Loading...
Clinton News-Record, 1984-10-24, Page 23• INCORPORATING -THE BLYTH STANDARD.THE BAYFIELD BUGLE SECOND SECTION WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 24,1984 1 Help available, but limited for abused women in 'Huron By Shelley McPhee Where to get help? Huron County offers few .avenues of escape and assistance for ' abused women and their children. Attempts have been made in the past to provide more assistance, and work con- tinues in many municipalities to establish some aid, but the process is slow, com- plicated and expensive. The first positive move to help abused women came in 1983 when the Huron County Family Crisis Shelter opened in Goderich Township. In 1984 it closed. The shelter was established through a Mennonite Church. Its beginnings were in Dungannon, where a couple offeredra'ec" modation in their home for abused women and children. A group of volunteers established the shelter in a large home in Goderich Township. It received financial assistance and donations from local churches, organizations and individuals. . Within six months the shelter was burden- ed with financial difficulties. It was agreed that the Goderich Township location was too isolated and the home too big. The shelter moved to a more central location in Vanastra. Three months later the doors closed. In the year that it operated, the shelter helped some 30 women. Some were physically abused, some faced other domestic problems. Still there was no consistency. The shelter would be used one time, and empty another week. In short, the facility did not pay its way. Anne McBride, one of the organizers ex- plained the reason for the closure. "It was. mainly because we weren't getting the women. We thought 'we couldn't justify the expenses." The shelter operated solely on volunteer support and financing, with the exception of one fulltime employee who was hired as housekeeper. The shelter received no government funding, but women who used it helped pay for services through their welfare payments. "You can't get government help until the need is proven," Mrs. McBride explained, noting that in the meantime the shelter had to pay wages, rent, heat and hydro bills. Why- did the shelter fail? There are no definite answers, but it appears that Huron County's unique rural situation was a major factor. "Many women didn't know about it," Mrs. McBride said. "And there are rural com- munity problems, everyone knowing everyone else's business." While the shelter was centrally located in the county, it was still isolated from many communities, particularly in the northern reaches. For a woman, living on a farm in Morris Township, for example, without transportation, or money, without close A friends living nearby and with children at home, a shelter 30 miles away in Goderich Township, offers little help in times of domestic crisis. "For now it's (the shelter) just finished," Mrs. McBride said. "I still feel it's needed. I know two women who were abused and had to get out in the last week." An alternative A Goderich organization - Survival Through Friendship - is offering a different of service to help abused women. Survival Through Friendship calls itself a self-help group. It provides assistance and companionship to women who are facing difficulties in their homes. The organization does' not operate on a women's shelter basis. Instead, women. meet at the St. George's Anglican Church Parish Hall.on.Monday and Thursday morn- ings to discuss their problems, learn, alter- native ways of managing their household, discuss their options and their futures, Nursery services are also provided- at the morning sessions. An average of 14 women take part in the weekly discussion groups. They include Turn to page 2A • • 119TH YEAR —NO. 43 at about the chiidren? By Shelley McPhee Huron County - population 56,054. Primarily rural, one of Ontario's leading agricultural regions. Huron County - rural, uncomplicated, peaceful living. And so it may be for many. But Huron County is not free from complex social pro- blems: In fact evidence and suggestion of family violence in the county is appearing at an alarming rate. Family oriented services in Huron County are facing increased caseloads and a greater indication of family violence as the cause of many problems in the home. It's been seen by police and social workers, organizations like Women Today, Family and Children's Service and the Huron Cen- tre for Children and Youth. Don Keillor, director for the Huron Cen- tre, says he's, "astonished to find more family violence in people who come to the centre for children's problems. Some don't necessarily realize that violence is trigger- ing the problems." As well, the county Children's Aid agency - Family and Children's Services - is seeing more problems with family violence. Super- visor Sheila McCaffery noted, "Sexual abuse and incest 'is coming to Family Ser- vices' attention more so than ever before." Abuse in the home and particularly its ef- fects on children initiated a workshop at the Huron Centre For Children and Youth in Clinton with Dr. Peter Jaffe, psychologist and director of the London Family Court Clinic, and his reseerch assistant Susan Wilson. Word