Exeter Times, 1901-2-28, Page 333.
MRS, I44TO r THE RR i xl" THE BANK COUNT E Ft
(With Apologies to Zfacaulay.) rory arp,ay „tioo n8111,4 1
'10:iCielIS 'VOL I, f,
Mame L'N a tion or I eAd Kansas OW.blg t31 AtiSe0110S3q111011 ,14ilkl.k:43 I orini
IBy all her ribbons swore An authority on. banking in a reeent
Oat het bewhienerera neighbore pu.blieetion tells tie teat "even among
'Should quench ehetr thieet no rao • euacated peeple, name are to be found.
She smashed p glees and chewed it, to whom the simPlest forms Of bank -
And spat the pinees out, inS are Still subjects of secret wonder
rAnd tore out beuelace of her hair ! and curious MiSeolleelniell." ',VMS CIL
And flung them Antb upon the coat ewes neseoneeptioti accorrate tor very
And ifiereeny danoed abaut. many of the arausiag lucidents Whiele
take place at the bank ceenter. Every
Xast and meat *ad north and. .south
, one has heard, the utory et the Wel lady,
She ran with all mieht
land oever Mel areaddeued, eow
Ttlesent so fieice a sight!
shame ion the Ii.:anses wollaan,
Wititt Sits at home and croons,
l`ok lullaby when she might be
Demolishing i3a1oons I
•Tne houthon and the lager
Aro pouring ilott amain
From le:nuke nu;fotn and ( e a answers being giveu.
) In Q110 instance a farmer pro:muted
Place
To h i,aie tire plane; j' his "little cheque" at the counter of a
And many n costly mirror ' provincial bank, and, to the cashier's
1.5 creeked in forty ways,. I '"How will you take this, sir?" replied
l&od heI 'actions are defxgn 'd as he ftzmbled in an. inner pecliet of 1113
„e.., To frighten and amaze, lvaistecat„ "0111 I've a little bag here
I take it int"
TIOrepit folk on crUtches
' who, presenting a cheque at the banI,
Iand asked "how she would have it, re -
peed;
a "Oh, I'd like it het, thaule you, with
1
just a little lemma ie. it."
' The misconception of this ordinarY
f, .glaintrY as to What description, of
' rt.oney should, be given na exehringe for
a cheque is the cause of omen amosiog
1 -Al.) G1 -I LET S. n ----f sAYINQs
Tae11-5011 VaS ali•ce ins'sing. a annecb
in a gmill village out west. just as
he was finishing, Allles Keada.li,, who
sat near him, watspered, n'Elp'"em a.
little Latta, general; theWon't be
cOntented with011t it." 'rile man of
the iron. will instantly thought upon
the few phrases he knew, and, in a
wee of thuuder, WOUnd Up With 4
pluribus unutu, eine qua ion, oe plus
ultra, multnea ia nerve." The effect
wee tremeeolcus.--Law jora
,333.313.33,-3
.3.33.3333.333,
MAUDE. AND THE 4.1.)DOE.
stEliardoyJustto. Stet.art1,;.au K.,r age
'flee ex -judge sat in his rustle cLir,
tetateenena.
'Dreaming, of days when Prospeet/
It nee alWaYe beee, held to be resit were fair;
p.tteetsPt to repredUee witty sayiege
One has heard, as so much of the TAti When to was a clerk in a grery
depends on the. mariner of tire, person 1 etore
snOre,
, Who says them aad the cireumstanCefi Reading la'W at night for au hour caa
tender whiCh they are utterea. In spite
of this I venture to set down some of
the sayings of ocnne or the witty Men Then Waits gave him a playfiil nudge
and woraeu I have itnoWn, and it 211LY And set him up the beacn as
readers elaould not find every saying judge.
quite as witty as I thouglit it was at
the tire I heard it I hope theY While on his vaea
pot (Iowa the fault to the enronicler day
and not. to the at:tilos ef the wttty Ile met Maude intaller at work in the
taYitig. hay.
9 am sorry you are not eatiened with
the future I have revealee te you,
apologized the Seeress, "hut you can -
net exneet A foreign prince aad a- royal
palace when I arn enalcing a reduction
in My regu:er rate S from fifty to tbirtY cr aun Seale other Irish anembeze on 4 " Now, blonde was as shy a,o a tortlo
nine cents," ,,,_
eignt JolerlamY ea. an Irish railway dur i dove
Inasmucb as the youag lady was just ing, the storm. and stres,4 c.„: a‘ aeaerai - .54 tizo im,ge feu beets
Qvr, 4050 to
eleven cents ahead, why should sb.e Suddenly the train came to
bstaovvepceoareaptlaninuedex?eSuhdeitsuireirlodrnoetilievaevne , aeledeet:71"stand at a oue where tIlere
cents, With a regal futnrc in tae hale ; wee Me statIon, ArnaZement and "Maude, clear," said he, "for pity'a
ance.---13altimere A-aerican, ' alarm felled the ante& a some of us, ',. sake
"'What could have happeneri?" We Come, be nay bride and give up that
,
Sister Snowba. d, Sistab Debit- asked ourselves mentally. "Could tiln) -. rake!"
