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The Clinton News Record, 1932-09-01, Page 3THURS., SEPT. 1, 1932 Gi-andi t1; Wr i i7 �a �,�� atid +. rr WELL-KNOWN ITALIAN IN NEW ROLE Dino • Grandi r'rnpped s itInnl' q'r:r *,n the cc.tu•t of St. James. This from his ,•lace ie t.}...1 forc'a'n r"fi eeluive Mot was taken upon his ar- of the Italian rove:nment, reannear- :dye!. Dretn't seen) to be 'taking at ed recently in England, as ambas- ten hard! The owner of several ..duplex houses in n Canadian city complains that "half of them ie vacant." We heat the :nine complaint about dup- lex envelopes. It took Britain a long time to dis- card free trade, but it 'took longer to discard protection. There we're years of agitation. featured by riots before Peel switched and wrecked Itis party to repeal the own law:, Even that wes n measure of pro- tection for manufacturers who were faced with the necessity of raising wages or reducing farad mace.. Ceh- den himself was a calico printed and Bright was the sen of a Quaker wh' had accumulated a fortune making, carpets. Putthe circumstance that influenced Pei most was the failure of the potatc crop and the danger of famine in Troland, Sean O'Kellce might offset this act against one of his ancestral grievances against England, The dispute between Britain and the Irish Free State about land an- nuities, has been brought nearer so- lution, says an Ottawa dispatch, by reason of the fact that IIon. Thomas played bridge with Free State 'delegates. The dispatch does not disclose whether it was auction or contract. • It is all very well to say that the man who snakes no mistakes makes nothing. In themselves mistakes have no merit and often do harm- to others, They are profitless except to the extent which they increase the. sum total of useful experience. �IG'fl One of the resolhtions passed by the Native Sons of Canada recom- mended that publication of all official documents in French' as well as Eng- lish. Aside from the expense en- tailed, there, lies the objection that it offers no inducement to persons who speak " only one language to learn another. Hansard is printed in 'both languages, but would it not be 'better if French speeches were, printed in French only and English speeches in English only?' It would reduce printing casts enormously, eliminate a staff of translators, and induce persons •who speak English only to learn .French, and persons who speak French only to learnEng- •lish, although the latter do, not i.e quire the same incentive as the forma er, • A New Brunswick man tells of a Baptist clergyman watching the fish- ermen Unloading their day's catch 1 from the boats to the fish houses. `What sort of fish are they?)' he aeked. "We call them Baptists," said one of the fishermen. "Indeed. And why do you call thein by that name?" "Because they spoil so soon after being taken out of the water." G�II� There are indications of imnreve- mc•it in c•nUiitions. but flurries on Wall Street are not to be taken as rymptonis. There were recent flur- ries in the shares of railways merely be"nnse they had received loan; from t.hr. Peccnstrection Finance Corpora- tism and were then able to avoid going the way of others into the hand; of receivers. The future of iailways as common carriers is not bright enough to justify the purchase ef shares from an investment stand - mint, but rails still have an attrac- tion for speculators, Over a pot of tea the final agree- ments itt. Ottawa were consummated: Tea is a great solvent although it failed signally at Poston, but our neighbors who make such excellent coffee are not se happy in tea brew, - big, so it was not a bad idea to dump it in 'the harbor.. Iii England it smooths the path to bargains and the settlement of bridge scores. A• jour- nal published in 1653 makes the first known reference to the beverage. It says: "That excellent and by all physicians approved China drink called by the Chineans Teha, by oth- er nations, Tay, alias Tee." Pepys drank it first on Sept. 25, 1600, and notes in his diary: "Afterwards I did send for a cup of tee (a China drink)" of which I never had drank before," Seven years after, lie refers telt again, spelling it as .eve do now: "By coach home, and there I find my wife making of tea which • Mr. Pal- ling. the Potticary, tells her is good for her cold and defluxions?' 'We doubt its efficacy for •colds and ¢ie flexion.