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The Exeter Advocate, 1892-1-14, Page 7tieDlaitengee WM'JI DOCU/lEIYTS. Aunt Indignant ]Ilan Who Was rrepared to elope with the IMODtiolstu of 4he World. Wo wore waiting at the depot in Jackson, when a rough -looking man, who had one shoe out open on top and limped painfully en that foot, came into the waiting -room and solicited friendly aid, The explanation he made was as fellows " Gentlemen, I have received a telegram Dem Sauilao to the effect that my sister is dying. I want to raise money to take me up there." " Look here, mister," replied the first man he struck, who had a sort of cold- hearted look about him, "what's the use in your lying about things ? Isn't it better to tell the straight truth than to indulge in such improbable yarns ?" Sir ! I am telling the truth," he re- plied. " Humph ! Got the telegram to show for it, I suppose ?" `I have, eir!" " Got it right in your pocket, probably?" " Certainly—here it is ?" And he pulled out a telegram sent from Senile() and received at Jeokson, reading just as he had stated. More than that, the receiving operator had attested the fact of its being genuine. The cold-hearted man was taken aback, but after a moment he rallied and said : " It's a wonder you didn't claim to be an old soldier 1" " I am one, sir," was the quiet reply. " Got the proofs of that, probably ?" " 1 have sir. Here is my discharge." There was no getting around the fact, and the cold-hearted man seemed a little shaky as he continued : " Yes, I see. Probably got your foot ° hurt in the servioo of your country ? ,as" Yes, sir. A runaway horse attaohed to t a mail waggon stepped on that foot while I was trying to stop him. Here is an affidavit to that effect. I suppose you'd call that in the service of my country, wouldn't you ? It was in the service of the Government, at least." " But, see here," continued the other, unwilling to acknowledge defeat, " this telegram about your sister is a week old." Certainly. I haven't been able to raise the money to get there." " She's probably dead by this time." " She is sir, as this other telegram re- ceived two days ago will inform you." " Then what's the use of your going !" " To make arrangements for the future mare of her three orphan children, sir. Here's a letter duly attested, proving that she left three who must be looked after." He pulled out the letter and handed it over. Everybody was now chuckling over the fix the cold-hearted man was in, and he had sense to take the only route open and get out of it by bantling the man a dollar. 'He didn't feel right about it, however, and observed: "It's a wonder yon haven't a document= proving that you got burnt out in the great t;hieago fire !" " But I have, sir ! Here. it is. Knowing how humane nature is, I mike no assertions which I cannot back up with sworn documents. And what did he do but hand out an old affidavit, signed and sealed, that attested that he had lost $1,000 worth of household goods in the Garden City holocaust ! This took both legs out from under the man, and be went out doors in a huff and did not return,—Detroit Free Preen. The Price of Newspapers. After injuring the value of newspaper properties throughout all Ontario to the extent of hundreds of thousands of dollars, the bigTorouto dailies have increased their price to $6 per year. Coming after the withdrawal of the Globe train, this action indicates a . desire on the part of stock- holders to get a profit on their investment— an eccentricity on the part of Toronto pub- lishers that may be called a new departure. If the•same wise tendency were seen in re- ference to the;price of the weekly editions, the newspaper business of the country might get on a legitimate basis in time. But so long as weekly papers can be got in connec- tion with all sorts of fakes at from 50 to 75 •eents per year, the outlook for Canadian Journalism is not bright. The rivalry of the big papers has led to an insane cutting •of prices and to business methods that are neither wise nor legitimate. This rivalry has not benefited the public, because it has rniade• the highest excellence impossible. It •has merely bedeviled the business and made ,some leading journals dependent on the bounty of the politicians. Any signs of re- rtnrning sanity will be welcome to publishers who have to depend on their own efforts and the merits of their papers for success.