1-1_,Dee
Me sionaner'o )
X Was traVeling' one with Dielt.rovir-
And lalighlog urntis and men 1 He wondered, no doubt, if tbe Cash- yo' ell notice hew Palls= Tories bave torn up the rails?, Could
ernaeh the
ler thought he'd brought wireelbar- Pinfeatheh's bal' ha,id ohine dis mown- Qraugeolen have barricaded tla7 But Maudie swered and said "Oh
eow for
And cry, °Go in again I" in'? Hooey. tell yo', dat saint sholy Limey,
,PQWM her whedowa,
it.
'1
TIO
L Sister Darkleigh-Inwahd graee. Power. Ile quietly rose from WS
, presented by a clieut from the con -
Oa another occasion, at the same a- Shine wit inwalol grace. It took a great deal to alarm Dick The chap for me is the man with the
Ace, a etteque for a large amount was
She grasps the shameful peinting
And tears it tato little hits, try." The teller thinking the most bc's.'41,4', 'nab-Jetl, hewe' meee Nre window be the boPe of findlng Male .ott his coat, the judge said
convenient metliou of payinent for his' ish dat uawitsou dawlyane 'ser i'aZ"newan explanation. bat are we stoppunto "See,
ouotomer would be largo notes, said; Orr' be lotiolre4 of a railway official For your Pao, Mende. a fanner
That bongs oh we the bar,
Anil acattens them afar.
Arad, screaming in her aug
‘Sile $plas a thenniblus,
And, as the f entre! tiger
Speinga *n the belpiena fawn
ft', Valium .Pirt.featheb. done been
seat and thrust Ida bead out of tbe
aP
b
"I suppose you'll take it short?"'
Not understanding the naerming
the tem "allutt:" and evideatlY think"
alei takes it in be clutelles lug the eaeltier was havtrig a bit of a
And bite,s it full of boles! joke at his expensehe replied, simian&
The nian who toads the to -r owl he his head and smiling:
That owns the fronitution sb "Na, tale it a',"
gnoelts (1°wo with basks and tbing41 Old ladies, unaccustomed to banking,
and leaps
"Secreree their cowering
heapa
Her cursea en their gouts. ,
oftea shOw signs of distress when Mr,
orals ant coigne inquires how-tney woula like
i their eteque paid, In the embarrass-
! Anent of the moment they usually any:
And When her work is ended "They re not at all Darticulat auYe
The men who stand evened how will do." Atter belug Paid, the
idnol, eigiting oeo her cat the lioopa Feely, to teal Pine eotelnesed and begin
oDy whioh the eanks were Wind to tillul calmlY, and the result is that
gpeod off in all directions, Itlr. Coigne has to Outgo the gold lie
And thank their luelcy stars has given for a, note which "wilt be
That they. may atilt get thirety more convenient, and just a little
.And dunk at other loam change, say ten ShiiiirtgA in silver, ital
be so handy.
A good lady from a country village
where a bank la uukaown. auil cons?,
ot tioeutlY iceitcd uptm, with P. certain
=Cana ot wonder and awe, bad lae-
All, May Ler niusrie ever
Mulge till bet Aright is won.
Fot eh 1 wot anenil need a
Berate. the Sele done 1
Prueralt for Mrs,. Netton- easlon to go to a. neighboriug town to
Ten thousacul that-, , 6 ; get a cheque, whieh had been paid to
Pa II": wb,?...111,14" ,.11cmot, ' ben leashed. Arrivion at the bank and
Herself become the law 1 presenting' the deaunient, the easliier
esen wing nee inatnam s .1.1itrAat, rani j'
politely asned, "What would you line
1 ter tills?"
A BATTLE WITH BRUIN whatever did be Mean? What would
she like? WIlY, nlene), count'. tied
eflIn eonfeet That Ended in gniat0),3, he mistaken her eheqUe tor a charity
fee "Bob" zle nt Plots Lake ticket for which YGII eau get literally
what you like from a, tradesman, to the
. Mount Darned thereonl
"B(//1" UP'112;:t3 01 I°441.1%)11 Palls* 's a Perceiving thdt she v.: littl "at
a P
an employe of the Ratlinun Co„ ant ea." (saes Ids question, the cashier
in well known in I,irrinory :tad varied it to "What kind a nioney shall
threughout the ent:re north 'country I give yen for it?" A ray of light. now
liret.1110itl cielyi?"t
no one bat the most exparienced river
beeae8 and shanty forerion to be SL h e o
Xound thil an n ind district. is f.t Ort One OeeaSiedi a little girl. Stainlina
An
preaeat in charge of OUP ,(4,the firrats ber toes and Prinenting clieqUe fOr
camps at Aonso-14,74„„: ;1; mcamooth S2, said she would tato- ty,o bolt sov-
- , °reigns "It you bate thern.
