The Goderich Signal-Star, 1980-03-06, Page 21j
1
1
•
dave
Sykes
1 feel slighted.
Perhaps 1 shouldn't take tie. over-
sight personally, but, being sensitive
by nature the hurt is evident.
The malcontent stems from
astounding news reports last week
outlining a unique sperm repository
started by 74 -year-old business tycoon,
Robert Graham. The Repository for
Germinal Cheice offers a sperm bank
-from a host of Nobel prize-winning
scientists.
The three artificially inseminated
mothers were selected for their youth
and exceptional intelligence and their
husbands were, naturally, infertile..
Four Nobelists have donated to the
sperm 'bank and although only three
young ladies have been impregnated
others have expressed great interest in
the project.
This concept was first brought flo'rth
by geneticist hermann Muller 25 years _
ago. The plan is to set up a sperm bank -
with donations from brilliant men
whieh would, be stored until after their
*death: The sperm would then be offered
to •seleeied women who want to in- •
crease ;their chances of $ixoducing
•excpettonaliy bright children,,'.;
A noble_ gesture, to be sure.
And " sympathetic reads'& have
surely by now uncovered the orisins of
my discontent.
Since the story became headlines I
have sat patiently byithe.phone, double -i
checked the mail for registered Letters
and waited eagerly in anticipation of a
deluge .of telegrams. Nothing.
To- date, much to .any horror; I have
;not been asked to donate to the sperm
bank.
So far the bank has only catered to
Nobel prize winning scientists but
stories indicatedthat other brilliant
men would be sought for the prografn.
With that in mind, my•optimism was
legitimate.
Perhaps I was 'a bit presumptuous •
and premature in assuming my of-
fering would be required immediately.
Certainly there must be at least 10 or 15
brilliant men ahead of me on the list of
possible donors.
I had to _ concede to that possibility
and simply wait my turn.
Readers may construe this
aspiration as gross- conceit and yet,
despite my modesty, there was a
nagging suspicion that a telegram or
phone call was only a moY°rrenf away.
One might ai well.: be prepared, right?
The program,. although con-
troversial, has distinct possibilities. In
retrospect, my parents practiced a
'similar program, unknowingly. I was
at the end of the•line• of three`children
and they stopped producing, I would
suspect,because , I was what they.
wanted... , n.
Others have been so bold as to in-
timate that the authorities presented
my parents with a cease and desist
order following my arrival. But I will
cling to my own theor}�."
Tha sperm bank offers women a
selection of donors itis l the narza!
removed kut fornl,s Snob wtti;ii ..
stats as weight hei >*k age, I% Al,l
standing charaeteristlt3s, COW of eYes,
skin; hair Ami other Itey bits that
potential mothers would require.
Assuming I am to be contacted, pan
only now speculate on the information
that will be made available to .por-
spective mothers.
Shy, mild-mannered reporter, IQ of
29 with a grossly inflated assestment of
his %forth to the world. • •
Eyes, skin and hair are generally
non-descript, weight is negligible and
height, . short: Outstandings charac-
teristics-none that. are -easily.
distinguishable and limited potential in
this case.
Although no effort has been„made to
contact this correspondent concerning
a donation, I still haven't ruled out the
possibility:
gut; g .have, -a suspicion that no-one
takes me seriously anyway.
G.D.C.I.'s
Saturday
monologue
roller -rink.
CARE'S Say
Goderic�h
SIGNALmmvmSTAR
132 YEAR -10
TH TRSDAY, MARCH 6, 1980
SECOND SECTION
Critical care unit inadequate
BY CATH WOODEN
If you suddenly became
critically ill and had, to be
admitted to Alexandra
Marine and General
Hospital's intensive care
unit, chances, are you
wouldn't receive the
same kind of monitoring
and supervision that you
would • receive in Strat-
ford,• London, or even
Hanover.
In fact, most of you
would end up going to
London for treatment.
It's ” not that staff at
A.M.& G. don,'It want to
Variety Night was held in the school's auditorium • Friday and
fight, February 29 and March 1. Marilyn Cox delivered a
about the perils of a .middle-aged woman who visited a disco
About 400 people attended the event, and the proceeds went to
e the Children Fund. (photo by Dave Sykes)
give intensive • care
patients proper attention,
it's because they can't:
Fifteen years ago, the
intesive care unit (ICU)
at A.M.& G. was
adequate, but not
anymore.
G.D.C.I. Spanish teacher Mr. Almeida and several
of his students sang three Spanish songs at last
weekend's Variety Night. There were two per-
"formances of the show and 400 people attended.
(photo by Dave Sykes)
The four -bed room" on Theoretically, there
first floor east of the should be a ratio of one
hospital . is too small, nurse to each critically ill
poorly lighted, has out- patient.
dated equipment, and is The unit also requires a
inadequately staffed, new continuous monitor,
according' to .a com- which keeps track of the
initte.e,' spearheaded by
Dr. Charles Chan, formed
*to ' study the ICU
problems, make
recommendations for
new facilities, and the
tough one-- try to get the
Ministry. of. Health to
listen.
