The Seaforth News, 1946-03-21, Page 6HOLD EVERYTHING
"1 had to come back—couldn't
And a room anywhere17
"How's the real estate business
In your town?" asked the visitor.
"Fine," replied the agent. "All
the landlords want new tenants and
all the tenants want new landlords."
—o --
"Your husband seems to be a
man of rare gifts."
"I71 say he is — he hasn't
given me one since we were
married."
— 0—
A laddie from college named
Breeze
Weighed down by B.A.'s and
M.D.'s
Collapsed from the strain
Said the doctor: "It's plain
You're killing yourself by degrees."
—o—
When your son has complet-
ed his studies, what will he be?
"Oh, about seventy-eight
years of age; I should think.
— o—
"Isn't your friend Clark pretty
slow?"
"1 should say not. It took him
four hours to drive his new girl
friend fifteen miles home from a
dance last night."
—0—
"What can I grow in a gar-
den thirty feet square?" asks a
correspondent. Very, very tired.
—o—
The
0—The teacher was trying to make
Elsie understand subtraction and
she said: "You have ten fingers,
BOW supposing there were three
missing wha t would you have
then?'
' Ne music lessons" said Elsie
promptly.
THE SPORTING THING
WSW/ SOUADP
ss-14
Where in heck have you been?
You're three minutes late!"
It Actually Happened
Four Chinese girl -students, none
too familiar with the English lan-
guage, rented an apartment and
kept house for themselves while
attending a western university.
They chose one girl to be the
housemaid manager and left the
buying of food, the paying of rent,
and other financial matters in her
hands.
A chair was broken and a cabi-
netmaker was called in. The girl -
manager engaged nim to do the
repair work believing that the cost
would he $2.50, However, when the
Chair was returned the cabinet-
maker presented her with a bill for
$3.50. She was very much surprised,
a.nd so was the cabinetmaker when
she cried out in her confusion,
"1 cannot understand itl You
are dearer to me now titan when
we were engaged I"
Noted Man
Mrs. Newriche (patronizingly):
"Were any of your ancestors men
of note, Mr. Nobody?"
Nobody: "Yes, madame, I should
say so. One of them was the most
famous admiral of his day and
commanded the allied forces of the
whole world,"
"Is it possiblel What was his
name?"
"Noah, madame."
Greenhorn
It was his first experience as a
shop assistant.
"Have you an account here,
ma'am?" he asked, after booking
a customer's order
"No." was the reply. "but 1
would like to see the manager."
The aaristant walked across to
whei. AM manager stood.
"A lady oi no account to see
YOU. sir.' Inc said.
MIDWESTERN STATE
HORIZONTAL
1 Depicted
state, --
11
11 South African
corn meal.
12 Its capital A
is —, p
14 Sedan,
15 Cloth measure 0 N .; E N
16Arrive (abbr.)
17 Uncooked.
19 Wood sorrels.
21 Particle of
fire.
23 Flower,
24 Mangles. 42 S
26 East (Fr,). 43 S
27 Fortified 46 K
prison. 47 L1
28 Any. 48 E
29 Modified plant .49 H
31 French article 51 A
32 Father. 52 C
83 Spanish su
(abbr.). r
35 Let fall. ce
37 Street (abbi.) 54 A
39 Abatement 56 It
(colloq.). th
41 Roof finial.
Answer to Previous Puzzle
POl-A�
AL EE
EGRI
ARRAN
EG
0
A A'
tiv S T
DS
NS
T
O
S_T A
P A L
0
C E
Ytt
5
T
LIP
H1" AS
E A D
M
NEGRI
CHASM,•S
HASr'BOTTOMSi ,
L
AREA FIMS
TEST FRIES
T
H
ATS",
E
D
R
A
R
EY
11 Philippine
rice.
E13 Artist's frame
N 14 State of
T profound,
insensibility.
f:;10 18 Have been.
D
AW 20 Dust (Scot.).
T
EYE
M E 22 Like,
23 Universal
Alanguage.
25 Steep descent
R 30 Bustle.
