Lucknow Sentinel, 2009-05-27, Page 5•
Trying to teach your children the art of
being cool is always a lose lose situation
I feel sorry for my son. He is trying to grow up and
learn how to be cool and, unfortunately, has only me
to learn from. It's like trying to learn how to be an
astronaut by watching the TeleTubbies. The real
problem is that I captured my wife by fooling her
into thinking I was some sort of stud .muffin and
I'm pretty sure that she hasn't caught onto me
yet. If I screw this up, she'll know it was all a
hoax. So I keep trying to find common ground
with the boy but there is very little.
For instance, he is as skinny as a rake. So
skinny that if he sucked his gut in, you
could see his breakfast. When I was in
elementary school, "skinny" wasn't the
word that was used to describe me. Mind
you, I hadlots of skin, but it was mostly
for covering lard. So I never really got into Designer
Jeans, mostly because I couldn't get "into" Designer
Jeans. Back in 19.$2 Jordache Jeans : didn't have a
"husky" division.
So imagine my anxiety when the boy discovered
American Eagle. "American Eagle clothes are' the
best! Everyone at school is wearing them!" he told
me. "Do they have a husky section?" I asked. "A
clothing store is only as good as its husky section."
. Our first purchase was an American Eagle ball cap.
It was thirty dollars. Our second purchase was anoth-
er American Eagle ball cap. Why? The boy gave his
first one away to a girl.
My Wife: "Just like his father!"
Me "Ha ha! (She is STILL fooled!)"
Knowing that I was concerned about spending all
of our money in one designer store, my son soon
reassured me "Now, there's an Aero Postale store as
well!" Now i everything my, son (and all his buddies)
wehti has either an AE or an AP on it 'somewhere.We
are thankful both stores sell underwear and socks...
I thought that I count at least help.him in the area
of smelling goody You can't go wrong with regular
showers and a liberal application of Speed Stick.
Again, I was a little out of date.
Duncan: "What kind of soap do you use in
the shower?"
Me: "I don't know."
Duncan: "What kind of shampoo?"
Me: "Whatever Mommy buys."
Duncan: "What kind of body gel?"
Me: "Body gel?"
Duncan: "What kind of hair treat-
ment?"
Me: "Umm...not REAL sure what
that even is..."
Duncan: "I think it's important to smell
good."
Me: "Great..."
Duncan: "The commercial says that when you use
Axe, you'll smell great..."
Me "Good!"
Duncan: "...and the ladies will love your
Me: "thmn...Axe? Ladies?"
My Wife: "Honey!"
Duncan: "Yeah, but you have to use Axe deodorant
and Axe body gel and Axe shampoo ` and all other
products sold separately:"
Me: "Look man, you don't need to spend tons of
money to . get any ladies."
Duncan: "I don't?"
Me "blah: Just watch how I work on your mother."
Duncan "I have. I'd rather spend a few bucks and
take a chance."
The boy is going to get the axe, but not how he
expects it. . .
Mark . Thrice is our : nationally : syndicated humor
columnist.
Holmes is taking on new career venture
Detachment Commander Paul Holmes of the • are second to none, there are challenges, but overall
.South Bruce Detachment is taking on a new venture our communities are safe places to live and work in.
after 11 years in Kincardine. Inspector Holmes has
decided to extend the three month assignment with
the G8 Integrated Security Unit, which. he started on
the March 2.
He was asked ,to coordinate, establish and operate
a Prisoner Processing Centre for the 08 Summit in
the Huntsville area from June 25 27, 2010. The ini-
tial assignment period was for three months and
Inspector Holmes has been asked to continue with
the assignment and work with the 68 Integrated
Security 'Unit Team for the duration of the project.
Inspector Holmes will continue to reside in the
Kincardine area and when he retires in the 2012, his
goal is to work in the Kincardine/Brockton area.
Inspector Holmes said, "because consistency in
'leadership for our officers, and the communities, is
of vital importance, I will be vacating my position as
the Detachment Corhmander of the South Brpce
detachment." The Ontario Provincial Police will be
initiating an internal selection process and a compe-
tition will be held for the Detachment Commander's
position. The Brockton and Kincardine .Police
Services Board will also participate in the selection
process.
"I developed the detachment's Mission Statement,
and I believe it is appropriate for the South Bruce
Detachment and is being actively pursued and
achieved in many ways: "Caring cops create virtual-
ly crime -free and collision -free communities," said
Holmes
"It has been a pleasure to serve you and `your com-
munities. The communities and area that we live in
•
Inspector Paul Holmes
Lucknow Sentinel, Wednesday, May 27, 2009 - Page 5
T
Subtnitted photo
Casey the killdeer decided to make her home in one of the play
areas -Huron Community : School. She
gravel is perfect for her nest.The students in the
to right are Ryan Hallam, Drew 'hompson, Peter
Logan Howe, Tommy Harris, Spencer Russell, Benjamin > Lange
and laying down is Mitchel Card.
SUDOKU
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