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The Seaforth News, 1946-02-28, Page 2HOLD EVERYTHING "I told you those weren't ducks we were following they were P-385!" A Substitute Scene, landing stage. Business gentleman, in a hurry, to dock loafer: "See here, my man, do you want to earn a half-a-crown?" Loafer: "Don't I just, sir?" Very well; stand on this spot for half an hour and wave this hand- kerchief as hard as ever you can. My wife is off to America with this steamer, and she'll expect me to stand for that time waving to her. She's a bit short-sighted, and she'll never know the difference." A Circus A hard -driving taxi -plan ignored a red signal, threatened the traf- fic policeman's knees, missed the street island by an inch, and grazed a bus, all in one dash. The policeman hailed him, then strolled over to the taxi, pulling a big handkerchief from his pocket en route. "Listen, cowboy!" he growled. "On your way back I'll drop this and see if you can pick it up with your teeth." The Catch The benevolent old man was try- ing to instil the spirit of ambition in an obviously unenthusiastic office boy. "My boy," he said, "do you know the secret of success in life?" "No, I don't," the lad replied, frankly. "But I'll bet there's a catch in it—like all the rest of them things. ['11 lay you a hundred to eight it's something to do with hard work." THE SPORTING THING "Oh, he goes out an' goes through the motions — then we eat eggs!" Good Advice A young girl at the University of Missouri recently wrote her mother, air mail special delivery, as follows: Dear Mother: Please send me money for a new dress immediately. Have had sev- eral dates with Jimmy and have worn each of my dresses once. We have a date tomorrow night and I must have another dress right away. If you don't send the mon- ey, send a new dress. Thanks, RUTH. Her mother answered: Dar Ruth: Get yourself a new boy friend. Persistent MacTavish was very shy. When he went to his first' dinner party he made frantic efforts to begin a conversaion with the lady at his el- bow, "Does your brother like cheese?" She turned with a stnile and re- plied: "I haven't a brother." Dead silence for another spell. Then Ise said: "If you had a bro- ther, do you think he'd—he'd like cheese?" Worse To Worse The music a of master e school had been lecturing on Mozart, hoven, and other great musicians, when ane of the scholars was struck by an original thought. "How is it, sir," he asked, "that musicians are always so ugly?" The music master looked embar- rassed. The seeker after truth suddenly realized with horror that his ques- tion might he taken personally, and hc hastened to make appends.' "in ennr'r. Fir•" he said, tactfully, "1 only mean good musicians." LATE STATESMAN HORIZONTAL 1,8 Pictured late South American statesman. 13 Wiring anew. 14 Coronets. 16 On account (abbr.). 17 Believer in an Ism. 18 Boon. 19 Employ. 21 East Indian shrub. 22 Young dog. 25 Ambary. 26 Long pasture grass. 28 Subduer. 32 Not old. 33 Mend. 34 Egyptian goddess, 35 Distant. 37 Mediterran- can island. 40 Rodents. VERTICAL 41 Editor (abbr.) • 42 Necessity. 1 Cause. 44 Heart (Egypt) 2 Exclamation 45 Electrical of pain. Answer to Previous Puzzle ligi oom 11 III 000IRIF%t10MOW©©0 GIARE © ©o©moo© BOOTNE poop f0©©©LUCE ? TIL ��bil `� Eye- a� N AP pg EAI) DDDD EMI OA L. A Mil 0©2101E IR R O R MEI ©©11714 SSE T term, 47 Organ of hearing. 48 Slumber. 52 Tavern, 53 Symbol for ruthenium. 54 Led. 56 Providing food: 69 Movements: 80 Intercalates. 3 Two (prefix) 4 Silkworm. 5 Hazards. 6 Powerful explosive. (abbr.). 7 Giant king of Bashan. 