— Woodstock Sentinel -Review. New Way to Deliver Presents. One young woman hit upon a very or- =iginal idea to deliver some of her Christmas :presents. :She was sending to a reoently .married brother small table silver in the shape of knives and forks, and ten days be- - fore Christmas she started the first fork alone to its destination. Thenceforth at intervals of unequal length, sometimes two a day, again one in two or three days, some- times addressed to the brother, again to the wi , ringing the changes on initials, as John th, J. C. Smith, J. Charles Smith, John Imith, and the like, the fellows of each u are journeying. Twelfth night will me before the twenty-fourth will reach rner, and when all are there the cases lump down on the devoted pair when expected. Every article is registered, the unhappy couple are forced to sign receipts in all sorts of unusual ways ; e brother writes that he is the butt of the ostmaster and the laugh of the town, but .the silver shower goes relentlessly on.—Neta :York Times. '1' WAS A I'UT.Er-d!0B. The Chicago Man and the Barber Who lDidn't Take.. The barbor had out the hair of the man. in the chair without saying a word and looked as if he were about to call out "Next !" when the man said : " I'll take a shave." The barber shaved him in silence, and when he had finished the operation the ours - tomer spoke again. " Sea -foam,' For the next five or ten minutes the bar- ber was occupied in applying and removing the sea -foam, and he preserved the same stony silence. "Now I'll have my whiskers trimmed." This operation was performed, and still the operator spoke not. "You may curl my mustache." Thee was done, but not a word passed the lips of the artist. " Doti you pull teeth ?" inquired the cus- tomer, The barber shook his head. Then the customer got out of his chair. As he paid the bill -70 cents—to the man behind the cigar case, he remarked in a casual way that that barber talked less than any barber he had ever seen. • " Talk?" said the man behind the cigar case ; " he talk ? He's a mute. He lost his speech when he was a boy. He hasn't spoken a word for 16 years." " All I've got to say about it," groaned the man, as he put his pocketbook back where it belonged, " is that it'll be 16 years before I make another bet with the clerk of that hotel round the corner. I don't care so much for the $5 he's beat me out of, but I say it's a darned shame to make a man waste 70 cents besides when you've got a dead cinch on him.J And he put on his hat and overcoat and walked with heavy, dragging step out of the shop.—Chicano Tribune. Santa Clans Dead. New York World : A Chicago corres- %pendent visiting the miners' strike district •of Illinois recently asked a miner's wife 'whom he found mending her children's •clothes : I suppose you teach the little ones •tto pray for the coal barons every morning -and evening ?" " May God forgive them 1" was her answer. " What comes like the sting of a wasp to me," the woman con- tinued, " is when Ihear the children, after they go to bed, talking to each other about *et going to get anything from Santa Claus this Christmas. I have made them think that Santa Claus is dead." Such scenes as these remind one of " Uncle Tom's Cabin," the book that helped to abolish chattel slavery. The time cannot be far when the death knell of wage slavery will sound. Sir Edwin Arnold says that the average editorial " leader " of an English news- paper is the product of three hours of diligent work by ' an accomplished man .--such as Andrew Lang, for instance. He himself once wrote one of two thousand words with a lead pencil in au hour—a rate of speed which seems prodigious, and which a crank American reporter writing against ..time could hardly excel. Massachusetts man, a retailer for more •than 25 years, says it is 'a foot that he is than flow selling goods more cheaply y tea n over before, and adds : " There is a shoe that I have sold for $7 in my time. 1 now sell t for $3,50."