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The Goderich Signal-Star, 1985-06-19, Page 27GODERICH SIGNALSTAR, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 19,1985 --PAGE 3A Adoption disclosure causes complicated emotions for all participants in adoption • from page 1 • was only interested in superficial inform - • tion about her birth family such as ap- pearance. "All I wanted to do was walk by the house with my mother sitting on the porch to see if I looked like her," she says. "They're really strangers when you think about it. I don't have a strong sense of history but I think about my grandmother that I had; I think of my Dad's family as my roots. And, I'm more interested in the here and now and what's going to be here for my kids." Though she wonders about her children's characteristics and where they came from, Karen says she believes more in environ- ment shaping a person's personality than heredity. MAdopted people searching for their birth •- parents only listen to those who agree with them rather than thinking of the birth parents' pointof view, she says. "When my birth mother signed those papers a long time ago; she was promised she would have some privacy. She has as many rights as anyone else." "The new legislation is shutting another door when it should be opening one door at a time. We should start with adopted children right now and tell their birth parents their • children could be looking them up some day," she says. Adoptive parents, . Janet and Richard Clark and Pat and Sara Porter say they think closing up adoption files would be against their children's human rights. Both parents say they'd help their adopted children find their birth parents if asked. "If you love your children, you're going to do anything to help them," says Richard Clark, a father of two adopted children. While he says he is not bothered by the fact that the birth mother of his daughter would like to meet her someday, his wife, Janet says she'll have to deal with the situation when it happens. "As an adoptive parent, I don't think I have as many rights as the adopted child and the birth parents and I wouldn't try to stop them from meeting. But, I don't know how I'd feel inside when it happened," Janet says. Because the birth mother gave his adopted children the gift of life, Richard Vancancies filled on Ladies' executive The first general meeting for the year 1985-86 of the Legion Ladies Auxiliary was held June llth with 58 members in atten- dance. President L. McLaity brought the meeting to order. Two vacancies on the executive were fill- ed illed by appointments. Recording secretary is Anne Doherty and Brenda Tickert also became an executive member. These two members as well as treasurer Marie LeBlanc and past president Sharon Scruton, were officially installed. Joyce Hamilton was initiated and welcomed to the auxiliary. An application for membership by Karen Palla was favorably received. The auxiliary ladies will be serving breakfast to the public on Sunday, June 30th, as part of Canada Day weekend celebrations. The same weekend, July 1st the `Jubilee 50-50' draw will be made. Tickets are still available from the members. Various committee heads were appointed for the coming year. President McLaity thanked all those who willing accepted a position. Donations were made to Lady Dilinna Nursery, Multiple Sclerosis and the Figure Skating Club. A generous donation was given to the branch as it will be making a donation to the Tornado Relief Fund. Several members will be attending a Seminar at the Wingham BrarTh on July 13th. Year -e reports indicated a very busy 4J4 a, 35-banquets-plusmany lunches, various sports tournaments attended and hosted, Thursday night cards, Sunday night bingo, remembering sick and shut-ins, etc. Eleanor Williarna donated -er- crocheted crib quilt and three decks of cards to be used as the club wishes. Once again the auxiliary will be assisting -bursary— Rene Shorey won the mystery prize. Cake, donated by the branch for our 38th birthday, and ice cream was enjoyed by all. Busy year for Past Noble Grand club The Past Noble Grands Club of Goderich Rebekah Lodge met in MacKay Centre with a good attendance for their June meeting. Annual reports were given by various committees showing a busy and profitable year_ President Violet Bridle expressed thanks for all the help she received during her year in office. Marguerite Horton presided for the elec- tion of the new officers. They include Joy Smith, President; Dorothy Barker, First Vice President; Jessie Beach, Second Vice President; Irene Harnack, Recording Secretary; Marguerite Horton, Treasurer; Elizabeth Sitter, Corresponding Secretary; Margaret Bowra, Chaplain; Gertrude Synder, Marshall; Violet Bridle and Anna Blundell, Finance Committee; Elva Osbaldeston, Ada Fritzley and Ila Crozier, Visiting Committee; Elva Gauley and Alice Moss, Auditors and Elsie Moore, Amelia Straughan, Edith Craig and Helen MacPhee for Telephone Committee. says he is in debt to her. "I often think what the birth parents must be thinking on their birthdays or on holidays. And, I think of the nine months the mother went through carrying the ,child and the agoniy she went through knowing she was going to give the child up. When we, adopted the children, I almost felt like I was doing something I shouldn't," he says. After applying to adopt a child three years after they were married, the Clarks waited 10 years before