8 01d 'Testa- ment (abbr.). 9 Equip. 10 Sailor. 11 Man's name. 12 European pike perch. 13 Defeat. I 2 3 4. 5 e 8 9 15 Heavenly body. 20 Before, 22 Postpaid (abbr.). 23 Slope upward. 24 He was — 'of Argentina until June 24, 1942, (pl.). 27 Jugs. 291{ind of nar- rative poetry. 30 Indian antelope, 31 Yes (Sp.). 35 Parables. 36 Near. 38 Sheltered side. 39 Longs; 40 Headstrong. 43 Narcotic. 46 Cut. 49 Consume. 50 Dutch city. 51 Dash (slang). 52 John (Gaelic). 55 Symbol for dysprosium. 56101 (Roman). 57 Railroad (abbr.). 58 That thing. 0 11. 12 t3 [) ■.■�- S L h' -, C Y A3�• 9 i . ^ r4 is 16 X42 'C• ''''k..., i `• 17 43 19 a0 - 'xi ,�C-�•�. •. ,��73 46 23 24/1125 26 48 y'I28 50 51 52 32 35 36 33 34 . 37 38 39 40'5 [) " i�' ''�*•w :•, ;•';:;:i-'i'�-:: S L h' -, C Y A3�• 9 i . ^ P . 41 X42 'C• ''''k..., i 43 G , P a„c 5 ,�C-�•�. •. QS 46 47 • 48 49 - 50 51 52 ` ,,, .a` 53 .. ;, .;. 51 ",. �.�- .ir s '. ,;.,. T1 in A,tl t.`.:1.lar te1r.1 S5 —' ,I,+ 56 57 58 59 !• •160 I S+ Let Me Out A pretty girl got into a bus that was full of shoppers. Immediately a man got up, but before he could speak the girl said: "It's very good of you, but I'd ra- ther stand." He raised his hat and began: „I—„ "No, really, I mean it." "But—" "I assure you, it's quite all right." "But," he shouted desperately, "I'm trying to get out." Abbreviated The private had been given the jobs of announcing the guests at a party at the major's house. "Captain Jones, Mrs. Jones and Miss Jones," he called when they arrived. "Shorten your announcements," whispered the sergeant. "Captain Jones and family would have been sufficient." The next arrivals were Lieut. Penny and his fancily. 'Fourpencel" announced the private. VICE OF THE PRESS Our kindly radar signal to the moon was thrown back in uur faces in 2% seconds, On a rebuff that fast, we figure that they don t like us, That is understandable, RI, the noon gets around, and on any clear night can see what goes on down here. —Ottawa Citizen. Grandma Was Wise Millions of lives are being saved by penicillin, made from breed meld, so maybe those stale bread poultices Grandma used to swear by weren't so wide of the mark. Windsor Star. So Long as They Eat! Another trouble is that about 1.- 646;287,430 .646;287,430 of the world's two bil- lion don't give a darn who rules then so long as they are well fed. —Calgary Albertan. They Get Even .A. cynic remarks that wives talk twice as much as their husbands; but the men compensate by listen- ing to only half of what their wives say. —Fort Erie Times -Review. Preposterous! Suppose the farmer wanted a 40 - hour week and 30 per cent more fen his produce. —Quebec Chronicle -Telegraph. 'Right' and Wrong In Ottawa, Hume Wright, new man in the Department of External Affairs, reported to his cousin, Un - tier Secretary Hume Wrong. —Time. TCC HEeCKED fl in a iffy -or Money Back For quick relief from itching caused by eczema. athlete's foot, scabies, pimples and otheritching conditions, use pure, cooling, medicated, liquid D. D, D. PRESCRIPTION. Greaseless and stainless. Soothes, comforts and quickly calms intense itching. Don't suffer: Ask your druggist today for D. D. D. PRESCRIPTION. • For Eczema— Skin Troubles Make up your mind today that you are going to give your skin a real chance to get well. Go to any good drug store and get an original bottle of Moone's Emerald 011 — it lasts many days because It Is highly concentrated. The very first application will give you relief — the Itching of Eczema is quickly stopped — erup- tions dry up and scale off in a very few days, The same is true . of Itching Toes and