• -•-Shoo and Luella?. .Facts. ME WAN'TI+,D PAINT. An Excited Man Creates Consternation in an Art Store. A well-dressed man, with his hat tilted back on his ruffled hair, and an excited look in his eyes, entered Devoe's art store at 101 Fulton street on Wednesday afternoon, and stalked up to the counter, behind which several clerks were standing. The man slapped his hand imperatively on the coun- ter. " I want a quarter ' v' million," and I want it quick." The clerks turned pale and stared at the stranger. A porter slid quietly to the door to get a policeman. The well-dressed but excited stranger stared at the clerks in astonishment. "What the dickens is the matter with you fellows, anyhow ?" he cried. " Can't I get a quarter 'v' million without all of you having fits?" "Pray, sir, don't get excited," said a clerk, patting the man on the arm. " The porter has just gone after it. We can't get so much money in a second, yon know." The stranger looked thoughtful a mo- ment, then laughed, and the laugh gave the clerks another unpleasant shock. " Ha ! ha 1" said the stranger.. "I see, I see. Don't get alarmed. I merly want paint—paint, not cash. A quart of vermil- ion paint." The clerks recoviered their self-possession. " I beg your par on," said one, "but you talked so fast Lha is sounded as if you had demanded a quarter of a million. We thought you mean% dollars." The stranger got his paint and the clerks went out and treated themselves.—Albany Sun. Bnrdette's New Year Resolutions. Unless you have resolved not to make resolutions for the new year, you cannot do better (if you are a family man) than sub- scribe to the following suggestions by Bob Burdette : I will get up aild dross when the break- fast bell rings. 1 will not complain when everything goes to suit me. I will treat my wife as politely as though she were a perfect stranger. • I will strive to ;be more thoughtful for my own comfort,'}} __that others, seeing me happy, may also en'1eavor to be contented. I will not spend so much money this year on the useless frivolities of life. - 1 will remember t1 a poor if ' I have to make a memoranda to that effect every morning. I will endeavor to impress upon . my fam- ily the duty of greeting, with cheerful voices and laughing faces, he father of a family when he returns home, wearied with the depressing cares an 1'labors of a long busi- ness day. I will go out by m self oftener, in order that my family may njoy the tranquil and improving pleasure of a long, uninterrupted evening in the quiet sanctity of a happy home. I must be more nns-lfish, and take better Dare of myself, that may long be spared to be the joy and light •f the home which it has pleased an appree ative Providence to bestow upon me. I will pay my pew ent this year, if 1 have to deny myself a ew overcoat, and my children have to go without shoes. I feel that we have not he etofore sufficiently denied ourselves in little luxuries for the sake of maintaining a gold appearance at church. I will be, in all things, an affectionate husband, a loving father, a good provider ; and I will rear up a family that will love and respect ma), and render to me prompt and cheerful obedience, wi •. perfect defer- ence to my wishes and thou htful regard for my comfort, or I will break their backs in the attempt. 1LCL1 O'WEIL GIRLS. A NOW Name for Old 1iaids, er Whieh Great Itritatn lana 900,0410. The investigation into the causesof old maids has not yet achieved results which entitle it to be called a ecience, but it Is being pushed vigorously, and in time old maids, and old bachelors as well, may be accounted for on purely scientific grounds. It was known at the atart that old bachelors had something • wrong with them, and noth- ing lute been learned to discredit this know- ledge, but it is beginning to appear that old maids are just as natural, and, therefore, as commendable under certain conditions as young maids or as matrons. When for a very considerable time in any country 11 girls are born for every 10 boys it is clear that an old maid must result from purely natural causes, and that she is, other things being equal, just as commendable as if she was not an old maid. Which of the 11 girls is to bo the old maid depends some- what on choice, but the superabundant girl, whoever she is, is necessarily an old plaid because she was born so in being the llth of the 10 Or, if this is too Celtic, say in not being born the 10th of the 11. There is no way out of it. She is left over in the world to which she is just as necessary as any one of the 10 who are not left over. In Great Britain there are now 900,000 of those left -over girls, and this number repre- sents an increase of 100,000 in the last 10 years. In Germany