Exeter Advocate, 1904-12-8, Page 6-ea
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I have told many stories,' I hove
heals). many stories all over the
world, and many ef them are the
fa,vorite after-dinner yarns of famous
men.
Lord Chatles Beresford Is one " of
the most amusing raconteurs of the
day. I remember, when staying with
titen som,e years• ago, he told me an
one night which: greatly
aroused me. Some twelve er fifteen
years ago he received a. letter from
a railway porter, which rao as fol-
lows;
"My Lord, -Last oight my wife had
Steins, and I write to 'rook your Lord.,
ship if' you , will arsk your Lord -
Princess of Wales if we may call the
little girl 'Princess of Walea Brown,'
end may we call the little boy, "LoScl
Charles Beresford Brown?' "
Lord Charles obtained the Princess'
!permission, and gladly' coosented
himself to the man's request..
Three mouths later came another
aetter:
"My Lord,- am 'appy to inform
your Lordship that Lord Charles
Beresford Brawn • is 'well and "(tarty;
(had Princess on.Walek Brown died at
:four o'clock this morning." • •
I once head MO. Robert Yerbergh,
M.P. tell this story at a public meet-
ing,, which: the question of
women's rielits 'had been touched
on,
An old bachelor became engage'cl to
on elderly spinster, and the two
were married. Six months after,
the newly -wedded couple gave a din-
ner to an old bachelor friend of the
host.
During dinner all Went well enough,.
but when the antique bride had re -
Sired to the 'drawing -room,. the two
old fellows became merry and. cotfi-
dential over the walnuts and the
wine.
"How do you like toeing inarriella
old chap?" asked the guest.
"Ohl I like it well enough," an-
swered the. host. "I put my foot
'down. from the nrst, and in- this
house my word is law, I can tell
you; in this house I am Julius
Caesar!"
Just at this moment the "crook
'opened, and a solemn -figure, clad in
a long dressing gown, and carrying a
fiat candle -stick in its lian•d appeared
and an awful voice was heard.
"Julius Caesar, go to bed!"
And Julies Caesar went!
One of the most marvellous racon-
teurs of the day is Mr. Robert Gan-
itholiy, whose entertainment created
so much amusement at the Palace
Theatre lately. Ho once told me a
story • which, with his permission, I
have told in my lectures all over
She world.
Wishing to make his man-servan.t a
little Christmas present, he gave hini
one of those traveling caps witli the
flaps wliich tie tight down over the
ears, and which so effectually keep
off -the draught in a railway carri-
age. To his astonishment the man
refused the present.
"No, thank you, Mr. Ganthony,
sir," said he. "I 'ad one o' them
caps once, and one bitter, cold day
X pat it on and -Went out into the
street with them flaps tied tight
down over ray ears, and the very
fust thing, sir, I met a friend o' mine
and 'e arsted me to 'ave a drink and
I never 'e,ard
The late Dean Vaughan once had a
class of young colored clergymen, to
whom lie was "giving a course of lec-
tures on theology. At the conclusion
of the series he asked the whole class
to dine with Elm on the following
;Wednesday evening. The night ar-
rived, and the Dean steed on his
liearth-rug awaiting his dusky guests.•
Eight o'clock strecle, and- then the
quarter, ;When elhe'-half hour arrived
and not o single person had put, in
an appearance, the Dean rang Tor his
butler,
"Serve dinner, Smith," said he,
when that functional -yr appeared, '"it.
Is a remarkable thing that none of
these gentleen have come."
"Yes, Mr. ;lean, sir, and what is
still more -remarkable is that I have
'clone nothing all the evening but
turn away Christy minstrels frOM
the door!"
A well-known artist was once en-
gaged upon a sacred picture. A very
bandsome old model named Smith
sat for the head of St. Mark. Artist
and model became great friends, but
when the picture was finished they
lost sight of one another. One day
however, the artist, wandering about
the Zoological Gardens-, came upon
his olci model, witli a broorn in his
hand, looking very discortoolate.
