Clinton News-Record, 1985-2-27, Page 40Second wed
To paraphrase the song, love - and mar-
riage - is wonderful "the second time
around.,,
One of the nicest things about a second
wedding is that there are fewer do's and
don'ts. The occasion can be joyous and
festive, but more relaxed.
Good taste is the guideline, according to
modern bridal etiquette books which devote
considerable space to the subject of remar-
riage, recognizing this fact of contemporary
life.
Since just about anything goes today,
some can have a big formal church wedding
with all the trimmings if they wish. The only
"no -no" seems to be youshould not wear a
veil.
howca$e "85, page 13
;'�tdem
gs are joyous end more relaxed occasions
But remember, when it comes to pay for
the wedding, you and the groom will pro-
bably be of your own. Your parents aren't
likely to volunteer to pay the entire cost
again on the theory that "it's only once in a
lifetime."
And your best friend will predictably be
less than ecstatic about buying another tulle
gown with shoes to match, just to be includ-
ed in the wedding party as an attendant. ,
At the other end of the scale, you can, be
completely low key and slip off quietly' to Ci-
ty ,Hall with your intended and two
witnesses, to be married on your lunch hour.
Most second -time brides opt for a wedding
that falls somewhere in between, with a
small intimate ceremony often in the church
Finding an appropriate gift
Traditional weddings are definitely 1,11"
again.
Like their parents before them, young
people today want to get married in style.
For the guest invited to the nuptials, that
means finding an appropriate gift.
Lucky you if the bride-to-be has listed her
preferences at one of the bridal registries
that are flourishing again in gift and depart-
ment stores.
Ask her where she is registered and your
gift -giving problem is half solved. If she has
chosen a china, crystal or silver pattern, all
you have to do is phone the store, order your
chosen gift and give them your credit
number. The gift can be duly wrapped and
delivered, sight unseen. And you know it's
exactly what she wants.
If she hasn't been that astute, you may
have to pump her mother,'her roommate or
take the bull by the horn and ask the bride
herself what gifts she hopes to receive. Be
subtle, of course.
It is also helpful to browse the stores and
ask a few pointed questions of the salesper-
sons. I i
Fine china and crystal are on the bride's
wanted list, according to china and gift
stores which do a large wedding business.
And yes, brides still collect silver.
Porcelain and modern glasswares are
also the choice of many brides, since they
can be used for every day or gussied up with
an imaginative centrepiece and pretty
linens for company dinners. Stainless flat -
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ware is as popular as ever.
If you're unsure of her pattern or want to
give a more individual gift, you can hardly
go wrong with a simple pewter bowl, a hand-
some cheese tray or versatile serving dish.
Good looking bar tools are usually
welcome.
She'd love a food processor no doubt. Or
an espresso maker. Or, if you're good-
hearted Aunt Sara, a portable microwave
oven or duvet for the bed.
Maybe she's just waiting for someone to
start her off on a versatile oven -to -table set
of casseroles and pots!
Or how about a lacquered traysigned by
the artist, a soft mohair throw, a colorful
wall hanging, or a miniature watercolor
original? An exotic plant in a striking
planter could be just the thing.to set off that
empty living room corner.
Use your imagination — and your good
taste.
vestry, attended by close family and
friends, followed by a reception. The post -
wedding party is usually simpler than the
first time around, but not necessarily small.
There is no formal engagement announc-
ment.
Invitations to the wedding should be made
by telephone or handwritten note, in your
and your husband-to-be's names. It's
thoughtful and proper to give your children
the good news first, then your parents, your
former spouse., his parents, and your friends
in that order.
Parents of your first husband should be in-
vited with the stipulation you will
understand if they prefer not to come. You'll
probably'want your children to be part of
the ceremony, but you should ask your ex-
husband about that first.
If more than 50 people are invited to the
reception, you may send engraved invita-
tions, enclosing a note to those you invite to
both.
The wedding service is exactly the same
for a second wedding as for a first. If it's to
be a church service, you should consult with
your clergy about any special procedure in-
volved.
Some of the little differences in a second
wedding ceremony: only one attendant and
a best man is usual. An older son may escort
his mother to the altar, or a daughter may
be the maid of honor. A charming touch if
Turn to page 17
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