the statistics are even more surprising, for there are 1,000,000 more females than males, while the females in Sweden and Norway have a majority of 250,000 ; in Austria-Hungary 600,000 and in Denmark 60,000. In the United States at present there are more males than females, but this is only true of the country as a whole. In New England there are more girls born than boys, and hence intellectual New England girls of uncertain age and eye- glasses have become familiar spectacles. In attempting to account for this some writers have held from the statistics that during long periods of peace more girls are born than boys, while during and for some sometime after every war period more boys are born than girls. This is not yet to be vouched for, but if it is ever shown to be, true it will account for the mysterious fond- ness all girls have for brass buttons and bayonets by demonstrating that it is a part of the sometimes unconscious but universal feminine protest against old maids and the conditions which produce them. Quills. Owing to the substitution •f steel pens for quill pane, other uses ha ,'e had to be found for the goose quill. and • ow they are converted into bristles for b.,ushes, tooth- picks, fishing floats, fuses f . r guns, and hair -pencil holders. Tho last ear in which the Board of Trade made an - `record of the import of quills was 1870, when 27,500,000 goose quills, valued at £20,5 1, and 30,000 swan quills, of the value of 376, were re- ceived. The quills of the swn and turkey were used for engrossing pens those of the goose for ordinary writing, a the W.° crow and wild duck for fine .jW K' • s of writing. The classifications Dose quills were numerous, acro heir position in the wing pinio Y ��''f j+be,'d' Journal. Experiments made to strength of bricks demonst have a crushing resistance 5,000 to 22,000 pounds per s ponding on the quality of th In Burmah it is the woma s the wooing,Not only does she r , .`sr own husbad, but when she tir h>'e she procures a divorce for the a ; in f • ,r it and marries anew. Nearly 7,000,000 people w ,. ` ,. ged in wino cultivation in France. Prince Ippolito,a nep Prince Borghese, has entered the ` 1 ,•' i der in Rorie endless taken the •" , .overty humility. He is a .•r� dei, only and Ir y Y l' J b .0sero rued 18r and is a His 1 r� vast wealth will go to the ' THE WOMAN OF FORTY. A Tribute to the Matured Female by One Who Ilas Studied Her. At forty, if ever, the ladies know how to make the most of themselves, which is untrue of the vast majorities in the twenties. Perhaps at no other age is the best type of woman more strikingly beauti- ful. She understands how to exercise her gifts and charms in most effective fashion. The grace of perfect self-possession, often wanting in young women, is hers, says the Troy Press. If she was diffident, awkward and inexperienced, contact with society has removed these imperfections; if she was gushing, emotional, affected and too talktive she has corrected these faults and is warily winsome where before she was positively wearisome. In the normal evolution of taste she has acquired the Fare art of dressing fault- lessly, and so avoiding the detracting in- felicities of earlier years. Her selections of style, color and material harmonize with her figure, complexion and the occasion, and she doesn't look " a day over thirty." The woman of forty is infinitely more attractive to menthan she will be in later life, when her fine complexion fades, wrinkles leave their year -marks across her brow, silver threads her glossy hair, her eyes lose their lustre and her step its sprightliness. She may always be agree- able, but never again so fascinating. The woman of forty ! She is distracting, de- lightful, divine ! Her society is a solace which robs remembrance of all remorse and poverty of all pain. The spell of her dark, depthless eyes wakens latent emotions into ecstatic life, while the music of her voice thrills and fills the soul with joy unspeak- able. Grace, goodness and gentleness sup- plement the rare and ravishing beauty of face and figure, and her welcoming smile is a precious prize, beside which wealth and learning and kingdoms are but dross. Luxuriant Nature in the infinite plenitude of her blessings has bequeathed . to man naught else so intoxicating and incompar- able as the woman of forty. WILL TitALIP TO CHICAGO. A• Variety