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The Goderich Signal-Star, 1971-05-06, Page 1734, • GIVING A SPEECH BAD AS ,EA•R1NG IT By B3i11 Smiley Last week 1 mentioned making a speech to the Vimy Branch, Canadian Legion, and what a treat. it was to be able to get up and talk about the stupidity of Senior officers. , . , Normally, 1 loathe . .��s'avwt�-�e�iet�3r'.�e �a*� much as I detest listening to them. tei • As a former weekly ren porter -editor, a cold, wet, . grey blanket comes down over my spirit at the fateful words, "And now, 1 give you our guest speaker." .• That's the signal, Some guest` speakers you, couldn't "give"' to a starving group of cannibals. 1 have been "gi'ven" dun: derheads and dolts, -politi- cians and poltroons, pip- Squeaks, pedagogues and , presidents, farmers and philosophers. Not once have 1 been in- spired, uplifted or convin- ced. On a very. few occa- sions 1 have been mildly amused, although - almost never by professional hu- morists, who always seem so intent on keeping their tongues in their cheeks that you begin to feel that some - wherein the process they have bitten them off. That's the receiving erid. The delivering end is just.as' bad It follows a fairly pat You are called• up, or written to, by thesecretary, of some organization which you've never heard of, and • told they'd like to have you as guest speaker at° some function you have no inter- have fo in, no idesome Place you w to• get to. This is., the - moment to say, loud and clear, 'Thank you; 1 am d'eeply•honored, but I can't possibly make' it." . -An"y 'wavering,. and • you're introubte. The professional guest Railway stations .. • ho.Id charm • "In ah old railway station," • says Elizabeth Wiltrnot, "I- see the desire of the architect to create a structure of lasting beauty.” Eleven of Miss ' Willmot's” photographs capturing ,this beauty are currently on display at the Ontario ' Science Centre. Miss Willmbt ,feels each building has a special character ' of its own. "II • is;' a great • speaker, and there are a'tew, abouj, chooses that moment to lay down" his cards. He r. says, "Well, 1> might be able' "to fit that -in on that date, kut I'll ,have to consult my "calendar." He consults his calendar, which is blank fru weeks. He calls back. "Yes, 1 could make it. My fee, is $75. Plus expenses," This,,'procluces, an agoni- zed pause, if you're ,agoni- zed, ''''Y' ligd7�tient„i`:a'llii?v,4,'�`oo' rps-3.r2 .lti.1J^,,.'U 'Xf+.`. 4 hive, "Oh. ,Yes. Well, uh, as you know,' uih, we're 4 non- profit organization, and we don't have,much money, and we thught you'd just come along and give us a lit- tle talk. You know; just anything. Uh, how would 10 expenses be?" And, in a urst of enthusiasm, "And bring your wife along. Her -A dinner 'would :be free, of course. , This is always what clin- ches it with me. A last- minute invitation for fly wife. And a free dinner for her. Big deal. - Some people love to ,speak, To anybody. 1 hey have one speech,•' which the„y'ye memorized. They have two jokes, invariably - inserted with • the Prefix;-- "That refix,"That reminds me of a little. . story , .." It .didn't, and the story has nothing to do with anything. ' -- But for. half an ho.ur,.and .sometimes; Lord help us, for 45 minutes, these speak- ers are the cynosure of all ',eyes; -except those which are closed in slumber.. And every ,ear is- attuned to them. Except those with the he ring aids turned off. "I•11 y. bask, It is nectar and ambrosia to , them even , 'though it may be lukewarm coffee and cold porridge fo'' their 'listeners: Good luck to them. For ..rne, it's torment. It's like a Saturday night hath, whether you heed it or not,. About 'every two years, 1" make a' speech, whether 1 need it or not. I'm proving sometlTng to myself. •Th'is time it 'was differ- ent. Vimy' Branch .is -the. way I like „it. They'•' meet .only twice a year, for a real smash. • They liave no club rooms, no flags, no lugu-- brious rnutterings ,about "At the setting of the sun., we ''s'ha'fl`'' e'Meanber them." In- stead, the have theix own band, • which smashes out the "tones of glory" at a - volume "That -is exceeded ' ornly-„:•,b'y'.