% but for the part it played in the affairs of empire, here's to the cup that cheers but not inebri- ates[ BUTTER FOR 2,762,372,396 SLICES e OF BIUL4D Canada's export of butterduring the twelve months ended last May were eight times the volume of the exports during the previoustwelve Months. This has , been worked out by some in fenibus statistician as suf- ficient to butter 2, 762.372,396 slices of bread from 197,312,314 loaves, He arrived at these extraordinary fig-, 'Mires b3' basing them on the bread and butter consumption of the dining ear service of the Canadian National Railways dtiring one year of operat- ion. . leaesseremeemets THE CLINTON NEWS -RECORD CORD PAGE 3 BQLINfl CHUB .STCRIES By John T Lansford Iion. Pres: Clinton Lawn Bowling lawn bowlers are essentially good fellows. If they are not,.they are not wanted on the green. A than to' be lawn bowler must .be above ever; thing else a good-natured, all roun MOO. . The joking and chaffing, th language used on a' bowling gree are sur generis; and :sonic clubs .a'r worse than othen for 'jokes, If were asked to nanie the club tits stands pre-eminent for good nater jokers, give me• Clinton. There is bunch np in that lively little north ern town, that are everlastingly _pts ting up some practical joke or other.. upon one or more of their nnmbe .Not long since a Clinton lawn bow Ier visited a County town of 10 miles from Clinton. He cane bad and when asked what .sort of a tint he' had had, replied, "Oh, nothing de ing. Of all the quiet, sedate, inhos pitable, dry lot you ever ran acres give me W—k." Those of th club who were up to the game cul hardly keep their faces, • The tru reason for this mysterious state things was; that a friend of th gentleman in question, knowing his intended visit, took care to writ down a day before his arrival an tell the howlers there that so and s was coating for a day or two, but a he had been laid up for weeks with dangerous illness, he desired abs all else to be left alone. He wente to be strictly quiet, and very term perate. They believed it, and acte accordingly, to the amazement a the victim. Club. 11'sat the breakfast, I embraced 's bride paternally ,afterwards, I have a been :a second father to slim. En- y- countering me outside of 'the Post d Office,. witll one of the most 000nfid- e ing innocent plugs over worn, lie' iti-, n timated to pie that Tie had something e very ebnficlential to cotnniunicete, I. We retired to a suitable locality (it t cost me 5,0c) and; when' iptietly ens - a1 concede:- he 'opened up by saying a that he always looked upon the as ]tis mentor.Itis respect, affection, von: t- oration for me knew no bounds, and i; it was with undiluted. horror (he r. never takes notch soda) that he had heard of a plots 'a low, base plot, to O make a fool of me'that evening at lc the supper. Somehow when you have e known a child in short clothes, you are not so apt to' suspect him ae you would a stranger. 'I give the bunch credit for having chosen a good e emissary. They did that part slick, d Well I tambled in, I listened;"I be, e sieved his specious lies, I took it all of down, and attentively heard how e Billy J. was going to pretend -Le of make a presentation to me, aided e and abetted by Forrester, Fair, Me. d Pherson, et al, but I must be an my o guard to stop it, because when I ops s ened the box, I would only find a a nigger doll, and great would be the ve roar of laughter that wcxld ensue. I. d say I believed that man. I did And - he drank my Scotch and sr,de. while d I believed. He partook of my thanke f without a tremor. I shook his hand warmly at parting. I told him I could never forget this tauchinee n proof of his life long affection. And all he asked for this f univontened display of esteem e was my word .of honor never to di- - vulge bis part in this wanton devils • try. r returned to my office, and s thought, it out how I would get even • with Jackson & Co. f There was, however, in the Clinto Club an old time nucleus, granclfath ors you may call thele, (most o them are, or ought to be) who at' chief offenders in this joking bust nese. There was William Jackson alias "Rosebud,' alias "Billy," ilia anything you like to call him. D. A. Forrester, to whom, the alias n "Trusty" was given. This alias needs mkt -nation. There was an evening he wanierecl in alone from London wielding a double barrelled gun, and seeing it didn't go •eff, he was sup- posed to be capable of being trusted with anything forever afterwards. But there was a time when he played a fairly reliable good game. It is a clear case of H. 13. There is an elongated Scotch Canadian, Jamie Pair. Jim is all right, plays a Rood game, and is yet really "Trusty," There, was another elongated, long fingered, spare waisted Scotch Canuek D, L. Macpherson, alias "Fingers," so called because it is generally be- lieved his fingers can lap right a- round a ball with the greatest ease. I must not forget to mention myself —the father of the club—but modes- ty forbids any description. Then there is a comparatively youthful member, although goodness knows he looks old enough, especially when in bathing if a playful wave tenderly brushes away his carefully arranged Iong hairs on one side of that large white expanse ---but I mean he is young