Zurich Herald, 1928-06-21, Page 7LAFF
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.vor. i.
(ON WITH LAUGHTER)
r Dick—If I maileda letter .addressed
to "the dumbest man in town,' I won-
der, who they'd deliver it to?
Oswald (innocently) -They prob-
ably return it to the sender.
Lady of the House -Well, I'm sorry
to lose you, Kate, but I suppose you
'are leaving for a better place.
Departing Cook—Oh, no, ma'am; I'm
leaving to get married.
Customer to Waitress—Is your apple
pie fresh?
Waitress—I don't know. I've only
been here two weeks."
A bank, advertising in an exchange,
says there is one commodity in which
it pays to be extravagant—courtesy.
Mrs. Hicks: "I don't take any\etock
In these faith cures brought about by
the laying on of hands."
Mrs. Wicks: "Well, I do; I cured
my little boy of the cigarette habit
that way."
"Even if she does rouge nicely, find
out if she can cook. Two can't live
on rouge."
Married men have one advantage
over bachelors. The meek shall in-
herit the earth.
Bride: "What happened in court,
dear?'
Groom: "The judge gave me ten
dollars or ten days."
Bride: "I hope you took the
money."
Teacher (helping child unfasten
coat): Did your mother hook this
coat foe you?
"No," was the astonishing reply,
"she bought it."
Woman wants but little here below
but she wants a long time in which
to put it on.
Troubles. never come singly; they
come in droves.
Eager youth—"One kiss from you
and I could die happily."
Bored—"Well, here's your kiss."
Willie: "Ma, if the baby was to eat
tadpoles, would it give him a bass
voice like a frog?"
Mather:• "Good gracious, no! They'd
kill him."
Willie: "Wall, they didn't!"
This is a funny world. .A. business.
man 35 years old is a "Kid," while a
ball player is an "old man" at that
age.
AH, FAME
I'd like to win my share of fame
But I can not, to save my soul,
Swim obennels, win at any game,
Or sit forever on a pole.
Now 40 oranges I' can't eat,
Nor walk a hundred miles,
No wonder Fortune's sun won't beat
Down on me with her smiles.
"Hello, Jones, where did you get that
black eye?"
"Oh, it was only a
quarrel,"
"Sweethear't's quarrel! Why, your
girl didn't give you that, did she?"
"No; 'it was her other sweetheart."
"We're so . suspicious nowadays,"
said a man. "We never know when
our wife kisses. us when we come in
the house, whether it is done for af-
fection or investigation,"
sweethearts'
The heavy penalties were imposed
after Judge Pickett discovered that
the two women had deliberately died
on the witness stand while giving
testimony. -New Haven Register.
Some people won't stop at anything
to get out of court room duty.
First Man—Do you belong to a re-
form organization?
Second—I db. I'm married.
Iiusbnd—It is a strange thing, but
true, that the biggest fools have the
Most beautiful wives.
Wife (pleased) -0h, you flatterer,
"I can't stand anything but bonded
Stuff," said the stenographer as she
reached for another sheet of paper.
"Madain, what is the complexion of
roar ne`y baby, dark or fair?" "To
ell y7iu the truth, he is a little yel-
ler."
el-ler."
It is well to recognize that the win-
ner in an armament race can be
named in advance—Nobody.
_-v
Still, tbe fellow who believes in pre-
destination jumps just as fat' at the
sound of a honk. ---Schenectady
Gazette,
What is more satisfying after
the bridge game than a cup
or two of Red Rose Tea?
Millions of Canadians pre-
fer it to any other because
of finer flavor, remarkable
strength and dustless pur .
stye Put up in alumirrluni—
the ons rn iaterial which conn.
pletelr protects good tea.
letW
Lake Dropped Two Inches
An excellent official opening of the western lakes and rivers was made
this Spring when several guests of the Banff Springs Hotel commandeered a
big motor bus, for the five -mile journey to Lake Minnewanka, where several
good catches were made.