- ..their.. enthusiasm,„, and skill. The, chaps took the in- sults well. Their hospitality was gracious, -unobtrusive _ and,"generous: a hotel room, a cheque for expenses, and a' ..crock of my choice. My • wife was not ,thrown in as an afterthought. Maybe I'll make another Such in a couple d' years. D TODAY'S CHILD BY HELEN ALLEN `T orbnterelegram (Syndicate challenge to try to capture the appeal of each building in my •• THE ARGYLE SYNDICATE 'studies," , she says., And • from miniature castles to • M weed -strewn, deserted. stations, she has captured them magnificently. The photographs; on view include •old railway stations at ,Inglewood,. Kleinburg, Brantford, Concord,' Uxbridge, e Don, Grimsby, Caledoh "East,, Goderich, Neustadt and Wiatton. Miss Willmot attended the Banff School, of Fine Arts, tompleting: four terms in the -- .photographic course "under the direction of W. V. Crich F.R.P.S. She .has won the:G. • Noble award., for railway photography` twice and in' 1960 received the Banff School of Fine Arts Scholarship for her portraits in railway_ photography. The Exhibit continues in the Science . Centre's Hall of Transportation ' until May 15. The Centre is open seven days a week, 'til 10 p.m. on Fridays 'and 6:30 p:m. every other day. GODERICH SIGNAL -STAR, 14RJR Ann Landers. Plays footsie with the fellows QS DEAR ANN ' LANDE''IS: always; take the' baby out but „ amazed at;• the changga in him. It With this country 'of ours, and just try waking pp a snoring never •occurred to me that it the whole world as well facing adult and you'll have a fight on would be otherwise,;. such staggering. problems, it your hands — church or no .9 seems silly to be writing about a church. —' COMMITTEE OF 1 decided wheu I married the trivial annoyance, but I would TWO IN THE „,NAT'ION'S like your views, Ann. CAPITAL..:guy that I wasn't going to wake .� • up one day a,id discover I had My husband was rather DEAR COMMI I.TEI.: `1 hanks two infants un •my� hands — one attentive to a certain woman in for your letter, but•",1'rn not who'weights nine pounds and our group on ane'occasiori. She about to- poll' my readers on another who weighs X00. I'm , misinterpreted Jlrri's friendliness anything right now, thank you. sup.; other wites can train their and nowhe can't get rid of her. I'm, still trying to get caught.up husbands as I trained nine.. It, The woman is Married which with my mail on chiropractors. . was -- Duck Soup In Colorado makes it even more ludicrous. Le's close the .subject on a note springs one of her favorite plays'' is to of agreetnent_ The crying ''baby .seat herself across from or `n,`ex, next wins by a jandslide: Dear' Ducky Training is for :.',,. , �'4.Kr�,,�y�14y�ily'.,,,..�j1Pl �iR°?:V'�.bGti' 4-r`! •':143z2.c .,4'T'. `�v ,79:[ ,,.,..1,o, t �,T tA. Cp ': .,01(. J.. 1lt t 4k 3,19 g424{.°i L) .�f. 'i wL.CU"414G;. ���' �i!!IJ'•c.t�,C", .fJ a,.. lla+;u"- ���i �ha�k-�.'��'+,�Jia�h�wh 2uF+i:.i�uDnY.y{f�rt,• �tU'f�,•� nut+:FFj'"��'F,�^y�„i':-'AN.,+��Nd� �^�.. Vr;sem:lb"trn.�r�'xt.,. ,,1-4,,, him under the table., She missed the point when You ,told marry a man who was teachable' removes her shoes and runs her ' that wife to mail 'her own letters and willing to ' learn. foot alongside his leg. ,•. and to continue picking up.,'the Furthermore, you, ' are both Last evening I readied over to wet towels after her sloppy students -- working and going to' squeeze Jim's hand and got hold husband, In other words, your school. This is a different set-up of a stockinged foot instead. She advice is, "Be a slave." than the woman whose sole job assumed it was my husband's I married a man whose is to keep house. Most husbands -hand and her face lit up with mother raised him to be totally feel if a wife doesn't bring hone smiles. I thought