The provincial
patient's cardiac ac-
tivities. Dr. Chan says the
old one is outdated, and, ,
some sharing is even
necessary when the unit .
is full. At one point the
nurse had to -go out in the ---
hall to read the ticker
tape. ' •
"We're not asking for
government does not any extras," isaid Dr.
recognize . Goderich's Chan. "We just want
' need for better crrtitai bsolt�tely •• -
care facilities. It'does not necessary."
even recognize the Even if the Ministry
facilities the hospital recognizes Goderich's
already has, and does not need for an ICU,. it
include extra staff cost iri doesn't necessarily,haveq
the budget. to provide funding for its`'
Ministry guidelines
state that to warrant an
intensive careunit, a
hospital must admit 200-
300 patients to critical
care .a year. In 1978, 337
patients went through the
ICU in Goderich, more
than enough to justify at
least a three -bed unit.
During the first half of
1979, 166 patients• were
admitted to the ICU.
Because of the lake to
the west, the hospital's
referral population isn't
as large asp, some
hospitals' and the
Ministry . feels patients
should go to the larger
centres for treatment.
Dr. Chan and the rest of
the staff at A.M. & G.
disagree. They ` feel
qualified to staff an ICU.
New facilities built over
the recently -added
laundry.. room, providing_
2400 square feet of space,
would be ideal, according
to hospital administrator,
Elmer Taylor.
That way, a nursing
station could be situated
in the middle of the unit
and constant supervision
could be maintained.
Presently, there is one
nurse at a time in the
unit, and usually two or
three patients.
building or equipment. It
might only • provide the
budget for its main-
tainance.
If the Ministry co-
operates, staff at A.M.&
G. hope the community
will take it apon itself to
get a . new ICU started.
However, this could be
some time in the future.
Chet . Singh, • ad-
ministrative • consultant
for southwestern Ontario
hospitals, is just now
meeting with Taylor to
discuss the method for
approaching the Ministry
df Health. And even when
they manage to get its
attention', negotiations
will be long term.
"You see, we already
have some kind of an
ICU, so it will be a long
time before we climb to
they top of the list of the
Ministry's priorities."
said Taylor,
More
hospital
news
page 2
Lisa Roske, right, and Terri Louch were part of the dance troupe that
performed at G.D.C.I's.annual Variety Night held last weekend. The event
featured several solo performances, the band, and choir. Proceeds went to
the Save the Children Fund. (photo by Dave Sykes)
Cath -Wooden
How many times have you surren-
dered some coinage to a beverage
machine and, sure enough, got some
change, the beverage, and then the
cup?
Boy, it's enclugh to make even this
mild-mannered reporter toss her
cookies in rage: But what distresses me
more is my reaction, which is probably
the same as most people's. First I
reach into the space and remove the
empty cup. I peer into it, searching for
clues. None there. •
Then I jiggle the coin return and
check the slot. Shucks. Taking a stance
of a gunfighter, I confront the machine,
and direct a carefully aimed punch
toward it with the side of my fist.
"$!!&0??—$!" I mumble, when the
lights on the machine, go out, and the
motor becomes uncomfortably silent. I
skulk away, hoping no one witnessed
my explosive behavior.
Why do I let a -mere machine affect
rpy personality like that? Perhaps it
'lingers me that I have allowed myself
to become dependent upon a
conglomoration of nuts, bolts, ' and
sprockets. ,
The electric can opener whimpered
and died the other day when I offered it
a can of beans. Not one to give up easily
when it comes to food, I rummage4'
around in the junk drawer until I fourffd
the hand can opener. Just one problem
here, Since I am blessed with being a
member of the left-handed minority,
gadgets like this are a curse. The
elusive beans were returned to the
cupboard.
What really has me in a tither today
is my stereo. The turntable seems to
start and stop when ever it wants to,
mostly in the middle of the night. I will
have tried in vain earlier to get• it to go
and left it switched on. Several hours
later I awaken to chipmunks singing,
"You Don't Bring Me, Flowers
Anymore".
I've taken it in to be repaired, but
meanwhile I am without a music -
making machine. I need that machine.
It calms me, ,sooths me, rocks me to
sleep, Now I walk around aimlessly
looking for a place to plug in my
headphones.
They, say that people dream about
their worst fears. One of my worst
fears is that I, like a .character in a
Kurt Vonnegut novel, too am really just
a machine. Naturally, I had a dream
about it.
It was one of those dreams that is
hard to distinguish from reality
because it was chronologically correct.
In the dream, 1 was waking up in the
morning.
Something went wrong with my
starting mechanism. Oil was leaking
out of my ears. Got any idea how that
feels? It isn't a pretty sight.
My family gathered around my bed;
hands on their respective hips, and
studied me. . •
"Darn thing won't start," said my
mother in a disgusted tone of voice."
"Here, sit her up and maybe she'll
catch," offered my brother. No luck.
He rapped me soundly on the side of my
head.
"Don't do that!" my father ordeed.
"Maybe she's just out of gas. He
poured a glass of orange juice down my
throat. I didn't budge. He kicked the
side of the bed and I jiggled a bit.
"Look. She's leaking oil. Has her
warrantee run out yet?" wondered Ma.
"Yup. Well, I guess I'll have to take
'er into the shop and tear her down.
Maybe she just needs her battery
recharged."
"Damn thing. Always breaking
down. Let's trade her in on a dish-
washer."
It's hard to describe what I was
feeling et this point. I just know I was
really brokers down and wasn't faking
it. 1 think I was planning revenge
against those human villains, perhaps
running amuck after I was regreased,
or refusing to work when ordered to.
One thing's for sure. I will never
again punch out a pop machine.
a
d
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