/"31"Lrefil; an`" in °r'Le"o l'r°v°°1""r' Crossed ebeques often afford amuse.
ly that typhoid fever, tilling lim;oo ment to tiro bank cashiers clerks
,glanoing axes and rolling logs do nt.c by the anxiety and concern displayed
constitute all the dangers vf a •wokel- by tbe holders when told they are not
taale6 life, Mr. Menziea lest, week fig- payable in caele. One old farmer, be -
bred in. an adventure of a more ing told that the cheque he tendered
ntartling nature, was crossed and could not be paid over
the counter, exclaimed: "Can't pay
feleurstlay morning Jest, the camp
gang had teen busy eat( ing in et cote me the money over the coveter. Ob,
ner of the and just raefore quit-, then rn come round tor it!"
Ling Lor dinner, an enormous tree .wt s
felled. ASter dinner, the men were
senti to Another point, some distanee
away, and Ur. Menzies mat out to
Make a rough estimate of the morn-
ing's out, taking with him his incza-
n.ring rule nod, a light axe. When
he came, to the torestegiant, cut jun
before the noon rest, he paced the
trunk to the butt, and vaulted ever
the 111:1811 ot roots. While in. air he
beard a snort, and, when he landed,
he found himself within three feet
• large tear, t -he =gruel being in tile
act ot scrambling out of his winter's
den. under the roots of ;Ehe enessive te-
ller. Bruin's sleep hatl been rudely
broken. by the shouts of the choppers
end the 'upheaval or the roots abet:v
his cosy bed, and he :Was h very ongry
bear. To say that Bob eves surpra-
Ad :Would he a very mild. descriptioa
of the state of his feelings, but be
was garae or the' fight; and, yeah-
ing his hat baok, awrang his axe
and struek at ilie• Near, He only sis:-
24 his aside, and bruin retaliated wieb
a. left-hander that stripped his ase
zailant of considerable clothing. Noe-,
as his friends doubtless know, Bob is
not naturally given to profanity, but
he cuts Iowa oceasionally uader
strong provooation; but when be saw
one side of his new laa2 caedigan jacar
ket trailing in the snow, his langaage
Oecame truly feryler and picture.que,
and the made, reference to the dem at
en-W./mien Falls, and, in fact, to all tae
dams on our northern waters.
Bruin made the next demonstrat'oe,
and it was an alarming one. Rearing
to his atilt height, he advancsd es if
about to give IVIenzies. a loving bug,
but the latter was goorl and '' ready
and, as beuin stepped forward, he
swung the axe sideways) anti buried
take sharp blade in the base of the
aeck. The bear deopped with a (groan,
• bub the next instant scrambled to his
'feet and started off, but, 'being blind. -
ed by the blood pcneeing from tbe
woun.d, he traveled in a email circle,
and thus gave his eeeney chance to
aeliver another blow, with such good
effect that the spine was severed, and
a few more taps ended the exciting
sten ggla
When. an teamster eenee along half
en hour later with a load of legs, be
• left the road. in answer_ to; a _hellion,
znd found Menzies sitting on Che dead
tear, and calmly 'smaking a cigar. It
Look the two men sonire time to (Vag
the caecase to 'the sleigh. When ;the
men trailed in for' slapper,_ they Tound
a 250-1b. .boar hanging in the ',dome
Ivey, and the story of keft
all hands awake an hour longer than
u a Bob bore hia,honorS'' with his
accustomed modesty, bile the boys say
that for a few days they. noVced
big diffeience item. lie was quiet
3 ad reserved -like, and seetned to have
lost his grin .of the- ,langtiage 'to seine
ixtent owing 'H. the strain of his
orief conversation with briiin 'but he
is now, as fluent as ever. -Lindsay.
Post.
Twenty-two Inn onliforteate.
Poi` height, brad shoulders and her.
culean the party of twenty-two
Californian cattle raisers who regis-
tered at the Stevens House on Thursday
night, could hardly be surpassed.
They were on their way Irom. Los An-
geles to the Argentine Republic, vib.ere
they intend to raise cattle on. a Inuelt
more extensive wale than they could
inTahenilpfa°rtrIlyineensisted a the three Pale
lett brothers and their famine% with
five cowboys who had thrown in their
lot with the company in the hope ot
making o. fortune in the fertile valley
of the Platte rem,
The three Palled brothers are each
fully six feet in height, have broad,
museulae shoulders, and tip the sealee
a 200 pounds. Their wives are nearly
as tall 'and muscular. Two of ;the
brothers have each four daughters, and
the third brother has three. These
eleven girls range in • ages from 18 to
28 years, and take after their parents
In build.
"Never before," said tbe night cleric
at the hotel, "have we had guests who
attraeted so mueli attention, and we
frequently have some peouliar peoele
stopping here. The other guests in tbe
house seemed like dwarfs as °tempi:red
with this western party."
