The Exeter Times, 1885-4-16, Page 31
'WIT AND HUMOR.
Here is a seeming incongruity; Men
can by no possibility become female
clerks, but there is Nothing to prevent
women becoming mail clerks..
A Northern Texas editor complains
that the number of marriagesifs ridicu-
lously small when compared, with the
time squandered in buggy -riding.
The admirers of Mr. OsearWildewho
were unable to grasp his nleanin wen
he spoke of "unkissed kisses," will find
a clew in the Congressional Record with
its unspoken speeches. --.Life.
I"hom the French. "Gaze here, you,"
was said by the editor of us to him of
the jokes, "That wit was fetched too
far." "That is known to Ire, I clipped
him a London paper from out," -Life.
Overheard at the Club. --.-"Do von
know Mr. D?" "0, yes, very well."
"What sort of a tennis her' "Perfect-
ly'honest and trustworthy since he has
retired from business." -Casette du
Xard.
Rev. 11fr. Hubbard has resigned his
pastorate at Roodhouse. III., because,
he says, he has been trying to teach
what he knew nothing about. Honesty
of this sort should be encouraged. --;hew
Cff leads Pleat, we.
"And so you have been to Europe?
Did yon go to Switzerland? and did you
sea the Waders?" Mrs. Shoddy -0
Ws, we saw mechanics of all kinds; but
ellen, you know, I don't take any inter-
est
nterest in suck vulgar persons.
"What influence has the moon u on
the tide?" aslted the Professor. The
Blass wag replied that he slid not know
exactly what influence It had upon the
tied, but that it had tendency to make
the untied awfully spoony.
Flat? She -Why did you come to
the country' so lata this year? Ile (re-
eently married) --I have been ransack-
in the city to get a stylish flat fornext
winter, but I couldn't find ono. Sho-
rtie are not as lucky as your wife.
Some Inventive genius has produced.
a machine that Will darn stockings.
One by one the few remaining induce -
stent. for mea to marry are beingwith-
drawn. and it Is not surprising that
women are ea',tiug sellout for new
spheres.
"0, dear, what a dreadful odor of
earburetted hydrogen!!" said the Boston
lady, "Mutu?" said the janitor, with
a puzzled countenance. "The smell of
earburetted hydrogen," she explained.
"That's no kind of gill. mum," replied.
the janitor; "that's s gorse; the pipe is
leaky, mum."
Walter-"•T\'hat will you have,
Miss?" Customer (looking over the
restaurant bill of fare)•t-"Perinit me to
o„
c•
A It
ata. In the correlation of forces it
is a recognized property of atomic-"
Waiter (shouts across the hall to head
server).- "Baked" -
err t.rbeans "1
pan. for 0 one.
Pitfladelphia e.ai,
Mink, --•.Things ~cern tq have:
one
wrong with yon. I)o.n t want to hurt
your feelings. but I can't help noticing
that you look vets seedy." Winks-,
"Yes, I've been speculating" ISIinks
-"Well, I supposed you had better
sense than to go into Wall street. Did
ytnl Ro in of your own notion?" Winks
--"No; 1 was taken in."
When a ('ape ('od landlord told a
Boston man that the people of Boston
didn't know what a blue fish was, and
61. was met by the ni swer: "0, yes, we
do; it is the temnodon saltator, an
acanthopte gian of the family of seem-
bridle," 1u• just went and laic, down on
the bar -room sofa anddreamed of death
and desolution.--Eocknstcr I&&rata.
A little girl who had always attended
the Episcopal Church and had neverre-
mained through the service staid this
summer through it at a well-known
Congregational Church in Mae.achu-
setts. It was communion -Sunday, and
little Julie viewed the proceedings with
great wonder. After a time she said in
tt whisper to her sister: "Will there be
ieeereamr
"Horribly dry work, speechifying in
this weather," said a great orator last
week to a humble but gushing admirer.
"Dry!" returned the satellite, wishing
to overflow with wit. "It oughtn't to
be dry, for I've been drinking in every
word you've uttered." "r,Ah, indeed!"
replied the great one; "then Y suppose
you've been making a draught of my
speech." Punch.
