The Brussels Post, 1886-5-14, Page 3yIAY 14, 1880,
A, REMARItABLE PERSON,
Ile had studied with sleep devotion old De-
mostllenea alai 1?bouton, and ho had a
lofty notion he could speak as well no
they ;
And be thought that he could sully all tho
fame al Runout Tully, leave in cold
oblivion's gully Rttfuo Choate and
Henry Clay,
And he said that Alexander wan an anti-
quated gander, and in modest, serious
candor he could fight 18s well as ho
And he'd raise his Ebenezer and say Han-
nibal and Omar never could enthuse
or please et fellow with are eye to see.
Be could 0100 a regular sermon on the
faults of Gen. Sherman, and could
lecture like a Gorman on the mistakes
of Gen. Grant ;
And he'd spout, the chronic gusher, and
inflict a regular crusher on Napoleon in
Russia, or the war in the Levant ;
Said 'tis folly to bo taken by Copernioun
and Bacon, and his faith was sadly
shaken in such shallow men as they;
Said be lowered like a giant over Emerson
Bryant, and he shook his fist defiant
at Addison and Gray.
]oat who is this mighty being so omniscient
and far-seeing, who we cannot help
agreeing is humanity's chief hope ?
Ah, Offs favorite Apollo lives in poverty
and squalor, and for just a paltry dollar
works all day at making soap.
FARMER RINGLE ON LINEN PANTS.
Al hen I•wna young, nu' , assy, an' chipper,
and full o' pluck,
Tho lad wan't livin' nowhere that could hoe
my row for luck ;
In course with gals is what I mean, f
thirty years ago.
We neve, thought of nothin' Luo to gi
each gal a beau.
T II1 1s11"0$ i??L13 PUST,
3
Let your husband road tete nova-
paper at breakfast ; it is sociable, bat
thele it is only a trifle after all, and
•
Bead something in the papers be.
sides holden notes and eoea0ty 001-
umns ; have some ]cuowledgo of what
is g0itag on to foreign oountrtos,
. Try and forget yourself ; as to your
husband, forget that you married
him anc],rentember that he married
you ; be will then probably do the
reverse,
Be a oompanion to your husband
if he is a wise man, and if he is net,
try and make him become your com-
panion. Raise hie standard ; do not
lel him loner yours,
Lot your husband know more titan
you do on00 in a ,White ; it keepa up
his self•respeot, and you will be none
the worse for admitting that you are
not actually infallible.
Respect your husband's preludioss,
reepeot his relations, especially his
mother—she is not the less his moth-
er, because she is your mother-in-law
she loved him before you did.
Fei'ly.four (100811011s, Word or Less.
11 is now the latest dodge of med-
ical quacks, who impose upon the
credulity of the unsuspected, to ad-
vertise their nostrums ander the head
of some so called company. Perhaps
rho charlatan's name does not appear
at all, bat the so-called "company"
is spread ail over his circulars, pam-
phlets, loo. A. subscriber sands 08 a
circular letter which he had received
from one of these "companies," which
cures all diseases that rnanlund is
or heir to, and forwards medicines "pro-
, pared with the greatest care for each
v" cane, securely packed in a plain box."
13ut before the medicine is forwarded,
the patient is asked to answer the
following, among a great variety of
other questions propounded in the
eirbular letter a
What is your age ? (Just as if ladies
generally wore going to answer 111111
question 1)
Is your partner healthy ?
Have you worked hard ?
Prom what do you suffer most ?
How is your sight ?
.What is your height ?
What is your weight ?
Is your tongue ouated, and, if so,
what color ?
Aro your brothers and sisters
healthy ?
Do you ever have dizzy, faint or
blind spells ?
Is your Learing good ?