The best sport fell to G, Andrews, of Banff, who captured a thirty -pound
lake trout after a long struggle. He practically swears that the water drop-
ped two inches when the trout had been. landed.
NO BETTER MEDICINE
FOR LITTLE ONES
Feel Hurt
Scores Canada For Open Dis-;
cussion of Rideau Hall
Expense
Iondon.—Under• the caption of "An
Unhappy Debate" the Daily News
says: "It must be as unwelcome to the
Canadian people as it is distasteful
to Lord Willingdon that the expenses
of hie residence should form the sub-
ject of acrimonious discussion in the
Canadian House of Commons. Ob=
viously the sums involved are not pro-
foundly important nor inappropriate.
What appears to be at isbue is the
large question of social values. In the
end it is for the Dominions to say how
they will house the Governors -General.
If that were once settled no one
would wish to challenge it. But at
least it is a little unfortunate that the
issue should be fought out piecemeal
over the head of a particular indi-
vidual who can have no other wish
than to carry out Die duties suitably to
his office."
Irwin Meteorplane Has
Wingspread of 14 Feet
The Irwin racer meteorplane is one
of the smallest standard airplanes
ever turned out in the United States.
Is What Thousands of MothersBuilt in California, this tiny ship has
a wingspread of only fourteen feet. A
Say of Baby's Own Tablets. 'special air-cooled motor has been built
A medicine for the baby ar growing Ito power the plane. The engine is so
child—one that the mother can feel
assured is absolutely safe as well as
efficient—is found in Baby's Own Tab-
lets. The Tablets are praised by
thousands of mothers throughout the pilots report that the meteorplane is
country. These mothers have found extremely easy to fly. The plane has
light that it can be handled with
ease by one person. It develops
twenty horsepower and has. a high
speed of 120 miles an hour.
Despite its small wingspread,
by actual experience that there is no
other medicine for little ones to equal
them. Once a mother has used them
for her children she will use nothing
else. Concerning them Mrs. Charles
Hutt, Tancook Island, N.S., writes:—
"I have ten children, thebaby being
just six -,niontlrs old. I have used
Baby's Own Tablets for them for the
past 20 years and can truthfully say
that I know of no better medicine for
little ones. I always keep a box of
/he Tablets in the house and would
advise all other mothers to do so".
. Baby's Own Tablets are sold by all
medicine dealers or will be mailed
upon receipt of price, 25 cents per
box, by The Dr. Williams' Medicine
Co., Brockville, Ont.
Old Air Giant Goes
Britain Demolishes the R33,
Once Blown to Holland
in Gale
Pulham, England.—Britain's vet-
eran airship, R-33, last survivor of
war -time air cruisers, is being broken
up at Pulham airdrome. She had not
been in the air two years when she
made a night before visiting Premiers
from British Dominions, and In view
of the Air Ministry there is no fur-
ther useful work for her to do.
The R-33 will always be remember-
ed in Britain kr her famous flight
three years 'ago. Torn from her moor-
ings at Pulham by a heavy gale, with
only a skeleton crew aboard, she wea-
thered a heavy storm that blew her to
Holland, and returned to her base
despite a broken nose.
Her' successful navigation through
this thirty -six -hour ordeal was ac-
claimed by air experts all over the
world. No dirigible has been used more
for experimental purposes. She was
used for tests for new mooring masts,
landing, night launching of airplanes,
launching airplanes and wind pres-
sure.
When, after a period of inactivity,
the British government decided to re-
sume airship building, the R-33 was
selected to undergo the most exhaus-
tive series of aero -dynamic tests ever
planned, and from these the Air Min-
istry experts obtained valuable 'data
that has influenced the design of the
R-100 and the R-101 dirigibles now
under construction.
Copied from the design of a cap-
tured Zeppelin that came down In
ngland during the World War, the
R-38 was completed in 1919. She was
the first airship equipper. with sleep-
ing bunks, dining room and chef, and
created history by producing the first
aerial newspaper.