33 Lath
P
5
T
A
T
E
L
A
U R N 3.4 Flower .part.
mall particle VERTICAL' 36 Mother or
nares. father.
ind of cheese 1 Seraglio. 37 Thin.
ght brown. 2 Over all 38 Duration.
xist. (abbr:). 40 Invigorating.
as dined. 3 Indian. 41 Roman
nger. 4 Sesame (pl.). magistrate.
heroical 5 Aided. 43 Cariban
bstance- 6 Separated. Indian.
elated to 7 Church 44 Go by.
llulose. (Scot.). 45 Let it stand.
djust. 8 Over (poet.). 98 Every.
is called 9 Transpose 50 Greek .letter.
e"-- (abbr.). 53 Depart.
' 10 Pointed shaft. 55 Size 'of shot..
Peace O:-`ering
George and his wife had a 'few
words and of course didn't speak
for some time afterwards, So
George, in order to make peace,
thought he would buy his wife a
present. He bought a pair of silk
stockings and took them home and
gave them to her.
"Thank you, George. This is kind
of you." A few minutes later on
looking them over, she said: "Oh,
there's a ladder in them."
"Well, my dear," said George,
"you didn't expect to find,a marble
staircase, did you?"
A Request
Consisting of a violinist and a
pianist, the little cafe orchestra
made up in zeal what they lacked
in skill.
One very wet morning they were
playing most enthusiastically al-
though there was only one custom-
er in the place. At the close of one
selection he got up and came to
their little platform.
"Do you play anything by re-
quest?" he asked the violinist.
"Certainly sir,"
"Then 1 wonder if you'd mind
playing a game of dominoes till
I've finished my lunch?'
Smart Mule
An inquisitive tourist stopped by
a farmer who was ploughing with
his mule,
Tourist (ti. farmer whose mule
stopped every few steps): "What
is the matter—your mule sick?"
Farmer: "No, he is the healthiest
mule around here,"
Tourist: "Then is your mule
balky?"
Farmer: "No, he is the most will-
ing mule I've got."
Tourist; "Well, what is the mat-
ter with him?"
Fanner: "He's so scared he
might not hear me say 'Whoa' he
stops every once in while to
listen,"
1YOICE OF THE
-- PRESS
WITH MUSIC ADDED
Flank Greenberg, a $55,000 out-
fielder last season, is said to want
$65,000 to play first base this year.
That's almost as much as President
Truman gets with piano solos
thrown in. -
Windsor Star.
ANNUAL IMPULSE
It's just about this time, of year,
When income taxing forms ap-
pear
That people scratch their harried
+ beans
And wish they'd lived within
their means.
— St. Thomas Times -Journal.
INSULT TO INJURY
And here these Russian spies
have, not only been granted the
most complete diplomatic immun-
ity, but have been eating Canadian
butter!
—1-lamilton Spectator.
THE STING STAYS
The subsidy un the import of
bees has been removed. The sting
remains, as the ceiling price will be
raised.
— Woodstock Sentinel -Review
GUNS NOT NEEDED'
"It is an ancient adage now,"
says .. contemporary, "that the
didn't -know -it -was -loaded gun is
much to be feared," 'fie tragedy
in such cases is increased by the
fact that about nine times out of
10 there is no real need for anybody
involved to even have a gun.
—Brantford Expositor
THERE'S A SURPRISE
awaiting you if you haven't
yet tried delicious Maxwell
House Coffee. It's "Radi-
ant -Roasted"
Radiant -Roasted" to develop
all the extra flavor in the '
superb Maxwell House
blend.
THAT DUTTON "GHOST"
Farmers' Advocate argues that
the Dutton "ghost" must be a real
ghost, "because it can climb•
through a barbed-wire fence With-
out difficulty." We're a little eckep-
tical on that point,as how could a
ghost get through a barbed-wire..,
fe ce without getting its shroud
caught?
—Ottawa Citizen
f2 T0515 250 eRU5s ORES
For common
ordinary sore
throat pN
RUS
0)0
15
"I fought off a pack of hungry shoppers to bag this
package of crisp, crunchy, delicious Grape -Nuts Flakes!"
and bones; iron for the blood; and
other food essentials."