After being bombarded with these
and forty four other questions, the
unfortunate who may receive this
circular letter, is finally plumply ask-
ed to tell the "company' this, to wit :
"Do you feel discouraged, gloomy and
melancholy at times 2" If after run-
ning his eye down the long list of
diseases of numerous kinds enumer-
ated in this circular letter, the re-
cipient don't feel "discouraged, gloomy
and nielaacholy," he must have a
pretty good constitution, and is not
easily discomposed.
. But naw to erme t' the Vint, sir, it war a
Mayday dunce,
An' 1 war dressed for kllliu'sir, with home-
spun linen pants.
They uun't these pesky, tight cons18rns, no
mighty, goldarned oriel(,
For marm, she oat 'em corn -stalk style, an,
left ms ram to kick.
My coat was mode with swalbertnils (they
almost swept the floor) ;
It opened down behind, sir and it kattoned
up before :
•Tear cut from marm's old petticoat,
strips o' rcd stn' green,
An' I tear floe an' party, sir as you most
ever seen.
And when the dance war 0001', en' the time
to leave had sum,
1 axed Samna thy Allen for to let me Seo
her hum,
An' when we reached the house, elle said I
meat as well step in ;
111 course I couldn't well decline, and 'sides
it wan't no sin.
1 stayed till ahnost brealt o' day an' then
I riz to go,
A feelin' blue, for I had popped, an' Sam-
authy answered "no."
Now if 1 went tho front way, I must pass
the old folks' door;
An' tet' old 01011 might inform nee 'bont the
size o' boots he wore.
An' 'round the yard behind the house they
had a picket fence ;
Tho gate war padlocked; an AO fool possess-
ed o' half way sense
Would try to mount them pickets, fur they
stood full tan foot high,
But 1 war kinder reckless then, I'd olimb
that fence or die 1
I said good -night to Samanthy, and result-
ed to do my best ;
I dam the thing, sir, easy an' sat down on
top to rest ;
But when I tried to jump I couldn't retreat
nor advance,
.A picket Vint had caught me in the spat o'
them air linen pants 1
An' thar I bung a dangling, nearly ton foot
from the ground ;
With heed, an' arms an' logs all bobbin' an'
ewillgln' around.
The 1 ants war of the very best, and wouldn't
tear nor rip
Tho piokethooltecl so tarnal tight their wan't
no chance thoy'dslip.
I hung on Char an hour; I'd hung Char yit,
I guess,
But the piclset busted all at once and drop.
ped me in a mess.
I rose up lame nn' stiffened, eir—tbont
fifteen bruises woes,
IIS y head war tinglin' sharp enough to make
the Dotuufo cues.
I tools them breeches of o' mo the minnit I
, ranched ltttnt
They're lumen' in the garret yit, an' will
for yerro to cum.
An' long as I'm on 'arch, if I should 'tend a
Mayday danoe,
:Char's one thing sure an' sartin, sir, I won't
' war linen pants.
For Harried Women.
,Always remember that you aro
married to a man and not a god ; be
prepared for imperfections.
Ono° in a while lot your husband
have tho last word ; it will gratify
him and be no particular loss to you.
Do bo reasonable ; it is it great deal
to ask under some eiroumetanees ;
.reasonable women are rare—be rare,
Antioipete the discovery by your
husband that you aro 'only a woman'
If you were not ho would not care
about you.
Remember that servants aro made
of the same material as you are; a
little coarser grained, perhaps,. but
The same in essentials... <:.
Sarah.
A. Detroiter who was returning from
Dakota the other day mot an old ohap
on the train who questioned him as to
where he had been, and enquired :
"Maybe you run across my daugh-
ter out there ? Her noun is Watson."
"I don't think I did," was the re•
1
p "But she' in Dakota. Silo want
out there as soon as she was married."
"I didn't see her,"
"Didn't you happen to ride by any
house whore a woman was whistling 2"
"Sarah whistles, but you may have
missed her. Didn't see a man and
woman having a fight anywhere ?"
'tNo.,,
"Sarah and her husband have a
regular sot -to every two or three days,
but you may have talion another road,
Didn't hear any woman hollering
'Dorn it to Goshen 1' I suppose,"
"Don't think so."
