The Goderich Signal-Star, 1986-02-26, Page 57trtato
from page 27
treadmill called process. '..They finish
school, get a job and get married just
because they think it's time."
Penn agrees. "A lot of people see mar-
riage as a solution. It moves them into
adulthood. It is seen as an endpoint when
in reality, getting married is just the
beginning of a whole lot of issues."
Expectations
Penn says when people enter into mar-
riage, they bring a lot of expectations
with them. They can even do this un-
consciously.
"You bring into the marriage ideas
about who men and wome are, what
their roles should be and what the mar-
riage should be like," he says.
Expectations are often.based on how
one was raised and that's why,.McCaffery
doesn't think that couples staying
together "for the sake of the children" is
a valid reason for a marriage to con- •.
tinue.
"Children growing up in unhappy
families often learn poor relationship
skills. Even if a couple doesn't argue in
front of the children, they are not show-
ing them positive interaction'either. Stay-
ing together for the sake of the children
is just an excuse for a person not to have
to come to terms with his or her situa-
tion," she says. '
When a couple first comes to New
Beginnings for counselling, McCaffery
and Penn both see there in order to
assess who will be able to counsel them
most effectively. Once this is determined,
both partners are then seen together in the
sessions that follow.
"If you see couples separately, one
partner starts wondering what the other
partner and the counsellor have said
about him or her. It inhibits the.process,"
explains Mccaffery.
She says a popular myth is that a per-
son has to be "down in the depths of
despair" before going for counselling.
But many people just need a little help in
understanding changes they are going
through in themselves and in their rela-
tionships.
Despite the growing divorce rate, Mc-
Caffery remains optimistic that there can
be resolutions to many marital dif-
ficulties through skillful counselling.
"It doesn't always mean couples will
end up happily ever after together but at
least they can gain an understanding of
one another's needs."
Bridesmaids
from page 29•
to read during the ceremony. Practice
passing the bouquet to your attendant.
Before the wedding, ask them for help
if you need it, in choosing your dress, ad-
dressing invitations and welcoming out-
of-town guests. Remember, though that
bridesmaids, as well as brides, are busy
with the details of their own lives. Don't
expect a total commitment to planning
your wedding.
Finally, try to find time to spend with
your bridesmaids. They're friends and
relatives who, it's assumed, will continue
to be close to you after the wedding
ceremony is but a fond memory. Many
bridesmaids complained to Bride's that
the bride was so engrossed in her plans
and parties'that shewasn't interested in
them anymore.
Sensitivity is the key to handling many
aspects of planning your wedding. Brides
should be sensitive to the fact that even
an impending marriage doesn't allow one
to ride roughshod over her friends.
Showcase '86, page 31
"See me for all your
family insurance needs"
AGENT:
K. James Etue
32 Main St., Seaforth'527-0720
"Like a good neighbour,
State Farm is there:
STATE FARM
m •
INSURANCE
41»1,brr
INSURANCE
BROKERS
ASSOCIATION
0 (3 G