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The Seaforth News, 1930-12-04, Page 3Owl Laffs The melancholy mays are here when 'the papers begin printing the number 'of chopping days *afore Christmas. • Doctor (to wealthy patient)—"Yes,' you're, all run down. I suggest that .you lay oft golf awhile,, returu to Mud- . awes,- and get a good rest at your of• lice,, Tardy Plimibet "Well, here I am; .anis how's things?' Optimistic Householder (three feet •deepin water)--"Notse bad. While I've been waiting for you I've taught my wife tp swim." Of coarse, due can't always tell by' ,surveying the hosiery in the street which girl. will get the most in her •Christmas stocking, but - one .can pretty nearly tell which one ought to. Young Lady (Walking boldly up to elderly woman she had mistaken for the matron of the hospital) -"May I Bee Lieetenant Barker, please?" .elderly Woman -"May I ask who you are?" Youngs Lady—Certainly. I am his sister." Elderly Woman --"Well, well! I'm glad to meet you. I'm his mother." Some fellows give girls -the air be- fore Christmas. Stenographers :Stenographers may have their -use, And some there are who like'eni; Not often do they get abuse, And bosses seldom strike 'em. .Stenographers have been to school, They'll show you a diploma; But I have found that, as a rule, They can't spell Oklahoma. At punctuation not so good, At grammar rather poorer, Has ever steno understood Why bosses still endure 'er? ET "ER SMOKE A.CH ELO THE FINEST 10c CIGAR ON THE MARKET British Women Doctors Serve In Colonies The total number 01 women stu- dents in the universities fell from 12,- 902 in the session 1923-24 to 12,899 in 1928.29 and the number of women.en- trants from 3,849 to 3,704, lays the London correspondent of The Ameri- can Medical Association. "At the same time the total number of students increased iu the five years under review 'from 53,025 to' 44,309. but the former figure included 1,742 ex -service men taking university courses under the government scheme," he continues. "High hopes Tho menagerie managers of the civ- were formed about openings for wo- cue .mnathe elephants and the men during the War, which have not tigers, furnish but the press agents furnish been fulfilled In the difficult period t resulting is i that followed,and he t•esu t d - a! 0 the !yin'-" pointment must have been an import - out factor in the decrease. The medi- Glades—"Pdtc"I hat; been married , only two months, and last night she cal profession is a ease In point, for the number of women students of struck her husband with a trolling -pin." medicine and dentistry fell from 2.505 Clarice—"Tho old-fashioned thing? in 1921-22 to 2,020 in 1923-24 and to Why didn't she use a tennis 1501101 or 1,108 in. 1928-29. It is also likely, how - a golf club, my dear?" ever, that the general economic de- pression has borne mere heavily on the girls than on the boys. In families short of means to send children to the universities there -would be a prefer- ence given to boys. "On the other hand with regard to Drlil Sergeant to awkward squad)— "Com-pa-nee atten-shun, coni-pan-ee, lift up your left leg and hold it straight in front of you.' By mistake one member held up Bis right leg, which brought It out Side by side with his neighbor's Mit leg. Drill Sergeant (getting hard-bolled) —"And who is the galoot .over there holding up both legs?" A poor loser is usually that kind of a winner. Let well enough alone and worse oft will let you alone. Optimistsare poor people° who borrow money from rich pessimists. if one will live -within his income while young he can lire without it when he's old., A bald toad used to be a sign of great Intel- lect, now it's a sigh that just another mutt has lost his hair. How many people do you suppose there are in the world who, It given a choice be- tureen a good name and. great riches, would take the good name? Harold (singing)—!'Will you love neo in December as you did la May?" Helen -"Sure! 