The Wingham Advance-Times, 1984-05-16, Page 27(Sears
•
ifs
ll.
To cruise through a bright-
ly written travel piece and
suddenly bump up against
the information- that the
writer "peddled" herself
through Europe is to suspect
the worst.
Toread in a hest -seller
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MERCURY
ILINCOLN
that a etarapte i'an "Amur
is to want to do the same
(properly spelled) one's Self.
1Not .long 0o, Canada's na-
tional newspaper carried a•
story which described a poli-
tioian as being "adverse" to
something — not good Eng-
lish usage I hope.
Weakening rot infests
everything from Playboy
(Laying on the couch, her
hair gave off a copper
sheen") to daily newspapers
("It burned to it's founda-
tions.") There's something
serious going around and I
think it's literary herpes.
Virtually invisible until it
erupts, apparently incurable
and certainly epidemic, it is
the silent killer of elegant ex-
pression.
To hear an indignant
mother demand of her son's
teacher, "How come Randy
done so poor in English?" is
to long for remedial syringes
full of good syntax.
Writers of letters to the
editor pick angrily at the zits
of illiteracy that dot the face
off current English writing. I
myself once wrote a snappy
scold to a publication when
three of my favorite column-
ists prepositioned "like" —
like it was going out of style.
Composing nit-picking let-
ters helps in a small way. It
makes the writer feel as if
she's plugging a small hole
in the dike, but Lord knows it
won't stem the rising tide of
deformities and malocclu-
sions that are crippling the
language of Shakespeare.
Just when you think you've
plugged one leak, another
one springs up, as in this let-
' ter a friend's child brought
home from school: "Any
parent who• wants their
child's report should report
to his or her teacher."
I didn't even finish reading
the communication from a
grade twelve student 'Which
began:. "The rolls I've at-
tained .calls for responsibil-
ity that must be�olftlled.'
That Typhoid Mary of liter-
acy will probably wind up
painting signs that read
"Wheel Alinement". Or
maybe he'll assault us on the
nightly news with "tem-
pecher" and "Feb-you-ary".
Yet, nobody's perfect.
When you consider the miles
of justified prose that's elec-
tronically processed every
day, it is a miracle that it all
comes out right side up. To
err is human: to copy-edit
accurately, divine.
A friend who once worked
for a publisher of mysteries
and romances told me the
company regularly received
letters like the following: "I
have . just finished reading
'Ground Beef: The Secret of
the,Legless Cow'. T.enjoyed-it
very much. Did you know
there was a serious gram-
mati!e l err pti: pg is
There• are, in addition, two
spelling' erroi*- one on
page 57 and another at the
top of page 270. Since I am a
retired school teacher, I now
have lots of free tinie I'know
I could do a good job for you
as a free lance proof-reader,
should your company re-
quire one."
My friend's boss finally
had a. letter drawn up which
read something 1Lke: "Thank
you for pointing out three
errors in `Ground Beef: The
Secret of the Legless Cow'. I
am attaching a list of 136
additional errors in spelling,
punctuation and grammar
which were discovered by
our full-time, professional
proof-readers. These will be
corrected in the second
printing:"
For all of us retired school
teachers who vainly beat our
tiny fists against the hairy
chests of the language de-
filers, there will be just as
many permissive liberals
who insist that language is
subject to changes in fash-
ion, like morals and skirt
lengths.
Thus I read with deepening
desolation that the word
"hopefully" is now legit.
Some dictionary or other is
including it in the new edi-
tion and what's worse, the
editors are now publicly
bragging about how with -it
they are.
Some days, all you can do
is grin and bear it, as ,fol -
.lows: "Little boy, your
grammar needs work."
"My grampa needs it
worse, his UIC benefits ran
out last week."
letter
'of se
eanclosinl
-work•
Her
flowe s ,an she o 1
these,just one o �tw;o,' on
plain ' `hastynates or larger
notepaper.. With a ''
ballpoint ppn, p
forgot :t4 49h l !!
has drawn the leaves and,
stems Of',,the> little hewer
spray!
I thought this a rathernute
and novel idea for bazaar or
sale -of -work tables,• though
Muscles weigh fourth
The powerful flight mus-
cles account for as much as
one-fourth of a bird's weight.
it
5
e
f.
gather froze. Mrs Hooker's •
letter she dee; them'ass ,gifts
and to augment her income,
and they regture Very little
effort. The hastynote and the
notepaper become rather
special with this little bit of
hand work.
0 you are interested in try-
ing out this idea, I did fea-
ture tatted flowers for a pic-
ture not long ago. The pat-
tern No. 7719 has that old
world charm about it, and
one or two of these flowers
would be excellent for the
notepaper idea.
Another tip that a senior
citizen passed along to me
was the' idea of knitting the
spiral heelless sock for use
as a bedsock, or for use when
sitting around if you suffer
from cold feet as some do as
they grow older.
As, the lady said, "You
don't have the hassel of turn-
ing the heels, you just keep
knitting round and round un-
til you have the required
length you want, then de-
crease for the toe!"
It certainly is a good idea;
you wouldn't want to make
them as long in the leg as the
regular sock pattern calls
for, if you are using them in
this way. I have a pattern for
this type of sock on Leaflet
No. 6812. The regular sock
length is twenty-two inches
from top to toe and requires
three one -ounce balls of
' And
i'®I �d r • v ..:• • •
by Erma Bombeck
Like most things it all
started out simply enough.
A friend of mine sent me a
cheese ball rolled in nuts for
Christmas two years ago. I
liked the cheese ball rolled in
nuts, so I decided to send one
of them to my aunt.
