The Seaforth News, 1946-08-22, Page 3JEST IN FUN fi
Lassoing
Two boys spending a day in the
country came upon a man fly-
fishing.
lyfishing. After watching him cast
his line several times one of, them
remarked to the other: "Oh, come
on, Bill, he'll never catch anything.
Hee trying to lasso Ment."
Settled
The strong man on a visit to
Somerset rode out on horseback to
challenge a farmer whose great.
strength had gained him a reputa-
tion. He entered the farmyard, tied
up his horse, and approached the
farmer.
"Hey," he said, "I've heard, a
lot about you, and I've come a long
way to 'see which is the better
man."'
Without answering, the farmer
seized the intruder, hurled him
bodily into the road, and returned
to his work.
When the loser had recovered
his breath, the farmer growled,
"Have you anything more to say
to me?"
"No," was the reply, "but per-
haps you'll be good enough to
throw me my horse."
Served
Waiter: "What about, a chop
Sir?"
Traveller: "1 never eat chops."
Waiter: "In that case, sir, din-
ner is over."
Meanings
The small son of the house was
doing his homework, and his par-
ents were sitting by the fire.
"What's a fiancee, did?" asked
the youngster presently.
"A woman who is engaged to be
acarried," replied his father.
"And what is a fiasco?" asked
the boy next.
"Oh, that's the fellow who's go-
ing to marry •her."
No Sunday Work
The applicant handed in testi-
monials from three clergymen.
"We don't work here on Sun-
days," remarked the employer.
"Haven't you a reference from
someone who sees you on week
days?"
Lifelike
Client: "Do you think you can
make a good portrait of my wife?"
Artist: "My friend, I can make
ft so lifelike that you'll jump every
time you see it."
Thoughtful
The first day he went into the
restaurant he ordered brown bread
with his meal. The waitress
brought white.
The second day he ordered
brown bread and again she brought
white. The third day he ordered
brown, and again he got white.
This went on for a week. On the
eighth day he decided that the only
1111- way to get what he wan' -.I was to
order the opposite. So, having or-
dered lunch, he added: "And bring
me some white bread."
"But," said the waitress, "aren't
you the gentleman who always has
brown?"
Word for Word
"But 1 thought—" began the
typist.
"It's not your business to think,"
snapped the manager. "All 1 pay
you for is to take down letters
word for word, without leaving bits
out or adding bits of your own."
That afternoon the following let-
ter was brought for him to sign:
"Dear Mr. Brown,—Write it
" with an 'e'—pure side of course.
With regard to your letter of
whatever date is was, 1 can't be
expected to read writing like this,
f can quote you the following
prices. Hi, Thompson, it's that out;
eider Brownie, EIow much shall we
Mick on? Twenty per cent? Make
it thirty? Rightol Thirty bob, two
pounds and two ten a ton. Await-
ing your esteemed orders. I am,
yours truly, thank goodness that's
done."
Out Cold
When 1 hit a man he remembers
it."
"When 1 hit a man he's past re-
membering anything."
He Did
Recruit: "The sergeant is always
picking holes in me.",
Corporal: "Well, you came here
to be drilled, didn't you?"
If
The partners called McIntosh,
the manager, into their office.
• "Listen, McIntosh," said the
first partner. "We find that last
year's business was the best since
we opened the place. We know
how hard you must have worked,
and as a special mark of our ap-
preciation we are making out a
cheque for £000 for you."
The manager stammered his
thanks.
"Yes," went on the other part-
ner, "and if nest year's bnainess is
as good, we'll" sign it."
FUNNY BUSINESS
By Hershberger
w+r,f3�E1'cYy£fc
OM. 1944RY NlARUTILE ING T. M. p[0, 5.5. PAT. Oti • .r
"Nothing to worry about, officer—I'm breaking him he
with stage money!"