Company Must ^Will 'Walk the Instance in 100 Days on a `lWagcr. William Leary, owner of the Gem Theatre, Suspension Bridge, N. Y„ has made a strange and wonderful bet. Ile has wagered his theatre against $2,000 that he can or- ganize a "Tramp Variety Show," consisting of five men and five women, who will walk from New York to Chicago in 100 days (Sundays excepted) and give shows on the way. One of the men he is wagering againet is M, Whalen, of the White Elephant hotel, of Suspension Bridge. According to the articles of agreement which have been drawn up, Leary and his company must start from the Police Gazette office in New York on June 1st, 1892, without a cent of money in their pockets, and they are to use no money except what is earned by the show ; also, they have the privilege of showing one night in New York City. A press correspondent will accom- pany the party to see that everything is carried out exactly as agreed. In case any of the actors get lame a stretcher will be provided and the rest will have to carry him or her, as the case may be. Mr. Leary, when asked how this novel bet came about, said : A party of four gentlemen were talking about the show business generally, shows bursting up on the road and getting left in towns, when I told them I could do as I have stated. They immediately accepted the bot, and each posted $50 as a forfeit, the balance to be deposited by March 1st. They came back the next day to give me a chance to withdraw my bet, but I would not accept of it. I will carry out my agree_ mint or lose any theatre." The Best in the World. The oil of the Norwegian Cod Liver is nature's grand restorative, and is only found in its entirety and purity in Miller's Emulsion. It is themostpalatable andwhole • some preparation of Cod Liver Oil in the world, and is now being taken by invalids, particularly those afflicted with consump- tion, with the most astonishing success. It is the greatest Blood and flesh maker in existence, and is a life saver to cosnump- tives. In big bottles, 50c. and $1 at all drug stores. A Giddy Girl. Tho Boston Traveller tells this pleasant anecdote : " I am not old," says Mrs. Mary A. Livermore, aged 70. "I was at a little gathering of people some four years ago in which were Dr. Holmes and Mr. Whittier. They got to talking of ages. Mr. Whittier and Dr. Holmes were then near 80, to which they confessed. ` By the way,' said Mr. Whittier to me, ' you have not said how old you are,' I was then approaching 67 and when I told them Mr. Whittier said, ` Get thee along, get thee along. Thou art but a giddy girl. " Old Standby's. Kingston News : Mrs. Kingley—Do you expect to receive any calls on New Year's day ? •• Mrs, Bingo—Well, I haven't sent out any cards, but I presume a few of my old friends will drop in on me. Little Tommy Bingo—The butcher said he would come. , Never permit the system to run down, as then it is almost impossible to withstand the ravages of disease. Dr. Williams' Pink Pills stand at the head of all medicines as a blood builder and nerve tonic, correct- ing irregularities, restoring lost energies, and building up the system. Good for men and women, young and old. Sold by druggists or' sent on receipt of price -50 cents—by addressing The Dr. Williams Mad. Co., Brockville, Ont• Death in the Coal Oil. Kingston News : The daily papers of Monday record no lean than three terrible deaths in two of our Canadian cities from coal oil. fn the case of two women in Toronto they both appear to have come to a terrible end, probably because of their oil lamps exploding. They were both found burned to death, one of them with a part of the lamp still grasped in her chaired hand. In the Hamilton case it is supposed the unfortunate gentleman used some oil to liven up his furnace fire. The dangers of using a low grade of light coal oil are much greater than are often realized until it it too late. The cheap American oils, which sell so cheap and burn so fast, are volatile and consequently inflamable and highly dangerous. They are cheaper than our own Canadian oil, and are not nearly as safe and are to be avoided on that ac- count. The outcry sometimes heard against the exclusion of these oils in Canada takes little account of the dangers in using them. From the Country. Buffalo News : Gruff farmer (at box office of theatre)—When does this this playactin' begin ? Box-office