Traveller (in Arizona) : Conductor,
why is this train so late? Conductor:'
Well, you see, sir, at night it gets
so cold that . the fireman can't keep
up steam in the engine, and in the
daytime it gets so hot that t'he rails
expand and push the towns farther
apart.
For Hay lrever—use M
nard's.
a landing speed of twenty-six miles
an hour, a cruising speed of seventy-
five miles an hour and a cruising
range of 350 miles.
2•
JUST THE THING
1st Bird: 'What's Mr. Carrier Pigeo
doing now?
2nd Bird:
n
Bundle boy for a de -
Cute it a ratio y-
awful atThree
.and it's Iangerous
by Ruth Brittain
AVOID `SHE PAINS
OF RHEUMATISM
This Trouble Comes Through
Weak, Watery Blood.
Many people suffer rheumatic
pains t)Sat could be avoided by build-
ing up the blood, Rheumatism comes
with thin, watery blood, and can only
be driven out of the system by en-
riching and purifying the blood. To
make rich, red blooc. no medicine
equals Dr. Williams' Pink Pills.
These pills actually make new •blood,
driving out all poisonous secretions,
and creating a condition of robust
health. Thousands of !rheumatic suf-
ferers can testify to the value of Dr.
Williams' Pink Pills. Among them is
Mr. Jos. A. Tully, Bobcaygeon, Ont.,
who says:—"As a worker in the
woods for years I was exposed to all
kinds of rough wintry weather. The
result was that I was finally laid up
with rheumatism. I could hardly stir,
and was. confined to bed. Medicine
seemed to have little or no effect and
the best encouragement the doctor
gave me was that with the coming of
warm weather I would be better. But
instead of getting better, I grew
worse. My joints were badly swol-
len, and my legs so stiff they would
hardly support my body. At this stage
I read that Dr, Williams' Pink Pills
were recommended for ii'meumtissn
and decided to try then. The results
were beyond my expectations. After
a few weeks the swelling had disap-
peared, and the stiffness gradually
wore away, and much sooner than I
expected all traces of rheumatism had
disappeared. The next winter when
I' ' went into the wood I took a supply
of Dr. Wilriams' Pink Pills with me,
and they kept me in the best of condi-
tion. My experience should give en-
couragement to other rheumtic suf-
ferers".
You can get these pills through any
dealer in medicine, or by mail at 50c
a box from The Dr. Williams' Medi-
cine Gel„ Brockville, Ont.
Thumb sucking does look sweet in a
baby, but it is disgusting in the three-
year-old and sometimes it hangs on
until fifteen dr sixteen! The habit
may cause an illlormed mouth or In-
duce adenoids; and it always inter-
feres with digestion. Pinning the.
sleeve over the hand; attaching mit-
tens, or putting on cardboard cuffs,
which prevent bending the arms at
the elbows, are some of the ways to.
stop the habit.
Another bad habit irregularity in
bowel action—is responsible for weak
bowels and constivation in babies.
Give the tiny bowels an opportunity
to act at regular periods each day.
If they don't act at first, a little
Fletcher's Castoriawill soon regulate
them. Every Another should keep a
bottle of it handy to use in case of
colic, cholera, diarrhea, gas on stom-
ach and bowels, constipation, loss of
sleep, or when baby is erose and
feverish. Its gentle influence over
baby's system enables him to get full
nourishment from his food, helps hien
gain, strengthens his bowels.
Castoria is purely vegetable and
harmless ---the recipe is on the wrap-
per. Physicians have prescribed it
for over 30 years. With each pack-
age, you get a valuable book on
Motherhood. Look for Chas. IL
Pletcher's signature on the wrapper
so you'll get the genuine.
ISSUE No. 24---'28
The Orange Pekoe, at a little
extra cost, is extra good
16 In clean, bright Aluminum
Dictate Headgear.
