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Zurich Herald, 1946-01-31, Page 2HOLD EVERYTHING "He says he's a bigamist and he wants two furloughs !" From Missouri A doctor's telephone rang one night, awakening him from fitful slumber. It was one of his regular patients, a man in a wild state of alarm. "My wife, doctor," he shouted. "It's her appendix. You'd better cone round and see her at once." The doctor sighed and told the man to go back to bed. "Giye her some bicarbonate and ginger ale, a.id I'll look in tomor- row," he said. "She hasn't got ap- pendicitis." The husband became even wild- $rr, :n!+cting that she did have ap- pendicitis, "LTM73 ,; "Well, she can't have!" the doc- tor shouted. "I took her appendix out three years ago, and I never heard of anyone having two ap- pendixes." "Ever heard of anybody having two wives?" the man asked, bit- terly. THE SPORTING THING ' 1 wish you'd be more careful where you put your head!" Scores .A. well-known bishop was just home in England after a long stay at one of our distant colonies. Broad in mind as well as physique he was strolling round the crowded London streets. Suddenly out of the sea of faces he recognized a friend of many years past. He stopped in front of hint and put out his hand. The friend looked puzzled and said: "Where in hell have I met you before—" The bishop, equal to the occa- sion, and in no wise disconcerted by the tactless remark, asked good-naturedly: "Let me see--er—what part of bell do you come from?" THE SPORTING THING is - HEIRESS HORIZONTAL 1 Pictured heiress, •- 13 Biblical mountain. 14 Satisfy. 15 Eternally, 16 Direction. 17 Electrical term, 19 Babylonian deity. 20 Cereal grass. 23 Rupees (abbr.). 24 Size of shot. 26 Rebel (colloq.), 28 Deviate, 31 Town (Cor- nish prefix). 32,34 She is the wife of -- , movie actor. 35 Kite end. 36 Type of rib in Gothic vaulting. 38 Aggregates. 40 Copper coins, 41 Shoots. Answer to lerevious Fizzle GIEt� f t G EMINf; NII ©ii1© Vii21 !. ' L [, O W IENCIEN.` R 0 d _ BE dC�iOMA©© PaB SANDERGEORGES 11 :IM J OMM ROULUMU ill mmO®a©dpoQ R1OM 3 f''I 43 Before, 44 Postscript (abbr.). 45 Call for help at sea. 46 Like. 47 Dry. 48 Mine. 50 French article. 51 Sound. 52 Footlike part. 54 Air raid warning device. 55 Den. 57 Vigilant. 58 Sea eagle. VERTICAL 1 Soul (Egypt). 2 Exist. 3 Storm. 4 Staff of life. 5 Swiss river. 6 Right (abbr.), 7 Horsepower (abbr.). 8 Rubber tree. 9 Drops of eye fluid. 10 Scottish drinking cup. 11 Hops' kiln. 12 Symbol for neon. _ tN 17 Unit of energy 18 Hunters of seals. 20 Hideous giants. 21 Constellation,. 22 Canvas shelters, 24 Her husband was born in --'—,. England. 25 Bengal quince, 27 Pickle. 29 Inflammatory. 30 Cease. 31 Ankle bone. 33 Longing (slang). 35 Philippine peasant. 37 That which ripens. 39 Tread underfoot. 40 Vegetable. 42 Compass point 47 Painful. 49 12 months. 51 Sesame. 53 Transgression. 54 Symbol for samarium. 56 Music note. 19 t.. 8 �. a t9 ,h 'lf(g 20 2I 22 ;^`,`ti` ,ham ``,, 23 A•� ;4%,c= 24 25 26 27 28 Z9 • ,, , t(`le%,� �� ;. ,'". .,i0% -e, ,LIIIIIlIII,��r /,I I� -,1 7// ,��,I' �A,�s Q ;•,..- tui, (/ a� 7r_ ♦ 30 ii*'-', 3) 3 1111 33 c`3i: .u�,,e, 34 ....,-;,§,V. 35 caro 36 37 40 43 46 94• 4/ 45 4e, 49 50 sa Hearts of Oak "Hallo!" said Mrs. Jones to Mrs. Higgins when they met in the fish queue. "How's your old man? He didn't 'alf put on weight in the Navy, didn't he?" "Oh, he's been doin' reducin' ex- ercises since then," said Mrs. Hig- gins. "Well I never!" replied Mrs. Jones. "How's he doin'?" "You'd be surprised," said Mrs. Higgins. "The battleship that was tattooed on 'is chest is now only a rowing boat!" ' 42 Keeping It Confidential When the Colonel carne into the room he found Corporal Mur- phy seated, reading a letter, . with Private O'Shea standing behind him, his hands over Murphy's ears. - "VThat's this horseplay?" de-• manded the colonel. "It's this way, sor," explained the corporal, "O'Shea, here, gets a letter from his gurrel. Beira'. he can't read he lets me read it to him, but stops my ears so I can't , hear what she writes to him. That's how it was, sor." FUNNY L.JS!NElSS By Hershberger b ' k 1:���414:z �F1;1)."44M1-1.1. 