Zurich Herald, 1946-05-30, Page 7II JUST IN FUEI
Nowhere
First Irishman: "'Which would
yez rather be in, Pat—an explosion
or a collision?"
Second ditto: "In -a collision, be-
.tause in a collision there yez are,
but in an explosion where are yez?"
Not 1HIis Coat
"Ha, ha!" laughed Bingham.
'Poor old-FIenpecked! I saw you
yesterday sewing a button on your
'coat.
"You're a fibber," snapped Hen-
pecked.
"I tell you 1 did," said Bingham.
"I saw you with my own eyes."
Henpecked gave a superior smile.
"You didn't," he replied. "It was
any wife's coat."
STUFF AND THINGS
Very Very Slow
As the master of the house
smoked his pipe tin old gardener
was busy at his digging..
Suddenly the old chap straight-
ened up with a jerk; seemed to
think hard for a minute, then gave
the spade a vicious kick.
"What's the trouble, Mac?"
asked his employer.
"Weel, sir, ye mind that Annie,
who was maid here about twenty
year ago? replied Mac, angrily.
"I was standing at the back door
wi' her one nicht and she said she
was cault; so I gied her my muff-
ler. Whiles, she said she was still
mild, so I gi'ed her my coat
An' it's just struck me that the
lass wanted me to cuddle her.
I'm that mad I didn't think of it
before,"
The Time Had to Come
A friend of ours lunching in a
crowded midtown restaurant
broached to his waitress the sub-
ject of a second lump of sugar and
got sternly turned, and dressed
down. When she had gone, he felt
a tug at his sleeve and looked up
into .the eyes of a fragile -appearing
old lady in a choker collar who had
been sitting at the next table.
"Here you are, young man," she
said in a conspiratorial whisper,
and pressed into his hand a lump of
sugar that she had undoubtedly
dredged up from a large mesh reti-
cule she had with her. "1 always
carry some. In case I meet a horse,
von know."
Too Fast
Johnny "I fell in a mud puddle.'
Mother: "What, with your new
pants on?
Johnny: "Yes. I fell so fast I
didn't have a chance to take them
off."
His Name
The boy was being interviewed
by the rector of a select Glasgow
school with a view to his enrol-
ment.
"What's your name?" he was
asked—and replied: "Pa'erson."
"What did you say your name
was?" the rector demanded severely.
"Pa'erson," repeated the boy, add-
ing, "with two t's."
Partly Understood
A young wife, wishing to an-
nounce the birth of her first child
to a friend in a distant city, tele-
graphed: `
'"Isaiah 9: 9." Which passage be-
gins: "For unto us a child is born,
unto us a son is given."
Her friend, unfamiliar with the
Scriptures, said to her husband.
"Margaret evidently has a boy who
weighs nine pounds and six ounces,
but why on earth did they name
him Isaiah ''
No Chances
A newspaper reporter was invite('
to take his first airplane trip with
a stunt flyer for the films, He was
filled with dismal forebodings,
which increased when a parachute
was strapped on to him and he was
given careful instructions regard-
ing its use. 'The stunt man also
wore a parachute, and when he
put a heavy leather coat on over
it the reporter asked, nervously:
"How can you use the parachute
with that coat an?"
"Oh," replied the pilot, nonchal-
lantly, "I'd have plenty of time to
take the coat off when we fall,"
They went up and flew for sev-
eral minutes, until, feeling warm, the
stunt man began to, remove his
coat,
"Hot, isn't it?" he said, genially,
but: 'there was no reply. Tile report-
er had jumped overboard.
le
a
Publisher
HORIZONTAL
1 Pictured pub-
lisher, -
Gordon
11 Beverage
12 Space
13 Female deer
14 Tangle
15 Howl 5
16 Tavern
1
2
3
4
17 Erbium 6
(symbol) 8
19 Doctor of
7
Science (ab,) 9
20 Near 10
21 Therefore 18
23 Egyptian sten 20
god 21
24 Accomplish
25 Print measure 22
27 Give credit 25
29 Make speech
31 Kitten's calls
35 Guide
39 Biblical
pronoun
40 Indian army
(ab.)
41 Symbol for
gold
42 Behold!
43 Notary public
(ab.)
44 Pair (ab.)
46 Doctor (ab.)
'47 Seed
container
49. Fuel
51 Born.
54 Upward
(comb. form)
55 Nevada city
56 .Anger
57 His Journal
was a leading
VERT/CAL
Jelly
Winglike part
Units of
length
State
Brought up
Lampreys
Short sleep
He was a
famous ---
2000 pounds
Five and five
Rodent
Excitement
Street (ab.)
