The Goderich Signal-Star, 1987-07-15, Page 25a
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SECTION
GODERICH, ON1 AR1O;WEDNESDAY, JULY 15, 1987
ft
Blowout at
the beach
3
Sun and sand was the order of the day
as St. Christophers' Beach was again
the site of the Goderich Beach Blow
Out. The full day of activities included a
limbo contest, expertly demonstrated
here by Doug- Ryan (top). No beach
party would be complete without a
Wildest Shorts Contest and you must
admit, the shorts (right) were certainly
wild. People flocked to the beach on
Saturday to escape the heat and have a
little fun. Some sat while others worked
up a thirst with a day long volleyball
tourney (lower right). Some , of the
youngsters, when they weren't swimm-
ing, tried their hands at golf. Here,
Liana Atfield shows unusual form as
she makes the putt (lower left). Free
windsurfing lessons were offered all
day as part of the Beach Blow Out as
various instructors took their turn at
passing along tips. Lloyd Crawford
(left) listened intently to instructor
Paul Castle and by the end of the day
was challenging the breezes of the har-
bour. (Photos by Rob Bundy)
r
ILI i M .
THOMAS
Strange but
true column
ideas on way
The second most -asked question I get
in this business is "Where do you get
your artiele ideas?" The most asked
question I get is "Have you found a real
job yet?"
The most -asked question is asked by
my mother at 8:15 every Monday morn-
ing when she calls to give me a pep talk
that generally outlines the average in-
come of her chiropractor and how when
it rains in Foothill they just move the
town inside his house.
The second most -asked question was
asked of me a wee4k ago Wednesday by a
man who read an article I wrote last year
"entitled -How to Survey Your Own Land
which contained a number of typos. This
man now lives in his pickup truck in the
General Motors einployee parking lot off
Ontario Street in St. Catharines.
P Well, nobody's perfect and besides the
man's bitterness was noticeably abated
when upon hearings of his misfortune I did
a follow-up article entitled: Squatters
Have Rights Tool •
Newspapers are' always trying to at.
tract new readers and "How To" type ar-
ticles, known as "keepers" in the "biz"
are big this year.
Here then' are a few "How To" features
I'm Working on atthe moment.
Build Your O*n Profane Gas Con-
verter for $39:95: This is a,joint venture
Mat Murray the Cop and 1 have been
working ori for a i couple of years now.
Essentially it imVolves cutting a hole
under the driver's seat and attaching 4"
flex hose to a 40-gPlllon holding tank in the
trunk of your .ear. Converting . from
gasoline,xo this method is relatively sim-
ple, and many say' the car runs smoother
and with less exhaust fumes. People us-
ing .this system are encouraged to con-
sume massive ailnounts of .warm beer
and salty peanuts before undertaking a
long journey. WWVe!.think that if this new
energy source is as successful as early
experiments indieate, Gulf and Texaco
will be pumping draft beer out of the sta-
tions by the end df the decade.
Euell, Euell, You Danged Old Fool is a
nutritional advicle piece complete with
recipes that details all the junk food that
naturalist Euell Gibbons ate the day
before he died.
Build Your Ostn Adobe Home out of
. Leftover Coffee Grounds and Crazy Glue.
Self-explanatory.
Breeding Halrlequin Danes with
Chihuahuas for Cash and Lots of Laughs
,is the personal success story of a
Wainfleet chicken farmer who never
watched TV and was thus forced to
create his, own form of entertainment.
Complete ith actual photographs, this
article may offend some Schnauzers.
Create Your Own Greenhouse from
Scratch is a short and punchy piece for
people who hate gardening and just want
to have a greenhouse, I provide color
swatches and direct you to the best deal
on paint brushes.
Emergency "how to" pieces are the
jiiggest attention getters and Zi ear
Mending on Public Transit is the - kin of
article every adult should staple to the in-
side of his or her overcoat. This in-depth
two part series asks the probing ques-
tion, "Why pay the high -peace of embar-
rassment when a pair of needle -nose
pliers and a can of DW40 can cost as little
as $6.00?"
Some upcoming short and snappy
"One pagers" as we call them are:
Protective Outerwear for Slam Danc-
ing with Short Stout people
Thorold on $5 and $10 a Day
Earn Extra Cash in Your Sparc Time
Simonizing Alaskan King Crabs
Raising Baby Chicks in the Headboard
of Your Bed
How to Fix a Flat without Stopping
Tapping Old Furniture for Maple
Sugar
Assemble Your Own Automobile from
Odds and Ends Now in Your Garage
Macrameing Live Farm Animals from
DNA -
Curing Insomniacs with Travel Slides
and Personal Anecdotes
Making Christmas Wreaths out of
Nuclear Waste and Holly
Using Parapsychology to Rid Your Pet
of Ticks and Fleas
Carp — The Fish of the Future
Make a Homemade Fire Escape from
Navel Fluff
Decorating Easter Eggs on the Inside
Making Tasty After -Dinner Mints from
Those Little Balls of Toothpaste That C1-
ing to Your Sink
IMPORTANT: All the aforementioned
ideas are original and many have patents
pending. Fully copyrighted, any
reproduction of this material in whole or
it t part without express written consent
of the publisher is illegal and offenders
will be forced to lunch with a Progressive
Conservative.
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