'Long about Christ. mem:" , You would not knock The jokes we use, Could you but see Those we refuse! Time never seents to lag so terribly as when you are standing in a crowd- ed restaurant waiting for the fellow ' who is nearly through to finish 'itis baked appig, The Hearing of Fish Measured in a Test Fish have as good sense of -.hearing as human beings, and posislbly a bet- ter one, according to Dr. Hari von Frisch of the University of Munich. At a recent meeting of the National Academy of Sciences in Washington he described how he had tricked •sore minnows into yielding him this in formation, He appealed to the fish through their 'stomachs, sounding a tuning fork as he offered them food, The fish associated the sound with dinner time. By varying the pitch Dr. von 'Frisch ascertained that the minnows were sensitive to vibrations too low for the human ear to catch, as well rek to the highest note of a piano or violin. He concluded that perhaps the fish have two hearing organs, one for low notes, one, for high. - Real Service Mrs. Royson Was singing the praises of her- new maid to al' few envious friends, when the treasure herself en- tered theroom with tea. "Oh Annie," said • Mrs.' Royson,' 'breaking off her; conversation, "will you run upstairs and fetch a letter that I left on:, my, dressing -table, please?, "Yes, ma'am,' 'answered the tuaitl. "Which one is it? The one about your Mother's wedding, ` or Mrs. Brown's letter about the bazaar?" eo much more attention tothe condi- tion of the native women and child- ren'." "Provincial Days" at Royal Winter Fair 'We are featuring Provincial Days' at the Royal, Winter Fair," said the President, Alfred Rogers, In an inter - View, "because it has always been felt that one of the purposes of the. Fair in additiontopromoting the more immediate needs of Canadian agricul- ture, is to contribute to the develop- ment of national unity. This year we feel sure from the letters and re- cords that the Royal will be a con- crete expression of the optimism of all who believe in the basic soundness of economic conditions in Canada. The first day has been designated for this especial purpose of the Royal program, 'Canadian Day'. On that day the broad national aspects of Canadian agriculture are brought out and g its uniting effect in a national reuse are seen more plainly, We are dedicating the succecdng days to each of the provinces, combining the three Maritime provinces into one. This year the order will be:— , Cana Ilan Day—Wednesday, Novem- ber 190. British Columbia—Thursday, 'Nov. 20t1i. Maritime Day—Friday, November 21st. Quebec Day—;Saturday, November 22nd. Alberta Day—Monday, November Wins Trip Prize the special case of the medical pro- _24th. fession, the Secretary of State for the Colonies, Lord Passfield, declared at the colonial 'conference now sitting:. "We are bringing in the women. Fif- teen years ago you could count the number of women physicians in the colonial services on the fingers of one hand. Now, there are over sixty, and the old idea that a woman had no place in such rough and tumble con- ditions of service as the Crown colon les must be given up. There is noth- ing that women cannot do nowadays, and I look to see the number of u'o- meu physicians steadily increased, not that they may oust the male physi- cians, $ut in order that they may give BLACKHEADS Get two ounces of peroxine powder from. your druggist. Sprinkle on a !tot''wet cloth and rub the face briskly. Every blackhead will be dissolved. The one safe, sure and simple way to remove blackheads. Satisfaction guaranteed or money refunded. F. W. SCARP & CO., 422 Wellintrton tt. W., Toronto . Chapped Skin Wind, snow and sleet bruise un- protected skin surfaces, Minard's - heals the raw skin tissue and al - feeds full protection. PHILLIPS y 44 For Troubles due t0 Ac INOIOBS IIAO SOUR S'r0 CN HEARTBURN CONSTIPATION GAS, HAUSER Manitoba Day—Tuesday, November 25th. Saskatchewan Day—Wednesday, No- vember 20th. Ontario Day Thursday, November 27th. "Oa each day we' Hope to have the Minister of Agriculture ,of each pro- vince or his representative,. and we shall make that particular province as prominent as possible through parades of livestock in the arena and in many other wage. "Iu the 'past, this has created an British" Expedition Wil'I Attempt Kanchenjunga Climb Delhi, India.