Zurich Citizens News, 1961-04-20, Page 6PAGE SIX
ZURICH CITIZENS NEWS
THURSDAY, APRIL 20, 1961
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and
SPICE
I By Bill Smiley IIIIIIIIIIIINlIlll
also iY(IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Something new, and particularly
odious, is threatening to destroy
any semblance of domestic placid-
ity at our place. A shadow has
crept across the little pale sun that
shone, however dimly, on our
household. Hot words and cold
looks are the colors of the day,
It seems like a little thing. But
it's making me depressed, irritable,
moody, sullen and generally iras-
cible. Perhaps if I got it off my
chest in this space I'll feel better.
Briefly, my wife is now handling
our finances.
In the old, happy carefree days
in the newspaper business. I han-
dled the family funds with no
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stress, no strain, no tension.
I used to pick up the mail each
morning, If there were any bills,
I stuck them in my hip pocket un-
opened. After a week or two, I'd
empty my pocket into a drawer at
the office. Every month or so, I'd
look them over, and pay a few of
the more urgent demands.
I ran contra -accounts with some
of the merchants. They'd run up
a big advertising bill, and I'd run
up a big bill for drugs, or hard-
ware. At the end of the year, we'd
have a grand reconing, square up,
and all would be serene.
Little money changed hands,
and all parties were satisfied. It
was a primitive, and just as effic-
ient, as transsactions in the old
days of trade.
,!, p a
I never paid the premiums on
my insurance policies until my
month's "grace" had run out. I
was always one winter behind in
my fuel bill. I paid the taxes on
the last day of the year, or a few
weeks later. I made the payments
on the mortgage and the car when-
ever the spirit moved me, imper-
vious to threats, warnings and the
other trappings of the bill collec-
tor.
right away to cover those cheques."
Oh, once or twice a year, I'd
have a good grumble about all the
bills coming in, but nobody paid
much attention, including myself.
At the end of each year, we ow-
ed the business another thousand
dollars, but the way I explained it
to my wife, that was perfectly log-
ical, as my partner wasn't married,
so didn't need as much money as
we did. She thought this an enm-
inently sensible explanation.
This system worked to perfect-
ion. We were happy. I was res-
pected for my financial acumen.
In fact, my wife used to listen,
rapt, when I discoursed on high-
er economics, interest rates, fin-
ance companies, and things of that
sort.
There was never a cross word
about money. There was never
much money either, but that did-
n't seem to matter. Now, we seld-
om talk about anything else.
I come home from school now,
haul out a cold one, and sit down
for a friendly chat. Five minutes
later, there are bills and receipts
all over the kitchen table. I'm
defending my former monetary
policy like a deposed minister of
finance, and she's attacking it as
mercilessly as the auditor -general.
As a result of this tight money
policy, there was usually some
ready cash on hand for necesssit-
ies, like smokes, magazines, crocks,
gas for the car, and birthday gifts.
When we were going on a trip,
or off to the city for a big week-
end, I'd just write a cheque, get
my partner to countersign it, and
cash it at the grocery store.
When the bank manager called,
I spoke right up before he could
say a word, and told him "All right,
George, I'll get some money in
joint.
All that I can say is that her sys-
tem has plunged us into the worst
economic gloom we've ever exper-
ienced. First of all, she has the in-
sane notion that you're supposed to
pay your bills as soon you get
them. As a result, we never have
any money. She even thinks you're
supposed to pay things like church
dues and doctor's bills.
Just last month she nearly put us
right on the rocks. She came across
an old tax notice that I had thrown
in the waste -basket. What did she
do? She sent off a cheque for the
entire one hundred and seventy
dollars.
It meant that I had to smoke
makings for a month -
She didn't see what she'd done
wrong, even when I carefully ex-
plained to her that they can't
seize the property until your taxes
* :!:*
I don't quite know how it hap-
pened, but since we came here,
and I went on a regular salary, the
Old Girl has taken over the purse -
strings. Perhaps, it's because the
mail now comes to the house.
At any rate, she pays the bills
and does the banking. We have
also required, somehow, a monstro-
sity called a joint account. As
nearly as I can learn, this means
that I endorse my pay cheque and
from there on, she takes over the
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WE HAVE ANOTHER SHIPMENT OF
are three years in arrears.
,I, * *
In the long run we may get out
of the soup, if I can teach her the
primary fact of home financing—
that you never pay a bill until you
have to. What bothers me is her
complete absorption with money.
How would you like to go to bed
with a cross between Scrooge and
the Chancellor of the Exchequer?
It's humiliating for a former
Good -Time Charlie, who could buy
a round with the best of them,
or plunge for a raffle ticket with
a flourish tao have to ask for his
lunch money. But what cuts deep-
er than that is the fact that she
knows where every nickel she giv-
es me is spent. I'm supposed to
be at the dangerous age. How
do I finance it if I.want to support
a mistress, or buy a one-way tick-
et for Bali?
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