Zurich Herald, 1946-03-14, Page 6•
OLD EVERYTHING
sr mt-S SSSY,SS WS. j,'I,LIM y, V. PA Cot
"°IH1e takes, his bath willingly
asiruce I started calling it am-
phibious training!"
Unscientific Report
The great scientist scanned the
heavens through the huge tele-
scope. He studied his tables and
maps, then he remarked to a col-
league, "It's going to rain!"
"What makes yea think so?"
"My corns hurt!"
No Doubt About It
/I man wt,Is giving some advice
to his son. At the end of a rather
stern lecture, he said: "Now, my
boy, you understand perfectly
what I mean?"
"Yes", replied the boy, "what it
boils down to is this: If 1 do well
because of heredity, and if I
fail it's my own fault".
Naughty
The young husband had just ar-
rived home from the office.
"What's the matter, darling?" he
asked. "You look flustered."
"Oh, I've had a dreadful day,"
lais wife answered. "First baby cut
bis first tooth, then he took his
first step, and then he fell and
knocked out his tooth."
"Well, and then what happen-
ed?" asked her husband.
"Oh, darling," she answered in
a shocked voice, "he said his first
word !"
Plenty of Space
Two Canadian soldiers stopped a
Civil Servant in London. They
pointed to an impressive building
and .asked what it was. He told
them it was the Ministry of In-
formation.
"I thought the Ministry must be
about that size," said one, " to
store up all the information they
never give away."
THE SPORTING THING
"Oh. Boy — OOF!"
Hardly Dumb
A Red Indian of considerable
culture was engaged to play a part
in a Hollywood film.
One day, while he was in the
studio awaiting instructions, a film
star approached him with the idea
of showing a little consideration to
"the poor savage."
"Well," he said kindly, "how dd'
you like our city?"
"Very well, thank you," replied
the Red Indian; "how do you like
our conntry?"
Keep It Dark
She was notorious as the village
gossip. There was little she did not
see or hear, and she knew the inner
history of every resident. One
morning she met the local builder
in the grocer's shop. The builder
zemarked to her: "1 saw the nave
In the church this morning.
The gossip nodded her head
gravely, and said; "No need to
mention names — 1 know who you
mean!"
Answered •
A doctor who was superintend-
ent of the Sunday School asked
one of the boys this question:
"Willie, will you- tell me what
we must do in order to get to
heaven?"
"We 'mist die,' said Willie.
"Very true," replied the doctor,
"but tell me what we must do be-
fore w' die."
"We mast get sick," said �Cillie,
"and send for you."
Not At All
One man was buying some meat
f' the hitcher shop when another
entered in a great ilnrry and rudely
interrupted.
'Give ole 'come drg meat. quick,"
he said to the l,tttrher. Then. turn.
inp to the other 4 tirt•nner: "I hope
yOt1 94.1'1 mind my rtlttln,t? in"
"Not at all," said tin .t11cr.
aridly 'Not if you're that hungry."
]!HORIZONTAL
1,5 Pictured
actress, ------
10She was a
-- in silent
films.
1.4 On the lee
side.
15 Island off
Scotland.
16 Wan.
17 Limb.
18 Opposed to.
201Vfale child,
21 Burdens.
23 Standard
(abbr.).
24 Group of
eight singers.
26 Part of mouth
27 Withered.
28 Exclamation.
30 Like.
31 Lyric poem.
32 Accomplish.
34 Lifeless.
35 Sketch.
36 Upon.
37 Half an em.
39 Three (prefix)
41 Myself.
SILENT -FILM STAR
Answer to Previous Puzzle
[AURA
[POPE
CREWS
A f L AT :PO
STA [4 a[3®
NNW T la KINE
42 Australian
bird.
43 Detest,
45 Abyss.
47 Was seated.
50 Sacred song.
53 Possesses.
54 Lees.
57 Beverage.
58 Extent.
60 She starred
in many
silent ----
61 Rip.
62 Try.
63 Cooks' in hot
fat.
64 Footed vases.
VERTICAL
1 Cloak.
2 Oleum
(comb. form).
3 Pertaining
to law.
4 One (Scot.),
5 Horse.
6 Ages.
7 Sand.
8 Cut into strips
Inches (abbr.).
10 Spain (abbr.).
11 Flavor.
12 Plant,
13 Lease.
18 Snakes.
19 Having pedal
digits.
22 Crowns.
25 Gives
credence..
27 Direction,
28 Bustle.
29 Fowl.
32 River barrier,
33 Be indebted.
38 Deaden.
40 Knocks.
42 Makes more
comfortable.
44 Diner.
45 Gossip.
46 Rabbit.
47 Move.
48 Scandinavian
'mythical king.
49 Volume,
51 Thin.
52 God of war.
55 Removed,
56 Manuscripts
(abbr.).
59 Near.
61 Tungsten
(abbr.).
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Too Careful
The editor impressed the young
reporter with the dire a conse-
quences of making ill-founded
statements. "You can't be too
careful," he said, then sent him to
report a church bazaar.
The sub -editor later on was
handed this bit of copy:
"The bazaar was apparently
opened by a Mrs. Johnson, alleged
to be the wife of Councillor John-
son, commonly supposed to be a
more or less highly esteemed
tradesman of this town, She was
dressed in what some might de-
scribe as fashionable attire, and
wore a hat of nondescript appear-
ance. She was supported on the
platform by a clergyman alleged
to be the vicar of the parish, and
by other reputed ladies and gentle-
men said to belong to the church."
