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The Seaforth News, 1946-11-14, Page 2JUST' IN Fax Useful "Have your bees done well this year, Jones?" "Pretty well they haven't given much honey, but they've stung my - mother -in-law twice." A Long Time In the post office of a North Carolina village a stranger saw the local patriarch sitting on a flour barrel and whistling. A bystander informed himthat the old fellow had already passed his one bun- drecjth birthday. Impressed, the stranger exclaimed: "Isn't that amazing!"' • 'We don't see nothin' amazin' 'bout it round here," was the. laconic reply. "All he's done is grown old—and he took longer than most people would to do that!" Many Pupil: "What did I make in that test?" Teacher: "Mistakes." Just Curious The reporter began to ask his questions. "And would you like to tell me what made you -a millionaire?" he asked. The terribly rich man looked pensive. I think you can say my wife did," he replied at length. "I see, her loyal help—" "No, no. I was curious to know if there was any income she couldn't live beyond." Too Much Janes had received a lett,.r from his girl jilting him, and after the. shock spent his day at the office in adreant-like, dismal mood. Go- ing home to his lonely bachelor rooms, he determined to ha"e a nice beefsteak with onions. Calling at the butcher's he said, more cheerily than he felt: "Mr. Jones. have you a really tender bit of steak?" "T have," said the -butcher, "it's as tender as a woman's heart." "Oh!" gasped James, "I don't want itl Give me two or three pork sausages, please." Smart The new customer walked into the stc re. "How many chickens have you today?" "Oh, about six, ma'am." "Tough or tender?" "Some are tough and some ten- der." "-,'ell, I keep boarders. Pick out three of the toughest, please." To this unusual request the de- lighted grocer complied at once, saying, "Please ma'am here are the tough ones!" Whereupon the customer coolly laid her hand on the others and said, "Then I'll take these." None Left A teacher put a problem to his class: "There were thirteen sheep in a pen and seven jumped out; how many were left?" One of the boys said, "None, sir," and when the teacher rebuked him for his deficient arithmetic and told him he knew'. nothing about figures; the boy's reply was, "Sir you know nothing about sheep." Understand? "1 said 'Play as you never played before'." "Yes, 'but—" "Not 'as though you've never played before' I" A Lost Sheep Maspherson had wandered off to another church, and his parson was striving to bring him back to the fold. "Why weren't you at the kirk on Sunday?" he inquired. "I was at Mr. MacGregor's kirk," Macpherson replied, airily. "Now;" reasoned the parson, I don't like your running around to strange kirks like that. Not that I object to your hearing Mr. Mac- Gregor, but. I'm sure you widna like your sheep straying into strange pastures." "Parson," was the calm rejoin- der. -"T widna care a straw—if it was better grass." Curing a Habit Young Smithers was feeling off color, and consulted a specialist. The specialist examined him and said: "All that is wrong with you, li young fellow, is that you smoke too many cigarettes. Here is a way to cure yourself of the habit, It is quite simple. Whenever you light a cigarette, put a stone into your pocket. Soon the discomfort ofcar- rying the stones about will cure you," Young. Smdhers hooded and de - pa -ted. Three days later the special- ist received a postcard from his p.^.t int. "T)ear Sir," it said, ''I am follow- ing your advice, but I look .darned funny pushing a wheelbarrow." FOUR -ROW CORN PICKER` Like a weird monster the picker stands with five huge claws ready. These exclusive pictures, taken on Lester Pfister's famous hybrid corn farm at .E1 Paso, Ill„ show the first four row corn picker ever to be used. The monster strips the ears from standing corn, husks them and deposits them on a traveling belt whish drops them into a trailing wagon. The picker- is powered by a combine motor and pulled by a caterpillar tractor. One four -row picker harvests as much corn in 20 minutes as a