The Seaforth News, 1954-12-23, Page 311
leatV t SPORTS COLUMN
• beleutiun of Christmas cards may give
you worriment, and adopting through the
telephone book for addresses may pro-
duce headaches, but whatever the
tltoubie, these activities are important,
They herald the day when the entire
• Christian world joins in eelebrating,
"Peace on earth, good will to all meal,"
One may be Inclined to look backward at l llritulas time.
If one looks far enough, one finds that early Christmas ob-
servances on the continent took place in a crude ehapel,
much like the bark-eovered "long houses" of the Hurons.
This was the Mission Ste. Marie near the eastern tip of
Georgian Bay.
To that Wild land of forests and roaring waters, ;lean de
Brebent, Norman noble and kin of the Dukes of Arundel,
had come as a Jesuit n issioner. Any there under the eou-
stellations of the Northern winter, be brought the Indians
together to sing to the tune of the Breton "Cue Jcune Po-
odle," a Chris uas carol he bad written for them hi their
own language.
• That's something worth thinking about as one struggles
through mailing lists, with its late omissions and Christmas
shopping, and dressing the tree, and providing the turkey.
We don't have any idea of the words of the Brobent carol,
though: no doubt it was a simple and reverent piece of
versification. As simple as the days before premature tinsel
and baubles, store -windows of electric trains, black lace
and 'ties which once were considered too gaudy to wear.
So let us forget the crowded stores, the weeks and weeks
of "The Red Nosed Reindeer" and the other tunes with which
Tinpan Alley cuts in on the Christmas dollar, and say with
Thaekeray
lI wisit you health, and love and mirth,
As fits the Solemn Christmas -tide.
As fits the holy Christmas birth,
Be this, good friends, our carol still .
1Be peace on earth, be peace on earth,
To niers of gentle will.
Your comments and suggestions for this column will be welcomed
by Elmer Ferguson, c/o Calvert House, 437 Vange Si„ Toronto.
CaLvttt DISTILLERS LiMITED
AMNIRSTIURG, ONTARIO
Couldn't Talk Till
He Fell In Love
Angeline, son of Signor and
Signora Paoli, of Nlarlia, a vil-
lage near Pisa, was from the
early days of his childhood un-
able to talk to anybody but his
mother. Isis parents thought
ibis was a mere phase in his
development, and that in time
It would disappear.
But that is where they were
wrong. The affliction appeared
to be a permanent one. An-
geline could not talk to anybody
else, in spite of the special
trouble his father used to take
with him. No doctor could give
e satisfactory explanation. So
Angeline grew to manhood.
When news about him began
to get about, a radio reporter
arrived at the Paoli home. With
lifm he brought a microphone,
and, strangely enough., Angel-
ino had no difficulty In speaking
a fewwords into it.
In this way his affliction be-
came known to the world. Hun-
dreds of letters poured in, among
them one from a young Dutch
girl named Cokky Verwer, who
showed such sympathy with the
young man that a regular cor-
respondence sprang up between
them.
Then recently Cokky came to
see Angeline. They fell in love
with each other at first sight,
and then the miracle happened,
Suddenly Angelino began talk-
ing to Cokky. He chattered so
last he could hardly be made to
atop.
In a few months' time they
will marry. Cokky has returned
home, but Angeline keeps on
talking.
REAL LONG SNOT!
Ever tried to find a needle in
a haystack? In other words,
have you ever attempted to
find something which appeared
irretrievably lost?
That's what some people did
in South-West Africa, They
tried to find a gem smaller than
a match -head, lost in sixty miles
of scrub desert, And now comes
news that they have succeeded.
The gem was one of a dozen
or more which encircled a ring
worn by Mrs. Priscilla Whyman.
She visited the desert, which is
a vast diamond mine, and some-
where amid those sixty miles of
scrub she accidentally dropped
the gels. She only missed it
when she chanced to glance at
her ring after returning to
Johannesburg, 800 miles from
the mine.
Diamond company officials
instituted what appeared to be a
hopeless search for the gem.
That was last February. And
now imagine the amazement of
a worker in that desert mine the
other day when he suddenly saw
amid a heap of lustreless pebbles
the polished glitter of a smooth-
ly cut diamond.
The law of chance, operating
at odds of 150,000,000,000,000 to
one against the woman getting
her jewel back, had enabled
him 'to find the missing stone.