Clerk—At 8 in the evening, sir. Gruff Farmer—Well, give me a ticket. Box-office Clerk—Have an orchestra stall, sir ? Gruff Farmer—What ! I ain't agoin' to drive my horse in. Shoe Store That. Lambs' wool shoes are now in good de- mand for those who have cold feet. Patent veal shoes have plainly come into great favor during the past year. Felt and beaver footwear is being indus- triously pushed by retailers everywhere at the present time. Felt innersole shoes are also now being largely called for. Dealers who think much of the value of their show -windows will adopt means to prevent a "steaming" of the glass. Win- dows appear bad when allowed to "steam.' The Duke of Marlborough has obtained • the assent of the Court of Chancery to sell part of the Blenheim estate, which was granted to the first duke by Parliament. he dukes heir, the Marquis of Blandford, ineffectually opposed the alienation of the property. Lear Wallace has already made more than $100,000 out of " lien Hur." Nearly half a million copies have been sold. The Sabbath Association of Illinois has issued some interesting statistics. It finds •that only 5 per cont. of the young mon in, Chicago belong to the Church, 20 per cent. more go once in a while, and 76 per cent. never go to Ilhnroh. Right Living and Old Age. Palmerston, Pitt, Lord Brougham, Glad- stone—what a galaxy of illustrious Eng- lishmen who did famous service for their country after the allotted span of man's life ! There is no alchemy in the processes that keep such men young. Obeying •the laws of healthful living even in the most exacting of public stations brings a vigor- ous and useful old age as the natural re- ward.—Chicago. News. Tantley v..17; A6414 410: Johnston, N. '73., March xr, 1889. "I was troubled for thirty years with pains in zny side=, which increased and became very bad. I used 13 a • w'.:. qpm GrM. S 'i i ILe and it completely crowed. I give it all praise." MRS. WM. RYDER. "ALL RIGHT / S... T 0MCOBS OIL DID IT." tm��l k AumoiF 74eg THEM WIItST SPAT. It Will Not be Counted When They Grow 01x1. They had been married three weeks and had just gone into housekeeping. He was starting for the city one morming, and she followed him to the door. They had their arms wrapped around each other and she was saying : " Oh, Clarence, do you think it possible that the day will ever come when we will part in anger?" " Why, no, little puss," he said, " of course not. What put that foolish idea into my little birdie's head, eh?" " Oh, nothing, dearest, I was only think- ing how perfectly dreadful it would be if one of us should speak harshly to the other." " Well, don't think of such wicked, ut- terly impossible things any more," he said. " We can never, never quarrel," " I knew it, darling. Good-bye, you dear old precious—good-bye. And—oh, wait a second, Clarence—I've written a note to mamma. Can't you run down to the house and leave it for her some time to day ?" Why, yes, dearie, if I have time." " If you have time 1 Oh, Clarence 1" " What is it, little girlie?" " Oh, to say if you ' have time' to do almost the first errand your little wife asks you to do." " Well, well, sissy, I'm awfully busy just now." " Too busy to please me ? Oh,yClarence, you hurt my feelings so." " Why, child, I—" "I'm not a child, Clarence—I'm:a mar- ried woman, and I—" " There, there, my pet. I—" " No, no, Clarence, If I was your p—p-- pet you'd t—t—try to—" . "But, Mabel, do be reasonable." •9"" .' i;' "Oh, Clarence, don't speak to me so." '� "llfabel, be sensible and—" ''i„' ” Go on, Clarence, go on ; break my heart." " Stuff and nonsense." " Oh, o—o—oh 1" "What have 1 said or done?" "As if you need to ask ! But go—hate me if you will, Clarence, I--" " This is rank nonsense !" "I'll go back to mamma if yon want me to. She loves.me if you don't." " You must be crazy." "Oh, yes, sneer at me, ridicule me, break my poor heart- Perhaps you had better strike me 1" He bangs the door, goes down the steps on the jump and races off, muttering some- thing about women being the "queerest creatures." " Of course they'll make it up when he comes home, and they'll have many such a little tiff in the years to come, and when they are old they'll say : We've lived together 45 years, and never, no never, spoke a cross word to each other in all that time.