4�1\\1`t',`,1\14 4 alts !t, �t1�}'fey 'd�" , 4 1 e t v' s.,,'i-'••.. e t • ,•1. t r r•�.7 � 9 3 /n s o . . X00./�p4o To9 "He's a dyed-in-the-wool sailor, sir!" SUM, GLANCES By Galbraith cops. t' ! SEA SERVICE, INC. T. M. REO. U. S. PAT, OFF. "since he's retired he's always worrying about some- thing—during the war it . was the invasion, and now he's following three different serials!" wassmontroommaser MUTT AND JEFF — You know the Old Expression "Oh the Lucky Dog" By Bud Fisher • —� � I SAID TAKE YES! AIR!"AIR! .. D!D YOI TAKE YES, I TooK� "BUT Y COULDN'T I ,� = THE DDG OUT ., TAKE HIM ou :THE DOG OUT HIM DOWN To `? GET HIM To FoR SOME F•-�, FOR SO E AIR! – FOR SO Hot.b THE HOSE -- WHAT? AIR! ,1,� '; V raD = THE FILLING ` , �! AIR? STATION rya IN HIS MOUTH! --: FREE °'. °[„�'JI �. �. .� . �,4' Ir AIR l d ® i ° 0 3,Q11� =+ It l► �, .r 4 E , \ <i ilii I� 1 FEG'LA.R FELLERS—Hero—Second Class -- AN' TW LITTLE DUTCH ( .cw HELD Pill! FINGER. IN TH' LEAVL IN 'fl -I' DIKE UNTIL l'W' DANGER WA.a ALL OYER W I KNOW THAT KID HE'LL TRY T. IMITATE TN' BOY IN,, -1•H STORY IF HE HASTA WALIG T' BOULDER DAM T' DO %V 1 GETCHA -- YEP-=T't WEs USN' THE BRAI N8 ALL RIGHT! And Worth It, A Kansas City ratan visited his bankea the other day and asked: "Are you worried about whether 1 .can meet my vote next month?" "Yes, 1 am," confessed the banker. "Good", said the client, 'that': what 1 `ni paying you six percent for." Try Loving Them A man tvho • was keen on his garden was justifiably proud .of his lawn. But one year the" lawn had a heavy crop of dandelions. He tried everything he had ever heard of to get rid of then, but without success. At last he wrote to the Minis- try of Agriculture. He gave a list of all the remedies he had tried, and ended his epistle with: "What shall 1 do now?" In due course carne a reply: "We suggest you learn to love then," When your BACK ACHES.. Backache is often caused by lazy kidney action. When kidneys get out of order excess acids and poisons remain in the system. Then backache, headache, rheumatic pain, dis- turbed rest or that `tired out' feeling may soon follow. To help keep your kidneys working properly—use Dodd's Kidney Pills. Time -tested, popular, safe, non -habit-form- ing. Demand Dodd's Kidney Pills, in the blue box with the red band. Sold everywhere. 135 • EASE PAIN OF COLDS, SORE THROATS. FASTI See for yourself how quickly Aspirin acts! Drop one in a glass of water and "clock" it. Within two seconds,' it will start to disintegrate. It does the same when you take it. As a result, it provides relief with remark- able speed. Get Aspirin today. The "Bayer" cross on each tablet is your guarantee that it's Aspirin. ASPrnIN NOW New Low Prices! Pocket box of 12s . . . . only 18c Economy bottle of 24 . . only 29c Family size of 100 . . . only790 By Gene Byrnes A LEAK IN 114 DIKE / A LEAK N TN DOGE/ I'M A BUTCH BOW MY/ THIS WATER TROUGH EP..EC FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF HORSES 6Y TNEpS NCA "In summer he chases ambulances!" Barometer Was Right A man on the coast of Florida wrote to a New York store for a barometer. When it arrived he unpacked it and discovered that the instrument was set at "Hurri- cane." He tapped it, and it did not budge. He hung it on the wall, tapped it again, and still it did not budge. Very angry, he wrote a strong • letter to the store, and then went out to post it. When he returned his house as well as the new barometer had been blown away. Bright An ambitious young man heard of the death of the junior partner cf a big firm. Being' full of self- confidence, he hurried to the of- fices of the firm whose senior part. uer was a friend of his father's. - "How about my taking your partner's place," he asked. "Excellent!" said the senior { artner. "1 f you can fix things with the undertaker." POP—Barrier's Down z COULD LEN D YOU A FIVER^- Uommomoisagoomow —BUT LENDING MONEY ONLY BREAKS ` FRIEIJDSHIP . ' By 1 Millar Watt OH, WELL ! WE NEVER WERE VERY 000D FR1END99- (aeienaa;by.. Th. nen.'Syndatple:. 