But a funny thing happen-
ed to me on the way to the
shipping department. Some-
one dropped my nameinto a
computer and began selling
my address and life has not
been the same since.
It was a trickle of mail or-
der books at first a few
DON'T MISS BLYTH'S JEWELLERY AND GIFTS
CLOSING OUT
,e
The building
has been sold.
Everything
must go...to
the bare
Walls!
4 0 % 0
509/4
Sale starts
Wednesday
May 9, 1984
Sale ends
Friday
May 25, 1984
ALL SALES FINAL NO EllCF1ANGE5 OR -REFUN[
JI
1.135 George 8tq Art.hurr •
Most wSat. 10.aim y6P1
brochures for fruit cakes and
a couple of catalogues fea-
turing plastic pigs for my re-
frigerator door and net can-
opies to cover my pies and
cakes to keep the•flies,away.
There followed a few more
books featuring an Irish
prayer on parchment suit-
able for framing and a pot-
pourri of little dust -catchers
like a frog standing upright
playing a guitar.
three-ply fingering for the
pair. I should imagine mak-
ing them shorter as bed -
socks, you could possibly
make them from two ounces.
Knitted in a pretty pastel
color they would be much
appreciated by the older
folk.
0-0-0
The pretty crocheted bag
is ideal for your knitting,
crochet or handwork. It's :a
simple, quick project and is
crocheted from machine
washable and dryable Cana-
diana Sayelle yarn. The
crossstitch design is worked
afterwards and is optional.
To order this week's pat-
tern No. 84116, or any other
leaflet mentioned, send 75
cents for each PLUS- a
stamped self addressed re-
turn envelope. If you do not
have a stamp or envelope,
please enclose an extra 50
cents to cover the cost of
°Fiddler° on accordion
Over 20 years in the
making, thenewly pub-
lished Dictionary of
Newfoundland English
says a "fiddler" plays the
accordion, a "hypocrite" is
a cripple, "whizgigging"
means engaging in foolish
or boisterous actions,
"curwhibble" is a sudden
lurch, "dwy" is a squall,
"flummy dum" is hunter's
bread, "boil -up" is a snack
- and "ballicatter" is a spray
of water turned to ice.
Then the catalogues took a
turn. The computer perceiv-
ed me as someone who also
wore clothes. The books,
flowed in at the rate of two a
week, Ginghams from an
attic in New Jersey, sports-
wear from Texas and ma-
tronly classics from Cincin-
nati. They all had one thing
in common. Everything I or-
dered was out of stock and
was on back order. •
But that didn't stop the
computer. I was courted by
catalogues of X-rated
lingerie, beachwear that
come in a plain, brown wrap-
per, and fashions that fea-
tured surly,models with hair
that looked like unmade beds
whose clothes were falling
off their shoulders that come
in a range from size 4 to 6.
In less than a year,' my
name belonged to the world!
I had become international.
Catalogues poured in from
Australia tempting me with
sheepskin -covered water
bottles, from Ireland with
bargains of stemware and
from Ecuador with sweaters
I couldn't afford to pass up.
It amazed me how the
catalogues found me. My
name was misspelled on.
over half of them, my ad-
dress was unrecognizable,
and even the city they were
addressed to was 20 miles
down the road, but they ar-
rived. (My tax refund should
have made such good time in
the U.S. mails.)
'today I am perceived to be
at the top of the line in com-
puter mailings. I receive
catalogues from the N.Y. Art
Museunl, Gumps, Tiffany's,
Horchow's and Bloozhing-
dale's.
I don't know how I got
from a cheese ball rolled in
nuts to a $7,000 harld-carved
fireplace screen that's one of
a kind.
I wish I knew.
handling and print your
name and address, Send to
Louisa Rush, `,Craft Talk",
486 Montford Drive, Dollard
des Ormeaux, P.Q., H9G
1M6. Please be sure to state
pattern numbers correctly
when ordering and enclose
your stamped return en-
velope for faster service.
from Sears Portrait Studio
14 color portraits for only
1O95 includes 950 deposit
Photographic package includes two
8x10's, two 5x7's and ten wallet size color
portraits. No appointment necessary. 95$
for each additional subject. Poses our
selection. Studios located in most larger
Sears retail stores.
Also available in addition to package:
Black Background 8,
Doubl"e Feature Portraits
Instant Passport Photos
Offer for portraits taken Mon. May 14 thru Sat. May 19
your money's worth ... and more
SPRING SPECIALS
Swag Lamp
with matching wall mounted'
pin. -$ light
Reg. •$75.955
•'
Sale
Limited Quantities
.Hwy. 7 & 8
Ontario St. 70
5 O
ici 3
o
(n
Regent St. Frederick St ('n
X AVON LIGHTING
Lawn Light
with 82" steel post
Reg. $105.68 _ n 9 5
Sale • ._
von
LIGHTING CENTRE
Division of -Ideal Supply Co. Ltd.
133 Regent St. STRATFORD
273=0650
SppN ..
tIIARRIED
GE�11NG
S
l\e!2JT
GaEA1 OF;00
e�
Beginning Next Week
Be the first to take
advantage of these -
tremendous Bridal
Fashion Savings and
Current Fashion
Selections.
Our entire inventory will
be offered at discounts
from 25% to 75%. Over
70,000 worth of Inven-
tory must be cleared.
SPECIAL NOTICE: This Close-out Sale applies
to the Bridal Fashions Department Only.
LOCATION:
ROCKWAY WEDDING -CENTRE
1542 KING ST. E. 745-8494
ACROSS FROM ROCKWAY GARDENS
By SWISS CASTLE INN
SALE HOURS:
MONDAY -FRIDAY 9:30am-9pm
SATURDAY 9am-6pm