Zurich Herald, 1946-06-13, Page 3fix,
JUST JN FU
Evil One
A m•an ught a boy in his gar -
gen stealing apples, an handed
him to the police.
As it was the boy's first offence
the !magistrate bet hint off, but told
him never to yield to such temp-
tation again, adding:
"Ye should have flown from the
Evil One."
"So I did, sir," replica the boy,
"but he grip ' me afore I got over
the fen ce I"
Because
An Oslo girl sitting in the lounge
of an hotel was approached by a
German officer asking her to dance.
She refused, and shortly afterwards
be returned and spoke in rather a
threatening tone:
"rs it.because 1 am a German?"
be inquired.
"Oh, no," she said, smiling
sweetly, "not at all. It is merely
because 1 am a Norwegian."
Deceived
They were having their first
quarrel.
"I'm disappointed," said the hus-
band. "Whet, we were first married
I thougl.t you were an angel."
"Yes," retorted his wife. "I sup-
pose that's why you never bought
me any clothes.
STUFF AND THINGS
"Yeah !—an' a yard wide !"
Cleves
"I hope you enjoyed your game
with the major," said the hostess
to one of her guests. "He's very
clever at cards, isn't he?"
"He certainly is," replied -.the
guest. "He started by telling my
fortune, and now he's counting it."
Discriminating
The hired girl had been sent
. down to the .rook to fetch a pail
of water but stood gazing at the
Dewing stream, apparently lost h
thought.
"What's she waiting for?" asked
ber mistress, who was watching.
"Dunno," wearily replied her
husband. "Perhaps she hasn't seen
n pailful she likes yet."
Soma Reward Due
"This gift is too expensive, you'll
have to take it back," said the
wealthy young heiress.
"Nothing of the sort;" insisted
the young man. "Why I've been
given credit all over town since our
engagement has been announced."
Keep Cool
"I can't understands how you
manage to keep so calm, whatever
happens," said Robinson.
"Oh, it's just a natter of train-
ing," explained Thompson, "You
see, I've a wife, five children, (vo
dogs, and a cigarette lighter!"
In Pieces
A celebrated vocalist was in a
motorcar accident one day, A
: .per after recordin, the accident,
added: "We are happy to state
that he was able to appear the fol.
lowing evening in three pieces."
A Voice from Nowhere
"Yes, sir," answered the soldier.
a, here the voices come from?" he
you eves hear voices witiluut being
able to tell who is speaking or
"And when does this occur?"
"When I answer the telephone.'
was asked.
Upright
The old-fashioned farmer was
hard to convince. "No," declared
he. "I'll have no such contraption
in my house. Planners are bad
things."
"Oh, but father,' protested his
(laugh ter, "this is an upright i:iano."
Could Wain
A Lancashire s.lcrier and his lass
had spent the day together, and on
their return the girl's rnothei asked
how she had enjoyed herself.
"Aw set," said Jane, "but 1
think Joe's a bit mean, kle nobbut
spent sixpei,ce on me all day."
"Welt, if I were thee I'd tek his
sixpel.ce back and melt him asham-
ed of himself," said her mother.'
Late that night, Jane knocked on
Joe's door.
"Ere," s';r` said. "'I'ek thi six-
t>cnce back. I doubt if (ha can af-
ford it."
" Ee," said her lover, "t h a
shouldn't a bothered to -met It
twouid a' II me itt t`mornin'."
SIDE GLANCES
By .Galbraith
'Fr y. r w,f '0 A
y
"OPP. 1944 OY N94 aRTivvCE, INC. T. M. /LEO. I1.5. PAT. OFF.
"Since they bought those Venetian blinds next door l can't
tell whether they've got the radio on loud or they're having
another quarrel!"
CROSSTOWN
14
By Roland Coe
"Here's a hand lotion that's not only good for dishpan hands,
but it's also very popular with arc -welders."
VOICE OF THE
= PRESS
Chasing Kitten's Tail.
Raising wages, raising prices to
cover, raising wages again because
prices have been raised, and so on,
amounts to the same thing as a
kitten chasing its tail — and the
kitten has more fun.
—Kitchener Record,
Hadn't Thought Of That
Gandhi's son ys India would
not have had a chance of indepen-
dence under Churchill. Did it ever
occur to him that but for Churchill
India might today be a slave state
of Japan?
—St. Thomas Times -Journal.
Preventing Best
Inhaling a rich mixture of oxygen
is hailed by science as the latest
and best cure for a hangover. We
still think, however, the best one
is a brisk walk—home to bed after
the second drink.
—Windsor Star.
They're Good Sports
The ever -optimistic British are
planning a world's fair in London
for 1947. Just on the off chance,
we presume, that there'll still be a
world at that time.
—Ottawa Citizen.
The Slow (?) British
Britain is exporting three times
as many motor vehicles as the
United States, as a result of the
labor troubles in the latter country.
The "slow" British are wasting no
time at all in picking up the world
trade they had to abandon for the
war.
—Ottawa Journal.
Air Hub
Twenty-six times daily there are
passengers arriving in Lethbridge
by air or leaving by air.
—Lethbridge Herald.
