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Zurich Herald, 1946-03-21, Page 6' COLBORNE EXPRESS, COLBORNE, ONT., MARCH Y4, '1946 HOLD EVERYTHING o _ TT, 19424 NEA 6EgYICE, INCA t M. N[Q• 12, 2Ay,. "He takes his bath willingly since 1 started calling it am- phibious training!" Unscientific Report The great scientist scanned the leavens through the huge tele- scope, Ile studied his tables and straps, then he remarked to a col- league, "It's going to rain!" "What makes you think so?" \iy corns hurt!" No Doubt About It A lean \vas giving- swore advice to his son. At the enol of a rather stern lecture, he said: "Now, my boy, you understand perfectly what 1 mean?" "Yes" replied the boy, "what it boils down to is this; If I do well it's because of heredity, and if I fail it's my own fault". Naughty The young husband had just ar- rived home from the office. "What's the platter, darling?" he asked. "You look flustered." "Oh, I've had a dreadful day," his wife answered. '`First baby cut his first tooth, then he took his first step, and then he fell and knocked out ills tooth." "\Veil, and then what happen- ed?" asked her husband. "Oh, darling,' she answered in a shocked voice, "he said his first word!" Plenty of Space Two Canadian soldiers stopped a Civil Servant in London. They pointed to an impressive building and asked what it was. Ile told them it was the :Ministry of In- formation, "I thought the Ministry must be about that size," said one, ro store up all the information they never give away," THE SPORTING THING "Oh, Boy •— OOF!" Hardly Dumb A Red Indian of considerable culture was engaged to play a part in a Hollywood film. One day, while •he was in the studio awaiting instructions, a film star approached him with the idea of showing a little consideration to "the poor savage." "Well," he said kindly, "how do you Like our city?" "Very well, thank you," replied the Red Indian; "how do you like our country?" Keep It Dark She was notorious as the village gossip. There was little she did not see or hear, and she knew the inner history of every resident. One morning she met the local builder in the grocer's shop. The builder remarked to her: "I saw the nave in the church this morning. The gossip nodded her head gravely, and said: "\'o need to mention names — 1 know who you mean!" Answ*eced A doctor who \\ as superintend - cot of the Sunday School asked one of the buys this question: "\\ ihie, will yon tell me wh it :.c must do in order to got to heaven?'' "\\'e must d e, ' said \Villie. "Very true," replied the docttnr, 'but tell ;tri what we mast do be- fore 1v ' die," "\\ e twist oct , irk,'' said Willie. "a ta() . ('nd for 1'011 " Not At All C)ltc rn;rel na- buying some Meat the butches shrill when another (nic'red in a creat harry ;incl rudely infrrru i1te d, "rove inc' 'utile creep meal, quirk," t1i :said to the l,tttehrr 'l'h'rn, turn. il• to the other rn•i.,mrr: "I hope F'';n 'lr,n't multi Inv r•11ltine In?"' "Not at all,' -;tat 1 ;tor ether. Kxi,tty "Sot if y ,n're that hungry," SILENT -FILM STAR HORIZONTAL Answer to Previous Paz le N 1,5 Pictured 121'.la se tictr c>,s L A V iR A Hip (aR 13 Lease. R NTS E?R Q [� /� .18 Snakes, " ld She «'as a E CIE L S (., E TP •* 4I 19 Having pedal --_ in silent N1D H O E El t, digits. films. N I I, ©� 22 Crowns, 14 On the lee S T R A N C) iQURa v side. TME crCiede,7A R uNal2725Directiesnceon. 15lsland off288ustle. Scotland, E 16 Wan. • 29 Fowl. 17 Limb, 'A'J L UH0 •�%` •� 32 River barrier, 18 O ST A ©E ri ' ©0© 33 Be indebted, ?posed to. ©© ?dale child. P �A,T E R © , �© 38. Deaden. 21 Burdens. 20 SA.. A T E ® Q c©L ®0 40 Inodes. 23 Standard 42 Australian 42 Makes 'more (abbr,). bird, tat, _ comfortable, 24 Group of 43 Detest. 64 .Footed vases. 44 Diner, eight singers, 45 Abyss. VERTICAL 45Gossip.bt. 26 Part of mouth 47 Was seated. 2 Clout., 47 Moe. 27 Withered. 50 Sacred song.2 Oleum 47 card 28 Exclamation. 53 Possesses, (comb, form), 48 Scandinavian 30 Like.54 Lees, 3 Pertain,ing mythical king, to law49 Volume. 31 Lyric poem. 57 Beverage, 4 One (Scot,), 51 Thin. 32 Accomplish. 58 Extent, 5 Horse, 34 Lifeless, 60 She starred 6 Ages, 52 God of war. 35 Sketch, in many 7 Sand. 55 Removed. 36 Upon. silent 8 Cut into strips 56 Manuscripts 37Half an em. 61 Rip, 9 Inches abbe, (abbr.), (abbr,}, 61 39 Three (prefix) 62 Try. 10 Spain ( ). 