good field hand can get in a working day. With time out for changing trucks and other delays, it picks 2400 bushels a day. Pfister uses a "mechanized army" of four four - row pickers and seven two -row machines, with which 200 or more acres a day is stripped, husked and delivered to the elevators.. This year he expects Isis biggest crop, some 100,000 :bushels. With -high grade hybrid seed corn prices ranging from $0 to $12 a bushel, its Long' trailer -train heads for value is close to a million dollars. ' elevators, five miles away. the Four -row picker at work In cornfield that stretches as far as the eye can see. VOICE OF THE PRESS J Canadian Carpentry "What Canada needs," remarks the Peterborough Examiner, "is a little less hammer and sickle and a little more hammer and saw." It could also ease up on the chisel and bear down on the square. —Windsor Star. Fluid Driving Here's a good safety tip: Always keep fluid in the brakes and out of the driver. —Windsor Star. Those Prairie Sailors One man in every twelve who served in the Royal Canadian Navy during the war enlisted at Winnipeg. In figures that means 800 officers, 7,500 men as well as 700 members of the WRCNS. That means that this city alone supplied nearly enough personnel to man the peace -tine navy. —Winnipeg Tribune. John L's Aim John L Lewis may call his coal miners out on strike next month. He wants to get production back to abnormal. —Hamilton Spectator. Should Eat Vitamins For the first time in many moons, Garbo broke into the news the other day, with ,pictures„ looking as tired and anaemic as ever. We wonder why she doesn't eat a vitamin. —Kitchener Record. The British Are Needed Hindu - Moslem riots continue to rage in parts of India. In all probability it only the presence of the British in that country which saves open and bloody civil war. —Ottawa Journal, Obesity and Illness Fat people in Britain lost be- tween 30 and 50 pounds during the war but most of them are never- theless in improved health. That is probably true of fat people every- where. Obesity is an invitation to ills, some of then serious ones. —Brockville Recorder and Times Hasn't Enough There are said to be only 12 men in the world who understands mon- ey. The rest of • us don't have enough of the stuff to give it the necessary study.. -- Ottawa Citizen. In Plain Words New York gangsters have stolen a $1,500;000 shipment of French perfume, This is what is known as picking up the scent. — Edmonton Journal. Would Be Over Turkey says she is ready to fight in five minutes' notice. In an atomic war, that would be three minutes after the war is over, — Kitchener Record: Take Your Choice A doctor says motorcyclists are not so apt to have pneumonia as other people. Well, it's more com- fortable to die in bed anyway. — Chatham News. Names, Please "My husband hasn't bought me a new dress in 35 years, and I still admire him," declares a Colorado woman. What a manl And what a woman! —Kitchener Record, Picket's Idea of a Job Seems the main idea of a picket is something with which you slug - another worker over the head., —Brandon Sun. Western Ontario - Apple Harvest The current total estimate of ap- ples in Western Ontario is 424,000 barrels, which is. approximately 5,- 000 barrels greater than the last estimate, and .5 percent below the 5 -year average, 1940-1944. With harvesting well advanced under fa- vorable weather conditions, the yield is reported as somewhat bet- ter in Norfolk County and Niagara district, more than offsetting re- ductions in Middlesex -Huron, Es- sex -Kent ,and Peel -York, In some areas, warns, dry weather retarded sizing and hastened maturity caus- ing some 'drop'. Color generally is fair to good, and insect and fungus damage is light in most commercial orchards, except for some late brood codling moth damage in lo- calized areas. Thousands of years ago, the Egyptians knew theart of ma- nipulating yarn with needles. HOLD EVERYTHING "Call my wife and tell her I'll be late for supper!" NOT HARD :TO. TAKE THIS WRAP Copies of the huge scarf pic- tured here, large enough to be used as a shawl' will be presented