A wealthy, but obtuse, New' Yorker
purchased a picture of a Broadway
picture dealer. After he had paid for
it, he asked the dealer:. "It is the work
of one of the old masters, of course?"
"Weil, not yet, quite, but it will be
some of these days if you keep it long
enough. It was painted by a young
nephew of mine, who has extraordinary
talent." -Texas Siftings.
"I think it is a burning shame," she
said, leaning on her croquet -mallet and
gazing over the fence at a butcher who
was driving some lambs to his slaugh-
ter -house, "that the dear little eittat-
ores should be killed by those great,
heartless men. Just look at the poor,
innocent little things, Cicely. Isn't it
brutal?" At' dinner that day she was
helped three times to lamb.
The largest photographs in the world
will be on exhibition at the New Or-
leans Exposition. They are views of
public buildings in Washington taken
by order of the government. They are
taken on a rough paper, very much.
like that used for drawing or water col-
ors. and the artists say they will not
fade under the -light of the sun. They
are five feet wide by seven long and
have been framed in finely finished ash
frames with a gold lining.
-Sep a org 3 92Blakt3 tee '99T1
Olgts'sodu io ano aulgsuns ;o sinoq. 'L6
peg uopuorr isle. aql -0uliva
Charles A. Dana denies that he owns
the finest collection of fancy chickens
in the country.
GLEANINGS. TEST YOUR BAKING POWDER TQ-DAYI
A Boston young lady, cultured and
intellectual, of course,reeeived tti propo-
sition of marriage printed with a type-
writer.
Sewerage is a thing scarcely heard of
in Italian cities. When the heap of
garbage in the back yard becomes too
festive for comfort the family go oil" to
the seashore for, a month.
The Missouri father did not pursue
his eloping daughter, but sent a clergy-
man on a swift horse to overtake the
couple, in order that the marriage cer-
emony might be properly performed.
Toy dioramas are now popular in
Paris, They consist of amicroscopic
views photographed on tins- lenses and'
set in handsomely decorated frames.
They are comparatively inexpensive.
Twentv,five years ago the Britannia,
207 feet long, was considered a monster"
ship. The new Cuuarder, just launched
at Glasgoow, is 520 feet long. or within .
160 feet of the length of the Great East -2
ern.
An Ohio widow refused to ,heart's
Clarence ,Tames, and Clarence put in
the night girdling every fruit tree on
her farm. She won t raise any apples
next year, and he will bewherebecan't
get any to eat.
The largest timber tract in Ari-
zona is the forest extending southwest
from the San Francisco mountains. It
contains 12,000 square miles of mer-
chantable timber. The pine is the Im-
portant tree.
It is said that in one blocjk in New
York, that Is bounded by Fourth and
Fifth streets and First avenue and Ave-
nue A, there are housed over 7,000 ha-
man beings, as ninny as would form a.
small -sized city.
A Boston woman ran the table on
$2.20 per week for four mouths to sed
how low expenses could be reduced. '.
When she had saved enough to bur her
a sealskin saeque the figures suddenly
jumped to $13 again.
Thousands of titles to written and
unwritten etpl ysand books
have been
filed with the Librarian of Congress,
with a fee of a dollar in each instance,
under the impression that some kind of
protection is thus gained. The law re-
quires a deposit of the entire work,with-
out which there is no copyright.
Some New York capitalists propose
to invest two millions in a building
Brands atvsrtiso.t as abtotataly put?
OW' i.z< v A1ig1,EtC11'NSA.,
THE TEST;
Ins eecoan vernnd Oaait.h et stove
4 nit vent not be re-
a•+1 to detect tee preterite of ammonia.
ROES NOT CONTA,Esi A11)10NtA,
,111 it►'tt,TRhlbl'eSti ito SEVIlER ilk.: twocsrPti¢0.
In a tnllnoa homes fora garter of a orator tt
aA.a
vow tb,it enticement wither teat,
THE TEST OF THE OVEN.,
PEIOE BIKING 1'O1F AEB co,,
xdt Fax or
Dr, Prico's Special flavoring -
" a g bracts,
t1.1to.../.*t, ott4tRoktt4sadimam:lameketr.,tu4.