Feet, I3arben•'s Itch, Salt Rheum and other skin troubles. Remember that Mdone's Emerald 011 Is a clean, powerful, penetrating Antiseptic 011 that does not etain or leave a greasy residue. Complete satisfaction or money back. Aids A coffee salesman was travelling through the South, and as he wait- ed for a train in a little southern town he chatted will a lazy looking colored man idling on a bench at the station. "Ever drink coffee?" he inquired with an eye to stirring up interest jn his line. The colored man allowed lie drank a lot of coffee. Fifty cups a day, be answered, "Fifty cups a day! Doesn't it keep you awake?" inquired the astonished coffee salesman. "Well, it helps," answered the colored man, An Oversight The officer gazed sternly at the private who had been brought be- fore him. "Did you call the sergeant a liar?" he demanded, "I did' sir." "And a twister?" "Yes, sir," "And did you go on to describe him as a pop -eyed` knock-kneed, black -blighted stooge?" The private hesitated. Then, with a note of regret in his voice, he replied: "No sir. I forgot that!" Not A Chance A young woman whose beauty is equal to her bluntness in con- versation was visiting a house where other guests were assembled, among them the eldest son of a is ealthy manufacturer. The talk turned to matrimonial squabbles. Said the young than: "1 hold that the thing for the husband to do is to begin as he in- tends to go on. Suppose the ques- tion Was Oneof smoking. I would. at once show my intentions' by lighting a cigar, thus settling the question for ever," "And 1," said the young woman, "would at once knock it out of your mouths" "Do you know," rejoined the young pian, thoughtfully, "I don't think you would be there." FAMILIES APPRECIATE the grand, satisfying flavor of Maxwell House Coffee. They love the ' fragrant goodness of the choice Latin.Amer'ican coffees that distinguish this su- premely fine and delicious blend. Never neglect head colds They can cause much suf- fering. A little Va-tro-nor up each nostril works fast right where trouble is to re- lieve sneezy, stuffy distress of head colds. Soothes ir- ritation, reduces swelling, makes breathing easier. Try itt Also helps prevent many colds from develop- ing if used in time. Follow VICKSdirections in folder. o VA-MRO41O , MUTT AND JEFF — A Sort Of Lend Lease On The Awning, I Takes It By BUD FISHER SORRY, WE'RE A LITTLE SHORT, WE'Ltf PAYYOU NEXT WEEK! YOU'RE FOUR WEEKS SHORT IN THE RENT AGOW ET OUT! LOU-IE,WHEHYOU GET DONE MON' THE PIANO DOWNTOTHE BASEMENT COME UP HERE 1 HAVE ANOTHER MOVIN' JOB! WHERE THEY GER 121 bin 11111111121„9....-__ f VI i IIIIIUm.J.. TH ES HeaRevytreads Tread• NEV.—1'11119 GUARANTEE' $9.95 600x16 $ 7:1e 440-460/21, 460 /20 $ 7.00 475-600/111, 475-500/20 $ 11.00 525/18, 550/10, 560/17 312.76 023-050/10. 600-620/20 $14.80 Truck 3015 8 ply, 050/20 $25.00 3256-.700/20 10 ply 320.00 34a7-750/20 12 ply Other Sines nt Equally Low Prices We Ship Everywhere, Order At Clnee, Biltrite Tire Sales 279 Queen E. Toronto Ontario REG'LAR FELLERS—Going Up! ITS ODD THAT PINHEAD •HASN'T COME. BACK FROM THE DENTISTS YET - OH, THE •PfGR CHILD! IT MUST HAVE. BEEN A DREADFUL ORDEAL!' CSO NICE -OF YOUDOCTOR, JERKLEY, TO DOME. HOME WrnH HIM!, By GENE BYRNES POP— Every Little Bit Counts By J. MILLAR WAT'] [) " i�' ''�*•w :•, ;•';:;:i-'i'�-:: WHAT n0 YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN FOR P'��'��•::: ' AT'S My I3IZAIN THIS TIME ffio- l, YOU CAN'T • ' c�'s SEE HIM JUGT FOR. ANY a.'. LI -l'•1 -LG TRIFLE ' <%"' -- .. ;, .;. l 1iNF .;,• .- ��. ",. �.�- .ir s '. ,;.,. T1 in A,tl t.`.:1.lar te1r.1 —' ,I,+