in years, compared to those previously mentioned—II, 13. Combe. Hugh Barry is a jewel, He is beak at a supper; plays bowls fairly, but his great game was knife, fork and tumbler. I have referred incidental- ly to these six members becalrsn they are Connected more or less in- timately with me in the best joke ev- er played in our club. It was 011 the occasion of our annual supper, The President, that's me, had been laboring incessantly for some years to bring the club up to a respectable standard. Grounds had been bought, paid for, house built, ftnce, erected good Iawn laid down, etc., and ,this supper was the conclusion. Many in the club, felt that some small recog- nition of the very able and arduous efforts of the President should be suitably made, but while the propos- al met with general favor and sup- port, yet even a presentation could not be made without indulging _ in a practical joke, and this is how it was done. • As President, of course, 1 occupied the Chair at the supper. A very nice cut glass claret jug was purchased, and was to, be presented at a suitable time after supper by Mr. Wm. Jack- son, I was to be kept in entire ig- norance. It was to be a surprise. 41 surprise it was all right enough. Jackson got his gang of conspirators together, and after sleepless days and nights, if not weeks of scheming, they concocted what was sprung on me in the following way..• About 8 p.m. on the day sof the sup- per, that low lived son of a gun, I have already. referred to, under the natne of Combe, met me. I have known him ever 'since he was anin- fant in arms, you might say he has grown up under my very eye. I'i as present athis, christening,, I gave him away at his marriage, I propos ed the health of himself and his bride Evening came. Supper served. We sat down sore sixty all told, Eating done, cigars, drinks, toasts were in order. I arose and proposed the health 'ef Her ,Majesty --drunk with enthusiasm. One or two other tcasts followed, I had my eye on the conspirators. They were there. Jackson and Forrester together. Br their side the nigger doll enrefully packed in Iong white box. Little did they dream that I knew every- thing. Opposite, Pair and '11lePher. son sat ready to aid and abett. A. far down as he could get, away at the ethic end. ready and handy for rapid exit, sat the man I had known as a babe. I saw Jackson and For• rester confer in whispers. The at- tenuated Sco'telnnali nodded encour- agement. At last up role .Tackson. Re began hesitatingly, "Tr-Er-Mr.- Er-Chairman." Tr-Er-Mr:Er-Chairman." "Sit down." I majes- tically said, "But Er -Mr. Chairman," he started again. "Sit down," T repeated, "You'll 'speak when I give you leave, not before," and this in tones 'ef warning. They had never thought of this, and it jarred them somewhat. More consultations, nuns nodding and winks for the Scot'h adjunct. Up rose Forrester. }Ie has quite a reputation at Farriers' Institutes as a "Talker." I ani told that on the subject of turnips he grows fluent, on marigolds he is eloa quent, but his great hold is on sugar beets, and when he launches forth on sugar beets, and how to weed then, he moves his audience to tears. Ho once gave an address on temperance to a gathering of rural ladies and— but this is digression, revenons a non moutons, as our entente certain friends say, and he rapidly, though fairly coherently (it was hot more than 9.45 p.m.) said, "That as a mem- ber of the C.L.B.C. he must say, that in All th'e course of his extended car- eer in that dub, at all the meetings he had never attended, and he elainv ed to have some experience in these matters, at all the social events, the dinners, the suppers; the picnics, at all the gatherings, political, religious or social that he was ever present at, he had never. he could go further and say, he did not believe that any- body on the earth's surface at time day, no matter what his varied and extended experience might be, could be, or ever would be, had ever heard of such a monstrous example of high- handed, dictatorial, un -British, imt constitutional, autocratic action, on the part of a chairman,, as lie had 'witnessed that evening. He got this far before he took breath, I thought it,well to let him ttn'n on steam for about throe min-' Utes. It pleased him, amused the company, and gave me time to think. I then tinned: 'on him, "IVIr. Forres- ter," 1 said, "If you think you are addressing a Farmers'. Institute or a Grangers' Convention, or a Supreme Past Grand Lodge of Affiliated Prin- cipals of Patrons of Industry, or' a Select Lodge of United` (Temperate • Cold Water Drinking Sons of HoI- htesville, who have no mind of their. own, you aro mightily mistaken,. am in the chair, sir. Do ,you doub it? As long as I am in this chair I rale this meeting. Do ,7011 hear me? And when you or .Mr. Jackson or Mr atn u