The Goderich Signal-Star, 1987-07-08, Page 19unit
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GODERICH SIGNAL -STAR, WEDNESDAY, JULY 8, 1987—PAGE IA
WILLIAM
THOMAS
Canada Day
celebrations
Canada Day in Goderich offered
many exciting activities for all ages.
The day began with a Civic Recogni-
tion Service at Courthouse Parr with
dignCitaries-`from Bay City, Witehtgan
coining to 'Goderich to join in the
'Canada Day celebrations. This was
also the day of Goderieh's eighth an-
nual Canada Parade which was
followed- by a chiidren's pet show
also held in the pork. Top left;
counterclockwise are horse and
buggy in the parade brought back
fond memories for some, Karen
Damsma joins in the celebrations
with her Canada Day balloon, Town
Crier Robert Williams from
Staynar, Ontario cries a greeting to
Goderich, Brian McBurney, Warden
of Huron County, takes his turn in
the Civic Recognition Service,
Melissa Porter and her dog Bim
pose for a picture before the
children's pet show, the Duren Coun-
ty Chapter of the Royal Canadian
Naval, Association fire a cannon Our.
lug the parade and an old-fashioned
ear is driven in the parade.( photos
by Yvette Zandbergen)
Inflection with
intent on injury
In a war of words, less is always more.
The insult, however inadvertant, is the
neutron bomb of argument — it leaves
people standing but kills the will to live.
Perhaps the most famous insults in
history were delivered by Winston Chur-
chill who had a way with women. A real
bad way with women. -
To Party hostess Bessie Braddack who
commenting on Churchill's obnoxious
behaviour said:
"Winston, you're drunk!" he replied:
"Bessie, you're ugly. And tomorrow
morning I shall be sober,"
In an ..equally venomous exchange
Lady Astor once told him:
"Winston, if you were my husband I
should flavor your coffee- with poison!
and Churchill replied: Madam if I were
your husband, I should drink it."
Churchill also once described his
political rival Clement Atlee as "a
modest little man with much to be
modest about."
Looking back on Churchill's rat-
tlesnake retort, Hitler was probably wise
to go to war rather than sit down and try
to settle things over a snifter of brandy
with Sir Winston.
Women were not always'the receiver of
the rude word. Lady Margot Asquith
once described a collegue as "He could
not'see a belt without hitting below it."
Yet one need not be knighted or royalty
to know the power and the pain of the ver-
bal dart. The words that hit me hardest
are not direct insults but passing pieces
of otherwise common conversation.
Last week in a golf tournament in
Bolton, Ontario I took an acid -tipped ar-
row right between the shoulder blades..
To begin with, I hate golf and I honestly
believe that the people who play it are
masochists. Perhaps there was a time -
when golf was a necessary evil but today
we have ladies in black leather with
whips who provide the same service for a
lot less money. .
So there I was playing and hating the
game of golf and putting out on the last
hole. In golf the farthest from the hole'
has the honors, i.e., worst first. I putted,
badly. I waited for the next guy in•the
foursome to putt. He didn't budge. I stood
there embarrassed, wanting:to crawl in-
to the cup. -
"The three most feared words in golf"
he said, tapping his cleats with his put-
ter, stalling. ' .
"What's that?" -I asked.
"You're still. away!" I wanted to kill
him. At the very least I wanted to chip in
and help pay for the leathered lady and
tie.the knots in the whip myself.
The insult also enters into tennis, a fine
gentile game of tradition and sportsman-
ship in which you can bean your,opponent.
with the ball and then promptly
apologize. (Therein lies the sporting flaw
of golf: you ' cannot hurt anyone °but
yourself) .
I was inquiringbout a club member
when tie replied "Oh you mean `O'fer'?"
"Pick a number, any number" he
urged.
• "Four thousand, seven hundred and
thirty" I said. •
"That's him! 0 for 4,730 and a world
record. The man has never won a tennis
match in his life." -
It. may be tough at the top but in the
world of wounding words, ;it's brutal at
the bottom.
Just the other day I squeezed into a
booth in a crowded restaurant in Toronto
with three Ryerson students at lunch
time. They were nice enough, ate a lot
and exited with "Have a nice day."
It was the Greek owner at the cash
register who hit me with the $43 tab and
the line "Such a nice man ... the boys
said to thank you again.
lhHave a nice day.'
The four most feared words I'd hate -to
ear are "Will this take long?" ... The -
scene is a recurring nightmare. I'tn stan-
ding at the front of a courtroom charged
with a heinous crime, something along
the lines of driving heavy machinery
while udder the influence of two "Contac
C" tablets. I'm sweating, my eye is twit:
ching and my saddle shoes, laced too
tight are causing my knees to knock and
go wonky. The judge is in a miserable„
mood, he's fiddling with a tube of
Preparation H, fidgeting uncomfortably
in his chair just as I begin to state my
elaborate and complicated defence, he
grimaces in pain, stares me straight in
the face and says: "Will this take long?"
The mercy of the court hath no enemy
like the pain and heartbreak, of
hemorrhoids.
INSIDE
Community... P2-3
Entertainment.. P4-5
Sports..,.P 7-9
Birthdays...P10