—London Tid-Bits. Tartly quad Trade Wars. Philadelphia Record : " The time is not very remote," says General Von Caprivi, when wars will be waged with tariffs and statutes, instead of armies." The German Chancellor is right. A tariff is a hostile.. act, and the tariff now in force against the American people is even worse than was the.war tariff. A Novel Feature. " I see Maude Van Perkins and Harold Smithers, of the Four Hundred, were mar- ried the other day." " Yes. I was there." " Was there any special feature about the wedding ?" " Yes. It was a love match." Prettily Said. ' Bishop Brook's greeting to Whittier was the neatest of the lot : " I thank God that you have lived, that you are living, and that you will always live." What could be said better or more comprehensive than that ?—Boston Herald. Didn't Seem Bo. Epoch, : " I looks like a tramp, ma'am," he said, " but I ain't. I'm a sailor, ma'am. I was wrecked and washed ashore." "You ain't been washedsince, Pllwager," said the unsympathetic woman." So Will the Billy Goat. Philadelphia Times : When the question of doing away with circus posters and show bills, as means of advertising, comes up for final debate, the bill poster will be dead against it. Good Advice. New York World : To be sure it is leap year. But single women are still advised to look before they leap. " Is Miss Winterbloom in ?" " No, sir. She told me to say that she waited for you until half past 4," " But I told her ex- presslyq I wouldn't be here until 5 ?" " Yes, sir. So I heard her say." A quarter of a million dollars worth 0 fish is sold every week in Billingsgate. Mr. Watts -If that isn't just like a woman. Buttoning her shoes with a hair. pin. Mrs. Watts— don't care. Didn't I hear you telling Mt. Potts about having to put on your hat with a shoe -horn? Mr. Piggery, of Chicago, isn't a physician, is he, Dukaile 1" " 011, no." "'.Chen why do yoti address his as 'Doctor' ?" " He cures hams.'• The boy who is so smart that he loses �his faith in Santa Claus before he fs 5 years 1 old will stand a good deal of watching when he grows up. It is thought a little odd in Boston that the widow of Edward Burgess should die on of Natural on hick the societyN the very day w History had met to celebrate the boat. builder's genius. At this season of the year the effects of catarrh and cold in the heed are most likely to be felt, and danger to life and health will result if not promptly treated. For this purpose there is no remedy equals Nasal Baan. It is prompt in giving relief and never fails to cure. Beware of imitations and substitutes. Sold by all dealers, 50 cents a bottle. He Wanted to Know It All. Husband—You say yon expected to pay $15 for the shawl and got it for $12, and thereby saved $3. Wife—Yes, dear ; that's it. Husband—Then what did you buy with the $3? CRANKS IN TlIIl CUAIB. What the Barber Has to Face Among Beta Curious Customers. Truly the barber is, and must be, a genius in his way. Unless he has a particularly cute comprehension of human nature int general, and that of his customers in par- ticular, he can not long remain in the ton- sorial ranks. Conceit, at least visible conceit, is a deadly enemy to the barber ; should he possess that trait of character he must judiciously hide it beneath a becom- ing veil of humbleness. The barber must have that happy faculty of being able to " size up his man." If that individual happens to be a crank on any particular subject the barber must accommodate him- self to circumstances and show a world of sympathy and respect for his patient's: foibles. There aro cranks, and there are cranks. But the barber probably meets a.larger and more varied assortment of them than any other man. First, there is the crank who stubbornly maintains that only one barber lives who can trim the hair properly, and would rather sit three-quarters of an hour waiting for his ideal artist's leisure than to allow another barber to touch his looks:. Then there is the crank with a three-story forehead who persists in having his hair cut a la Pompadour, or the foreheadless indi- vidual who is firmly convinced that a bang is the thing he must wear to make his per- sonal appearance par excellence. It would indeed be madness for the barber to argue the point and offer advice to his customer ; he must simply do his best to obey in- structions and—hold his tongue.