they could adopt their first child. When they moved five years after first ap- plying, they were told at the Family and Children's Services at their new location they would have to go back to the end of the line. When Richard complained, a social worker told him, "Push me and you won't ever get a child." Because so many people would like to adopt, potential adoptive couples often feel a sort of competition. "Once we were in a room with 12 couples and people were asking how good their chances were to become adoptive parents. It felt like we were almost bidding–don't think that isn't an eerie feeling," says Janet. After such a long wait, seeing their first child Ricky for the first time was such an emotional experience, it was almost as if the Clarks had produced him themselves. "Often, he'll say to me, 'Tell me about when you got me.' And, he giggles everytime. It's such an emotional time of your life that when you talk about itt he can see how much you love him," says Richard. Ten -year-old Ricky had some problems with the fact he's adopted after some teas- ing by other children at school. During a school project about the family'tree, he was adamant about leaving out the fact he was adopted. "He was so upset about it that we left it out. I guess it was another classification that he was different," says Janet. "But, we explained to him what the new legislation was going to do and he said he wanted to know what his birth mother look- ed like. He never talks about his (birth) father," she says. Bill 77 Disclosure, of information changes with passing If you're adopted or would like your adopted children to have access to as much non -identifying information about birth parents as possible, it's a good idea to request it from the Family and Children's Services office which handled the adoption as soon as possible. Information available before'Oct. 1, 1985 includes anything non -identifying such as the year of birth of the parents, their ap- pearance, their occupations, their ethnic background, the circumstances leading to the adoption and any other information made available to the agency from the birth parents. Though July 1 was the original date for Bill 77 to be enacted, the portion of Bill 77 which may forbid. disclosure of any infor- mation from adoption files has been postponed until Oct. 1 while a study on the issue is made by Ralph Garber, Dean of Social Work at the Univefsity of Toronto. "With the change in government (in On- tario), it's quite possible that part of the bill won't ever be enacted. But, that'sjust speculation," says John Penn, executive director of Family and Children;s Services in Huron -County. Other services for adopted people in- clude the Adoption Disclosure Registry where an adopted child who is 18 or over and a biological parent can register and hope for a match. But, no disclosure is per- mittbd without the written consent of all parties .of ,:the adoption triangle (adopted child, birth parent and adoptive parent) . The address of the registry is Adoption Disclosure Registry, Children's Services Division, Ministry of Community and Social Services, Queen's Park, Toronto, Ontario, M7A 1E9, Parentfinders is another private agency consisting 'of adopted peoplesearching for their birth parents. A phone number for Parentfinders in London is (519) 472-0644. If you want to complain about the legislation, contact your local MPP. The Clarks blame the incident on themselves saying they probably stressed too often how "special" he was being adopted. However, it's difficult helping an adopted child to believe hes as normal as anyone else. Innocent remarks by strangers can cause uncomfortable moments for adoptive parents. "People will often ask me how I got such a big child when I'm so small. If I explain.he's adopted, the classic line is, 'Oh, he's just like your own.' So, I usually just say `Good stuff,"' says Richard. Sara Porter, the adoptive mother of a 10 - month -old boy, says a'remark in a grocery store almost reduced her to tears once. "A woman asked me if he got his big brown eyes from me. I didn't want to say he couldn't get them from me since he's adopted so I just told her I had green eyes. I was really upset having to make an explana- tion while she was making such a big deal of this," she says. Sara and Pat Porter, who haven't had the final approval for their adoption yet, say how emotionally trying the whole adoption process is. "You have to wait six months before final approval. You sit there on pins and needles thinking they're going to take our baby away from ," says Sara. Like the Cl rks, the Porters are against the closure of doption files proposed by the new law. „ , "I don't kno what I'd do if I was adopted but anyone woul 'want_to know at least what his (birth) parents were like. The closer the bond is between the child and the adoptive parents, the less threatened the parents should be about their child trying to find out," they say. XI*oiKo�oi414 •SUPER VALUE DAYS. LADIES PULL ON PANTS 47 assorted colours5 a and sizes PAIR Large assortment of... DAISY FRESH °nsa�e BRA'S _. . Save 5.00 00 ■ to 11'i OU I; i 3 PACK P -O -.R -I SO KS Pack of 3... 377 ■ assortment of LADIES "°111 PLASTIC SHOES 88 to 488 e ..R JJ,.. . - Jergen's BAR SOAP Personal size, 90 gr. , for 1 00 assortment of LADIES SUN DRESSES ONLY 1088 TANK TOPS MANY STYLES TO CHOOSE FROM SIZES S -M -L YOUR CHOICE 3? 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