—A British expedition is being organized to attempt the ascent of Mount Hemet, 21,431 feet, and will start next August; it was an- nounced recently. Mount Kainet, which lies within the borders of the United Provinces, is the second high- est mountain in the British Empire and has never been scaled.' The expedition is being organized by Frank S. Smythe, whose descrip- tions of the recent Kanehenjunga ex- pedition were published, with Prof. Gunther Dyht•eiifurths, an: associate 10 that expedition. It is proposed that the Mount Kainet expedition be lint- ited to four or five persons, a sugges- tion made, in the light of the exper- ience of the Kanchenjunga adventure.' Itis also probable the expedition will include only members of . the Alpine Club and the Himalaya Club. Wood Johnson, who played a heroic role- in the. Kanchenjunga expedition, will join the new party if,possible. It is planted to compass the climb be- tween the end of August and the mid- dle of October neyt year. Carlsbad Cavern Bats The bats which live and hibernate in one end of Carlsbad Caverns, esti- mated at 3,000,000, have not ,een giv- ing their usual spectacular flights recently, according to the American Association for the Advancement of Science. Two reasurs are advanced for, this. One is that the extremely dry weather of the past season has caused a scarcity of night-fleing in- sects, the other is that they have been disturbed by work going on in a near- by guano nine. Occasionally, how- ever, they stream forth in great num- bers, their flight from the cave open- ing lasting for several hours. An in- teresting feature of the bat exodus is that although they always fly south when they emerge from the cavern they invariably return next morning from the north. Mies Gladys L Powell, of Winnipeg, passenger on, a recent trip aboard Canadian Pacific liner Duchess of. Richmond to Montreal, had a brilliant idea :for the. Masquerade which fea- tured the entertainment of travellere on the voyage. She went as a "C.P.11. advertisement and when you look at the above photograph you will not be surprised to learn that she was award- ed the prize for "the most original costume." Booklets, Iabels, badges,. mottoes and C.P.R. designs make up a beautiful and effective ensemble. atmosphere that has tended to intensi- A Simple Treatment fy general interest in these provinces and theirk resources. In. this way for Children's Colds visitors to. ,the Royal find a means 61 under one roof of comparing the 'ex- hibits' of widely separated districts of Canada and of contrasting them with others, while at the same time .sens- ing the link of unit that in abroad way rune through oar Canadian life. "We attach much importance to the place the "Provincial Days' take in the Royal plans Mr. Rogers added "they have, we think, an important influence which elevates our agricul- tural industry and give it added digni- ty in the eyes of the men and women who live be' it". An amateur angler, who was not up to the tricks of the game, had been whipping the water without success for an hour or so, when the inspector marched up, "Are you aware," said the newcomer, menacingly, "that,this is preserved water?" "Is it?" said the angler. "I thought there was some- thing funny about it" When You OVER- INDULGE EVERY man, woman and .child will occasionally over ;indulge. But don't suffer for your indiscretions. It's folly to do so when you can so easily sweeten and settle a sour, upset stomach with a little Phillips Milk of Magnesia. Hearty eaters have long since learned the quick comfort this per- fect anti -acid brings. Smokers know how it neutralizes nicotine; brings back a sweet taste; guards the - Insist on genuine Phillips' Milk, breath. Women know what it does of Magnesia; -a less perfect product for nausea—or sick headache. And ` may not act the same. Thegenuine when children have over -eaten— always a liquid—never in tablet are bilious, constipated or otherwise- form—and the name Phillips'. is upset—give them a little of the always on bottle and wrapper. same, pleasant -tasting and milky - white. Phillips' Milk of Magnesia. You'll be through with crude methods once you learn the perfect way. Nothing else has the same' quick, gentle