The Goderich Signal-Star, 1967-12-14, Page 24•
The Ooderich Signal -Star, Thursday, Dec. 14, 1967
i1e Thumb
rile Offers Postmen
3y' Brig. G. MacLeod Ross
FOIL DOGS ONLY
Every. day Charlie and I like
to go ,walking - alone --by ours•
Selves' - purely for exercise!
•We had turned Auto Wellesley
' when. we encountered- Wolfie
Hetherington, absorbed mile of
Ids practices of trick jurgling.
Charlie watched him like an Ed
• Sullivan, entranced by a new
and novel act, .while Wolfie
threw up a lady's dilapidated
- purse, or a dilapidated lady's
purse, and time after time -fail.,
ed to catch it. (Il•e's just' as
adept with an Ivry Liquid soap
bottle!) Charlie was crooning:
"What's it all about, Wolfie?"
under his breath. It remained
to 'meet Mimi Fester and we
would have a quorum.
Once the .protocol had been
observed, my three companions
indicated how incensed they
were at the report that the
government was going to arm
those it calls prismatically
'letter carriers' and we call
postmen, with repellant guns.
'The •statistics of bites per post.
:man_ per deg per round or per
part of per rdund per annum
have not yet been disclosed by
the Ottawa - Data Centre, Box
454, batt the hysterical action
of government to arm the men
at all seeme on the face of it
just another insult . to Man's
Best Friend. Perhaps it was an
acknowledgement of the decease
of yet another town by-law -
Dogs MUST be chained, like:
No Trucks on W e11 ngton; Two
hour parking ail the &V are! Z one,
ing; Dead end where they meant -
Tee -Head, etc., etc.
I suppose it is by reason. of
his great age (70) that Charlie
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is so vocal and commands so
much respect aid attention
whenever he raises his voice.
At any rate his remarks stop.
ped W olfie's cloning cold.
Charlie even averted °his pas•
sionate gaze from Mimi's coal•
brown eyes while she gave ten.
gue. It appears he had been
doing some research; for he
proclaimed that postmen only
came into being some 128 years
ago,.when one, Rowland Hill, in •
1859, started them off on their
rounds from •which some have
yet to return. History does not
relate whether 'Hill was
influenced by a drawing dated
1694, by, Caspar Luykens, an
artist of the Rembrandt school,
which showed the then, ,highly
dubious act of a man dropping
a letter into a box, •
Having established the abbre.
viatedlineage of postmen, Char.
lie went on to remind his lis+
teners that. they could, trace
their ancestry back to the late
Paleolithic Age -- an honour
which moved Wolfie to launch
his bottle into the air in un•
abashed delight. prder restored
once more, Charlie continued
that one of his ancestors actu.
ally had his picture carved in
the stone of a Pharaoh's tomb;
a tomb extant to this day. Mimi
was audibly impressed! Next
he dwelt on the tales his mother
told him: The building of the
colossal pyramids of Gizeh, for
his forbears used to patrol -
the Nile Valley around 3000
B.C. There were stories about
afternoons with Nefertiti, until
Tutankhamen arrived and so
on. For Mimi's benefit he add.
' ed some details of their lives
with Cleopatra, which escaped
me, but it was clear that
Shakespeare had got the wrong
end of the leash when he wrote
his triangle. •NoI It was not
that great great great grand.
father .has assuaged his hunger
on Antony's calf. It was that
jester Wolfie who threw in that
bone of antiquity, to be speedily
disabused, because, as Char-
lie pointed out, the mouths of
dachshunds will not open wide
enough to encompass a really
good bite of calf.