4r, Price's Lupulin Yeast Gini
or LI let, Healthy thea. Tice Hest Fry flop
Yeast iq. the World.
FOR BALE BY CRQCERS.
CHICAGO. ST. LOUiS,
ICHT HEALTHY BREAD
.•.
STG
Titsi.»L dry hop yeast in the world. Arend
rPd by this east is li ht. white and whole-,
,°,, like aur grandmother's delirious bread,
GROCERS SELL THEM.
onto, iii w THE
Price Baking Powder Co.,
Which will include a theater, concert liln'Pls el lir, P110 15 special Fluorin Eivac,s,
rooms, restaurants, music halls, danc- Climauo. til. St. 4ouls, MC.
ing pavilions and roof -garden and res- • --
taarant, and within the building will
be every ttpplianee of a fashionable and
thoroughly equipped club house.
.Thr oldest attcl largest tree in the
world so far as known. is a chestnut
near the foot of Mount 'Etna. It is hol-
low, •
lost', and 1)i enough to admit two car-
riages
t'a
riales driving abreast through it. The
circumference of the main trnnk is 212
feet. The Grizzly Giant, monarch of
the Mariposa Grove, measures ninety-
two feet.
Mrs, A. M. Stewart has a pieee of
amber, bought for her by her husband,
the size of the palm of one's hand, and
and enclosing a shall fish; its price was
for uorkittr pt,)+1e. St•1,t 1u 4 ci
Ci•fin* 1111140w•,noaWt. willal.atlNon free.
it rot' ul, valuable sample box of
.that is, put i
$ ) a yt 1111. the way
et nxaka to more money in a few
drays than you ever thought posse.
lee' at any beeiness. llnpical not
required, You cult live et home and work spare
time Only or all the time, Alt of both sexOR
o1usees enmity
xucrOtxful
count to Si,
ea+' 1 rued everyeve
nl rt c c1x'+•:
,u 'xa
371 II who
F
went work may teat the business, we make this
anpantile led oger : '1'o nil who are not well
tatisfied we WI send el to pto, for the trouble
t,f writing no. 1•01 motion tare. directions, dia.
sent tree. Lnu:ousepuy nh,.ulutely sure for all
who start at duce, 0ou't delay, Address
S•rlesoe fi C.r..l'oxt)111 i . Mine,
FERRY'S
$4,400. The Empress of Russia, who e5 tiSatingaggla
has the finest tea in the world, has au
amber tea -service --cups and saucers, 1
cream lug and sugar bowl --oat of 1
which to ,rink it.
The trick of backing a thiu diamond
with polished glass is said by the Art
Amateur to be very common in .Ameri-
can jewelry. When these underlaid
jems are skillfully set it is difficult to de-
tect thein, but it may be done by hold-
ing them in a strong light, when the
surface where the stone and gross meet
become visible.
Groceries in England are 16 per cent.
cheaper than in the. United States; but
meat, batter, eggs and vegetables are.
23 per cent. dearer. House rent in
provincial England is only about half
what it is in Boston; in London it is
about two thirds. Altogether, in Eng-
land, the cost of living is 17 per cent.
less than in the United States.
Crater Lake, Oregon, is inhabited by
it dreadful monster. It is said to be as
large as a man's body, and swimming
with about two or three feet out of wa-
ter, and going at a rapid rate, as fast
as a man could row a skiff, leaving a
similar wave behind it. Its face or head
looked white, and, althorlh it was .a
long way off, it could be plainly seen
that it was of immense size.
Health &. Happiness for all..
WILL CUR OR RELIEVE
Biliousness, Headache, Dys-
pepsia, indigestion, Dizziness,.
Jaundice; Dropsy, Fluttering
of the. Heuit,
Anc'evcrvs;accies -of di.-n.a arising from
tint
Climax f. It t?1:t •.1 .,ii iltf
•
• .
ARNICA and OIL
LINIMENT
CURBS ' AU.
Palm and Aches,
AND 18 THE MOST PERFECT
MU VOICED in the WQRLQ
SOLD BY ALL DEAL* RS.