Says Mrs. Whyman: "The
diamond could have fallen any-
where, for I 'covered much
ground during my -visit to the
mine. It was a fantastic chance
which brought it back to mel"
Longest Telegram -Pretty Gerry Brown (right) of CJAD, in Mon.
treat reads off names to Wanda Jekel of Canadian National
Telegraphs. More than 20,000 persons signed a "Cheer Up
Chuck" telegram to be sent to Alouette Halfback Chuck Hun•
singer in Harrisburg, 111. The radio station sponsored the message
which measured more than 800 feet long -the longest telegram
ever sent between the two ,countries.
Something TO "Brood" About -- Mama's looking woeful about
the sad situation, but this biddy on the M. O. Olsen farm has
cheerfully gone to the dogs. She mothers the pups constantly,
and rules the roost completely when Mama goes out for walk.
Pr diced
And Their
A member of the cast of a
Broadway play was recently
fired for playing pranks. The
part of a prankster called for
her to mix a drinit for one of the
actors. At one performance she
added a liquid distilled from
herbs which had the effect of
puckering his mouth, as a result
of which he could hardly speak
his lines.
Tough luck on the culprit,
tough luck on the victim; but
this measure of reprisal certain-
ly won't deter other practical
jokers. They've been with tis
through the ages, and are a
pretty hardy race. •
The Hudson River is, for the
most part, very wide, even
more so than the group of loaf-
ing "wide" boys who were
throwing stones into it. Stop-
ping to watch their antics was a
big raw-boned Yankee who had
made hie way .from the back-
woods into New York State. A
little time elapsed before the
stone -throwers began ribbing the
newcomer.
In reply to their taunts, he
explained that he wasn't too
bad at throwing, himself. Only
recently he had heaved a man
clear across a river back home
and bet he could even heave a
man right across the Hudson.
One of the New Yorkers
promptly laid down ten dollars.
The feat was impossible, he
said.
Grasping the challenger by
the slack of his trousers, the
Yankee promptly flung him
straight into the river. Crawl-
ing out, the shiverer asked for
his winnings. Nothing doing;
for, said the big man, "I didn't
wager to do it the first time.
Just said I could do it, and I tell
you I can."
With that, the dripping vic-
' tim was again flung into the
river. "Third time never fails,"
muttered the thrower as the.
soaked man struggled gasping
to the shore. But by this time
the victim was through. The
joke had gone far enough; ten
dollars changed hands, and the
giant 'went on his way.
Setting the seal on a hilarious
subject is H. Alien Smith's book
"The Compleat Practical Joker."
It's one long laugh from begin-
ning to end, and as loopy as the
antic spirit that moves those who
figure in it.
Motoring in the juggernaut
age was a great adventure,
driver and passengers welting
for the explosion that might
hurl them to kingdom come. It
was in those good old days, re-
cords the author, that Roy Fur-
ber = brother of the famous
humorist James Thurber -
thought up a lively prank to
play on his father.
Roy collected together a great
many articles from the kitchen,
bundled them up in canvas and
fixed them beneath the family
car in such a manner that a tug
on an extending string would
release the whole collection.
Father, contentedly enjoying
a drive, was suddenly shaken
to the core by a clatter of
knives, forks, tin-openers, pie
dishes, pot lids, ladles and egg
beaters failing noisily on to the
road. "Stop the car!" he yelled.
"I can't," replied Roy. "The
engine fell out." His father's
remarks when the joke was ex-
plained to him are not recorded,
Well up on the list of funsters
Is Jim Moran, an American who
hit upon a hair-raising means of
relieving the tedium of driving
endless miles alone in his car.
He bought a rubber mask de -
plating the face of an idiotic
Character, This he fitted to the
back of his head, his vision for
the road ahead remaining un-
obscured, Bowling along at a
fair speed he would wait until
kers
ing out to pass hila, then lean
out of the window with the
idiotic, goon -like face looking
back.
The effect on the overtaking
motorist must have been shock-
ing, writes Mr. Smith. lie would
see the leering goon at the
wheel of a speeding car, looking _
back with no apparent regard
for the highway ahead m' the
safety of other road -users!
There are quite a number of
surnames in existence which
leave their owners wide open to
ready-made shafts of wit Mr.
Pierce Bottom became weary of
jokes about his names, He de-
cided to redirect the fun; dish
it out instead of always being
the victim.
