The Wingham Advance-Times, 1984-09-05, Page 30rim=ikR CITY CHRYSLER
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•
DESCENT FROM GLORY.
Four Generations of the John
Adams Family. By Paul G.
Nagel. Oxford, Universitj;,
Press, 'Toronto. 416• pp.
Paper. 312.75.•
Reviewedby
PERCY MADDUX
The Adams family of
Massachusetts gave the na-
tion two presidents — John
A.dams, the first vice-presi-
dent and second president,
and his son, John Quincy
Adams, the sixth president.
Their home town of Quincy
was named for one of their'
ancestors. It is to be noted
that the pronunciation in this
case is "Quinzy", not
"Quinssy".
In his book "Descent from
Glory" Paul G. Nagel tells
the story of John Adamsand
his descendants, a total 'bf
four generations. The em-
phasis is upon the individu-
als and their relations with
other members of the
family, their career achieve-
ments being secondary in
this account. The book shows
the_problems, the successes,
the achievements, the disa-
ppointments, and the trage-'
dies in these lives — a great
insight into these people of
history.
•
1. Smiley
No helmets please )
Since I have been slightly
under the weather, we have
a guest columnist this week,
my daughter Kim. So the Bill
Smiley column this week is
written by Kim Smiley, who
writes better than I do any-
way.
By KIM -SMILEY
Y
Some people actually pay
money to have their brains
teased. Compilations of
quizzes and mental chal-
lenges can be found in any
large book store; usually
under the Games section,
next" to Humor. In smaller
establishments, brainteaser
books, which always assure
buyers that correct solutions
signify genius, are lumped
.together with Humor, a
connection that escapes the
MENSA hopefuls who buy
them.
"But why pay money for
what you can get free?"
horse sense inquires. The
following brainteaser, free of
charge, was recently seen in
the window of a Variety store
H. GORDON
GREEN
As I was driving through a
little country town the other
day, I was surprised to hear
the unmistakable cawing of •
a young crow within a
stone's throw of main street.
For a moment I wondered if
the magic of the summer's
day might. have been making
the crows a little too bold for
their own good, just as it
somepnes does to our teen-
aged lovebirds. And then .I
suddenly realized the truth.
This was a pet crow. I should
have known that at once
from the peculiar uneven
'tenor of his voice — as if his
crop was, full of rust — and
the impatient way he was
begging for food. '
And right away I felt a nos-
talgic tinge of envy for the
boy who must have owned
that crow. Sixtyodd years
ago I too came back from
high adventure in the,swamp
one day with i) y.squalling,
"lousy, doubtful smelling
crow tucked under my arm.
And in the hectic weeks
which followed, I did all of
the things which this crow!s.
owner must have done. I
fought the never-ending bat-
tle to find worms for that
bottomless, noisy red gullet.
More! More! More!
For the adventure of pos-
sessing a pet crow doesn't
end with the thrill of climb-
ing an impossible tree to the
nest and warding off the fer-
ocious dive-bombing of the
senior crows whilst the cap-
ture is made. A boy must
love his crow a lot if his pet is
ever to become a tolerant
member of the home.
My crow earned far more
than -toleration-even though
ours was a family which
rather nrided itself on its
lack of sentimentality.. For
Jim — there is only one
name for a pet crow — soon
developed a personality
which combined affection,
begging and mischief in ex-
actly the same proportions Most off the accidents that
you would expect to find in a happen with children border
small boy. on the bizarre. They never do
Jim was also as unpredic- anything in ' a' conventional
table as a small boy and on way; I always had the kid
in a small Canadian town:
"Please do not wear helmets
inside store." We've heard of
having to wear certain items
of apparel in stores, like
shoes, but not being allowed
to wear something? This is
new: and almost as inven-
tive as a sign currently ad-
orning a gas station in that
same small town: "Free hat
with exhaust system inspec-
tion." In my day, not so long
ago, it would have been a
simple "Free glass with fill -
up." •
But what rich opportun-
ities for the flexing of theim-
agination this gas station af-
fords lucky passers-by. What
kind of hat, one wonders.
One -size and color only or a
smorgasborg of hat choice?
.A hat you wouldn't be seen
dead in, cynics will conclude,
reasoning that the use of the
term "hat" rather than
``cap" means the bonus offer
couldn't be some variation
on the timelessly fashionable
baseball cap.
At wit's end
by Erma Bombeck
1
('.py..elgdl 479
��leld E,4rp77".. Im'
I read the other day where
a woman was grocery shop
ping and in trying to reach
the last package of broccoli
lost her balance and fell head
first into the freezer.
A man walking by grabbed
her by the ankles, dra ge
her out, and drove her
The speculative sit-ups on
even this modest, but free,
brainteaser could -keep one
mentally Fonda -fit for a
week. How much more so the
intriguing "Please do not
wear helmets in store."
I put my brain on the
.wrack. Here are the only
reasons I could come up with
for the no -helmet rule in the
Variety store., -They range
from dumb to really dumb.
1. Hardness of helmet
causing potential damage to
perishable goods and per-
sons.
2. Potential theft, there
being room to tuck stolen
goods in space between top
of head and helmet.
3. Managerial prejudice
against motorcycle drivers,
as opposed to, say, construc-
tion workers. Notice, the
sign specifies "helmets," not
"hard hats."
4. Related to above, simple
helmet phobia on the part of
the store manager. Isn't
there something frightening
uised
about the partially disg
face and overly -protected
head of the helmet wearer'?
