The Huron Expositor, 1997-02-19, Page 40*6e 2$ .Aytttiatstey.bent-tory 19. 1997
Tme are so many Mixings couples don't know
Y IaTriagge
Whine basing thoiruaarsiitge
,'prepAlubon courses'on'be t _i ood
:4iook, many Christian churches
ttty:not,lo issue She ;definitive
manual orrthe subject.
Instead, churches alit Abe
. couple,to•bsigin aeediag intoearth
of their:awn life stories'for a trop
oilier= married life.
Rev,'Phitip Bender and his .wife
and co -pastor, Julie, chart the
course for the individuals ,who
make up the ooupiesat Zurich
Mennonite Church.
We try -.to "create a - self-
awareness in each of the
individuals so they can begin to
grasp some of the:things involved
in -being married."
That .deoper:;iovesdgatian is
something *hick couples cannot
always do on their own, say
Cletigy.
'Couples "think -they know. each
other. Often, in ,love, ihey. think
'we•have touched every basis,'
but there are so many things :they
don't..." said Rev. John' Pluto, :of
St. ',Peter's Roman Catholic
Church, Goderieh. . •
-They ratty -miss the very core of
each other's beings -said -Rev.
Peter -Baldwin of St. George's
Anglican Church, Godench
twn courses create a self-awareness in eaciiiinditddiliallbeifoneimarriage
During the preparation courses,
he has seen partners learn, for the
first time, how the other feels
about the spiritual questions of
"who am I" and "what is my
,-pWppaaa in life.
�liaol<iyion:sad bpirituality.�are
;ttheldeopast'pammael areas- Italie
. couple Ideas loot:ithare thatAirhat
,:doss that say about how they
.communicate?" remarked
Baldwin.
aA kaaee inisarn
Through • She marritge
proparafion c00rse, Baldwin.aaid,
,00uplcs.gain tbe:opporlunitytdo
-_Address those issues 'left
:unepokot, .unecplored ,sed
unknown.
Coarses, guide, couples. theough
selected tslopics t,tike
nommunicationAinances, cort%liict
resolutions Christian marriage and
different family backgrounds.
As these topics -become
introducrtd, iheooupie. can :discuss
,howthoy,are. affected. The couple
can aiso draw. an the feedback
from those involved in Abe
60551011.: (Clergy, ;Jay -people or
other engaged couples .also. attend
. the. session,- depending on. the
.church)
_ in -his ooutsee,,:ealdwtin -prefers
•.to;hatre• the couples.define.othat
.`vapturing>tivelily
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Ing for she coati 'Ahead
aefore •ietting tlottples'walk down the ,aisle,-rrtany Chriatiatn churches.direct engaged Couplas:throtsgh
the upcoming :tttepsdtT;in preparation courses. At.St. aeorge'S'Artgiit an Church in:caoder ctt,
Rev. Aoterltatdwin insets d couples -.take a course -designed -for thecouple to erre their
'reintionahiP.
areas they :need ko.diseauss by
using,a .ycaeuiifiaally-designed
.questionnaire. Developed by the
University of \Minnesota, ir,esks
how each -person feels ;about: 13
areas, ranging from .#ainity
structure =.aad roles to leisure
• ,activities.
A testittg,_centre then compares
the ,answers :of .each partner .vflith
its data from other couples• to
.assess.what is a "strength'• and
.what • is a "growth _.area,"
esplained iBaktwin:
!Regardless of the :cumber of
:strength .0r- growth ,ajt;as it is
;-positive that Abpcouple have been
.able to,articulate where they •.need
• totdoautne•werk, said# atdwin. ,
Tailoring comuuraitsatien
All the churches interviewed
:Weed ribe ,way to 4Vock .on
,,weetker points its -to build
aoatuf600 ;atiolnn.Akills. •
• :it's something each couple hes
to figure out for themselves
-ke.ca-use each .person
communicates in:a unique way.
Men .aod';woorten communicate
different ways, said dtev. Jack
Quartet of Trinity Christian
Belot -wed Church, Goderich.
• Every person -favors a different
physiea 1 _ sense to communicate
saidiev. Robert Ball of •Ndrth
-Street United Church, GoderieJi.
• :-People perceive and sl►,are-
t•hou_ghts, to v;.arytjg degrees,.
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through .sight, touch,- or .sound he
e�rpla►jued•.
,By.knowittg.bow your -partner
'express feelings. you. can adjust
our pattern to meet his/her needs,
he said.
So4d sattis fortbnigie
If strong .communication -
anchors a relationship, couples
will be able to ,handle the
inevitable changes ahead, said
Baldwin.
By opening a chapter to
communication, clergy said.
marriage preparation. .allows
couples to write thei r own coding. ,