of the in-house seminar quickly spread throughout the county and more than, 50 people crammed into the Huron Centre offices to learn more about this serious pro- blem. Dr. Jaffe has conducted extensive research on family violence. His studies have focussed on urban . families. The (research emphasizes the impact of exposing children to violence between parents His findings encouragedthose attending the Clinton seminar to do more about the.. problem at a local level. Children don't escape • . Verbal or physical conflict between parents traumatically effects children. Research now clearly links children's behavioral problems with physical aggres- sion in the home, according to Dr. Jaffe's study. In the past, adult violence in the home was viewed as a problem between a husband and a wife. The effects on children Were ignored and misinterpreted. Dr. Jaffe explained, "Often kids are overlooked, despite showing blatant symp- toms. The behavior can be extreme. It's shocking, but somehow along the line no one picks up on it." . There are many unanswered questions about the effects of parental violence on children, but studies are showing vast dif- ferences between the behavioral patterns of children from violent and ' non-violent homes. In comparison studies with youth from violent and non-violent 'homes, those who were subjected to abuse showed lower rates of social competence with school activities. They showed more problems with depres- sion and withdrawl, aggression and delin- quency. Children who were raised in violent homes had a higher than average tendency to destroy their own and others belongings. They were more prone to lie and cheat, be cruel to others, attack people and fight, be disobedient at school and choose bad friends. The difference in these statistics between boys 6 to 11 years old, from violent and non- violent homes are extreme. For instance 13 per cent of boys from non-violent homes got into fights, compared to 51 per cent of boys from violent homes. Fifty-two per cent of boys from violent homes destroyed other people's belongings, compared to four per cent from non-violent backgrounds. Studies also show that children raised in violent homes are withdrawn and secretive. They cry more, feel unloved, sad, worried and suspicious. They also have problems developing peer relationships. If a young boy.has observed his father's violence, the behavior is strongly. instilled Studies have shown that boys face the greatest difficulties with violence in the home. Girls of the same age have fewer pro- blems coping with marital discord. Studies indicate that boys are "biological- ly and psychologically more sensitive to stress." They faee the "greatest adjustment difficulties after witnessing their father's violence. Aside from obvious notions such as modeling and identification, boys may be in a more difficult position after parental separation. The divorce literature suggests that boys may blame their mothers for the separation irrespective of the reasons since they cannot resolve the conflict with their absent father." Dr. Jaffe said that girls who are raised in violent homes find some relief by talking to their peers. He explained, "Their social structure, their social skills help them develop a good social network. Boys don't have those same friendships." Studies also suggest that young boys who have witnessed violence in their homes may exhibit those sarne tendencies in later life. Research in the United States indicates that a man who's seen his parents use violence is 1,000 times more likely to assault his wife. "If a young boy's watched his father's violence, the behavior is strongly instilled," Dr. Jaffe said. He noted that if a younger child was subjected to the same violence, the long term effects may be less devestating, if the child is taken away from the situation early enough. The effects of family violence on children aren't being identified soon enough. Ir- reparable damage is done before many ex- perts are aware of the problems. For children the situtation niay seem hopeless. Dr. Jaffe explained, "There's a danger for children that there's no safe en- vironment." The children face problems and stress and home. In turn, their school work is effected. Teachers don't understand, no help is offered and the child is caught in a vicious circle. Findings from Dr. Jaffe's study conclude, ...the need for mental health_ professionals to be vigilant as to the impact of family violence on children. The development of primary prevention programs in the educa- tional system as well as early identification and intervention programs in other children's services seems warranted." Mr. Keillor noted, "Many parents in the community are tolerant of violence, but they don't know that.long term effects on the kids." Keeping families together for the sake of the children is not necessarily the best ac- tion, Dr. Jaffe said. He added, "Unfor- tunately there's too much false hope, that things will get better. More . treatment programs are needed, like Earl's Court in Toronto. Education is necessary. The Chatham Board of Educa- tion is interested in developing a program for their schools. "It's a community problem," Dr. Jaffe