—Nations Barber. Perhaps That Is It. Philadelphia Press:—"McCorkle, doesn't the city ws ter disagree with you?" " Oh, no, McCrackle ; I drink it with impunity." " Perhaps that is why it doesn't suit me. I drink whiskey with mine. FITS. All Fits stopped free by Dr. Igline'a Great Nerve Restorer. No Fits after first day's use. Marvellous cures. Treatise and P80 trial bottle free to Fit cases. Send to Dr. Kline 931 Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa Buttons are now made from potatoes.. The tuber is treated with acids, hardened by means of great pressure, and the buttons manufactured from it can not be distin- guished from those of bone. Senator Sherman, Senator Hoar and ex- Senator Everts are all cousins, and they trace their lineage back to Roger Sherman, the grim Puritan of revolutionary times. rare D. C. N. L. 2. 92. RT 6e.D eetupEe4Uk Slam ar�ygm°EOBant: WiUP.Tal.oaregare.u,. ,6gia Doti THE PEOPLE'S KNITTING MACH'.I`E. Retail Prion only SO.00. Will knit Stnckirrs, Scarfs, Leggings, P:.:.n3 •e•tiru. and everything required to the household from burne.;ma or rue. tory yarn. Simple and (-a ‘y to operate. Jut t.LeatncLronr• •ors. family has lone; wishe or On receipt of x.00 1 will s.•'�, ma• chine threaded tip, with ,t.. in• atructions, by exptva s C. O L Von can pay the balance, $4, when machine is rna'•reed. Large commission to a cuts. Circular and ten, a, tree. Safe delivery and satisfaction guaranteed. Adriress CARDON & GEARHART, Dundas, Ont. MENTION THIS PAPER Warm wRrrnse.°ere CONSUMPTION. rIiHE GREAT PULMONARY REMEDY 1 ' Wistar's Pulmonic Syrup of Wild Cherry and Hoarhound." Consumption, that hydra headed monster that annually sweeps awayits tens of thousands of our blooming youths, may be prevented by the timely use of of this valu able medicine. Consumption and lung disease arise from coughs and colds neglected. Wistar's Palinonia Syrup is sold by drug' gists at 25c, YOUR AQ MlIf OU h Y t ."Out -class nix o.bers tor hoc called the O treatment Is oar s cele° rwmod A ffgt1�,0LIS PRESCRIPTI10 Ich �asextra- oro,y success in caring Sr4ermaterrhe:, *tgti Losses, Nervousness, Weak Parte. The results of lm. discretion. It will invigorate and cure yen. 90 yes1 success a guarantee. All druggists sell at. 0 box. Clan dui It coated. Write f r seated sr Eureka Ohemioa' Oo.. Detrotta A Pleasing Sense THRILLING Detective Stories, 16 Cera Of health and strength renewed and of ease11 Biers love stories and 100 Popular Songs lee. BARNARD Enos, self Adelaide and comfort follows the use of Syrup of t,treet west, Toronto, Ont. Figs, as it acts in harmony with nature to effectually.cleense the system when costive or bilious. For sales in 75e. bottles by leading druggists. William II. loves homely fare. He insists on having on his table every Thursday a ! dish of mashed peas, smoked beef and sauerkraut to be eaten together. Armour, the Chicago tinned -meat king,is said to be worth $50,000. Du Maurier, the London artist, is blind in one eye. There are about 1,100 men employed in the Bank of England, and their united salaries, including pensions,amount to about $1,500,000 per annum. Miss Leftover—How did you like young Lieutenant Eligible ? Miss Hunter—Oh, immensely ! There's a ring in his voice that's very taking. Daring the exhibition in Edinburg h Scotland, there ware over 100,000 perso n carried in electric laauchee along the can a from the city to the exhibition. Beware of imitations, NOTICE AerroGRAPH OF poi Air fi@ati.ng SOOTHING. CLEANSING, HEALING. Instant Relief, Permanent Cure, Failure Impossible. Many eo-called d:coa•ses aro simply symptoms of Catarrh, such as headache, losing sense of smell, foul breath, hawking and spitting, general feeling of debility, oto. If you ere troubled with any of these or :tindred symptoms, you have Catarrh, and should lose no time procuring a bottle of NASAi, Belot e warned 1n time, neglected cOld in head results in Catarrh, followed by consumption and death. Sold by all druggists, or (tent, rst paid, On receipt of prion cents and $1) by addressing LFORD & 90, RrockrilIe,ont. Gurney's : Standard : Furnaces Are Powerful, Durable. I£eonomical. THOUSANDS IN USE, giving every sadden tion. For sale by all the leading dealers. Write for catalogue and fall partieulars The E. et. O. Gurney 0o. HAMILTON', ONT. 10 no's Itomety.for CFitnrrh Is 100 Beet, Easiest to LIMO, and Cheapest. Sold be orulnlitta 0r start by snail, GnG 3si.;le, liaaoltlnc, Warren, l'a.