"Hullo, Smith," mid he; "you
'don't look very cheery. What are,
yeti doing now?"' •
"Well, I ain't 'dein' much, sir, and
that's a fact. I'm engaged in these
'ere gardens a dewier hout the
Indents's, stables; a, nice occypotion
for one 0' the twelve apostles, ain't
it, sire"
-
Talking of elephants renneels me of
a ridiclilo•us lneident thatoccurred
within iny own axperience once.
It was aboard a crowded P. ..te 0.,
and We were lying in Boinbay Harbor
getting up steam for the voyage to
Japan1 was standing talking to
the "chief:" and watelung the peo-
ple come aborted. Suddenly we no-
ticed two very tall, thin ()Id ladies,
obviously' twin-olstere, and equally
obviowny old maidn, mounting the
gahgtvay. Ae sot= as they , reached
the deck, one of them marched, tip to
the chief, and, peondlng him with
her suns/icicle, remaeked:
"Young man, are there any ele-
phante on board this ship?"
Quite /Maine to reply at the nioe
merit, ba turbot"( amity with shaking
sholOciere)•.and walked off.
• "Can you tell me; sir?" said she
"for that, mane a fo-oll".
"I fan.cy lie was rather Overcome
by the complete unexpectedness of
such a superb question, madame)," X
relied; "hut' may I as why you
"wish to hewn" •
"Certainly," 'replied the lady, ."It
is the first questien, I put wnen, I go
on board a ship, My sister and I
travel every year. Many years ago
we inade this voyage, • and there was
an elephant on board, which" did
nothing but tramp all over our •ca-
bin. every day." •
The two old ladies were the daugh-
ters of a long deceased general of-
ficer. They were the joy of that
ship, as I am quite certain theY
must have been of every ship in
which they sailed. The last I saw
of them was in a narrow street in
Yoliolionea, when they were (in op-
Posite sides of the pavement, throw-
ing beer -bottles at one another. They
explained tome that it was their
birthday!
My friend Forbes Phillips, the
Vicar of Gorleston, was at one time
assisted by a very young curate.
Somehow or other his sermons did
not always give satisfaction, and lie
asked Mr. Phillips' advice as to what
he should do.
"Well," replied his Vicar, "I think
you should try to be very simple.
You fly too high; and your wings
are not .very strong .yet,. you ,know.
Take a niMple incident, and talk
about it in a simple manner," •
So, on the following .Sunday othe
young nta•n got, and _gave • out
his, text in She orthonok, manner.:
"Are not two slearrOws said 'lei a
farthing?• But, my brethren, in an-
other gospel, you are told that five
sparrows .are sold tor • two farthings.
Now, the higher critics pretend to
see in this a discrepancy, and, there-
fore, they Would cast doubt. upon
Holy Writ. But, my friends, there is
no discrepancy. It is all perfectly
pimple. It is but an instance of
God's noble and generous way of
'dealing with His creatures; in pain-
ful contrast to the petty and stingy
inamner in which we deal with one
another. Yoe put down a •farthing
and you receive two sp.arrowsoan ex-
change. You 'adventure to Put
down two farthings, and lo! the Al-
mighty throws a sparrow in!"
The same 'distinguished cleric told
me that lice was once travelling 'in a
railway train, and opposite to him
sat a gentleman with a• writing pad
epoil his knees, scribbling letters for
dear life. At last he folded op his
epistles, stamped and addressed
them, and handing the bundle to Ms.
Phillips, said:
"Well, I am going to jump out
here" (the train was going at ex-
press speed at the moment). "Will
yov, very kindly post these letters for
erie?"
Phillips, who at once saw he was
travelling with a raving lunatic, and
whose quick eye had caught the
names of seine of the greatest in the
land upon the envelopes, with won-
derful presence of mind, replied:
"Certainly, I will, but, just a mo-
ment before you leave, I want to
ask you a great favor. I am build-
ing a church; I want help. I see
you are acquainted with everybody.