Quite Clear
Having received from his tailor
a bill and a note reading. "Please
remit by return — 51st notice. Sto-
ney Broke replied: "Dear Sir, —
I do not remember ordering a suit
such as you mention. If I did order
it you certainly never made it for
me. If you did make it I never got
it. Furthermore, if I got it I must
have paid for it. And if I didn't, I
I can't."
Poor Workmanship
The small boy went into the
lounge to see a visitor who was
with his father. ,
"Well, my little man," said his
father's friend, "why are you look-
ing at me so hard?"
"Why," replied the boy, "Daddy
told me you were a self-made man,
and I wanted to see what you look
like." --
"Quite
"Quite right," said the gratified
guest, "I am a self-made man."
`But why did you make yourself
like that?" said the boy with sur-
prise.
VOICE °1? THE
PEES
BRITAIN'S ONLY COURSE
From a New York editorial:
"With het back tc the wall, Bri-
tain's lot is a hard one. on the one
hand she is opposed by Russian
communism, and on the other by
American capitalism." Which just
about leaves her the same old way
to travel. namely, forward.
—Toron,o Saturday Night
TOO STRONG A FOE
Operation Aluskox, planned to
demonstrate that man with mod-
ern equipment can conquer Arctic
weather, is succeeding in its pur-
pose, except on those days when
it is held up by weather.
—Windsor Star
BARELY COVERS 'EM
Nylons are now said to bt. on
many "receptive" Iegs. That is to
say, on fat, lean, straight, warped,
shapely and "otherwise" legs—
covering, with sheer loveliness, a
multitude of shins.
—Stratford Beacon -herald.
DREAM CAR
Without steel, it seems, Detroit
can turn cut no cars. What ever
became of the wonder vehicle
which was to be constructed en-
tirely of soybeans, and other for-
eign matter?
—Detroit News.
STILL FIGHTING
The war is over now in most
parts of the World except for some
fighting.
—Quebec Chronicle Telegraph
TOO EASY
A psychologist suggests that it is
possible to reduce weight by mental
concentration. Wishful shrinking,
this is called.—Peterborough Ex-
aminer.
IF EVER
That good time that is coming,
now that the war is over, 'looks as
if it will be a good time coming,
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
SELF-DEFENSE
"Cops picked up a vagrant wear-
ing seven shirts, four pair of pants
and three overcoats," That was
no
"vag"—just an average citizen
protecting himself from his wife's
yen for giving his wardrobe away.
—Ottawa Citizen.
TOO GENERAL IDEA
Apparently the contention is that
everybody should get more for
what be produces and pay less for
what he consumes.—Brandon Sun,
. YOUR MOVE
The greatest trouble with a
checkered career that it's always
your move.
--Kitchener Record.
12 TONIY 250 DRUGSTORES
ll
Sweet and cool in any Pii.pe
CANADA'S
STANDARD PIPE TOBACCO
7D
'But Murgatroyd — you don't have to wait until morning
before you eat your crisp delicious Grape -Nuts .Flakes."
"I don't?. Then pull up a cake of ice "Two grains — wheat and malted
and we'11 sit down to a couple of bowl- barley—are the double-barreled rea-
fuls of these malty -rich, honey- son for that Grape -Nuts Flakes good -
golden Post's Grape -Nuts Flakes!" ness. They're specially blended, baked
"Son, you'Il be able to wrestle a wal- and toasted for golden -brown, de-
rus on all that grand nourishment in licious crispness and easy digestion."
Grape -Nuts Flakes: carbohydrates . "I'm going to fill up the sled with
for energy; proteins for muscle; phos- some giant economy packages of
phorus for teeth and bones; iron for . Grape -Nuts Flakes next time we're
the blood; and other food essentials." down at the trading post!"
MUTT AND JEFF —
I'LLTEACH YOU THE
ALPHABET IF IT'S THE
LAST THING I DO! NOW
SAY IT, g,C,D,E,FG-
A, B, C,
D, E, F,
f
AS FOR THIS ONE, NO CROSS EXAMINATION
WELL, WHAT
COMES AFTER
G?
WHIZZ?
WHAT COMES
AFTER WHIZZ?
By BUD FISHER
0.N ELL, WHAT LETTE.
COMES AFTER
A?
YOU BOO13,I4 COMES AFTER
G! W WHAT CoMES
AFTERH?
BANG!)
DOPE! START
ALL OVER
AGAIN./
A
LL, OF
Tt4EM!
REG'LAR FELLERS — Very Practical Arithmetic
My WORt3
ONLY FIVE BANANAS
LEFT OUT OF A
DOZEN y WHAT
^++" BECAME OF
F13E1b1?
HERE IT IS -
HOW MUCH 15
.SEVEN
BANANAS
FROM' TWELVE
BANANAS
By GENE BYRNES
LETS SEE, N01.1,! FIGUr.E
TWO TAB,LE.5P ON, OF
CASTOR OIL FTLOMM!
ONE Borrui W111 1 -E.
YOU' RE, AT IT!
t:.
tea,, - . �..-.M.1
POP — Long Tail
WHAT- Is
IT'
nYri nom..-..tivr•m,.asok r. —�
IT 'S AW ADDER V
CHOP OF
i TS TAI L
I -IO 1 AA LI CH
OF IT
9
.eROI( !iced
ti
'rhe Ilett Syndlea1e, Inc
By J. MILLAR WATT
CLOSE UP
TO TH E
DECK