■
Screen Actress I
to ■
HORIZONTAL VERTICAL
1 Pictured 1 Meadow
movie actress, 2Insect
11 Abstract being 4 Great Lake
12 Incursion 5 Sodium
13 Beam
14 Near
15 Palm lily
16 Accomplish
(symbol)
6 Bismuth
(symbol) 28 Any 40 Staff
7 Sums up 29 Lieutenant 42 Italian capital
8 Measure of (ab.) 43 Slang
18 Us1 area 32 Military 44 Tramp
9 Legal measure police (ab.) (slang)
19 Electrical Y0 Lixivium 33 On account 45 United Serv-
engineer (ab.) 15 Golf device (ab.) ice Organiza-
20 Staten Island 17 Lubricant 34 Registered tion (ab.)
(ab.) 21 Spain (ab.) nurse (ab.) 48•tlance step
21 Extra 22 Italian river 35 Jumbled type 49 Donkey
25 Pertaining to 23 Permit .36 Northeast 51 Average (ab.)
law 24 International (ab.)
30 Horseback language 37 Steamship
game 26 And (Latin) (ab.)
31 Temporary 27 Kind 39 Observe
dwelling
320f Moorish
descent
35 Plays on
words 14 15
Answer to Prevloun Puzzle
g .SEN
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DIVISION
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SADDENS",P-`+'1AINN
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LS
POD 'ADE
I -L
SH,' ORjIPUT
• HE TATE
53 Each (ab.)
54 Alternating
current (ab.)
55 Him
8
13
38 Chessmen
40 Gets up
41 Erbium
(symbol)
43 Company
(ab.)
44 Bushel (ab,)
46 Daybreak
(comb. form)
47 Paid notice
48 Father
50 United States
of America
(ab.)
52 Intend
55 Possesses
56 She is a
18
10
VOICE OF THE PRESS
No Thanks
I-Iowd you like to be Hungary
and send your little boy down to
the corner to buy a quintillion -
pang , chocolate bar—if you could
.,eget the chocolate bar?
—Christian Science Monitor.
Why Bother?
We are now told that lightning
travels at 22,000,000,000 miles an
hour, not 22,000. In that case we're
going to quit dodging.
—Kingston Whig -Standard.
Just As Silly
A Newfoundland couple has
been married in the torpedo room
of a former German submarine
—which is even more picturesque
than a lion's den or a boxing ring,
and just as silly.
—Edmonton Journal.
More Insecurity
Chigaco man has lodged a com-
plaint that his wife took his pay
cheque every week, and has not
given him any money for twenty-
four years, Obviously she wore
the trousers in their family, and
simply went through her own
pockets.
—Windsor Star
Not Mother Nature
Farmers in Ontario are repor-
ted to be in best hopes of a bum-
per crop than they have been for
many years. At least mother na-
ture hasn't gone on strike.
—Hamilton Spectator.
No Good At All
What good are higher wages if
prices also go up? That's what
U.S. labor leaders are asking, now
the strikes are over.
—Toronto Telegram
THE SPORTING THING
"You'd never be any good at
it, Dear. You can't lie without
blushing!"
It's Worth Trying
Falling asleep at the wheel and
loose automobile car doors are two
of the main causes of accidents on
the highway. Why not keep awake
and be more careful?
—St. Thomas Times -Journal.
May Be Easy—Butt
A naturalist gives "simple rules
for catching a skunk barehanded."
But probably no simpler than you
have to be to try it.
—Ottawa Citizen.
Very Personal
Not everything improves with
age. There is the world, the fancily
car—and us.--
-Quebec
s.--Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph.
It's A Puzzle
What puzzles us is why those
Hollywood performers ever get
married in the first place.
—Brandon Sun.
Brevity Is There
If milady's fashions seem even
funnier than usual to you this sea-
son, it's probably because brevity
is the soul of wit.
—Kitchener Record.
Not Everyone's Dish
South Africa reports that the de-
mand for diamonds is strong, as a
hedge against inflation. That is,
as strong as can be expected, con-
sidering that a blue -white 5'/s -carat
stone costs $13,200.
—Windsor Star.