W. A. Pallett, the oldest brother,
,when asked for his rea,son for leaving
America said: "We are all sorry to
leave the United States, but all the
grazing land is rapidly being eettled,
and, with the increase of the popula-
tion, the cattle raisers are being
driven further West My family wae
interested in the business, and first
had extensive raneb.es in Chick. From
there we followed the frontier clear to
the Pacific coast. We go now to Ro-
eerie, and thence up in the mountaina '
about fifty miles to the broad valley
of the Platte river. Great induternents
exist there for profita,ble cattle -rais-
ing. We have the European markets
to sell to, where prices are much higher
than in this coemtry, and the. cost a
raising (Attie is not half as much as it
is in Texas, Mexico or Lower Califor-
nia We have a cash capital of $45,-
000, and. eapect to be'joined Argen.
tine by another shaaeholder to the ex-
tent of $5,000. The raneh will be man-
aged on a cooperatiee baSis."
• After looking at a, few sights or the
.city the party sailed for the Argentine
Republic Friday. The regular guests
at the Stevens House have not yet
stopped talking about the queer arriv-
als Thursday, and they are aowewon-
-daring 'what fete awaits the, eleven
young, handtome daughters in the
wilds of South America.
hurry up, 'aid get
through shaving me as • quick as you
• -
Bale -ern -Why, eaid yeti had
pieety of time when yon 'get into the
. , •
chair. . ,
Victizn.LI !trio*, but that was befere
eou tried that razor 'en me. '
CecreelaneeBaleimere Araerieen,
who happeued to be passing jot at be."
"Tommy, how did you get U tito the moment. "It's uothing, air," was
bacof your ;leek eunburnt?" the reply, nerdy we have bad to de' SO the lovesick lunge gave up Ids Job
k
"Pullin' weeds in the gainlen." tacit the ennige;" "Ali right," said And hem= a„ grauger alas) poor
"But your hair is all wet, iny SOU," Dick power, °pow noire care yoo oten!
"That's perspiration." don't go etla without iti"
°Your vest Is wroug stile out, too." Dick Power once bad a sharp CCM'. They married mid bought
"Put it on that woy et-porpmee." teat for one et the Irian, Coostituea- , time
"And bow dema it bappea. TommY, cies. The contest WAS the mere Mtn tend zettled dawn to a life libitum.
dear, that you, bave got Jack Ilowartl'o ' p/easaat to him because h„.a ormanent,
rue o
trousers on?" Who WAS formerly a. political oolleagtic ., For eigliteen_ howe they oiled each
1 aure)-
iim 1 va gun had changed his principles and norm 1 clay,
— :' - over to the other aide. Diek fouglit , Trying the mortgage on the farm to
the battle gallantly, according to lue 4 pay.
Pat dropped everythiug and left for 1 usual fashion. and WWI the eeat.
worth of whiskey, when the followiug ' election was made kllOW11 Dick war
TOMMY (after
'Mother. I outlet tell
answimminsl"
the COW awl Pali far late three-pennye Oo *the night when the result of the This bappened some fortt)o-odd years
conversatioa eueued hetweeu the is sitting with oome friends in the pria- But still the ex -judge wields tbe hoe.
lady awl himself: •clout hotel of the place. Suddenly in '.
Pat -This be good willaneen, Sam 1 game the defeated candidate. and, east. Ho is gettink stiff in elbow and ]nee,
Lady -Yes, . CTueohe g ng-t Dce' xb''Patanongnanlutliguetlanceeoik.x-FoeisntASyeull"' as he need tte he
age of it? claimed: "All is lost but horteri
Dick eheerily
Pat -No, Antra, geld In reply: 'AU rigat, : But he often dreams ot wbat mi:
Landiady---Well. Ws thirty Yearo old. ' h nd o have oat have bean,
1,1il get t e seat y
opmata tiheintuitgiwthitehtehlureoefgeuntnyy:wroartilit);: the beeer,, ee we 1„, iwiat uot wboa-to, For tbe have la.biooger new than
511 ttleSt wantedn• then. --Chicago News.,
Its age. reum.-Spare bloments.
.1,1•11.10••••••••••
Wieletler-'"'The Mader" no his fed-
Ile-(teutatively),"What would Total lowers lelight to call bItu. 1elnlY"
a.Y, dear, it I should ask you to marry se most of bis friends clesigaate
me? was once painting the portrait or a
She (thouglitfully-what would 1, distioguished novelist who was ex.
Hairs hole e
ora
COMpenY I, was Teilt.,Ftt en to
rn-
cat my money, not so reeell t'Or my.
It AS or the b neft 1 cculd beeteer '
upon my lath and •Icin, That dream
has ended ea drearaO do-suchlenlY.