Either
And (Latin)
26 Myself
28 United Service
Organization
(ab.)
30 Dined
31 Mine
32 Electrical en-
gineer (ab.)
33 Aperture
34 Tree fluid
35 Sorry
36 Vegetable .
37 Measure of
cloth
38 International
language
44 Equal.
45 Position
47 Kitchen
utensil
48 Individual
49 For
50 Uppermost
part
52 Before
53 Ever (contr.
HE SPORTING THING
®V L/WWG 4RMSTf OAfgr
"You of cut-up!"
STUFF AND THINGS
"Oh—it's some fool stunt he
picked up in the army!"
"You're new here,
you?"
aren't
[T1cE OF THE PRESS
Gettting Better
Calgary Herald thinks that by
the time the government returns
our compulsory savings, one third
of the recipients will be dead, one
third in jail, and the rest will have
spent all their's in advance. 'That's
better than the last estimate we
saw, which had 'em all dead.
—Ottawa Citizen.
"Striking" Fact
It is a "striking" fact that the
standard wage of John L. Lewis's
soft coal miner is $63,40 per week,
—St. Thomas Times -Journal,
Sombre Thought
In those planets where life is
now extinct, the scientists prob-
ably gof just a little farther than
ours have got.
—Dublin Opinion.
They Also Ran
Most people who follow the
horses bet on the horses who
follow the horses.
—Timmins Press.
'M ornin'
"Mornin', Hi."
"Mornin' Si.'
"How's that city feller you hired
fer the summer gittin' along?"
"Ain't got him no more—he
went back to the city."
"Fire him?"
"Nope; he quit."
"What'd he quit fer?"
"Guess he was afeared I'd work
the Daylight Savin' outs him."
"Mornin', HL"
"Mornin' Si.'
—Hank in St. Thomas Times -
Journal.
Waste of Flour
Because restaurants—and many
housewives as well --think that the
only way in which to make a pala-
table sandwich is to cut off all the
crust, vast quantities of bread are
being wasted every day throughout
the length and breadth of this
country.
--Brockville Recorder and Times.
THEY'LL ALL HURRY
HOME if you serve Max-
well House. This extra -
delicious coffee is bought
and enjoyed by more
people than any other
brand of coffee in the
world.
/T GERTA/NLY
TAKES TIE WORK ;
AND WORRY 007-
Of
WTOF 8REAO SAK/MG
Made in Canada
rp,
IiVel9Ve'
F st
r
1V -EW Fast Rising Royal is beret The
lam! modern baking discovery that
lets you do all your baking in a few
hours . by daylight! No "setting
bread" the night before—no baking
disappointments because dough spoiled
during the night when the kitchen tem-
perature changed. New Fast Rising
Royal is ready for action 10 minutes
after it's dissolved in water!
Actin
t
er
sk!
And the rich, home -baked flavor of
bread baked with New Fast Rising
Royal will make your family brag about
your baking more than ever. You get 4
packets in each carton of New Fast
Rising Royal -4 large loaves to a packet.
Stays full-strength, ready for immedi-
ate use, for weeks on your pantry shelf.
At your grocer's—now I
POP—Forced Laibor
W.t..15Re WILL '/OU
FlNI) 'r2-!!✓ mAnt
—ROFU6ES 1T 4. MLP
1-115 WIFE WAS( -1
PPSNE 5. 0'
OUT IN THE
,l-rC.H13N^
By J. MILLAR WATT
ab. «
(Rel
p' 7ne bon ernalce a %v..}
MUTT AND JEFF— It's Either An Early Summer or a Late Spring
,UNH"'aM!3oY.t
'AM I GLAD T (—
WOKE UP! f
WHAT A DREAMS
GOSI.1, tT wAS . So
REAL! JUST LIKE IT
REALLY HAPPENED!
WE WERE PooR--
WE DIDN'T HAVE
ANYTHING To EAT
AND WE WERE
STARVING!
I WAS SO .HUNGRY
I DREAMED I WAS
REALLY EATING TIDE
MATTRESS 'Fog
BREAKFAST!
By BUD FISHER
BURP!
.wlvseavoner=.14.a.a.a.awarssuwaxa.....agusan..toesaaucrwaaasormamon.s nom*.
REG'LAR FEI.I-ERS—Standing Order
SWATS
YOUR 15RQTHER
DO N'
BUMP
WELL,
'YOU KNOW
HE5 TAKIN'A
COURSE fROM A
CORRESPONDENCE
,SCHOOL
I a '�
WELL
LAST WEEK
HE FAIL' P IN
AU., HIS LESSONS
By GENE BYRNES
• TODAY -rl-i'
MAILMAN MADE
141M STAND ON
THE C• ''" NER
T.