51 ung 41 Myself, 63 Cooks' in hot 11 Flavor. Tns)en (abbr.), The Too Careful editor impressed the young reporter with the dire conse- quences of making ill-founded statements. "You can't be too careful," he said, theta sent hire to report a church bazaar. The sub -editor later on was handed this bit of copy; "The bazaar was apparently opened by a Mrs. ,Johnson, alleged to be the wife of Councillor John- son; commonly supposed to be a more or less highly esteemed tradesman of this town. She was dressed in what some might de- scribe as fashionable attire,. and wore a hat of nondescript appear- ance. She was supported on the platform by a clergyman alleged to be the vicar of the parish, and by other reputed ladies ancl gentle- men said to thelong to the church." Quite Clear Having received from his tailor a bill and a note reading, "Please remit by return — 51st notice. Sto- ney Broke replied: "Dear Sir, — 1 do not remember ordering a suit such as you mention. If I did order it you certainly never made it for me. If you did make it I never..got it. Furthermore, if .I got it 1 . must have paid for it. And if I didn't, I I can't." Poor Workmanship The small boy went into the Iounge to see ,a visitor who was with his father, - ' "Well, my little man," said his father's friend, "why are you look- ing at ore so hard?" "Why," replied the boy, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man, and 1 wanted to see what you look like." "Quite right," said the gratified guest, "I am a self-made man." 'But why did you make yourself like that?" said the boy with sur- prise. OI.CE OF JIE PRESS BRITAIN'S ONLY COURSE 1'roni 0 New Vorlr editorial; "\\'ith het 'back ft, the ivall, Bri- tain's lot is a hard one. 011 the one hand she is Opposed by Russian communism, and on the other by American capitalism," Which just about leaves her the saute old way te\ travel, namely, forward. —Torun 'i Saturday Night TOO STRONG A FOE Operation \•lusknx, planned to demonstrate that pian with mod- ern equipment can conquer Arctic weather, is. succeeding in its pur- pose, except on those days when it is held up by weather, —Windsor Star BARELY COVERS 'EM Nylons are non said to be on many "receptive" legs, That is to say, on fat, Ivan, straight, warped, shapely and "otherwise" legs— covering, witIi sheer 1oveli:less, a multitude of shins —Stratford Beacon-Tlerald. DREAM CAR \Vithout steel, it seems, Detroit can turn out .no cars. \\'hat ever became of the wonder vehicle which was to he constructed, en- tirely of soybeans. and other for- eign platter? —Detroit News, STILLIGF HTING • The war is over 1101V in most parts of the world except for some fighting. —Quebec Chronicle Telegraph TOO EASY -1 psychologist suggests that it is possible to reduce weight by mental concentration. Wishful shrinking, this is called,—Peterborough Ex- aminer. IR EVER That good time that is coming, 1101V that the war is over; looks as if it \vilI he•a good time coming, —Stratford Beacon -Herald: SELF-DEFENSE - "Cops picked up a vagrant wear- ing seven shirts, four pair of pants and three overcoats." That was no v \rag"—just an average citizen protecting himself froin his wife's yen for giving his wardrobe away. —Ottawa Citizen, TOO GENERAL ;,'DEA Apparently the contention is that everybody should get more for vt'hat he produces and ,pay less for what he 00118141/05.--Brand(I11 Sun. YOUR MOVE. The greatest trouble with a checkered career is that it's always your move, --Kitchener Record, Sweet and cool in any PO ri CANADA'S ' STANDARD PIPE TOBACCO 17b "But•Murgatroyd — you don't have to wait until morning before you eat your crisp delicious Grape -Nuts Flakes." "I don't? Then pull up a cake of ice and we'll sit down to a couple of bowl- t Two grains — wheat and d rea- p barley—are the double-barreled rea- fu1s of these malty -rich, honey- son for that Grape -Nuts Flakes good- golden Post's Grape -Nuts Flakes!" ness. They're specially blended., baked "Son, you'llbe able to wrestle a wal- and toasted for l rus on all that grand nourishment in ]icious crispness and easyl�dgestion" Grape -Nuts Flakes:- carbohydrates "I'm going to 1311 up the sled with for energy; proteins for muscle; phos- some giant economy phorus for teeth and bones; iron for Grape -Nuts Flakes n xtpackages time we're the blood; and other food essentials." down at the trading post!" MUTT' AND JEFF — AS FOR THIS ONE, NO CROSS EXAMINATION PLEASE I'LL TEACH You THE ALPHABET IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! NoW SAY 1'7 B,C D,F,FG- WELL, WHAT COMES AFTER t G? WH1Z2! WHIZz? cYou B006,l-I COMES AFTER WHAT COMES G! •W WHAT CoMES AFTER WHIZZ? AFTER H? DOPE! START ALL OVER AGAIN! A- SANG! By BUD FISHER FRECKLES! REG'LAR FELLERS — Very Practical Arithmetic MK wORb ! ONLY FIVE EANANAS LEFT OUT OF A DOLEN ? WHAT BECAME OF THEM' By GENE BYRNES HERE IT IS - HOW MUCH 15 SEVEN BANANAS FROM TWELVE BANANAS - - WELL- - VA.LL-MY LITTLE. MATHE/v1A ff CiAN',-- LETS SEE, NOW FIGURE. TWO TABLESPOONS OE CASTOR OIL. FROM ONE BOTTLE WHILE. YOU'RE AT IT! POP -- Long Tail IT'S Op ofN p 1 fl S TAIL. 1 1-10 eV MUCH OP "" torerria. Wok BY J. MILLAR WATT CLOSE UP TO THE J ECIC. -t.1t,lOn&ttt, lig The 11,11 R> 1, ,, nu., r,a,