"Sarah hollers that when she stubs
her toe, and sho can be hoard two
miles and a half if the wind is right,
Meet any woman on the highway who
was smoking a clay pipe and sloshing
right through the mud puddles 2"
"That's
Sarah,
you
knee
y v1 Didn't
stop in any neighborhood where the
school teacher had been licked and
the sowing society all busted to goali,
ell?" •
t•That'e Sarah again. I"guessou
didn't travel much." y
"But Dakota is u great Territory'
you know 2"
"Yes, I suppose; but if you had
been at one and while Sarah was hol-
lering her husband to dinner et the
otheryou must have heard her, May-
be yott are a little deaf."
r1 11reultarll is It men who has fat
rd no a moderate drinker,
lfow to live 0htlltp,--VlsIt your tet•
aliens 18)111 acqunlntan001.
It's IL »01 ho t1b10 tact that the gas
,1 11)p.01•$ never couiplaitl of light
Un'•1(en0,
1)1K'uslvo partisanehtp.—Coming in
len, nod laeltlug the door on tete other
l:Ila v
A p.llilouophur 5170 that tho best
stay t') avoid getting into debt is to
die 7"0)01.
ahlt ,'o(i1815oe , )ti,y.mo0y, Pries 60 esr free with oaoh 1t■,ls of
Sold
br C. A. Dand,n p, ,
It is rumored that John L. Su11i•
vett and m malt named Smith will
strike for more money.
"Lot ug bray," soliloquized a pious
mule when he kicked a deacon through
the baro door.
More than 4,000 devices for coup.
ling have been patented, and yet
thousands of bachelors and maidens
go nloue in this country.
The most reniarlctble ease of con-
version on r800,(11 reeeutly occurred in
St. Albau'o, Vt. An entire skating
rine( was converted into a church,
Tbo Rev. Goo, H. They° r, of Bourbon, Ind
A.
1rind,
1, 't'lle bldg that etnilcatll 101 night.
Butter 5Ir,,ng 1'1 ni 1) to drink,
I V()4011 who titan.
The burly fell.,, who wants
own way, raid 11114 to gut it. 1 laltv0 a Inco lot of 13M's' Car-
uso who (11o,'I,.o sllbjectd 0t0y rift);01 on 111111)1 that tele Public
loony nothing &n e11 151) 111(1 sire,
Lougi»g to bu wealthy.
Abllob's 000eampliovunu00f" gold by1G.
noacimau.
An old mien of -war nailer, who had
loot a leg hi rho service of his count-
ry, became a retailer, booanse, leaving
loot a leg, he could not be a whole
sailor.
Duda— Excuse 1110, Aliso Sharp. I
lead quite forgotten you. I am so ab-
sent•u u1)l d, don't cher know. Mien
Sharp—Yee, I have noticed the ab•
sauce of mind.
"A Now Dude in Tont" is a lata
song. But wo half mistrnst that it
is the same old dude, only ho has
succeeded in getting his spring over-
coat out of pawn, so 0)11 folks don't
know him,
Wily will you Dough whew Shllo1's Core will
sive tmmedlats re lief, Irlcol0e ,A0e., and 01.
Sold by G. A. Bondman.
"Half the booho in this library are
not worth reading," said a sour•vis-
agod, hypercritical, novel -satiated
woman. "Read the other half, then,"
gratuitously advised a by-atendor.
It is aoserted that Solomon never
laughed. That's not remarkable. A
man who bad seven hundred wives,
and tt few hundred inother-in•laws, is
not likely to be in a very Merry humor.
Rosy and pleaeing lesson in punc-
tuation :—'Dear aunt, I should certain -
1y have been with you had I boon well ;
even now I am iu great pain while I
write with my nose."