to the chief women delegates . and to the wives of the first delegates of each of the .51 United Nations. Of pure white silk, it bears the national seal, in color, of each member coun- try:- The UN scarf was created by Brooke, Cadwallader, noted silk designer, at the request of the American Association for the United Nations. New Preventive For Seasickness A new army preventive for air, train, sea and car sickness will•soon be released for civilian use, News- week reports. The drug known as "Motion Sickness - i'reventive, Army Dvelopnient Type," con- tains sodium amytal, atropine sul- fate and scopolamine hydrobromide. It practically, guarantees comfort to users who are subject to notion sickness. But it can also cause fatal poi- soning in Casa of an overdose. Col. F. R. Foucar and two army associ- ates, reporting in Thd Journal of the American Mcdical Association, - warned civilians to pay strict atten- tion to the labels on the packages. Good Food Habits For Good Health Sufficient quantities of different foods are available in Canada to ' provide every Canadian with nutri- ents needed for health, Dr. E. W, McHenry of the University of To- ronto said in an address at a nutri- tion meeting sponsored by the Health League of Canada. He added, however, that there is .evi- dence that the food habits of many Canadians need to be improved and that the available foods are not be- ing properly used. "The two main causes for mal- nutrition in Canada are ignorance and indifference," said Dr. McHen- ry. "These two causes can be most effectively wiped out by the adequate training of children in healthful living. He said food habits are formed in childhood and persist through life with little change in most ,peo- ple. Firmly entrenched habits were difficult to change and it was diffi- cult to arouse people sufficiently''to cause them to change Elephant Likes Only Good Apples The youngest of the three Indian elephants recently acquired by the. , zoo registers disapproval ' by screaming. As her voice can 'be.' heard uplifted at frequent intervals every day,; she seems to disap- prove of many things, says . The Manchester Guardian. She is very- . ery. jealous of,any attention paid to. her compaions and screams like a spoiled; child if she is neglected for a moment, The young bull, the largest -ofthe three, is very 'pernickety aboitt his - food. When'a visitor brought a bas- ket full of windfall ,apples, most of then rather bruised, the baby of the party ate 'theta readily. The young buil would have none of then. Being persuaded with difficulty to take one in his trunk, he delib- erately turned round, set a forefoot on it and crushed it flat, The keep- er explained that he liked good des - sett apples. l'ou 1-111 Enjoy Slaying. Al The St.. Regis Hotel TORONTO • Every Room With Ilatb Shower and Telephone a Single. $2.50 1111-+ Double, fa.50 np • Ina Good and Dining and Dane. Sherbourne at Carlton Tel DA. 4135 - Ro4SMA- ItGA I'TIr'P LLV Fr1tNIIn"" $1.50 up HOTEL METROPOLE NIAGARA FAILS OPI'. -- (LN.IL STATION Here's really effective gentle relief from CONSTIPATION! Get glorious relief from sluggishness the proved Phillips' Milk of Magnesia way. So effective. So gentle. Just take 2 to 4 tablespoonfuls with water. You'll be thrilled with the way it helps you start each day keenly alive and refreshed. What's snore, Phillips' Milk of Magnesia is one of the fastest neutralizers of excess. stomach acidity known to science, Its double -action means relief. from GEN L' -i QPM I Ltl PSS t"1�K QF R1/{GN�s ususuae, uomyA4�otn'ueIlt�3,�u constipation and relief, from acid. m6R'" '"r "^' indigestion. Reembev... �P%fIL�LIPS it fr 0 NmolBS 15201"14"kgr ne, , Omftrap REG'LAR FELLERS—Air Travel Preferred HOW ARE WE GONNA GET 'TO '14 FOOTBALL GAMES, THIS FALL? JUS' WATCH.' GO GET I ROSCOE! k. ....,,a -,,...."..",-a7-- - MOW 1 REPEHAT 11415 AT T' BALL PARK, 1203COE DOES HIS STUFF AN' WE FOLLE.R. HIM IR1 'i F IER 1WD MONTHS OF HARD TRAINING, 1145 DAY OF THEB10 GAME HAS ARRIVED! NOW WELL ALL CRAWL IN AFTERROSCOE, AND ONLY PICK OUT TH' BEST SEATS' By GENE BYRNES V f�4 41 4' richt. reuri.d.