Straw Hats Made Compulsory
For Fascist Students in
Italy
Florence, Italy—The "varsity straw"
will be .compulsory headgear for
Italian college youths this summer.
Of a special model of "sober and
elegant lines" it will be incumbent
upon all university undergraduates
Hamburg Gas
Tragedy W s
'Pure Accident'
Official Whitewashing Report
States No Laws W' re Viol-
ated and No Safety Pre-
cautions V.''ere
Neglected
Berlin.—Tile Hamburg poison gas
tragedy was a pure accident, the same
as hood's, storms and other acts of
God, states the report on the investi-
gation made by the Ministry of Trade.
Their finding has received the stamp
of approval of the Government also.
In whitewashing all connected with
the catastrophe, which cost eleven
lives and probably "aused chronic in-
juries to a score or more, the investi-
gators stated that no laws were viol-
ated and no safety precautions were
neglected.
The cause of the explosion of the
phosgene container of 3,400 gallons
capacity, the report states, was prob-
ably defective seam welding, which
was not able to stand the high pres-
sure within the vat, when it was sud-
denly released for some unknown rea-
son. The tank was tested in 1924 and
in 1927 under twenty-two atmospheres
and shortly before the accident the
gauge showed only 1.08 atmospheres
pressure.
The gas was of wartime origin, the
investigations showed, though whether
the Interallied Cornmission for De-
stroying War Materials allowed it to
be retained for industrial purposes or
merely disregarded it as not worthy
of notice, could not be determined.
Some 15,0'90 Aliens were in storage
in the Stolzenberg factory, Fifty tons
were sold to foreign countries from
old stocks. To show the insignificance
of this quantity, the committee ex-
plains that Germany uses 1,500 tons
of phosgene yearly in the manufac-
tiro of dyes.
The destruction of the remainder
of the gas has nearly been completed
by a Reichswehr company, which was
given the job of transferring the pois-
onous stuff to old torpedoes and sink-
ing them in the sea.
belonging to the Fascistgro ups to
wear it. After the manner of Greek
letter fraternity hatbands worn by the American students, Fascist
hats will have the bands of the colors
of the students' particular "faculty"
—medicine, science., literature, law or
philosophy. To tell what particular
university a lad hails from however,
it will be necessary for him to take off
his hat. The university or college
colors will be worn as lining.
One dealer in every varsity town
will be allowed to stock the "paglietta
universitaria" and he must give as-
surance to the local Fascist authori-
ties that he will sell the hats only to
students with proper credentials, an
engagement such as is taken by most
in fraern
tit hatbands and
dealers y
cravats in America.
The object of this, of course, is to
boom the national straw hat industry,
which has suffered in recent years
from the fad of going hatless in the
summer. Deputy Turati, secretary of
the Fascist party, conceived tno idea
and gave orders far its application.
An that stands between most men, '4'
and the top of the ladder is the lad-
der,
Classified Advertisements
BABY CHICE3
g�
ABY CHICICS--WE HATCH FOUR
Jji varieties, prices 100 up. We will
have 60,000 for July and August. Write
for free catalogue. A, H. Switzer,
Granton, Ontario. _
PREPARE FOR ART CAREER
Under the direction of world's largest
commercial art and advertising service
organization, serving large national ad-
verttsers. Commercial artists trained
"tile Meyer -Both way" earn as high as
$260 weekly. home study training. If
you like to draw write for Proof of Suc-
cesses, Meyer -Both Co., Michigan Ave.,
at 20th St., Chicago.
Chicago florists' do a business of
$16,000,000 a year, but of course some
of the flowers are used for weddings.
—San Diego Union.
f
"He calls • himself a gentleman
armer." "Oh, and what does he go
n for?" "Wild oats, principally."
Spring is late in Italy. Probably 1
Itilussolini has had other things to do.
.