TIO rhaoktngeouah ons bo notiuioady 000(0
by s1111o1r's Cure. \Vo guuraetee it Seld byG
A. Deadman.
Atachuroh fair out west it was au•
nouuced that any gentleman could
itiss any girl in the room for twenty-
nvo cents. Religion out west seems
to have degenerated into mere lip -ser.
vice.
Ayonng gentlemau milted the editor
to tell him which is proper for flim to
say, on leaving n young lady friend
after elate call, Aug war :—Either is
proper ; but always speak the truth,
even if you have to say good moruiug._
Sor Dyspepsia and river Complaint, you
have a printed guarantee on every borne of
ahlloh's Vitaliser. It never falls to Dare. Sold
by G.A.Deadman,
Jones :—What, you at the circus 1
Smith :—O, yes, Iliad to come to take
care of my little boy. Jones :—Where
is he 2 Smith :—Ho was taken si6lc
at the last 'moment, and couldn't
come. I didn't expect to see you
here.
A news item quaintly says :—"A.
cart ran over a boy loadedwith sante,
wetghiog 4,400 pounds, and he was
not injured in the least." It is not
surprising. A boy loaded with sand
and weighing 4,400 pounds, was
enough Co wreck rho cart.
forr
Salmon's Catarrh
Diptheria land Canker14Month
Sold by G.A. D#aadmn.
Charlie klighflyer,—"elle, oi' fel-
ler, I see you are wearing your watch
again." Jimmy'Tut'boy,—"Yes, got
at back yesterday." Charlie. ---"That's
funny." Jimmy.—"WVItat's funny ?"
Charlio.--"Why, I heard a lady say
the other clay that you hadn't a re-
deeming feature."
The Rambler prints a novel in three
chapters as follows .-
011A571tR I.
Maid one.
CHAPTER II,
Maid won.
ensemER III,
Made M e one.
"Doctor l what do you think is the
matter with Johnny 2" "Well, ma-
dam, 1 can hardly tall just yet; bat I
think the trouble is with the pharynx,"
"1 knowod it t 1 kuowed them rinks
was the cause of it all, and 1 don't
Dare whether it's the far rinks or the
near rinks, he'll nevo'r be lot ge to
another one."
'Debugs tient make ono Weary.
Old mutton dressed lamb fashion.
Goats and all outer cranks.
Men who sow the oolintry. with
BABY. C AB1 IIA( ES !
his -�
Working for lova rind not gctt
paid,
The barber with It mule the temp
attire and consi0tnney of the an
Bide of a toad,
Tho fiend who always mono
sbake hamlet.
A boil,
'1'llneo who eat molasses with
knife.
bIietaking a pisco of soap fur a Cr
lr•
amel.
Cyclones, earthquakes, creditors,
bad bills, terrible murders, garrulous
old Wom011, mumps and a sore toe.
Paying a quarter to 800 n (time
show.
People who nee is fore( as th
would an ell spear.
The man with big cuff buttons a
a bed breath.
The fool who smokes everywhere
but in bed.
"Chestnuts."
Cheese that has the strength to
talk.
To be alone iu a room with a talk-
ing machine—rnale or fomalo.
Men who always eat as though they
were hurrying to catch a train.
The girl who wants to know, 'where
have you been at ?'
The smell of peanuts eaten by some-
one o1so.
Tho scane1t1-monger who never
wants hid naive mentioned, you know.
To see rogues flourish and grow
fat while honest men toil and wear
themselves out for nothing.
The "I told you so" bore who al-
way,' turns up after an important
erisid.
Ono drop of hot grease iu tore wrong
place.
Making your views clear to a ttaiolc-
headed man,
Augl
They are WeII male, nicely
lar fillislio(1 anti will he Sold at
to Reasonable Prices,
SEE TH.EM�
Farness g Collars !
and everything in the harness line
0 1 on hand.
Y
Also Trunks, Valises, Satchels,
nd &e., &c.
Nome "1Dunrts't For 11asbands.