My richeave taken to theleseivei
eveigs. I remember witla pleasere tlac I
Ixany professions a altectnni from you
.an -y, an-witheut a rfugle ex- ,
e)cepton. Those presents web you- ;
see on the sieneard'ae-bere ever one
onentaly 'nettedn vhat his owa con,
tributlon had at
" 'Theese presente wee, as yea know
Pounettire o yeeer alteetnniate regerd ,
aM remerabrancee On Illy birtinley.e. ^,
will treasure them AZ they deeerve ;se
be treaeured. I ara about to tr,y tae
Csperbaaent,a pairiful one at Pay age, Li
cE eilet'rfe'c i'ird per alumni instead
nera`any mane- hondredS. Rat I
'eel confident that such eget-Alien as
yeti hare eiveays agave me. and sada.
colicitude jail ray health, I'm not
prompted by mereenary tant'ass. Y,
deciluirg day e will he etalace& even.
nder Ley grievounly altered eircurn- a
etaiacee, by any relattvee, who will,
am sure, entertain me, instead of
their beiug entertained.'
The assembled retat:iclu gasped. If or-
vo:th entomshocent at the first few
seaterices, but befere tele Jerry cono
hided his speech, aud he was in oo
rry. I assure you they had reYer-
ed ouffie;erly to 4op1aud hz
right plasee and to attee plat:Km:19
at the cad.
seem reysMf," continued NeviI. ",k
was as mad AS ally ot these, hat aa telY
daughter and I were walking alouo
oW' otreet I was suddenly etrack with
the netiOn that it might lae a 'plant! ;
Tau see. air, I am a great reader, and .
in novelo ad those abort store a whicb
(me reads in the eveniug papers rich
old uncles hav i eSI/Fla:11PS
these earoriees on their poor relatioos
et suck festive getheringe la order tq
3 the gemtineness a :their p
ssed affection."
'Well, sir, I stopped mad danced ort
-
pavemeut uutil my daughter caught ;
ot lay arm and said: *You'll hava ,
rowil 'roma us in a minute. fatlaer4 In the Clutch
sum pti
,
of
Re;
.„.
F:ADAOKS.
'Next mend -lig I called to see Bab •
bleconabe Of the Northern Shire:: ' ns 0,,,,„,,„„,
Vault. Whew I.rticle Jerry liaa hie ae- Id I WWI I
count. awl told him nay suspleono =
BalablecOrabe is under an obilgatiou to ,
Me. which I aced not opecify, and. at.
though this made leizat iudined to ana ,
ever my question, the tear et tbe baolt „
act prevented his going into details ,
At last, after a lot or cousideration, tad ;
raid: "Nevin you Piece Me in an Melt i
ward predicament; you know as twill
es I do tbat your questions are Meg I
say? 1 tremely elever lint also extremely Rt. ular. But as I wieb to do eon a tarn
He (hopefully) -Yes, dearc3t. I will telt you that I think titer 11 i
She- I, woond say ---I would Fay-- every probability of your being right
favored. When the portrait Wal Mi.
in your sanitises,:
Ho (eagerly).-Yese, dear. Go en. Co ',shed the sitter dial not eocin sot Aled the junior partner of. the old-
ot o.
Q 1 1.0 ,
it" established firm ot solicitors, Gale, "I could not get anything moro
on. Don't neglect Oast parse „ant Wooing
with it "You don't s; at to l'i•
She-i'would say that Charlie Brown that he did not and saia in seonl000ni. Inn Fields, I was brought up in elosest definite frOM lira tlian,..hthat. tabltitt°":: 1
I tried hard ezzouga: toe.upr 0 wa cougb till year find yourself in the clutoh of
.
Whistler said. The sitter coaO nie 1 Teriment eo. Hopkinson. of Lincein'e
had asked me three weeks ago, and 1 z ,,tiou. ovon roust aArait that it II a
' that I farmed Uncle Jerry Ler ail =1 wal , .t , h t, h-
telleit with the eifice staff, Consumption. It's an easy matter to stop
bail we. rk et art"' "Yes," eaed WI i a '
i e - R , e 1 u ii. n nun' rum 0 i nur,
, 1 TIOA y gt mg ).
bad accepted bun.-Detrolt Journal. — Ono old elerk, who had started as worth, and more. For I hail to berrou 1 .8 wan" inonuirav mut! Minim)
•
woonizeixspw,Extxli.s
1 nioneY to cover increased ospennoture4 i u
office boy to the firm named. was i „ bad . , ,,,,,, ..,„ .