PRICE, 25 ANO 53 CANTS P"R 0317.E.
.,.
MA■'.HOOD'.
Row Lost, Vow RestoSed,
"
1,Yr,Wawa recently uublieltcda new edition o
PR. OOLvnrtw t.L"S CE1rt.BRATP I, ESSAY'
outheradical Rad permleen tmire (without uta--
eieinalofNervot[dlrobillty.afental sad physical.,
fuoipscity Impodimente to Montage, etc.,re.
suiting from eatoessea.
Prioe.tusealed envetope,ouly Cconts,or two i'
poster%atempe.
The celebrated authorafthie adrufrabieessay
olearlydenlonetretes,from thirty years'euceera-,
fnlpractice. thertelerxiagconaequencesmaybe
,
radicellyouredwitaouttbo dengoton, age et in
terualluedicineeorthe nee of the knife; vault•1
one ern ode of cure at once aluxplecertain and .et-
fectuel,byineanaof wl►ielI every autferer,Ineitlat•
tor what his condition may be,may aurehimsoil
chmply,prlvetely end radically+.
1•W'Tlli lecture-hauld be int the handset every •
rolthandevery man In the land.
Address
THE 0U ,Vl+1R'WELL MEDlt1AI,•Co
4) ANN S?r.:NEW TORE
Poet Mice Hot 450
OST, BE'T'WEEN EXETER tG
Neuse%, on the 11th of I: ebruery, a clerk
AiluhFur Hot Any person Rutting the stone
will be s Webb won erdel by It aviu;.i it won
MeV .1. Pall 1?eusall, or'1.`hus, ,'vier. l:xrter.
1 HOS, PltEOlt, Raeter,
1 WILL PAs- $2.50 1Elt DAV
To all who work for use at home. To many I
eau
afford,,a
to lmore.
Fey
e e.
S h:.,na Esfr tt
r.
vallate' 1'
. "dorm, Pt FA T
Worm.
1-A
sf le g tal Card to,W,1v.RTAOT'T, too
I CURE FITS!
'nen I •.y ruse 1 da ir.t 1naa. moldy** atop t).m for a
Malting tb,a baro lbam eel, rn aa.l. 1 m,aa . sadata) car.,
I Man made the Owl* sr Ma, al'n.Nrnr or r'ai.L1 . t
IslCiNnoa.nfalouaat.4r. 1 ...meat ms- nmWy to COCO
its wenn c.ar., B.r...eeth.n bar, 411.4la Aa net.. for
Dat new rrttl,las a our.. Arad at ones fora trstItatt owl it.
gpree haloo of my larttnala r.tn.dr. Ines axpresa*parer,
aka, Inman rnan.,tbt.p tar trial. awl 110l1r.r.}'r.tt.
Ad.a•.auUr. u. 0. auer,141 Tart AI, Now 1'.aas
ONSUMPTiO'
",are It , i - It
motive . nm.IY for hue a4 1*11t at but t .-i't 111
tl,a. ,f'•{1t. .'rl. rtt. Indoor.
oor. want glad wad .f batt . 11I.o' a
ti At 1 wilt carol. WO BO. LES I fa ms- faithosat to Ua rsiTA ,
t1 w li ,ra r'
4 TWO BOWLES tt .1p to .n.,r with Y
A w ayAl
a ,• '
VA t F rP 0.0 .10 11 {ale di..t.e.to rM, 0 Cron Otte ,u
is n• d r O. p6drt i. AR. r A.:tlACCn,: lad 1'4arl alt., IIL , 1.
A DVERT18E7n$ send far our select list of
Q. Local New s7 apera. Geo. P. Rowell d; Co.
1Orun -
all a .eft,. N. I.
TENDERS.
j j `E1. t DT l`:
ERS.
SHALED TENDFIiS, Marked '"For \taunted
'olice Provisions putt TJglt Supplies" and
addressed to the E•uu, the President of the
,,i Privy Council, Ottawa, will bo received up to
•y e noon on Thursday, 94th May, 1885.
',- • Printed forma of tender containing full in-
formation is to the articles and quantities re-
gaired may be had on application at Fort Os.
boxuo, Winnipeg, stony oT the Mounted Police
Posts in the North West, or at the office of the
undersigned.