Wading through telephone
directories he sought out people
with "bottom" in their namesi
Bottom, Bottomley, Winterbot-
tom, Throttlebottom, Greenbot-
tom, Sidebottom, liigginbottom,
To these and many others he
sent engraved invitations to a
dinner to be served in the sub-
basement of a London building.
The majority of the "bottoms"
turned up; but not Pierce Bot-
tom. The result was that the
guests had to pay their own
hills. Among other items on the
menu was, of course, rump roast.
H. Allen Smith relates an
amusing incident which con-
cerns two famous writers, great
friends, who were setting off for'
a lecture tour in the United
States.
When they had taken their
seats in the train it appeared
that only one ticket could be
found by the writer to whom the
job of getting tickets had been
delegated. The collector could
be heard making his way along
the compartments, and the man
without a ticket became panicky.
"Drop down there," said his
friend, indicating' the floor, "and
P11 lay this suitcase across you
he won't notice you."
His friend dropped to the
door, crouching as low as pos-
sible. The heavy suitcase was
placed across his back. ID came
the collector with his punch, and
was handed two tickets by the
other writer.
"Who's the other one for?"
asked the official.
"It's for my friend down
there," came the reply, accom-
panied by a handwave to indi-
cat. the hunched figure beneath
the suitcase.
"What's he doin' down there?"
demanded the railwayman.
"Oh, he always travels that
way!"
In the days when the tele-
phone Was of the stand -up -
receiver -on -the -hook variety, a
practical joker telephoned six
of his friends. Disguising his
voice he explained that he was
a telephone engineer and that
the lines were to be cleaned out,
He strongly advised them to
cover their phones ---tie a sheet
over them, or a pillowcase,
even a large paper bag would
cio because "we're going to blow
out the lines, and if yin) don't
have your instrulnent covered,
there'll be dirt and grease all
over your house."
The prankster then visited his
six friends in turn and was high-
ly delighted to notice that in
each case his instructions had
been obeyed! .
"I have listened carefully to
you for a long time, Mr. David-
son," said the judge, in acid
tones, "but I am none the wiser."
"I hardly expected your lord- ,
ship to be," replied counsel,
politely, "but I thought you
might be better informed."
ISSUE 52 -- 1954
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING
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Trap For Rabbits
Caught A Lon
Kruger National Park in
South Africa is the one place
in the British Commonwealth
of Nations where Adventure
with a capital A abounds. On
the roads one meets lions -and
not zoo -tame lions either -ele-
phants, a score of other animals.
With its 8,000 square miles
of rolling veld and hills, bord-
ering on Mozambique and
Southern Rhodesia, the Nation-
al Park was the "baby" of Pres-
ident Paul Kruger of the old
Transvaal square Republic, who
set aside 1,800 miles, known as
the Sable Game Reserve, fifty-
six years ago. In 1905 foul'
other areas were added.
Severe penalties ranging up
to five years' imprisonment are
imposed for poaching or trap-
ping in the park, and natives
from across the Portuguese
border are out trapping there
almost every night.
Recently two natives set
traps for rabbits or small buck
In the dead of night. At dawn
they were back and hurried to
the trap in the dark. They
were right on it before they
realized that it was no rabbit
but a lion that had been caught.
Both were severely mauled be-
fore they were rescued -anti
then thrown into jail.
At Letaba, the elephants'
paradise, trouble sometimes
brews, for some visitors can-
not seem to understand that
they are not immune from an
elephant in a car. Last season,
for instance, three Americans -
two men and a woman -were
jaunting through the parkin a
4,000 -Ib. American car when
they spotted elephants. They
stopped and the woman•got out,
walked up to a monster and
offered him a peanut!
Quick as a flash (elephants
do move that fast) the elephant
turned on her and chased her
to the oar which he neatly tip-
ped over on its side.
There are fourteen rest
camps in the park and lucky
visitors can go to see the real
pride of the park, the thirty-
six lions, nearly all cubs, who
have been reared to treat their
visitors with some respect.
Lion cubs can be lovely lit-
tle things, just like kittens, and
the game warden has to watch.
out that a few aren't "Iifted"
by visitors. A few weeks ago a
prominent English society wo-
man and her husband roamed
through the park. She was
wearing a fur coat in spite of
the fact that the thermometer
stood at eighty-five degrees.
They reached their car, and
as it was pulling away the na-
tive sentry heard a faint growl
from under the fur. Quickly he
called a junior game warden
and the lady was asked to hand
over whatever it was that
growled. It turned out to be a
two•week-old lion cub.
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UNWANTED HAIR
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