"My dear," Mr. FinntelcY said to hie ler* "but you Meet own that you ar4
; allied S. Nenn. but leis baptZeseal Pa- ' nest am to stay aro' ICS at 1,5.1X , loos pleasant oemedsfteoln an' soothes
wife, "I don't think those pliai I haNct k a bad worn; of nature."
j trenymic Wae generally sluartened by ten, and theta took him as part or nu ' the lungs and bronchial tubeY, a cures
"Yes, I have; I've swallowed ono 1
i land and In. Amerlea.as a, brillian par- 1
limelentary and platform orator and , " -° 11 ' " e 3I een e- bum and be smokes no enroll manta i vat-, s.l.vs t "1 hotle'41Y bobovo 1 'wit"
iall Dit H 'II hlb IcPt War holiday, paying an lOs eXpeireei 1 remedies fail.
and keeping hilu enplaned wet11 to 1 ,,, Mr. W. P. Cann, writing fr?rn Slorpetln
tor three+ weeks!" in hlig- 1 tvlalch described Ins temperament to
"You have? .Then why is it that L
I is knowo also to his fends in botb / cm. so long was a mystery to moon, but .
it was mainly through my hestrurnert- 'Under proper eircumetaneee. tittr
. 4 have died of coneumetion oniyeineep
t Wood's Norway PineSyrep. I ha-ve used
three times a day as dirceted."
there aro as many lest In the box 03 ii countries as et meet amtaing tainar
I it for years and consider it has no equal
there were three 'reeks ago? What I with a. wonderful power of expriosive 1
" a tray, The fact IS that evil fell ill le. according to novelitnee and store
with influenza, and during his absence Writere, I should have been reward e 1 for severe coldsandthroat trembles."
box have you been taking them from? 1 phrase -making. Some of A 1 C
- U— W' r his daughter called for some wagsa with a handsome check, and ultimatalt '
"This one -marked for me." . talking once about a friend cf ours, a
t dee him. I saw and Was greatly ire -
"Dear sae, John! That is my shoo i member of the Rouse of Commons. A pressed by her. Her manners were
button box!" i lady who was ono or the company ;zeta those of a woman of gentle birth and
I it was a pity for the sake et his per. breeding, but her face, which was mare
anal appearance that he had susgli than beautiful, bad those lbws Of Pa -
'very lug° eltx?'• "Yes," said T" '''" tient suffering which plainly told her
"and. the worst of It is that while thaY story. There was no need to ask her
are too large for ears they aro too it, for it was plainly enough written.
I really guessed that by domestic
tyranny he found an outlet for his
petty nature which his own sex would
not allow him to exercise on them.
or, is known to everybely O'Cna- kis confreres tato snivel,. a name family to mangote, wizen wt'• WePt 'NI 3 lingeriugaud chronic eoughs wh'iSt
been tuning have doue me much good." t A. eat friend of T P
"Why, you havettit been taking alio/ gr
Xmlicertma.
A. certain farmer living east of °sag.)
City, and not noted for his resemblance
to Apollo, ha.s a son of seven years who
possesses more wit than -wisdom and small for wings."
reverenee. One day last week a stranger.
came to the farm, and seeing the lad, At another time we were talking cE
asked: an absent friend wilt 'reacted that he
"Sonny where is your fether?" 1 had a great gift for music WA
"In the pigpen," 'toes the. reply. 1 like-
wjse a facility for regenerating the After seeing his daughter I resolved
"In the pigpen? Thanks." And as world. Some one asked: "Is he at- that Nevirs place in our cage was to
the man moved in the -direction indi- ; ways playing the fiddle?" "'Well," re- be permanent so long as I could use
cated the boy shouted:
will know bins 'cause
-Kaneas City Star.
he
"I say, you plied T. P., "I do not know that he lo my influence in his behalt, and at
has a hat oul"always PiaYing the fiddle, but he cer-
Christmas 1 -but that is outside the
tainly is always playing the fiddle or
story.
gate.
At the asylum, we were much da -
Pressed by what we saw.
"A terrible fate, indeed!" he ex -
„claimed. ,
"Less terrible, however,” interpose,/
a, tall, eistileguished looking maniac,
"than a fete champetre! Oh, by alY
odds!"
Upon inquiry we learned that this
mam had become mad through being
the husband of one socially ambitioue
-Detroit journal.
DiagnoSotl.
A song with the title "There's a Sign
In the Heart," was sent by a young man
to hes sweetheart, but, the paper fell
into the hands of the girl's father, a
very uneeutimental physician, who ex-
claimed:
• "What wretched, unscientific rubbish
is this? Who ever heard of such a
case?"
• He wr,ote on,the outside:
"Mistaken diagnosis; no sigh in the
heart pbasible. Sighs relate almost en..
Ureter to the lungs and dialehragm!"
Bo Was Excused,
"You bust excuse .me this evedig,
Biss Billigetd," said Mr. Addlethwaite,
" if by speech 15 a liddle thick, for I
have a terrible cold hi by head."
• see\you have," Miss Nlilligan ren
plied, "and that renainde me that you
ought by all means to call on Sue ISal-
lington while you are in your present
condition."
"Why so, 13iss Billigad'?"
Oahe told me the other day that she
was mere you had. nothing in your
head. Now you can prove that ehe
made a mistake."
Ills Opinion.
"Do you think your opinions are go.
mg to be received with much respect
during this campaigm?" asked Senator
Sorghum's political associate.
