The Seaforth News, 1946-07-18, Page 3I JUST IN FUN it
Evil One
A an ught abay in his gar -
41C.31 stealing apples, anhanded
prim to the police.
As it was the boy's first offence
ILc magistrate lethint off, but told
hien never to ,yield w such temp-
tation again, adding:
"Ye should have flown from the
Evil One."
"So I did, sir," replies the boy,
"bet he grip me afore I got over
the fence!"
Because
An Oslo girl sitting; in the lounge
of an hotel was approached by a ,
German officer asking her to dance.
She refused, and shortly afterwards
be returned and spoke in rather a
threatening tone:
"Is it because I am a German?
he inquired.
, "Oh, no," she said, smiling
sweetly, not at all. It is merely
because I am a Norwegian."
Deceived
They were having their first
quarrel.
"I'm disappointed," said the hus-
band. "When we were first married
I thought you were an angel,"
"Yes," retorted his wife. "I sup-
pose that's why you never bought
me any clothes."
STUFF AND THINGS
"Ycaht—an' a yard wide!'
Cleves
"I hope you enjoyed your game
with the major," said the hostess
to one of her guests. "He's very
clever at cards, isn't he?"
"He certainly is," replied the
guest. "I•le started by telling my
fortune, and now he's counting it."
Discriminating
The hired girl had been sent
down to the .rook to fetch a pail
of water but stood gazing at the
flowing stream, apparently lost in
thought.
"What's she waiting for?" asked
her mistress, who was watching.
"Dunno," wearily replied her
husband. "Perhaps she hasn't seen
a pailful she likes yet."
Somo Reward Due
"This gift is too expensive, you'll
have to take it bacit," said the
wealthy young heiress.
"Nothing of the sort," insisted
the young nlau. "Why I've been
given credit all over town since our
engagement has been announced."
Keep Cool
"1 can't understand how you
manage to keep so calm, whatever
happens," said Robinson.
"Oh, it"s just a matter of train-
ing," explained Thompson, "You
ace, I've a wife, five children, two
dogs, and a cigarette lighter!"
In Pieces
A celebrated vocalist was in a
motorcar accident one day. A
):.per after rccordin;; the accident,
added: "We are happy to state
that he was able to appear the fol•
lowing eveliing in three pieces."
A Voice from Nowhere
"Yes, sir," answered the soldier.
v.here the voices come from?" he
you eve. hear voices without being
able to tell who is speaking or
"And when does this occur?"
"When I answer the telephone!'
was asked.
Upright
The old-fashioned farmer was
hard to convince. "No," declared
he. "I'll have no such contraption
in My house. Pianners are bad
things."
"Oh, but lather,' protested his
daughter, "this is an upright I.iano."
Could Wat'
A Lanca:.l iro slier and his lass
had spent the day togethtl, and on
their returl the girl's mothcl asked
how she had enjoyed herself.
"Aw eel," said Jane "but 1
think Joe's a ant meal He nobhut
spent sixpence 011 me all flay "
"Well, ,f I were Mee I'd telt his
viapence ce hack and melt him asham-
e 01 himself." said he, nlnther,
Late that night Jane knocked an
Joe's door.
"Ere, ti', said. "Tek ihi six•
(smite hack. I (10111:1 :1 Ilia can af-
fhrd it "
"Er," said he, lover. "t h a
•shouldn't : pothered to -Heel 1t
would a' it me in chnornin'.'
SIDE GLANCES
By Galbraith
COIL 1044 95 NIa eNIvlc , INC. T. M. NEC, 0 0 EAS. EFF.
"Since they bought those Venetian blinds next door 1 can't
tell whether they've got the radio on loud or they're having
another quarrel!"
CROSSTOWN
Mk%
By Roland Coe
"Here's a hand lotion that's not only good for dishpan hands,
but it's also very popular with arc -welders."
If VOICE THE
PRESS
Chasing Kitten's Tail
Raising wages, raising prices to
cover, raising wages again because
prices have been raised, and so on,
amounts to the same thing as a
kitten chasing its tail - and the
kitten has more fun.
Kitchener Record.
Hadn't Thought Of That
Gandhi's son vs India would
not have had a chance of indepen-
dence under Churchill. Did it ever
occur to hint that but for Churchill
India might today he a slave state
of Japan?
—St. Thomas Tithes -Journal.
Preventing Best
Inhaling a rich mixture of oxygen
is hailed by science as the latest
and best cure for a hangover, We
still think, however, the best one
is a brisk walk—hone to bed after
the second drink.
—Windsor .Star.
