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The Seaforth News, 1946-08-01, Page 3DOST IN FUN 11 Then He Speaks Visitor (to Junior). "My what a good boy you are, sitting there so quietly!" • Junior: "1 always : sit quietly until someone puts money in my bank and then I say "Thank you." The Same Will Smathcrs" has two sons. One is in politics, and the other isn't much good either, Why Worry Teacher: "Johnny, what is one- fifth of three -sixteenths?" Johnny: "1 don't know, exactly, miss, but it's too small to worry about. Mostly Selling An artist confesses he put ten year's work into a picture he has just sold. Nine of Ahem are said 40 have been devoted to selling it.. A Contribution Chemistry Professor. "Wh.t is the otststandiug contribution chem- istry has made to the world?" Student: 1?Iundes. Some Organization Returned from Russia to attend hospital, a German officer found two doors, one marked "Troops" and the other marked "Officers." He entered the door marked "Office a," and found two more doors, one marked "Serious cases" and the other marked'rSlightly in- jured." He went to the "slightly in- jured" door, and found two more doors—one marked "Party Mem- bers" and the other marked "Non - Party Members:" He pushed open the door marked "Non -Party Members" . . and found himself in the street. A couple of days later a friend asked him if the hospital had cured him. Not exactly," he replied, "but the organization was marvelous!" ' Don't Know There is one thing I • not knew, know, Bout that I've no illusions - 1 do not know how far he jumps When he jumps to conclusions: Very True A production expert declares that sedentary work lessens a man's resistance. The more he sits the less he can stand. Modern Language The explorer, bo:ving low, ap- proached the savage chief. "1 some to you," he began ceremoni- ously, "from beyon:i the sunset— from the Great White ;King ... .' "Tell me," interrupted the chief, "why don't you guys du something about the rotten radir programs you send over here." Service With a Smile A boy entering a drug store in America placed a five -cent piece on the counter as he saw the assistant coming towards him. "Please, could you give me a dose of castor oil so that it won't taste?" he asked. "Certainly," smiled the assistant. "Would yoti like an ice-cream soda whilst you're waiting?" "Yes, please," answered the lad, and drank the soda with relish. "Did you want anything else?" asked the chemist. "No thanks—just • the castor oil," replied the boy. "Burt you have just drunk it," smiled the chemist. " "Gosh! That wasn't for me, it was for my dada" exclaimed the boy. A Winnr°r Billy li, d fallen into the bad habit of betting, In the hope of coring the boy, his father and \uncle decided to make him lose by takii:g on any bets he proposed; which they knew they would win. The following morning Billy , stet iris uncle. "1 bet you sixpence you've got corns," said the boy. Uncle accepted the challenge. "But what proof can you give?" said Billy, "Easy," said the other. "1'11 take off m; shoes and socks and show that you're wrong." Presently uncle's bare feet were exposed, and Billy gave him tate, sixpence. During the morning uncle met the boy's father. "Our sclienie's going fine," he said, and went on to explain how he had won sixpence from the boy "And to prove that I was right," addedthe uncle, "'I look off my shoes and socks and showed him my feet." "What!" ejaculated the boy's father. "Only last night that hov bot me'half a crown he'd see, your !'bare feet. OUT OUR WAY By J. R. !Williams BEINGSO VERY