"1 should sak so," was the very pos-
itive reply. "When a man econes
around wanting niOney for campaign
purposes I reckon my opinion on how
much he can be truateer with is about
as highlaorespected as that at any ex.
pert in the business."-Washingtou
my wife can."-ehieago Tribuae.
the fool."• One morning as Nevi' tame into my
Lady Dorothy Neville, one of the effice with some letters for sig -nature
Wittiest Women In London society, is I wars struck with his eyeful appear -
well known to most Americans wire num and, as I have foreshadowed my
visit London during the seasoo. . Interest in his family affairs, it was
I was talking wail Lady Dorothy : natural that I should ask what nwas
one day about a lady to whom. I was the matter with him.
giving high pale and Lady Dorothy "A dreadful and shameful 'oaks has
seemed inclined to disparage, her. "Silo been played on me, Mr, 'Opkinson, sin,"
is very 'clever," I said. Lady Dorothy he said. Nevil was always erratie
sterols her head segrafallY. "Bat," 1 with his h's when "nut out."
pleaded, "she Is so very Well reed." ,
"Come, come, replied Lady Dorothy "Sit dawn, my ream and tell me all
about it," I said, for, much as I die -
with a smile, "she is evidently much liked the man, I could not help feeling
cleverer than I thought, since she has
sorry for -him, so distressed did he
been able to make you believe that sorry
she ever read anything."
I "You kneel'," he continued, "that 1
• One night a group of members were
talking In the smoking -room of the have »1ays looked forward to Uncle
Jerry leaving 501310 ot his wealth to
House of Commons about a measure
'
which it was proposed to recomd Us when the end came."men
to the consideration of ' the Govern- "Well, Nevil," I interrupted, "hae
ment and on which we were all under-
he died?"
stood to be in complete agreement: ' "No, sir; worse than that. I an
Suddenly a Member who had up to this afraid I would not be so cut up about
time offered no objection and had, in- that, but he hat played a dirty triple
deed, sat in absolute silence-thougb on me and mine that I am as much
he was well known for an extraordi- disgusted as disappointed." .
nary aptitude in spinning but talk on I As 1 sa.w he was bursting to tell me
the most trivial subject -broke in with ' his sorrow I. told him to proceed with
the words: "I suppose there is some.- the story of his wrongs. ••
thieg to be said on the other side.'
dare say there is," Thomas Sex.
"You » must know that Uncle Jerry
last Christmas, as was his usual cus-
ton obsereed, "and if we bad a couple tom, invited all his poor relations te
�f» months to- snare you are juai. the dine with him. •
vern Man to say it; but then, you see, "The night passed Smoothly, except -
the matter » is eeoniing up on the day Ing that two cousins got excited in a
after to-raorrow and there really is no political argument These evenings'
time." So the little group broke UP-- wound up with a speech from our host,
Chamber's Journal. • and then, after singing- 'Auld » Lang
Syne,' eye would separate. The speeola
• last Christmas was a meniorable one,
and I remember each werd burnt itself
into. my memory as it ten from Uncle
,Terry's lips.
•
_
Tess --0b, I like him well enough,
but it's so hard to make him under,
stand anything. Last night he asked
meseveral times for a kiss, and I said
"No! Not" each time.
• Jess -My goodness!, I shotid think
that was emphatie enough for any man,
Tess -It certainly should be for any
6ne who knows •that tyke negatives
make a positive -Philadelphia Press.
•"You call your parrot `Mimeo,' I see
Willey talks,"
"Not at:Sall. 'Den't teli any one„,eat
call him that ,beCande'neboden about
the 'house .cau 'make hiin, .11y as Well ea
" `My dear relatives,' he commenced-,
yoa will, be sorry to learn, as I am to
announce it, that this gathering Which
it has been any pleasrire as well as
MY duty tohold at this season a good-
will, toward all men, is to be the last.
" `Yes, the last, I grieve to repeat.
You are all, I think, aware of the sud-
den Collapse Of tbe company 'which
promised to be one of the greatest and
mosa successful undertakings of mod-
ern time. 1 will be brief, as the eula.
led is CO me a paintul one. In that
been his sole heir when Waited, but Ur
such luck for inc. Atfore.
'Suddenly, One mornine, about n
2nouth ago, Uncle Jerry stild lie Wae
going to town , where he inteuclel to
'W'oo' s nosphoclite,
Sae Omar Enclisia Venede.
Sold and recommended by all
ebvssists in Mugabe Onli reit-
take eheap lodgings an il look out for pacicAues guaraekal to cure all
i forms ot Sexual NYealmess. all effects °rause
some work. From that day to 'this , or excess, Meatal Worry, Excessive use °fan -
bay° 'ever seen him, Mnillitnes 1 bare baeco, Opium or Stimulants,. Monet:1ot receipt
tried. of Price, one uneatage 1, ii, to). ale gettiptrear,
61Z will eura a
pamphlets' free to nr Address.