• A
IY.. k,1\ All YIpMMM'N'M0110p.
aeS
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51
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56
HE SPORTING THING
®V L/WWG 4RMSTf OAfgr
"You of cut-up!"
STUFF AND THINGS
"Oh—it's some fool stunt he
picked up in the army!"
"You're new here,
you?"
aren't
[T1cE OF THE PRESS
Gettting Better
Calgary Herald thinks that by
the time the government returns
our compulsory savings, one third
of the recipients will be dead, one
third in jail, and the rest will have
spent all their's in advance. 'That's
better than the last estimate we
saw, which had 'em all dead.
—Ottawa Citizen.
"Striking" Fact
It is a "striking" fact that the
standard wage of John L. Lewis's
soft coal miner is $63,40 per week,
—St. Thomas Times -Journal,
Sombre Thought
In those planets where life is
now extinct, the scientists prob-
ably gof just a little farther than
ours have got.
—Dublin Opinion.
They Also Ran
Most people who follow the
horses bet on the horses who
follow the horses.
—Timmins Press.
'M ornin'
"Mornin', Hi."
"Mornin' Si.'
"How's that city feller you hired
fer the summer gittin' along?"
"Ain't got him no more—he
went back to the city."
"Fire him?"
"Nope; he quit."
"What'd he quit fer?"
"Guess he was afeared I'd work
the Daylight Savin' outs him."
"Mornin', HL"
"Mornin' Si.'
—Hank in St. Thomas Times -
Journal.
Waste of Flour
Because restaurants—and many
housewives as well --think that the
only way in which to make a pala-
table sandwich is to cut off all the
crust, vast quantities of bread are
being wasted every day throughout
the length and breadth of this
country.
--Brockville Recorder and Times.
THEY'LL ALL HURRY
HOME if you serve Max-
well House. This extra -
delicious coffee is bought
and enjoyed by more
people than any other
brand of coffee in the
world.
/T GERTA/NLY
TAKES TIE WORK ;
AND WORRY 007-
Of
WTOF 8REAO SAK/MG
Made in Canada
rp,
IiVel9Ve'
F st
r
1V -EW Fast Rising Royal is beret The
lam! modern baking discovery that
lets you do all your baking in a few
hours . by daylight! No "setting
bread" the night before—no baking
disappointments because dough spoiled
during the night when the kitchen tem-
perature changed. New Fast Rising
Royal is ready for action 10 minutes
after it's dissolved in water!
Actin
t
er
sk!
And the rich, home -baked flavor of
bread baked with New Fast Rising
Royal will make your family brag about
your baking more than ever. You get 4
packets in each carton of New Fast
Rising Royal -4 large loaves to a packet.
Stays full-strength, ready for immedi-
ate use, for weeks on your pantry shelf.
At your grocer's—now I
POP—Forced Laibor
W.t..15Re WILL '/OU
FlNI) 'r2-!!✓ mAnt
—ROFU6ES 1T 4. MLP
1-115 WIFE WAS( -1
PPSNE 5. 0'
OUT IN THE
,l-rC.H13N^
By J. MILLAR WATT
ab. «
(Rel
p' 7ne bon ernalce a %v..}
MUTT AND JEFF— It's Either An Early Summer or a Late Spring
,UNH"'aM!3oY.t
'AM I GLAD T (—
WOKE UP! f
WHAT A DREAMS
GOSI.1, tT wAS . So
REAL! JUST LIKE IT
REALLY HAPPENED!
WE WERE PooR--
WE DIDN'T HAVE
ANYTHING To EAT
AND WE WERE
STARVING!
I WAS SO .HUNGRY
I DREAMED I WAS
REALLY EATING TIDE
MATTRESS 'Fog
BREAKFAST!
By BUD FISHER
BURP!
.wlvseavoner=.14.a.a.a.awarssuwaxa.....agusan..toesaaucrwaaasormamon.s nom*.
REG'LAR FEI.I-ERS—Standing Order
SWATS
YOUR 15RQTHER
DO N'
BUMP
WELL,
'YOU KNOW
HE5 TAKIN'A
COURSE fROM A
CORRESPONDENCE
,SCHOOL
I a '�
WELL
LAST WEEK
HE FAIL' P IN
AU., HIS LESSONS
By GENE BYRNES
• TODAY -rl-i'
MAILMAN MADE
141M STAND ON
THE C• ''" NER
T.
• A
IY.. k,1\ All YIpMMM'N'M0110p.
aeS