EFFICIENT 11•J )OUR /' STUDIES AND WITH. SUCH ATHIRST Yom• FOR KNOWLEDGE MUST Y MOTHERMAKE VEROURY PROUD OF 'YOU! OH, NO --NO, MAAM! IT'S QUITE THE REVERSE --WERE: BOTH VERY WORRIED ABOUT n THE MORE WE READ ABOUT GREAT PEOPLE, THE MORE , J WE FIND WHO SHOWED LITTLE OR NO PROMISE WHEN 7HEY WERE 117UNG/ 1 U. S. Army Leader HORIZONTAL 41 Moths 1 Pictured 42 Learn militarist, 43 Daybreak Maj. -Gen. (comb. dorm) George L. 45 Cases (ab-) 48 Paymasters 10 He — corn- on boats mender of the. VERTICAL air forces in China, India and Burma 12 Surgical saw 13 Number 14 Peer Gynt's mother 15 Magic 16 God of love 18 Scheme 19 Amount (ab.) 20 Mythical king of Britain 21 Coverlet ■ ATWwcr to Previous Puzzle NNOMM MMMO©rn Mid int1 NMI t ' Mm ©fes I i MMM ©fes MIMMDMO MM ram a0[7©® ammo itiL- . om© ®® ©Gii NOM t 1 ©© MN UON MIAI OM MD OM MMINPM MMU MO MO 22 Parcel post (ab.) 23 Clothes 24 Indian province 25 Depend 26 Mine 27 Poker stake 23 Cleave 29 Laughter, sound 30 Pochard 31 Caterpillar hair 32 Tasto solo (ab.) 33 Clamorous 34 Fruit 36 Heart 37 Abyss 38 Great Lake 39 Soft drinks 40 Blow a horn BERYL VAUGHN 4 Put into line 31 Containit g 1 Leather thong 17 Short -napped soda 32 Symbol for tellurium 33 Lag 35 Grazing homestead (ab.) 36 Blood money 38 Divisions of geological time 40 Pinnacle 42 Cubic (ab.) 44 Bone 2 Highest suit in cards 3 Lease 4 Mimic 5 Symbol for tantalum 6 Vigor 7 Short jacket 8 Affirmative 9 Half -em 10 Sequester 11 Colonize fabric 18 Nephrite '20 Daring 21 Quod est (ab.) 23 Renters 24 Per 25 Tapes again 26 Mother 28 Altar screen 29 High school (ab.) 30 Painful I 2 PooR LITTLE FLY - ON THE WALLTHE AIN'T YOU GOT 1 6'8 AIN'T YOU SURE YOU DOl AIN'T YOU GOT No CLOTHES AT ALL? NO UNDERSHIRT? AIN'T You GOT Milo AIN'T YOU GOT NO II .12 a■■ WHY ? DOESN'T HIMSELF y HE TRUST % . k.; 1 ■■ at019 • No PETTY SKIRT? n nr 15 i GOT No PAPA? WANNA Go 9 �Y ��1,'. r. Y. /. I6 17 .■'/ ,f;, ♦; irk 18 ■■■ ` 'MI IIII _ ' -�- d"a •.. 'ikI..1,t s" f, 1t -----ht „ • 11. ,,,. t, . r ! li• "'r A '''%- =I IIIfIIIIIIIII 4a i iy. s e ( 1(,!111611 v tl Of 1 ,W•-. '1, --Ofl t<7, P; l ,`, ° ° HOW'D How.D R,, .r, a' ' d; ollnit• YOU GET REENI?GH f- THE SCREEN? , ANT WO GOT Jl, MORE SENSE ' THAN THAT? �,�i. To srr WHERE JEFF PUTS H15 u. fp”? ..t Mr < '23 Pl 25 ■■,lj3fl26 jyp� 4%(-(f21 ■IN 2B 0 mr ` r• 29 +.x'13o r, F ■� 31 ■� _ •+,132■ly�f 33 ■■1 E 1135 ■ g236 ■■ a ro lil.111 ■ '%' b39 38 ■■■ a � n,. � :3 40 41 4 5.1 ■■!'r/t; 'Awn JUIII�l�. ■■ ronan "foal 43 VOICE OF THE PRESS Nature Is Healer After man has shattered him- self and the countryside around him with all his terrible weapons of destruction, nature quietly moves in to heal over the scars, In'Nor- mandy, growing crops cover the shell holes and bomb craters. Sand is gradually drifting over the wrecks of landing barges. —Woodstock Sentinel -Review. Nothing To It An economics expert claims that only; half a dozen men in the world understand money, Not so bad at that; it's six more than understand women. —Ottawa Citizen. It May Come To That "The world's population," says a statistic, "could be packed in a box measuring a half -mile each way:" Let us first, however, try the less drastic solutions of this housing shortage. —Winnipeg Tribune, Dry -Clean Bathing Suit Lady called a local department store and ordered a couple of bath- ing suits for her daughter to wear at camp this summer. When they arrived, she was understandably disturbed to find that they had tags attached to them reading: "Dry clean. Do not wash." —The New Yorker Magazine. A Dare • A health expert says that short skirts add five years to