it was amusing helpless. We met in college. The a paycheck he is entitled to maid at the time and I laughed about condition of his room should service. Right? Of course not, :`it. After -thinking it over it seems have been the tip-off. But I •was but this is the way they figure it. less funny arid I'm• becomilig sure I could teach him to behave (Stock question: "And what did pretty darned irritated. :Please like a grown man- instead of a YOU do all day?") I say a man is tell me what to `do. — SEETHING IN SALT -LAKE DEAR SEETHING: What's the matter with your husband that he can't rid himself of this pest without help? Can it be that • With his hands held high, Kevin looks like a hockey player who has just scored a goal — but his glee must have had another reason because Kevin is only 21 years old. He does like to play with children, .though; . joining in their games -..as much as ' he can, or. he can be quite contented playing alone for as long as an hour at a time. Kevin -is a blue-eyed blonde of Anglo-Saxon and Irish descent. He's short and chubby, easygoing and good-na- tured. He's talking ,.in small sentences either -to people -or animals. . This laddie was born prematurely and, had a whole series Of minor health problems in his first year. He Is still susceptible to colds. He has a slightloss of 'peripheral vision, -but otherwise his sight is normal. He has' a good - background, but . because of birth difficulties it is possible he may ` have some learning problems when he gets to school. in the meantime, he is •a handsome youngster with a beguiling personality who makes friends with everyone he meets. He needs loving parents who will not be 'concerned over his medical .history. To inquire about adopting Kevin, please write to Today's Child, Department of Social and Family Services, Parliament Buildings, Toronto 182. For general adoption information, ask your Children's Aid Society. ' he enjoys it? - , The °ext time you get ahold of a stocged foot, give the big toe a nice, hard •twist. It should put an end to the problem. DEAR ANN LANDERS: 1 was interested in the letter from the person who said he would --rather - hear' 'a baby- crying in church than listen to a snoring adult. :cart'"iny vote .for the crying baby ''not only over'- the snoring adult, but also over the gossip who yaks through the Service, and the gaggle of teenagers who screetch and. cackle and behave as if they were ina ball -park. I also prefer the baby to the late arrival who thinks church is a Style Show. spoiled child. , what he is by the ',time he, We are both students and hold marries. As wife canary to retrain full-time jobs. ',have taught my , him to suit her specifications but husband to rustle upa goo'i she rarely succeeds. Repeated meal on short notice. He can clean the house, sew on a button and iron a shirt. His mother is attempts to change a husband is called. nagging and I am against it. ' 01. • > industria,i • Farm • Factory Plain or safety toe. 'Choice of seven sole materials. , ss SHOE SHOP 142 The Square Godflricht, Ont 17tf WELCOM E SERVICE ,'• She comes clacking down the would like to call on you with "centre aisle in hard heels, "housewarming gifts" and disturbing everyone and asks, information about your new "What page? Which hymn?" -location. The Hostess will be and; "What's the minister talking gland to arrange your subscription - about?". -• to the SIGNAL -STAR. I'll bet if you polled ,your Call her at 524-9525 readers the crying baby would-_ - w in 20' to -1. The mother can KINDEJGARTEN, REGISTRATIONS WILL BE HELD AT St. Mary's Separate School TUESDAY, MAY 11, 1971 ,Children must have reached the age of five -years prior to January 1, 1972, to be eligible. . Please telephone 524-9901 for, an appointed time if you. have not yet been notified. .. , When yea eon /,..4 "Si SUN LIFE a progressive company in a progressive. industry............ GORDON T,,,WESTLAKE. " . 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