"Bravo, Sir Archibald! And I'd be-
lieve you if you said you fought
through a jungle full of lions for that
malty -rich, sweet -as -a -nut flavor of
Post's Grape -Nuts Flakes!"
"And of course, Gentlemen, we must
remember that Grape -Nuts Flakes are
not only marvellously delicious—they
supply carbohydrates for energy; pro-
teins for muscle; phosphorus for teeth
"Those two golden grains wheat and
malted barley are combined in
Grape -Nuts Flakes. They're specially
blended, baked and toasted for Savor,
crispness, easy digestion."
"Let us repair to the breakfast room
and shoot a giant economy package."
MUTT AND JEFF —. THE WHOLE ALPHABET ONLY HAS 26 LETTERS
HOLLYWOOD,
CALIFORNIA! -
So THEN S.T.
AND ME
CALLED ON
C.G. AHD -
SHIRLEY TEMPLE
AHD CLARK GABLE!
--- SOTHEN
THE T.O.U.
WENT OVER
TO --
4
THE THREE OF US!
YVELL, THE T.O.U.
WENT OVERTO THE
US.QTO DO K.1? WE
WC114 EET raONTHE G
W.L.B. ABOUT THE C.I.O.
SO ONTHE q7 I BROKE
IN ABOUT THE O.P.A.
WHEN M.P,TOLDME
TO B.I.
Pp,O
By BUD FISHER
FORTHEL0VE0Fif ALPHABET?
MIKE! WHAT'RE I DON'T KNOW
YOUTALKIN'ABOUT? THE ALPHABET!
IP You MUSTTALK
L RS THE E /
I
ALPHABET!
REG'LAR FELLERS — Not All There
WHY WEREN'T
YOU IN SCHOOL
YESTERDAY, PINHEAD,
WERE YOU '.,
A .W.O. L.1
By GENE BYRNES
WI -)AT S AT
MEAN,
JIM?
A W.O.
MEANS ABSENT
WITHOUT .
LEAVE!
OF;
GET ell
WELL,
OUR. STUFF
D1D -sir coME BACK.
FROM TI -I' CLEANE.RS
SO 1 WAS
cc, or
POP — Pop Knows All the Answers
ANYBODY
BEEN IN
ONLY
STZAS SIP2 -
-RUT HE SOON WENT
AWAY WI-4EN I TOLD,
HIM YOu WEREN'T
.NMUSIGAL
n
IL
By J. MILLAR 1VATT
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56
Peace O:-`ering
George and his wife had a 'few
words and of course didn't speak
for some time afterwards, So
George, in order to make peace,
thought he would buy his wife a
present. He bought a pair of silk
stockings and took them home and
gave them to her.
"Thank you, George. This is kind
of you." A few minutes later on
looking them over, she said: "Oh,
there's a ladder in them."
"Well, my dear," said George,
"you didn't expect to find,a marble
staircase, did you?"
A Request
Consisting of a violinist and a
pianist, the little cafe orchestra
made up in zeal what they lacked
in skill.
One very wet morning they were
playing most enthusiastically al-
though there was only one custom-
er in the place. At the close of one
selection he got up and came to
their little platform.
"Do you play anything by re-
quest?" he asked the violinist.
"Certainly sir,"
"Then 1 wonder if you'd mind
playing a game of dominoes till
I've finished my lunch?'
Smart Mule
An inquisitive tourist stopped by
a farmer who was ploughing with
his mule,
Tourist (ti. farmer whose mule
stopped every few steps): "What
is the matter—your mule sick?"
Farmer: "No, he is the healthiest
mule around here,"
Tourist: "Then is your mule
balky?"
Farmer: "No, he is the most will-
ing mule I've got."
Tourist; "Well, what is the mat-
ter with him?"
Fanner: "He's so scared he
might not hear me say 'Whoa' he
stops every once in while to
listen,"
1YOICE OF THE
-- PRESS
WITH MUSIC ADDED
Flank Greenberg, a $55,000 out-
fielder last season, is said to want
$65,000 to play first base this year.
That's almost as much as President
Truman gets with piano solos
thrown in. -
Windsor Star.
