both wings can be elevated.
Zany up or down adjustment of nozzle section. Tho boom
rises in folding compactly against sides of sprayer.
THE HARDIE MFG. COMPANY, Hudson, Mich.
6. w. LEWI$G...Di$tributor. Grimsby, Ontario.
PERFECT
AGITATION ...
COMPLETE
LUBRICATION
entaaranyentooneemaertsousrannenrso
POP—Any Reward?
$y J. MILLAR WATT
Wed tol 0-r