Peace Argument
Mr. Howe's flat statement that
because of present strikes the short-
age of nails presently "will prac-
tically close down building con-
atruction in this country" ought to
be a powerful argument for indus-
trial peace. If thousands of houses
now being built are uncompleted
when winter comes the gravity of
the present housing situation will
be intensified sharply.
—Ottawa Journal.
Hard On Nerves
An American army officer wants
tests of the atom bomb every six
months from now on. Whether
our planet's nerves can stand two
narrow escapes every year remains
to be seen,
—Edmonton Journal.
Modern Version
Nowadays, when two or three
peace -makers are gathered to-
gether,
they have to bring itt an-
other peace -maker to male peace
between them.
—Stratford Beacon•I9craid.
We're Waiting
By sticking a thermometer into
a cucumber, scientists have pro-
ved that it is actually 20 degrees
cooler inside. We still await in-
structions on bow to crawl into a
cucumber on a hot day,
—The Emonton Journal.
Missing Links
Soviet spy links have been or-
dered to leave Canada. Canadians
who acted that way in Russia would
go into the category of "missing
links".
BASH -COP*
(Tri -basic Copper Sulphate)
First time an Canada. A neutral in-
soluble copper compound making
an ideal spray material for fungus
control on potatoes, sour cherries,
tomatoes, celery, etc. Contains twice
as much copper as ordinary copper
sulphate or bluestone, consequently
goes twice as far. Also available as
a dust.
•Trad,a, rh Rea'a.
AY YOUR LOCAL DEALER
THE SPORTING THING
"—pain in my back, Doc, feels
just like a knife was stuck in it!"
MUTT AND JEFF—Speaking of House Painters Our Swell Pal Mutt Wasn't Hanging by His Hells By BUD FISHER
OH,DEAR!
KEY
AND
IN
LOCKED
OUT,
I LEFT
THE HOUSE
MYSELFPUT
G"
II—WA'
MYI'LL
HELP
YOU
MRSMUTT!
�ltr �.�
�u �t
1 FoUND A LADDER! r�THERE
I'LL CLIMB THROUGH THE
UPSTAIRS WINDOW AND
UNLocKTHE DooRFR0M
MRS.MUTT!
ARE,
You °H,THANK"T
YOU,JEF'6!
NO•
W 'LL
( >
THE
`LADDER
F,_ ^
w
CHANKS,
MUTT!
a s muanmo
��I-
THE INSIDE! --
I
1.
IV.t
BACK!
1
t
t ♦��(•i �C
awe.
oli
I Y'�
i•
%.r v
f..
1 illi%1I1.
Citi 1:`.j
POP—Not Dry Reading
CASE ARRIVED DOWN
AT THE STATION FOR
YOU, S I R
THAT MUST BE Ti -!OSE
LIBRARY BOOKS
r rb I GRDEIaED
r 1
AND WILL YOU SEND
DOWN SOON SIR ?
ONE OF THEM
IS LEAVINO
By J. MILLAR WATT
thelu4lol by Thu sell a; ntniW, 14c.1
REG'LAR
FELLERS—Making of a Hero'
PRETTY
t GOOD TO
YOURSELF
AREN'T YOU?
IVO SELF
SACRIFICING
FOR YOU
EH• ���
Pl tiE H.�'
GIMME
A TRIPLE RICH
VANILLA SUNDAE WITH
-TWO INCHES OF
CHOC'LATE. SYRUP AN'
MARSI4MELLER, HEAPED
WITH SLICED BANANAS
L AN' A CHERRY ON TOP!
ORDERING -
i A DISH LIKE. •
tl�
-11-IAT WI-1ILE PEOPLE
/ IN OTHER COUNTRIES
ARE GOOD AN' -1
i-IUNGRY! )'
YESSIR.,-
/11AC AR -T1 -1U 1
WOULD SUPS
Ii= PROUD
OF YOU! , 1
WAKE UP,
ITS
TO0 LATETO t
CHANGE THAT , I
ORDER'f�!�Sj
`
�J
By GENE BYRNES
NEVER. MIND`
'MAT CHERRY
ON TOP!