ay else desires to say or do anythnlg hese to, -bight, the gracious m petisioi of me, the 'Chairman, must first be obtained. Do you hear that;; sir? Sit .clown at once, and don't let me bear you.. or Sts. Jack- son speak again until I give ' yor leave.?' He . sat - dewit, Up rose, half falteringly, that elon- gated D. L. McPherson, to enter a faint ventriloquial' protest against the riling frcen the Chair. I promp- tly settled him . with a glare that made him speedily absquatuiate. But Jackson; was quickly again on Itis feet, Forrester ditto,' and soon a pan- demonium ensued, 1 saw at a glance that a vigorous bluff was •in order if I was to play out my hand. So ris- ing in apparently the highest state of righteous indignation and condign wrath. I, thanks to my lung powe•l which is not demicable, macre my- self heard abpve the tumult aniorily m Pushed back y chair, and told them all ninthly, that if the authority of the Chair were not rnaiestically un- heki„ and that promntly, I should leave the room. I will never•..forget the amazed face of a newly arrived official of the Nelsons hank—,since those days appointed Manager—he was sure there would be hind spilled if not worse, however. I knew my mon. and the bluff worked. Down they sat and there was peace. I went •on with the programme. They held whispered eonferenees, the attenuated Scotch members mad- ded; winked, shook their heads, etei After keeping them in suspense for at least twenty minutes, I looked at Jackson and said in a very pompous tone, "You now have my permission to say what you AO rudely attempted at an earlier stage of the evening. I noticed Forrester nudge him as much as to say "Get up and get go- ing." Up W. Jackson rose. Re did his part well. I give him due credit for it. I' never thought Billy had it in hint. Tae roasted me up hill and down dale. Re spoke in scathing de- nunciation of my imperious, domin- eering way. %Io said there was nnthe ing intended on his part but only the utmost kindness and geed will. That all his friends were only actuated a- like, and seeing at last he had been permitted to speak, he would merely add that the club had requested hint t t t h I T' a 01± as err spo tesman and refer in the Ictncilieet manner to my vary t. efficient services, which they desir' ed to, recognize by presenting me with a very handsome cut glass ' claret jug, su pended round the neck or which was a silver ehatlt, Tram which depended an inscribed shield At the same tiiiis he ostentatiously opened the box, displaying' . 'not a black doll, but, veritably, exactly ;just what , he had been describing. I would willingly, at this point draw a veil. Perhaps it would be better to do iso. My feelings can, b'e imagined, but not described. It would take • the pen o1' a Charles Dickens to tell how the chairman ad Irose, ''and in a voice somewhat husky with emotion, recounted the i humil- iating fact that he had been deceiv- ed. Basely, inhumanly taken in, and sold. IIow he thought all along it wasonly. a ;joke, that no real pre s. 11 a ton was ever nitOncled, how hu, apologized for wounding the feel ing;s of his dear friend lige, Jackson,, how he said all this, and a good deal' more, amici the thundering, Iaugs tet ridden applause of'tlte company, amonget which could be ,distjnctI n':tieed, the bucolic "Ha. Ha," of Mr;,., Fcrrestel•,'to say nothing of the iSrilf, "Tee I-Iee, or Billy, ar'ehe low lived' sareastie, treble -toned snickering, of the quandom Highlander D. L. Mc- Pherson, As quickly as I, eaitld, I said what I felt obliged to say, and As quickly afterwards, as possible with decency, I vacated the chair, and rushed, to the other end of the. room, 'if but only to lay my hands upon the neck of that doubly -dyed sneak, and ruffian 11.13. Combe, but be bad fled. Ani so• ended the ntetne orable presentation, and to -clay the claret jug stands on my ,sideboard, a silent witness to the death of the above story. 0 Plucky Airman.' ecuperat s MISSING IN M The first picture to be made of Clarence McElroy, noted airman, after' his harrowing experience in Alex- can jungles. For two weeks after his plane crashed, McElroy crawled on hands and knees to civilization be- FSICANJUNGLE fore he 'was found. IIe is pictured using his crutches trade necessary by his injuries, He is bound for his home in itferryville, Indiana, where. he will recuperate. Our Commercial Printing Department is equipped to handle printing of all binds from a box of Calling Cards to ten thousand Statements gar Letter Heads Gave us Your Order for Counter Check hoks We are prepared to supply you in any quantity We will be Pleased to receive your order for Letter Heads Bill Heads Statements Envelopes Calling Cards, Private Stationery or Correspondence Cards THE CLINTON NEWS -RECORD A. FINE MEDIUM FOR ADVETRTISING—READ ADS. IN TITIS ISSUE. PHONE 4 6