No tender will be received unless made ou
such printed forms,
Tho lowest or ad tender not necessarily ac-
cepted.
Each tender must he accompauicdby an
accepted Canadian Bauk cheque for an amount
equal to 10 per cent. of the total value of the
articles tenderedfer, which will be fortoited
u er ggs
WANTED.
J. Matheson
Has opened out in
Eackt's 016. Stand.
(2 Doo a north of Post Office)
Just received a splendid assortment of
Spring Goods, which we w111 sell at very
close prices. Splendid value in Cashmeres,
Velveteens, Grey, Scarlet Canto, and Home-
made Flannels. A niioo lot of Table Napkins
and Covers, Splendid winces, Grey and
White Cottons very cheap. Tweed and Ready
Made Clothing very cheap. A GOOD SUIT
for 1I5.
GROCERIES. -We sell 4 lbs Tea for 161 ;
75 cent Tea for 65 cents, Sugars as low as
the lowest.
BOOTS & SHOES. -We have added 'some
new linos and are prepared to sell the Lest
goods at close prices.
A Honse and Lot for sale or Rent. `Apply
to
JOHN MATHESON.
zuzacr
ROLLER MILLS !
These mills are now completed with all
the ;best and very latest unproved machin-
ery for the nanufactule of Flour ou the
Roller Process
THE MILL IS NOW RUNNING. NIGHT.'
AND DAY, and we ar prepared to do
Gristing &, Chopping on Shortest Notice
Also Flour and Feed for sale as
Cheap as the Cheapest..
ERNES & WILLIAS,.
Proprietors.
if the party making the tender declines to en-
ter into agontraot whou called upon tp do so.
or if he fails to complete the service contracted
for. It the tender be not aoeepted the cheque
will be returned.
No payment will be made,to newspapers in-
sertiogthis advertisement without authority
having been first obtained.
FRED WHITE,
Comptroller,
Ottawa, March Oth.1885.
Exeter -Butcher Shop
R-. DAVIS,
Butcher & General Dealer
--/Za ALL HINDS 05-
MiEI.AITIS
Customers supplied TUESDAYS, THURS-
DAYS AND SATURDAYS at their residence
ORDERS LEFT AT THE SHOP WILL RE
CEIV'E PROMPT ATTENTION.
$E00
0 in presents given, away.
Send us 5 cents ,poetege
and by mail yon will get
free it package of goods
of large value, that will
start you in work that
Will atonce. `Wing you in money faster than
anything else in America. Ali about the $200,-
000 in presents with each bon. Agents wanted
everywhere. of either sex, of all ages, for all
the time, or spare time only, to work focus at
their own homes, Fortunes for all workers
absolutely assured. Don't delay. a. HALLETT
a Co., Portland. Maine,
1lhtn CLS AESOT-UTE DIVORCES FOR
pe:sons residing throughout the
United States and Canada for desertion, nen-
Snpport,intemperan ce,oruelty,i n Dour patibility,
ebo.. Advice free, State your ease and addrees
ATTORNEY WARD; World Building, 1267
Broadway, New York.
ATTENTION I
Parties wishing Lumber cut to order should
take their loge to Brooks' Old Saw mill, 27
miles west of Murray's Corner, where there to
room for any nuantity• MCI will oomme nee
running about 1st March, ell reports to the
contrary notwithstanding, after which time.
all lauds of lumberwilIl be kept for sale.
3. N. BOWA1tD, Prop.
1
AXER'S x.s
Cherry Pectoral.
No other complaints are so tis idioms in their
attack sethose aifectieg the throat and lungs;
none so trifled with by tine n r;. city of snirer-
ers. The ordinary cough or cold, resulting
perhaps front a t ills a or t. cut.scious ex-
posure, is often but lion 1,", t i::r.g of a fatal
sickoere. All t d CI:::i i l 1'i:t: TORAL Ilas
well proven its el' t ,ey in a forty years' fight
with throat and, ung ,:.eases, and should b
taken in al). cases, >!rithout delay,.