5. Store manager's plan m
event of holdups is to use
club he keeps behind counter
on thief's head. Manager
lacks imagination to devise
alternate plan and therefore
forbids helmets in store.
6. Potential use of helmet
as weapon helmeted
customer, enraged at rising
costs, charges bull -like at
ore -keeper.
7. Store manager is in
the league with gas station
owner offering free hat with
hospital where she was
treated and released. exhaust system inspection.
I have to believe that fall-' Hats offered ares in 'fact
ing in the freezer was the cheap Taiwan -made hel-
"easy part. The real trauma mets. While motorcyclist
came when she had to deal leaves his helmet draped on
with the people who"fill out handlebars to dash into store
insurance forms. I can see it for a Coke, gas station
now.owner's thug steals helmet
"Was this an accident?" and fouls up exhaust system.
' "Yes." My:ovv-n mental system ex -
"Was there any other way hausted, I offered the list to
to get the -broccoli -out -of -the my family for inspection.
case?" Discussion settled' chiefly
"Probably." around possibility . Number
• "Have you gotten broccoli Two — ,potential theft. They
Out of the case like this be- decided that the purpose of
fore?" the sign' in the window must
"Many times." be to prevent someone from
entering the store with a het-
Mothers know exactly met tucked nonchalantly
what I am talking about. under his arm, then furtively
placing a can of beans or a
pound of bacon on his head,
quickly donning the helmet
and walking through the
cash, coolly buying a pack of
gum, just t� cover up, you
understand. Against my pro-
tests that allowable purses, •
bags or, large pockets would
serve just as well and be less
painful, they stood fast.
Well, I finally just asked. I, -
went down to the store, and
under the pretext of coolly
buying a pack of gum, asked
the burning question: "How •
come you can't wear helmets
in the store?" She laughed a
little, ``Well, they garble you
know."
It took me several mom-
ents to even begin to see.
"`But they just have those
mouth guard things, don't
they?" I made mouth guard
gestures, thinking of kids'
hockey, helmets of 20 years
ago.
"No," she explained,
"they have face visors. A lot
of people keep their' visors
down and we can't make out
what they're saying."
HuronHuyon 11001 `fit di0
of Listowel, Fiarristof
is now enrolling stu a s -f r the
Fall. Lessons available for begin-
ners and advanced students.
Guitar, organ, drums and ac-
cordian. Some instruments loan-
ed -out.
Phone `
343-5890
one occasion he followed my
two kid brothers all the way
to school, a mile -long trip
which took them from one
side of .our village to the
other. The most'noteworthy
part of that episode was that
Jim was discreet enough to
follow from a distance, and
no one noticed what he was
doing until after classes took
up. Then Jim promptly flew
to the ledge of an open class-
room window and hollered
for a handout.
Jim made the trip only
once. His shrewd eyes made
a quick assessment of the ed-
ucation of those days as well
as of the stern . old school
master who promptly chased
him off the sill with a hickory
pointer, and next day he was
quite content to stay with the
horses in the pasture.
There was one disastrous-
ly incurable habit Jim did
develop, however, and that
stemmed from the fact that
he seemed to have been born
with the eyes of a jeweller.
Everything which was small
and bright fascinated Jim in-
tensely; and if it were small
enough to carry, he would fly
away with it to a place where
he could investigate his tro-
phy in privacy. And since our
vine -covered outhouse was
the most private place on the
farm this venerable institu-
tion often witnessed the
spectacle of an angry little
sister crawling all over the
vicinity on her hands and
knees and sobbing her heart
out as she searched through
the grass for a missing tin
whistle or a ring.
And one Sunday morning
when it was Mother's turn to
go hunting for her one and
only brooch, my pet crow
was so perilously near to
execution that only the sane -
1
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th ANNIVERSARY
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tity of the Sabbath saved
him. But two days later,
while Mother was still vow-
ing vengeance, one of my
smoking uncles happened to
leave his plug of Big Ben on
the shelf by the kitchen door.
(Mother never allowed to-
bacco in the house.).
Well, as some of you may
remember, plugs of tobacco
with the penny shoved up his
nose, the arm wedged in the
sweeper bag, the lip caught
in a mousetrap. Things that
everyone told me 30 years
from' now I'd laugh at ... and
I'm still waiting. '
I was only fiveyears into
child -raising when I stopped
asking, "How in the world
could something like this
happen?" After awhile, I ful-
ly. accepted the strange and
prepared myself to defend it
while riding to the emer-
gencyroom.
"How did your son split his
head open?"
"How did a swan dive into
_two feet of water."
"You can't do that."
"Right."
I used to yvatch nurses at
the desk who would try to
jam "Got pantleg caught in
the mixer" onto insurance
forms or, "Cut tongue while
hiding Fort Apache soldier
set from cereal box in his
mouth to annoy brother" and
wonder what some of the
other insurance claims read
like.
I'd surely love to have seen
their faces when a woman
reported recently her but-
tocks were "lodged in an
emergency exit when she
was in the bus restroom and
the bus swerved, forcing her
into the window.
Can't you hear them ask-
ing at the hospital, "Was this
your assigned seat?"
used to have a little tin heart
stuck in the middle of each
side in those days to carry
the name of the brand and a
few choice adjectives to go
with it. And Jim's jeweller's
eyes spotted that bright little
heart in an instant and he
spirited the plug away to his
favourite private place. Only
this time Jim went inside to
make his examination: and
when he finally came out he
had only the little bit of tin in
his beak. The rest had been
dropped exactly where
Mother declared that all to-
bacco should go. And Jim
and Mother seemed to un-
derstand each other perfect-
ly after that.
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