Chicks from Blood -tested Stock
Strong, healthy chicks from high -produc-
ing stock, blood tested and i;'ee from
baecilli, white diarrhoea. Males with pen
pedigrees of 200 eggs and over. ;barred
Rock 9, June delivery, $16.00 ner hundred,
S. -O. White Leghorns, $14.00. Terms, 25
pressepaid on order,
liC.O.D.
e delive Ex-
press
Otterville Pottitry Farm, Otteevine. Ont.
"That's what comes of being so at-
tractive," sighed the flapper as she
was hit by lightning.
The Father: Marry my daughter.
Why dammit, young man, you couldn't
even keep her in clothing. Young
Floye: But, sir, am I to blame for
this modern spirit?
INVENTORS
Fortunes are made from simple inven-
tions wanted by manufacturers to supply
the ever increasing demands. "inventions
'Wanted," our booklet "Patent Protection"
magazine "The Thinker" sent on request,
HAROLD C. SHIPMAN $ CO.
International Patent solicitors
64 Metcalfe Street Ottawa, Canada
Minard's LinimentAter Insect Sites.
Use Cutictffa Soap
And Ointment
To Beal Sore Bands
Walk in Peace
Remove the hard skin from
Your corns, apply Minard's
freely and get comforting
relief.
ei Sat,
Soft, glowing color and velvet smooth-
ness are the skin's reflections of " blood
health " within.
TRU-BLOOD, the pleasant - to - take
blood tonic, by acting directly on the
blood and driving out imperities, corrects
the underlying causes of skin affections
and gives natural color and beauty to the
complexion.
When taking TRU-BLOOD use Fsuck-
ley's OINTMENT as an external treat-
ment.
reatment. This magic Ointment does wonders
in correcting skin blemishes, in softening
and beautifying the skin.
Read what these users say. One writes: "Tra-
Blood is working marvels w•th ane." Another
saw "I recommend Tru-BIocd to my neighbors
and they find it better than any prepsrationthey'
have ever used."
Still another writes: I cannot
praise it enough, As long as I live I will never
be without Tru -Blood."
You will sing its praises, toes
Go to any good druggist for these proves
"Buckley'?" products—and acquire "The Slit
That Charms".
Tones the good
righ
Clears the Shin
MEDCNE FOR
YOUNG GIRLS
Mothers Endorse Lydia E., Philo
ham's Vegetable Compound
Sydney, N. S.•--"hfy seventeen year
old daughter took Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound for weakness
and pains. She could not go about
much with the other girls as she was
not strong enough. We got six bottles
and it did her a great turn. She is work-
ing out now in a store and walks three
miles every morning and back in the
evening."—MRs. MAItY V NCE, 44
Lingan Road, Sydney, N. S.
Pinewood, Ont.—"I constantly had
pains in my back and side and spent
two days in bed every month. I have
taken three boxes of Lydia E. Pink -
ham's Vegetable Compound Tablets.
They have done me good and I always
have them in the house. I have recom-
mended your good medicine to several
friends and have given it to my 17
year-old girl." --MRs. ALvRIiP OuE-
LETTE, Pinewood, Ontario.
6�Nu,NE
—PHILLIPS
y�0@ 4AGA,,,.S
For Troublesq
due to Acid
INDIGESTION
ACID STOMACH
HEMMBU R.N
HEADACHE
GAssr-..
Many people, two hours after eat-
ing, suffer indigestion as they call it.
It is usually excess acid, Correct It
with an. alkali, The best way, the
quick, harmless and efficient way, is
Phillips' Milk of Magneeia. It !las
remained for 50 years the standard
with physicians. One spoonful in
water neutralizes Many times its
volume in stomach acids, and at once.
The synlptotns disetlpear In five mite
Utes.
You will never use cretle methotls
when you know this better lnethed•
And you will never suffer frons excess
acid when you prove out this easy
relief. Please do that -for Year OWI1
sait4:-- naw.
Pe sure to get the genuine Phillips'
Milk of Magnesia prescribed by physi-
cians for 50 years in correcting excess:
acids. Elan bottle oontaius full tiir' o-.
frons --'-any drug etcher