It's .An Idea
"Nylon Is Made from Coal"—
heading. Better let the ladies
handle John L. Lewis, don't you
think?
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
Peace Sign
Signs of peace department: More
than 3,000,000 workers are now idle
in the United States as the result
of strikes.
—Woodstock Sentinel -Review.
Transparently!
Scientists predict that money
within a few years will be made
of glass, and then you won't mind
if somebody gives you a pane.
Windsor Star.
Saving Plan
British pubs close one day a week
to reduce consumption, save bar-
ley and conserve wild oats.
—Hamilton Spectator.
SNE MN 0F4 .Fio''oi ANS (545d®
For luta-owners„ farmers,
Caragemen, Lumbermen,
Building Contractors,
Transports,
3116ps and Factories
NA' i ?YID' I.Jf%1q Mie 4Af/10rv4 e /10#
MAI.COSEEL MANUFACTURING CO. LTD.
Sole Liwn"od Manufacturers
Cornwall Ontario
DEALERS WANTED WHERE WE ARE NOT
ALREADY REPRESENTED
Stag
e Star
HORIZONTAL
1,7 Pictured
actress
11 Arrival (ab.)
12 Line
13 At a distance
14 Half -em
15 Native metal
16 Pig pen
17 Inlet
19 Registered
nurse (ab.)
20 Was seated
21 Stitch
24 Measure of
area
25 Therefore
26 Tellurium
(symbol)
27 Flesh food
29 Perspiration
32 Legal measure
34 Exist
35 She is a —
star
37 To the inside
40 Electrical en-
gineer (ab,)
41 Near
42 Upon
43 Five and five
45 Beverage
47 Symbol for
tin
48 Encountered
49 Dined
51 Rodent
53 Hawaiian lava
54 Australian
birds
55 Frozen water
56 For
58 Amount owed
59 She is a
Broadway
VERTICAL
1 Father
2 Space
3 Vase
4 Metal
5 Neither
6 Female sheep
7 Final
8 Often (poetic)
9 Beams of light
10 Doctor (ab.)
17 Male sheep
18 .Anger
19 International
language
.Answer to Previous Puzzit
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22 Greek letter 39 Ontario (ab.)
23 Moist 41 Any
25 Male deer 44 Cognomen
28 Winglike part 45 Examination
29 South Amer- 46 Operatic solo
ica (ab.) 47 Let it stand
30 Scripture 48 God of war
31 Even (contr.) 50 Vat
33 Us 52 Account (ab.)
35 Harden 53 Mimic
36 Golf device 54 Editor (ab.)
38 Pedal digit 57 Bone
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your mouth half a minute, in you!
stomat.h half an hcur, and on yout
And a girl on a diet is quoted as hips for the rest of your life."
saying: "A piece of candy stays in 1 —Stratford Beacon -Herald.
STUFF AND THINGS
"Did I ever show ya my collec-
tion of counterfeit coins ?"
STUFF AND THINGS
"My! What a haunting mel-
oody!"
P ]P—It All Depends
Y t ve Gar YOUR SADDLE
ROUND THE WRONG WAY,
PROFESSOR
HOW GAN 'YOU SAV
Tt.{A-p .,.
By J. MILLAR WATT
-----z�-�(,V.Tb6 serf , mettle �x
-T HAVMAlT 'TOL-19 ''OU
WHICH WAY I'M GONG
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MUTT AND JEFF— And of Course N. C. Could Also Stand for Non -Committal
111.11.1
REG'LAR FELLERS—Wealth; On Paper
I'D LOVE TO
HAVE ALL OF
THOSE THINGS,
PINHEAD
wouLDNT
YOU?
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YOU'LL GET'EM
ZOOLIE.!
TELEVISION • PA4t!tONOS - MONEY
HOM%
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MlSTEr!
WELL, ITS A
RATHER. STRANGE
REQUEST BUT I
THINK. WE CAN
SWING IT.'
By GENE BYRNES
IF i WANTED A POSTER
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REG'LAR FELLERS—Wealth; On Paper
I'D LOVE TO
HAVE ALL OF
THOSE THINGS,
PINHEAD
wouLDNT
YOU?
NT .MOST
IH ININ6S YOU WA
YOU'LL GET'EM
ZOOLIE.!
TELEVISION • PA4t!tONOS - MONEY
HOM%
NNvllvoO NAL BANK
Isher
OMPOSMtNTIS
CENSE
pL•CLRACKED
o0,coh NIS"�ltNIL 006
)14
Vsper—
Yt=5S1 R-
WHEN MY
GIRL SAYS SHE
WANTS, 1 SAY -
OKAY TOOTS
YOU GET!
IT MEANS
A LOT
r'e
MlSTEr!
WELL, ITS A
RATHER. STRANGE
REQUEST BUT I
THINK. WE CAN
SWING IT.'
By GENE BYRNES
IF i WANTED A POSTER
1 WOULD'VE. TORN IT
OFF 'T`H' FENCE
„fr)
r
;noalf"
EDv VICE tiFi. F"PPY
.r4. CHH ILeNY'
`.O'.ra"fox
tr;';r9 AI"rA All rY"At" r!"n"■ 1
erserenewannermwerereireenearesanaelmeenelen