stressed. Solutions must be made with a concerted community effort, with the assistance from* police, services and educators. Implementing programs also means money and morefinancing must be made Available since current budgets are already stretched to the limits. Mr. Keillor emphasized the need to make the clear connection between adult violence and the long term effects on children. He also stressed the need to identify problems in children, but admitted, "It's hard to reach them: Often the effects are seen in late adolescence," He added, "our main aim is to realize the effects of family violence, to stress com- munity disapproval of family' violence and the profound effect on the children." "Collectively agencies (in Huron County) and the community can raise the awareness of the nature and the extent of family violence," he said. Counsellors at the Huron Centre are 'shocked tolearn that the problem is as serious as it appears in Huron County. Increasing caseloads Likewise the county Family and. Children's Services, children's aid agency, is dealing with a steadily increasing caseload, and family violence is prominent in many instances.. Since 1979 the county agency has seen a 92 per cent increase in requests for help and in- formation. In 1979 they dealt with 296 re- quests. This year totals are expected to reach 562. These numbers include inquiries, foster care assistance and adoption ser- vices. The mandate of Famay and Children's. Services is the, "prevention and protection of children," said supervisor Sheila McCaf- fery. "If we can reach a family on . a preven- tative basis it may avoid neglect and abuse in the future," she noted. Sheila said that in the five years she's been with the Huron agency, her prime aim has been to promote preventative counselling. , She encourages concerned people to call Family Services if they suspect that a fami- ly may be having problems in the home. Turn to page 2A • Self-help discussion group helps single parents cope (Editor's note - Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the single parents interviewed) 4..0** After her marriage broke up, Karen fell apart. She withdrew into her house, over- whelmed by feelings of grief and loss. She cried constantly and worried how her grief would affect her children. Her house was •a mess. She had no energy left to accomplish the most basic task. Most of all, she felt the weight of bearing her troubles alone. "You have no one to share it with. There are so many humps you can't get over by yourself," she says. "While neighbors just come swarming when there's a death, that doesn't happen for a separation. My best friend didn't call me until eight months later." Karen found the support she needed at a self-help group which meets in Seaforth at the Optimist Hall twice a month. There she and other single people who have lost a spouse through divorce or death share their stories sand give each other encouragement. The group, Singles Encounter, began little over a year ago in the Clinton area. Meetings are now held every second Wednesday at, the Seaforth Optimist Hall. The next meeting date is October 31, star- ting at 7 p.m. "It's a place for people to come and vent their feelings instead of sitting alone every night and thinking until they go crazy," says Jane, another participant. "People get sup- port just being there and knowing other peo- ple are in the same situation." With 40 per cent of all marriages in Canada ending in divorce, there are a lot of people who need support, says Nancy McLeod, a counsellor at the Huron Centre for Children and Youth in Clinton. Though she's not involved with the self-help group in Seaforth, Ms. McLeod says the group is something to be excited about. "Divorce happens to the nicest people and it helps everyone to see that they're not alone. Adults often feel like failures after a break-up and doubt that their capacity to be loved and loving. One ofthe best ways to feel good about oneself is to talk to other people who are in similar situations," she says. During the group meetings, some par- ticipants talk about what is bothering them while others just sit back and listen. "Sometimes you hear yourself talking and you answer your own questions," says Jane. Concern for Children Though participants talk about their feel- ings about their separation, legal business or their difficulties getting used to dating/ again, their main concern is usually their children and' how they are coping with separation and divorce. "The main aim of the group is to straighten the parents out so they can go back and show a positive side to the group," says Bob, a single parent. Once children discover their parents' marriage is breaking up, many go to school and identify with others in the same situa- tion. ° "My son started picking out the separated kids in school because he needed to identify with someone desperately. He didn't want to think he came from a wierd family," says Bob. Often, the children feel just as hurt, an- gry, guilty and rejected as their parents. Parents can lessen the hurt somewhat if they tell their children they're not to blame and allow them to see and love both parents, says Ms. McLeod. Turn to page 2A •