The Goderich Signal-Star, 1986-02-26, Page 15n•
• Entertainment Features
Religion • Family • More
49.
SECTION
Television on Ice was the theme of the Goderich Figure Skating Club's annual show at the Goderich At'ena Saturday.
POSTSCRIPT
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By Susan Hundertmark
Soap woman
should start up
a car wash
---s•"r--_�"^ depicted thcartoon character Felix the
Roxanne
Cat.
in her driveway
It was a dark and foggy night. I was 10
minutes late for a photo assignment
when I pulled into what I thought was the
last parking spot at a local building and
hurried inside. Little did t know, I had
entered The Twilight Zone.
Five minutes later, my assignment
completed, I walked back outside and
there she was. Looking like a cross
between a teenaged vandal caught in the
act on Hallowe'en night and an enraged,
scolding mother,_ a red-faced woman
finished scribbling an unintelligible
message with soap on my windshield.
Then, she turned to me, launched into a
tirade and began waving the soap fran-
tically in my face. Clutching my throat, I
began to back away. (I was sure, though
I hadn't said anything I shouldn't, my
mouth would be washed out next by that
menacing bar of soap.)
Once she had me cornered by my car, I
learned, at high, shrieking volumes, that
my parking spot was really her driveway
and I was blocking it with my , car.
Though I began to apologize, i was quick-
ly silenced.
"I'm sick, do you hear me, sick of you
people blocking my driveway. Don't you
ever, ever park here again. I never want
to see you here again!" she shrieked.
It didn't take much to convince, me
(coward that I am) to scurry to my car •
and hurry off into the night, hoping the
thick fog would place an impenetrable
wall between us so that I could recover
from the assault.
Once safely home, my first reaction
was anger and a thirst for vengence. I
ran through the possibility of driving to
the police station with the soapy evidence
and possible vandalism char�es but the
fog and rain were quickly washing Ex-
hibit A off the windshield.
I also got perverse pleasure from
thinking about returning to the scene to
park in the dreaded spot again just to
enrage the woman once more. But I
realized I would probably suffer more
., than ,she . if another .confrontation
resulted.
So, I contented myself with wondering
what kind of woman felt it necessary to
carry a menacing bar of Ivory with her to
intimidate ignorant (though apologetic)
strangers. Is she what is meant by the
term "Ivory girl"?
Is soap 1986's answer to the rape whis-
tle or the can of mace of the 70s? ( "One
step closer buddy, and I'll wash your
mouth out with soap!") Perhaps in small
towns, people start out threatening with
the "soft stuff" and work their way up to
something a little more serious.
Or, instead of a weapon of defence,
could soap be used -as an instrument of
assault similar to a gun or knife? ( "Okay
lady, come clean with your money or
you'll be hitting the showers!")
Shades of Alfred Hitchcock's movie
"Psycho"! What a horrible end for
something as wholesome as soap! Next,
we'll be expecting something sinister
from Mr. Bubble.
Once the fog cleared, I finally realized
that the woman was probably just an in-
credibly frustrated person venting her
wrath on me, an unwittingvictim of a
series of inconsiderate motorists who
were too lazy to walk a few extra steps to ,
their destination.
Constantly blocked, from leaving her'
driveway, the woman must have been
driven to arming herself with a bar of
soap for the next time a lazy motorist
worked her into a lather.
But, you know, she really could find
something positive, even lucrative, from
her dilemma. I mean, what location
would be better than her driveway for a
car wash? Cars, it appears; are plentiful
and I know she has the necessary equip-
ment to begin her enterprise—lots rease f un -
and
channelled energy, elbow
soap. She could really clean up!
What better way to make a few extra
bucks while discouraging motorists from
parking where they don't belong? When a
person comes back to his car, point out
he's on private property, charge him $25
for soaping up his car and cheerfully
send him on his way. Much more effec-
tive (expensive) than a parking ticket .
and Much better for her health than rais-
ing her blood pressure every time a car
mistakes her driveway for a parking
spot.
And, the physical labor involved will
contribute to a spiritually cleansing or
cathartic effect each time she washes a
car. If she ddesn't need the money, I'm
sure a local charity would be thrilled to
share in the proceeds.
I suppose there are worse things the
woman could do than continue her soapy
graffiti campaign on guilty cars. Except
for a bit of soap scum and an injured
pride, my car did escape with its tires,
windows, headlights and paint job intact.
In fact; she may have dottie me a small
favor since my car hasn't been washed
§ince last fall. Maybe if I leave it in her
driveway, more often, she'll take up my
idea of opening a car wash and get
around to doing the whole par.
Then again, maybe I should avoid her
driveway frons now on and quit while I'm
ahead.
Even the executive got into the act of clowns
Deana Green led the Beginner IIs through their Yogi Bear and Boo Boos routine.
Emma Hollingworth was without a Duracell battery.
The Mouseketeers group was comprised of Elementary 1 skaters.