ANNUAL IMPULSE
It's just about this time, of year,
When income taxing forms ap-
pear
That people scratch their harried
+ beans
And wish they'd lived within
their means.
— St. Thomas Times -Journal.
INSULT TO INJURY
And here these Russian spies
have, not only been granted the
most complete diplomatic immun-
ity, but have been eating Canadian
butter!
—1-lamilton Spectator.
THE STING STAYS
The subsidy un the import of
bees has been removed. The sting
remains, as the ceiling price will be
raised.
— Woodstock Sentinel -Review
GUNS NOT NEEDED'
"It is an ancient adage now,"
says .. contemporary, "that the
didn't -know -it -was -loaded gun is
much to be feared," 'fie tragedy
in such cases is increased by the
fact that about nine times out of
10 there is no real need for anybody
involved to even have a gun.
—Brantford Expositor
THERE'S A SURPRISE
awaiting you if you haven't
yet tried delicious Maxwell
House Coffee. It's "Radi-
ant -Roasted"
Radiant -Roasted" to develop
all the extra flavor in the '
superb Maxwell House
blend.
THAT DUTTON "GHOST"
Farmers' Advocate argues that
the Dutton "ghost" must be a real
ghost, "because it can climb•
through a barbed-wire fence With-
out difficulty." We're a little eckep-
tical on that point,as how could a
ghost get through a barbed-wire..,
fe ce without getting its shroud
caught?
—Ottawa Citizen
f2 T0515 250 eRU5s ORES
For common
ordinary sore
throat pN
RUS
0)0
15
"I fought off a pack of hungry shoppers to bag this
package of crisp, crunchy, delicious Grape -Nuts Flakes!"
and bones; iron for the blood; and
other food essentials."
"Bravo, Sir Archibald! And I'd be-
lieve you if you said you fought
through a jungle full of lions for that
malty -rich, sweet -as -a -nut flavor of
Post's Grape -Nuts Flakes!"
"And of course, Gentlemen, we must
remember that Grape -Nuts Flakes are
not only marvellously delicious—they
supply carbohydrates for energy; pro-
teins for muscle; phosphorus for teeth
"Those two golden grains wheat and
malted barley are combined in
Grape -Nuts Flakes. They're specially
blended, baked and toasted for Savor,
crispness, easy digestion."
"Let us repair to the breakfast room
and shoot a giant economy package."
MUTT AND JEFF —. THE WHOLE ALPHABET ONLY HAS 26 LETTERS
HOLLYWOOD,
CALIFORNIA! -
So THEN S.T.
AND ME
CALLED ON
C.G. AHD -
SHIRLEY TEMPLE
AHD CLARK GABLE!
--- SOTHEN
THE T.O.U.
WENT OVER
TO --
4
THE THREE OF US!
YVELL, THE T.O.U.
WENT OVERTO THE
US.QTO DO K.1? WE
WC114 EET raONTHE G
W.L.B. ABOUT THE C.I.O.
SO ONTHE q7 I BROKE
IN ABOUT THE O.P.A.
WHEN M.P,TOLDME
TO B.I.
Pp,O
By BUD FISHER
FORTHEL0VE0Fif ALPHABET?
MIKE! WHAT'RE I DON'T KNOW
YOUTALKIN'ABOUT? THE ALPHABET!
IP You MUSTTALK
L RS THE E /
I
ALPHABET!
REG'LAR FELLERS — Not All There
WHY WEREN'T
YOU IN SCHOOL
YESTERDAY, PINHEAD,
WERE YOU '.,
A .W.O. L.1
By GENE BYRNES
WI -)AT S AT
MEAN,
JIM?
A W.O.
MEANS ABSENT
WITHOUT .
LEAVE!
OF;
GET ell
WELL,
OUR. STUFF
D1D -sir coME BACK.
FROM TI -I' CLEANE.RS
SO 1 WAS
cc, or
POP — Pop Knows All the Answers
ANYBODY
BEEN IN
ONLY
STZAS SIP2 -
-RUT HE SOON WENT
AWAY WI-4EN I TOLD,
HIM YOu WEREN'T
.NMUSIGAL
n
IL
By J. MILLAR 1VATT