A Terrible Cough Cured.
"" In 1k57 I took a severecold, which affected
ray lu.r i. I had a terrible cough, and patted
,night ;titer night without sleep. rhe sleep -as,
gave tee up. I tried Axaa'a. Cnaluy-
'WAAL, which relieved my longs, induced
,feel, end afforded me the rest nen..satc
or tl"e recovery Lc.y of my strength 1tt Il.e
toren:tied use of the recreant. a ten ne-
tch, cure was effected. 1 am uow
old, hate a*ot hearty, and amt sats -.tied c r
Vtisxuu Petrt,:tat saved me.
IiogAcE FAIRAROTNEa."
Rockingham, Vt., duly 15, 1882.
Croup. --.,A. birotber'. Tribute,
"'tit'hiin AL the country last winter nay little
bey, three ,e.rsold, Val taken illwith croup;it 1.reate•l as If he would die froth straugu-
latiou t)rte of lite family suggested roe use
Of Afro',, ettrletty PeCrOtter., a bottle of
Which was aiwaya kept In the benee. This
was tried In small and frequent doses, tura
toaour delight in iris than halt an hour the
little patient was breathing easily. The dee.
for said that the t'ui t r l 1'l, ts,nar. had
saved my darling's i:l.•. int ea r.nt:Ser as
our gratittt.le bull, t'I• , .. s rs,
Ai • I i•It(;rnxr:v."
159 West 121AL St., Ica 1. el . "la, 18,1252..
"" 1 hare used A\ T t' 8 ({I t env PreToltArt
In me family tor etsr, anti de not
ltes.t ru to p.a1.' 1ti..•e It rI , est elteetuat
Tell.edy for coughs mud net's we Rare ever
tried. 4. J. c e..sx."
take Crystal, lrinir., Ilarrh 13. lee2.
"I suffered ed for eight year.- 1. r i.a 11: e.1titis,
end of t rt. erg plant' reit to 1 0 sun,
eels, I nos eured t y tine U. of All ft's+-Cflg-
140 1 1 ,ton s.. 1ent tit WALDSSO "
111. tt II Jlisa , Agril 1 r .
"1 cal ,td fin. uglL;It T rai''e ( f .font's
Glu i ..t Pt:I tI t:.11., F, tt a at Ido (eau
but 5.r Its its,• I should Jolla mete have died
flora lung troubles. 1. intaimmt."
Palestta:e, Texas, April .1.1,
N,s case of an effeetiou *5 the throat of
lungs exists which cannot be'greatlyrelfaro4
by the use of arse's CrrEBxr PECTORAL.
wd it winalways care when Ilio disease is
not already beyond two control of medicine.
PREPARLO UT
Br. J.C,Ayer&Co., Lowell, Mass
Sold by all Druggists. .
OWI0S' ELIXIR
Y. IL DO 1 i.lT c"
7Z.=.12:• 5S'.:.+.=
x
Iias stein' iha teat for Fir I N -1 11;: t I
and has 1lruvod els; if
remedy known for the us- ' : T
Consumption! ccs. E;o, ; {
Colds,Mti'lloopiti:,'
and all Lung DISC:4%10C
young or old. Sola, rt:..., „, . .
Price 25c. and SI CO per Sate.
vow hS' ELIXIR tmaseeeiee..
FREEMAN 'G
WORM POWDER b.
-
Are pleasant to take. Contain their own
Pargativo. Is a. safe, surd, and effectual
dNhnyer of worms in Children or adults.
WANTED TUNISON'S
S
New & Superior Canada Naps & Charts
As paying as any agency in the world. For
fullpartieulars, free, address,H, C. TUNISON
Map Publisher 988 Richmond-st.,Lond'on, Ont.
Established. 1871.
G• W SHALLCROSS&E CO.
NEW YORK,
Pills orders, sells on Commission, or winpur•.
chase Apples, Potatoes and Poultry. Write
us.
THE EX.ETEI.
laving Mill!
SASH, DOOR, and
BLII1D !CI'0flT!
ALL IKINI S OF
TURNING
Done to order.
Rememberlthe place.
Iver Jam. °ward.
STATION -ST.