effect. Doctors pre- scribe it for indigestion, nausea, heartburn, as, sour stomach ad headache. It has been standard with them for over 50 years. Danger from Colds Every woman beyond middle age should realize that a majority of the troubles she has to fear have their origin in what are known as coalmen colds. Each attack lowers her vitality and reduces .resistance to disease. At this season of the year every woman should see that her blood is toned up to meet the rigors of the climate and especially that strength should be re- stored after any cold, however slight. For this Dr. Williams' Pink Pills are a reliable tonic. e e These Pills are not a mere stimu- lant giving temporary relief. They build up the body by creating that rich red blood which imparts the glow of health; steadies the nerves, improves the appetite and digestion and snake the users capable of withstanding the rigors of our Fall and Winter months. They are sold by medicine dealers or by mail at 50 cents a box from The Dr. Williams' Medicine Co„ P.roekville, Ont. . Cold in the head is very common at this time of year, .especially in the very young. Neglect of a cold is Prone to lead to serious consequences. To relieve all congestion of the sys- tem is the first step in treating a cold, whether in infante or adults.- For the very young, Baby's Own Tablets are the ideal means of doing thle. Con- taining no on-taining'no narcotic or other harmful drugs they soothe the child's fretful- ness, relieve its suffering and ensure convalescence. Baby's Own Tablets are without an equal for relieving indigestion, con-- stipation and colic. They check diar- rhoea; break up colds and simple fevers; promote health -giving sleep and make the dreaded teething period easy. They are sold by all medicine 'dealers or by mail at 25 cents a box from The Dr. Williams' Medicine CO., Brockville, Ont. Up -State Farm Provides $400 a Year in Family Food Albany, N.Y.—The typical New York State farm saves its owner about $205 a year on the family food bill, figured at farm prices, or nearly $400 a year at retail prices, Stanley W. Warren of the State College of Agriculture finds in the accounts of 514 1 arms. Figuring the $02 worth of milk as double that cost at retail, he suggested that ,the farmers should use more than the average of seven -tenths of a quart per person daily. Only about a fourth of the families made their own butter, and each of these used about three pounds a'week. Poultry furnished $80 worth of food a year, each family using six, eggs daily and three pounds of chicken weekly. Twothirds of the fatuities had home-grown pork, using about a pound a day, or 1139 worth in a year. Besides•arden vegetables and g honey, the typical family used thirty- seven bushels of potatoes and fourteen of apples and burned twenty-one cords of wood. But only seven of the '514 farmers took wheat to the mill and brought home flour as their grand- fathers did. _ •Mlnard's Liniment refreshes the settle: • Congressman: "Did you buy your present political position?" Senator: "Sure thing. I don't look like a dead head, do I?" Banish pain with Minard's Liniment. A Safe Bet Sandy, the Scot, knew that hie friend Ikey was receiving certain wonderful racing information which he always kept to himself. "P11 test him out," said the Scot to himself, as he saw luta friend approach- ing. "I say, Ikey," said Sandy, "if some- one gave. you a hundred pounds pro- viding you put it 'cit a horse, which cue would you select??" non -runner," replied Ikey lin- mediately. A MILLION FAT FOLKS CAN'T BE WRONG And that's 'a low estimate of the number taking Krusehen to keep down superfluous fat. When you take vitalizing Iiruschen Salts for a few days that old indolent e arm - chair feeling deserts you ru it doesn't matter how fat you are—the urge for activity las gt you—and you're " stepping ltvely. And best of all }-Ai like this activity —you walk a Cott r of utiles and enjoy it—you thought you'd never dance again, but yen ui,l you're getting as spry as ever—the :dd tingling, set ve feeling reaches cc your feet. Kruschen is a c unthu,ation of the six salts filature hus r'ready put into your body to keep you alive -41 it werg not for these vital salts you could ttot°'live. One bottle is enough to prove to you that Iiruscheii will make you feel younger -spryer—store energetic -- you'll enjoy 11 fc-every minute of it. A half teaspoonful in a glass of hot water every morning is all you treedto keep healthy—keep your stomach, liver, bowels and kidneysein splendid condition•—free'your system froth harmful toxins and` acids. gratt ions kit Ito tis S a • tstu a lou. win veil�1 L • a ilvifie liityuL to Rea, %au 1,, Ppb - WV) INVT-LTek 0 Y 11%. TtAtve-lu *tt Almost a Honeymoon The young couple were driving in a horse -car to the station after the wed -I ding. Their enthusiastic frieude and rela- tives had treated them to a more than rousing send-off. Shoes, rice, and con- fetti had descended .1 de in s towers. Passers-by grinned that "just married" grin as they drove through the! streets. "Well, that's all over, dear." said the bridegroont, sootkiug Ids tremb- ling bride, "nothing mon to worry about now." Suddenly tate cab pulled up with a jerk. The driver alighted and poked his head through the cab window. "Horse thrown a shoe," he expiate - ed. The young bride elutehel at her husband's arm. "Olt, George:" she cried, "13 it Doe Bible that even the horse knows that we are newly married!" A New Party? It was a very wet day, and the child- ren were in the nursery discussing certain things they would de when they grew up. "Yes," said little Peggy, "when I grow up I'll have a big motor -ear." "So shall I," put in her brother Erie. "And a big twelve -valve wireless set," Peggy went On. "So shall I," chanted Eric, Peggy paused for new ideas. "Oh, then I'll have a big party every night," she continued. "Yes, and so shall L" Eric agreed. "Eric," expostulated Peggy sudden- ly, "you must he one of those people daddy calls 'so-shall-iste'." Son: "Aren't you going to watt up for father?" Mother: "What's the use? I've got such a cold I can hard- ly speak." If y has COLIC A CRY in the night. Colic! No cause for alarm if Castoria s is handy. This pure vegetable prepara- tion brings quick comfort, and can never harm. It is the sensible thing when children are ailing. Whether it's the stomach, or the little bowels; colic or constipation; or diarrhea. When tinyLongues are abated or t1� breath is ba. Whenever there's aced of gentle regulation. Children love the taste of Castoria, and its mildness makes it safe for frequent use. And a more,liberal dose of Castoria is always better for growing children than strong medicine meant only for adult use. 4 ® STOfTLH Classified Advertising U..' 1NTED--0 TBOTISAND 9RITISF1. ?5 .ERS to get prices for sen' apples Overseas for Chrl: turas. Write The Man Fro:. hent." -Draw-,r A, I3ur- lington. Ont. 4V111+ / HR©r3' BRRI " TURiE S acts Inko fireA `ToWake up'cIT :To`morrow' - Take one; TONIGHT Quick Relief for CONSTIPATION BILIOUSNESS BLOATING. ETC. CM1a Fels "THEY WORK WHILE YOU SLEEP" DO YOU SUFFER WITH HEADACHE? So easy to get quick relief and pre- vent an attack in the fixture. Avoid bromides and dope. They relievequick• ly but affect the heart and are very dangerous. They are depressing and only give temporary relief,the cause of the headache still remains within, The sane and harmless way. First correct the cause, sweeten the sour and acid stomach, relieve the intes- tines of the decayed and poisonous food matter, gently stimulate the liver. start the bile flowing and the bowels pass off the waste matter which causes your headache. Try Carter's Little Liver Pills. Druggists 25c red pkgs. YOUNG WIFE STRENGTHENED After Taking Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable • Compound Bancroft, Ontario—"When I first took Lydia E. Pinkham'e Vegetable Compound . I had been married about a year and my strength was leaving me on aor conal of my con ditlolt, i Was onW 19 and it was my first child. My mother told me needed "something to steady m nerves and a: gel (hum ,hu, told the n take the B e a l ,ani un i m a a' is bei'' po d..a so thankful I did because it strengthened fay Whole _system and now I -feel P feotlwell and have a sweet little bib ` r,aT• boy."—Maxi.13. 5Th Ballow J. Outarl0.'. . . ISSUE No. 47—'30