Able medicine cuseovere . Six
"To -day the final blow has heel mho Wood comparey,W ndsor,Ott.
dealt to ane. I read in this mosningo; Wooa's Phosphodine is sold is Exeter
paper of the marriaae n Xeremlah by j. W. Browning, druggist.
josichas to Susan Hobbs. No cards, NO 1 -
cake. No presents. Susan Hobbs ie
a buxom wenchabout twenty-five mi
thirty, and is certain to have a soar)
of children." '
Poor Nevin I could not help laugh
ing at him, for all he looked such a
pieture of raisery. I proposed to the
beautiful daughter the next day.
Ate tile Italy GItost.
The old blackened weather beaten
churcb arciong the pines stood on the
summit of the hill. It was during the,
semi-annual revival. The preacher has
been at the business of calling sinnere
to repentance fa many a year and eves
acquainted with all the little arts
]mown to the professiaa in catching
them both ways, going and coming
But. his plan for this spring was tbi
greatest he had ever practiced and won .
the talk et the neighborhood.
For nights he had worked it, with the
aid of a very young member of the
church, the son cf one of his dearen.s
and a very sturdy, reliable young fel.
low, To mystify and rause his hear-
ers to a frenzy of religioes emotion he
had thought of the novel plan of hav-
ing the Holy Ghost descend in the form
of a white dove every night.
• His co-workers manipulated the Holy
Ghtist, which was a white pigeon, from
the old loft of the church. Before dark
John, with the Holy Ghost for com-
pany, crept up in the loft and waitee
patiently for the congregation to as-
senible. At a certain time in the ser-
mon, Sohn let fly the white pigeon., and
the preaeher dwelt dramatically upon
the Holy Ghost descending upon the
people. That always moved his hearers
to violent demonstrations and broughi •
many to the foot of the cross.
But one fateial night John had for-
gotten and left the pigeon in the loft,
Where. it was clevoerecl by a lank, hun-
gry cat. The misfortune was not dis-
covered until too late for John to warn
t,he prea.cher about bringing act tea
thirdl,Vhentheandlastthrilling mad intense' mo
Mint arrived and, 'the preacher. crieil
with a loud 'voice, saying, "And th-,
cly Ghost deseeeded °lathe people,
iLe held out his hands and closed hin
cyos, as if waitiesng for the "Peace that
eth all understanding" to rest on
devoted head.
At that trying time the hearers welt
roused from their keen expectancy by
the agonized whisper of John trona
crack in the left directly over the wait-
ing
preacher's head: ."Uncle Joie!
'Uncle Joe! De oat's done' eat up de
Holy Ghost. • Mast X let down de cat! J
SOLID
GOLD
WO Alroilagthantlfol
Sella Cole Msg. get
Wit, Pearl% tor selling
only 15 paelAiges
Sweet renseeantlaxeneh.
Pnekarecontainsasplendlanaia
taro orthernostrrantantrark-
gee, oralleolers. 1,1sa us thls
eltertisenantandIrev/lIfer.
meal the Seet(1. $ellttann. re
torntlaanoney.anatlas betat.
SolldOola rearlset Ring
williaoSentron.6refkl1151ack-
vai1aNelvetilnell box. 1WrItoto tiny. Ilieseason tersell.
beg seeds is slaert. secuSeeely ToVollt6. (Fmk,
r-ainters
Kidneys.
ne-S-1
The »worst thing a
ft.. a painter has to eon-
• jsi\.. k) tend with is the turn.
Pentine-
Teelleati, of course,
is bb.<1 too.
'31\ea
nd weakens a
But turpentine
cull Cie Itidneys,
f.aines•
them, makes the
life a dan-
gCrcaln nad trouble-
some one. When a painter's b=„elcaches, Its
time for him to begm treating the kidneys.
pICILDLN
SEY
wiil fix them up -take out the inflammation
and congestion, give ease to the aching
baivcikr1./, Evanson, the well-known. painter
and decorator, so Orford St, Torknto,
Ont., said: About eight week.s ago was
taken with an excruciating pain in my back
ovcr the kidneys. It was so bad that tuy
wire had to apply hot cloths tilt the doctor - -
came and gave me morphine.
He said the trouble was due to a stone
passing from the kidney to the bladder• ,
My water was loaded with a bricls dust
deposit aed scalded on passing.
• While in this condition I heard of Doan's
Kidney Pills and started taking them.
It was not long before I got relief from
pain and have hcenimproving inhealthever
since. My urine is now clear and dbes not
smart rnerand I feel better than in years,
,. .
111Xci 7 'LIVER PILLS Thleees1,10.tt,17B' s
I blac
` act easily i and naturally' ..on the system",
. .
clearing away all bileand, effete Meteiial.
Constipation, biliousness, dyspepsia, sick ,
headache, heaaburn, waterbrash-all,dis-;
appear when they are used. Price 25a, '