1 • ,, , t(`le%,� �� ;. ,'". .,i0% -e, ,LIIIIIlIII,��r /,I I� -,1 7// ,��,I' �A,�s Q ;•,..- tui, (/ a� 7r_ ♦ ��;. '111116 -�F ;91110'11 �, is E,r—. I Qiit «'"e 1111' •ate= = II �• 1111 ' 1 4ililliiiiIIIIIIiltilIII � . .vat. w y a ,v- ; ii t Ili FEG'LA.R FELLERS—Hero—Second Class -- AN' TW LITTLE DUTCH ( .cw HELD Pill! FINGER. IN TH' LEAVL IN 'fl -I' DIKE UNTIL l'W' DANGER WA.a ALL OYER W I KNOW THAT KID HE'LL TRY T. IMITATE TN' BOY IN,, -1•H STORY IF HE HASTA WALIG T' BOULDER DAM T' DO %V 1 GETCHA -- YEP-=T't WEs USN' THE BRAI N8 ALL RIGHT! And Worth It, A Kansas City ratan visited his bankea the other day and asked: "Are you worried about whether 1 .can meet my vote next month?" "Yes, 1 am," confessed the banker. "Good", said the client, 'that': what 1 `ni paying you six percent for." Try Loving Them A man tvho • was keen on his garden was justifiably proud .of his lawn. But one year the" lawn had a heavy crop of dandelions. He tried everything he had ever heard of to get rid of then, but without success. At last he wrote to the Minis- try of Agriculture. He gave a list of all the remedies he had tried, and ended his epistle with: "What shall 1 do now?" In due course carne a reply: "We suggest you learn to love then," When your BACK ACHES.. Backache is often caused by lazy kidney action. When kidneys get out of order excess acids and poisons remain in the system. Then backache, headache, rheumatic pain, dis- turbed rest or that `tired out' feeling may soon follow. To help keep your kidneys working properly—use Dodd's Kidney Pills. Time -tested, popular, safe, non -habit-form- ing. Demand Dodd's Kidney Pills, in the blue box with the red band. Sold everywhere. 135 • EASE PAIN OF COLDS, SORE THROATS. FASTI See for yourself how quickly Aspirin acts! Drop one in a glass of water and "clock" it. Within two seconds,' it will start to disintegrate. It does the same when you take it. As a result, it provides relief with remark- able speed. Get Aspirin today. The "Bayer" cross on each tablet is your guarantee that it's Aspirin. ASPrnIN NOW New Low Prices! Pocket box of 12s . . . . only 18c Economy bottle of 24 . . only 29c Family size of 100 . . . only790 By Gene Byrnes A LEAK IN 114 DIKE / A LEAK N TN DOGE/ I'M A BUTCH BOW MY/ THIS WATER TROUGH EP..EC FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF HORSES 6Y TNEpS NCA "In summer he chases ambulances!" Barometer Was Right A man on the coast of Florida wrote to a New York store for a barometer. When it arrived he unpacked it and discovered that the instrument was set at "Hurri- cane." He tapped it, and it did not budge. He hung it on the wall, tapped it again, and still it did not budge. Very angry, he wrote a strong • letter to the store, and then went out to post it. When he returned his house as well as the new barometer had been blown away. Bright An ambitious young man heard of the death of the junior partner cf a big firm. Being' full of self- confidence, he hurried to the of- fices of the firm whose senior part. uer was a friend of his father's. - "How about my taking your partner's place," he asked. "Excellent!" said the senior { artner. "1 f you can fix things with the undertaker." POP—Barrier's Down z COULD LEN D YOU A FIVER^- Uommomoisagoomow —BUT LENDING MONEY ONLY BREAKS ` FRIEIJDSHIP . ' By 1 Millar Watt OH, WELL ! WE NEVER WERE VERY 000D FR1END99- (aeienaa;by.. Th. nen.'Syndatple:. 1