They're Good Sports
The ever -optimistic British are
planning a world's fair in London
for 1947. Just on the off chance,
we presume, that there'll still be a
world at that time.
—Ottawa Citizen.
The Slow (?) British
Britain is exporting three times
as many motor vehicles as the
United States, as a result of the
labor troubles in the latter country,
The "slow" British are wasting no
time at all in picking up the world
trade they bad to abandon for the
war.
—Ottawa Journal.
Air Hub
Twenty-six tines daily there are
passengers arriving in Lethbridge
by air or leaving by air.
—Lethbridge Herald.
It's An Idea
"Nylon is Made from Coal"—
heading. Better let the ladies
handle John L. Lewis, don't you
think?
—Stratford Beacon -Herald,
Peace Sign
Signs of peace department: More
than 1,000,000 workers are now idle
in the United States as the result
of strikes.
—Woodstock Sentinel -Review,
Transparently 1
Scientists predict that money
within a few years will be made
of glass, and then you won't mind
if somebody gives you a pane.
—Windsor Star,
Saving Plan
British pubs close one day a week
to reduce consumption, save bar-
ley and conserve wild oats,
—Hamilton Spectator.
,#E 1001 0FA 11/0WAND
MULTI -USE PULLER.
For Auto -owners, Farmers,
8aragemon, Lumbermen,
Building Contractors,
Transports,
Shops and Factories
Aft 1VIleMILEB ANRA'Dsiff0N$74#0#
1'ALCOSIIL MANUFACTURING CO. LSO.
Solo Lkon"d Man. faduren
Cornwall Ontato
DEALERS WANTED WHERE WE ARE NOT
ALREADY REPRESENTED
■
Stage Star
HORIZONTAL
1,7 Pictured
actress
11 Arrival. (ab.)
12 Line
13 At a distance
14 Half -em
15 Native metal
16 Pig pen
17 Inlet
19 Registered
nurse (ab.)
20 Was seated
21 Stitch
24Measure of
area
25 Therefore
26 Tellurium
(symbol)
27 Flesh food
29 Perspiration
32 Legal measure
34 Exist
35 She is a —
star
37 To the inside
40 Electrical en-
gineer (ab.)
41 Near
42 Upon
43 Five and five
45 Beverage
47 Symbol for
tin
48 Encountered
49 Dined
51 Rodent
53 Hawaiian lava
54 Australian
birds
55 Frozen water
56 For
58 Amount owed
59 She is a
Broadway
■
VERTICAL
1 Father
2 Space
3 Vase
4 Metal
5 Neither
6 Female sheep
7 Final
8 Often (poetic)
9 Beams of light
10 Doctor (ab.)
17 Male sheep
18 Anger
19 International
language
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22 G .eek letter
23 Moist
25 Male deer
28 Winglike part
29 South Amer-
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30 Scripture
31 Even (contr.)
33 Us
35 Harden
36 Golf device
38 Pedal digit
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39 Ontario (ab.)
41 Any
44 Cognomen
45 Examination
46 Operatic solo
47 Let it stand
48 God of war
50 Vat
52 Account (ab.)
53 Mimic
54 Editor (ab.)
57 Bone
It Sticks Around
And a girl on a diet is quoted as
saying: "A piece of candy stays in
your mouth half a minute, in your
stonta,h half an hour, and on your
hips for the rest of your life."
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
STUFF AND THINGS
' Did I ever show ya my collec-
tion of counterfeit coins?"
STUFF AND THINGS
"My! What a haunting mel-
ody!"
POP—It All Depends
Ygg44'VE GOT YOUR SADDLE
RbuND THE WRONG WAY,
PROFESSOR �. 1
By J. MILLAR WATT
–I HAVEN T Tot -t, YOL
WH1C14 WAY I'M GOINC•a
MUTT AND JEFF— And of Course N. C. Could Also Stand for Non -Committal By Bud Fisher
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It Sticks Around
And a girl on a diet is quoted as
saying: "A piece of candy stays in
your mouth half a minute, in your
stonta,h half an hour, and on your
hips for the rest of your life."
—Stratford Beacon -Herald.
STUFF AND THINGS
' Did I ever show ya my collec-
tion of counterfeit coins?"
STUFF AND THINGS
"My! What a haunting mel-
ody!"
POP—It All Depends
Ygg44'VE GOT YOUR SADDLE
RbuND THE WRONG WAY,
PROFESSOR �. 1
By J. MILLAR WATT
–I HAVEN T Tot -t, YOL
WH1C14 WAY I'M GOINC•a
MUTT AND JEFF— And of Course N. C. Could Also Stand for Non -Committal By Bud Fisher
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