Don't trouble yourself to be on
hand promptly at your mettle. Your
wife will keep your supper as warm
as toast in the oven for you. She
enjoys your tardiness. Dou't hurry;
it is vulgar to flurry.
Dou't begun to eat your breakfast
as 800n as you sit clown to the table.
Bury yourself in the Inorning paper
first about fifteen minutes. Then
your breakfast will be nice and cold,
and lead liable to, give yon tbo dyspep•
sia. 'Your wife enjoys oating here in
silence, and then watching you bolt
yours. It increases femitlin0 amia-
bility.
Don't hang up the towel when you
have finished using it. Toss it light-
ly to the top of m picture frame or on
the !load board of the bedstead.
Your wife expects to put, 11 in the
clothes hamper anyway, and by the
time elle has walked 11 few yrs on
the bed springs or joyfully rescued it
from the picture, she wit! be pleasant-
ly reminded of rho hamper and of—
you 1
Don't neglect to kick up a row if
your buttons are not alt on and your
un1100wur0 in perfect order. Don't
spare any pains to encourage habits
of domesticity in your wife. itIanly
exertions in 011ie direction have been
known to transform a light-hearted
girl iuto an incomparable house•
keeper.
Don't allow the prosenee of com-
pany to interfere evith your appreoi-
ation of your wife's perfection in
housekeeping. If you see dus 01) tho
table, wipe it carefully away on your
pocket hankerohief. You will at once
inspire your friends with admiration
for your thoughtfulness. Don't bo
tied•mouthod about affairs in your
own house. If the cook puts too
much butter eu,tho steak call her In
at on00 and reprimand her in Slentor•
Ian tones. You support the house,
and it is your privilege, Don't for•
got that you are the captain.
Don't feel anyhesilauoy in inquir.
ing of your wife what alio dal with
the $2 you gave her four weeks ago.
Oarelessnese in • monetary matters
have been known to engender extrav-
agance of a ver aerie
8 y serious'nature in
women, Never forget the old saying
that a "wom00 can throw out of the
window with a spoon more than a
man can pitch into the front door
with a shovel," and "wilful waste
breeds woeful want."
Don't • allo w your wife to handle
any money in rtluning the house,
Pay ell bills yourself, and then you
know where the money goes to.
Women are not experionced iu mope -
Lary matters. They are liable to pay
their lady friends' ear -fare, and they
are fond of ribbons. Some aro even
addicted to foreign missions,
H. DENNIS.
THE GREAT TIIOROUGHFA.ItE TO
Jl THE NORTHWEST.
The St, Panl1 Minneapolis & Manitoba
RA-XI.,WA .
with its 1,500 miles of road. Itis the only
line extending through the Park Region of
Minnesota, to all principal points in Bed
River Valley, Northern Minnesota, North-
ern Dakota. The Shortest Route to Fargo,
Moorhead, Sauk Centro, Wahpaton, Cassel -
ton, Breckenridge, and Morris.
The Only Lino to Grand Forks, Grafton,
Mayville, Larimot•e, Devils Lake, Crooks-
ton, Portland, Hope, Winnipeg, Hillsboro,
Ada, Alexandria, and to
DEVILS LAKE AND
TURTLE MOUNTAIN DIST'S
in which there ie now the largest area of
•
the most desirable vacant Government
Lands in the United States. The lands of
th'e St. Paul, Minneapolis &Manitoba Rail-
way Co. in Minnesota are particularly de-
sirable for all classes of farming, aro offer-
ed at very low prices, and easy terms of
payment, and it will be to the advantage of
all seeking new homes, to examine them be-
fore purchasing elsewhere.
Maps and pamphlets describing the coun-
try, giving rates of fare to settlers, etc.
mailed FREE to any address, by
JAIII;S B. POWER,
Land and Immigration Comm'r,
C, II, IVARBEM,
GeneralPessonger Agent,
St. P. M. &'4I�R'3, ST, PAUL, MINx.
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