a girl's life. Come on, girls, why not make a bid for immortality? —Peterborough Examiner. Progress In 1891 there was one copy of a newspaper for every 12 persons in Canada and by 1945 daily news- papers had expanded• their,circula- tions making one copy available for every four persons. —Niagara Falls Review. That Won't Stop Him It's no comfort to a returned veteran to know the wolf won't be at the door this winter simply he - cause he has no door, -Christian Science Monitor, No Argument Scales are the only things that lend real weight to most fish stories. —Guelph Mercury, High Cost of Lollipops Children in the New York City area are personally experiencing inflationary bites into their spend- ing allowances—lollipopps have gone up 233 percent, in price. For- merly selling at one cent each, the price last weelc was three for 11.) cents, —Toronto Star. LIFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred Neher "Certainly eating spinach would make me big and strong.. and the first thing I'd know Pop would have me pushing the lawn mower! !" Slightly Mixed Speaking of mixed metaphors,' there's the one which describes a road hog as a dog in the manger. —Toronto Star, Sure Riddance You can get rid of twitch grass by digging it up by the roots, burn- ing it, locking the ashes in a steel safe, and sinking the safe in 40 feet of water. -Kitchener Record. He Just Ran Away We wonder if all tills talk about "broken marriages" isn't over- done. A century ago, when di- vorce was seldom invoked, a man simply ran away from his wife when he couldn't stand her any longer, and as communications were poor, he didn't have to run very far. 'Women, too, frequently vanished by the light of the moon. We really don't believe that people are any worse at marriage now than they were then. But they are more business -bks about their • methods of separation. —Peterborough Examiner, IT MEANS A LOT when the meal includes Maxwell House. This marvellous coffee is extra delicious because it contains choice Latin-American coffees „ , the finest the workd pro- duces. MACHIN ro-duces- MACHA1 \ ER Y NEW AND USED Of Every Description Phone EL. 1271 H. W PETRIE CO LTD 147 irrnnl St W - 'ti,,, nt" 'tV THE SPORTING THING "Hey, Joe, you forgot your— oh, oh!" MUTT AND JEFF—WHERE THERE'S NO SENSE THERE'S NO FEELING By BUD FISHER PooR LITTLE FLY - ON THE WALLTHE AIN'T YOU GOT 1 LITTLE FLY UPON WALL - AIN'T YOU SURE YOU DOl AIN'T YOU GOT No CLOTHES AT ALL? NO UNDERSHIRT? AIN'T You GOT ON,SHAME! AIN'T YOU GOT NO GIN NO MAMA? AIN'T YOU \ - ".""' I s.r*•tr %:' WHY ? DOESN'T HIMSELF y HE TRUST % t{OME AT ALL? 1 44 - t%r �- t•ii�� ';•''• • No PETTY SKIRT? n nr ACK! $ "r.. L A i GOT No PAPA? WANNA Go 9 �Y ��1,'. r. r: •.: ° ,f;, ♦; e ..... TO HEAVEN. LITTLM FLY oN SEWS BEAN, ` 'MI IIII _ ' -�- d"a •.. 'ikI..1,t s" f, 1t -----ht „ • 11. ,,,. t, . r ! li• "'r A '''%- =I IIIfIIIIIIIII 4a i iy. s e ( 1(,!111611 v tl Of 1 ,W•-. '1, --Ofl t<7, P; l ,`, ° ° HOW'D How.D R,, .r, a' ' d; ollnit• YOU GET REENI?GH f- THE SCREEN? , ANT WO GOT Jl, MORE SENSE ' THAN THAT? �,�i. To srr WHERE JEFF PUTS H15 u. fp”? ..t Mr < POP—Double Money By J. MILLAR WATT • Y • 1 -PE C4-IANGE f,'� ALWAYS COUNTS HAS IN FRONT OF A MIRROR 1 • • WHY ? DOESN'T HIMSELF y HE TRUST % •s: /� 1 44 ETy n nr i r: •.: • jyp� �eeA �• •� Tnre •]3 "foa "on s t } tet. 0 mr REG'LAR FELLERS—Just Imagine! YOU KNOW I DON'T ALLOW YOU. TO EAT BETWEEN MEALS, PINHEAD 1 DON'T LOOK AT IT THAT WAY SAYWE. HAVE LUNCH AT 6 O'CLOCI,L-- By GENE BYRNES - euT THAT six O'CLOCK. STUFF IS MAKE BELIEVE ON ACCOUNTA I'M NEARLY STARVED' \