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IMO All i111:111■IINN Ell III III 1i -INN
What did arise from this
dialogue is what always does
when two hunters get together
to swop stories and compare
techniques: Charlie insisted on
giving a realistic demonstration
on the Hetheringtonnlawn of min. c
a Bone
. J� J� J• . � J" • J
ing with his front ;haws to widen
the entrance to a badger hole,
Then, grabbing one end of Wo] •
fie's bottle, he proceeded to
show how he could haul the
bottle with Wolfie on .the other
end, -out of a hole in the
ground. Wolfie, not to be out.
done, recalled his own mother's
stories of the great days of the
. chase, splashing through reed
and water, stream and river;
hunting the otter or the beaver
or what have you when bea.
vers were not in season.
These long drawn-out aremini•
scenes of the prownese of they
respective ancestors, not to
••mention.of themselves, rather
bored the pragmatic Mimi, wiio,
asked in a high voice what all
this ' had to do with postmen
armed with repellant, guns,
which expelled a pepper fluid,
calculated to blind a dog for
only 10 minutes, according to
the instructions on the cover. -
Thus brought back to the real.
ities of the .Twentieth Century_
it' was ..Wolfie who volunteered
that he had been told by his
master that the postmen were
so fearful, they were demand-
ing Saturdays off. (Presumably
to,lick their wonds?)
Charlie barked in again at
this - to say that as far as he
and his immediate family were
concerned, he didn't care if the
postmen took seven days off a
week, sine• die. Everything had
been fine until they appearred.
Then a draughty hole had been
cut in the front door, just over
the spot where he loved to: re.
lax. He recalled his nerve..
To
Chew
shattering experience when he
had been awakenedfrom a sound
sleep by the opening of the
whale's mouth and the whole
contents of, the postman's bag
was spewed down on to his sleep.
ing form: 'Then- he hastened to
point out that without them,
people would get their mail at
.Ii
•reaponable hour. The staff
t the post office hatito shuffle
e ters anyhow to'draw their
pa , but when the postmen ap•
peared, they gave the mall a
double shuffle according to the
route on which theyelected to
play "Postman's' Knock" that
day. Mail could be put in the
appropriate box by the exist.
ing staff and the public could
fetch it early or late as they
pleased` The post office itself,
instead of being the arid desert
it had now .become, ("two
spades" echoing from the back
recesses) would 'once again re.
vert to a friendly meeting p1aee
for the burghers of the town.
Once more its pre-eminence as
an information centre par ex.
cellence would be established;
a public forum where the af.
fairs of the day couldbe thrash.,
ed out properly and soberly.
All that was necessary was
a wood -burning stove In the mid.
dle of the floor, when with a
few old mail sacks stuffed with
unclaimed mail, it would re.
semble the good old Ryan crap•
ker barrel on Newgate of re.
vered memory. The cost•of the
stove could be founelrom the
savings on a "service" which
had failed .signally to serve
the public and which was now
turning round, and asking the
public to be subservient to it.
Charlie gave a great yawnwhen
he. had got all this off his chest.
I• have to admit that I was
a bit nonplussed • by all this
heady argument, but then dame.
the summing up: (1) Dogs would
no longer have to wear gas
. masks. (2) The postmen,' would
have seven days in which to
rest. (3) The long sufferingpub•
lic would get its mail hours
earlier .than at present. Well,
you had to admit the logic of
this solution, so ably hammer.r
ed out by Mlzni, Wolfie and
Charlie: Truly, out of the
mouths of babes and canines...
Wolfie immediately threw the
purse ( or was it a sow's ear
that he had now? ) high into •the
air, while Charlie was more
than content to continue to nuz+•
zle the soft wooly black, ear
of Mimi. All in all a good time
was had by all: •
PORT ALBERT
The community was saddened
by the passing away on Sunday
of Mx. Albert McGee, a life,
time resident of AshfieldTown.
ship. Sympathy is extended to
his relatives.and friends.
* * *
Mr. Ron Fritzley, of Burford
visited over'the weekend with
Mr. and Mrs. Elton Draper.
* * *
The five bales of clothing
which the Anglican Church
Women of Christ Church packed
were sent to Rev. M,auller at
Chibougamau.
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