May I beg of you to give me a few
letters of introduction?"
"My dear sir, I shall be delighted,"
replied the poor creature. And he
sat down and scribbled hard for ten
minutes, so hard that he never no-
ticed the train was slowing up, -until
at last it stopped at a great sta-
tion. Philips put out his head and
yelled for tlie guard. He /earned
that his unfortunate companion was
an inmate of a large private asylum
in the South of England, who had
xnanagod to elude the vigilance of,
his keepers.
Seated at 'dinner one evening With
a distinguished army man, I learnt
that some years ago he hend an im-
portant position on the West Coast
of Africa. It fell to his let te cap-
ture •a certain pi rate, end t6 sentence
him to death, the warrant being.
sighed by the Governer,. wile, it
was etylesequently • discco•ered, eafter
inaey each warrants had been stgoecl,
had no right to do so. Consequent-
ly the documeots were all hopeless-
ly illegal; but that is neither here
nor there. On the fatal morning my
friend, there being no other English
official present, went to prepare the
man for 'his death. He found the
savage' calm and cool.
"I wish you to understand," said
the poor fellow in his very broken
English, "that my sentence is quite
fair. If you did not shoot ma You
would never stop the traffic t• have
been engaged in."
My friend, noticing that the mans
iron galled his ankles, offered to put
a white rag round the wound.
'Wont replied the prisoner, '`I
wish to die quite black." At the
last moment the officer began to tie
a Handkerchief round his eyes.
"I am not afraid; let 'me face the
soldiers," said his captive.
It was explained to him that when
white soldiers were shiet, they were
always bandaged.
"Theft bandage me," was the 1e -
ply ; "1 Gannet die better than as the
white mail Sa
He then sat elowe on the ground)
and my friend chalked e, ciecle round
his heart, clod precipitotolsr retiteel,
for a hative shooting agnaci loses ne
time itt its deadly work. Axel the
man fell fearleee to the last.
JAPANESE KNOTS.
The Japanese have no -use for but-
tons, buckles, or hooks and eyes.
Cord serves every Purpose of fasten-
ing. and furnishes artistis possibill-
ttes seemingly without end. The (fa-
pariese have hundreds of knots. Some
are as old as the time tvhert liistoeer
was recot'cled by a sertha of limits,
jest as it Was le China arid Pelt be-
fore Ong was invented'. 'There
ere doxerte of loiete ftt common coed
ceremonial • usage, and theeee every
Japoneseeonxild can tie.
LEADING MARKETS.
The Ruling Prices In Live Stock
• and Breadstuffse
BREADSVCIPFS..
Toronto, Dee, 6.-Wlieat-The maid
ket is weaker for Ontario' grad05,
with sales reported of N:o. 2 white
cool yen winter at $1.01 aotsicle, No.
2 goose 'quoted at 80 to 900 east,
end No, 2 Spring at 95c east. Mani-
toba wheel is steady, No. 1 North-
ern, $3..01a; No. 2 Northern, 06/c,
and No. 3 Noi•therh at 91e, ileorgi-
an Bay ports, Grinding in transit
prices are 6c above tbose.quoted.
Oats -No. 2 white is •quoted ati
32Ic low freights, and at 82c oorth
ani west, No. 1. white le steady at
38e east.
Baxley -No. 2 quoted at 45 to 4.6c
middle freights; No, 8 extra, 48c, and
No. 8 at 41e middle freights,
Peas --The market is firm, with
prices tinclianged at 67 to 680 out -
Nide. '
Coro -The market is quiet, with
new. Ocinadien 42 to 48cniwest. New
American yellow, 55c on track, To-
ronto, and new mixed, 54c, Toronto,
Old American No. 8 yellow, 66c, and
old No. 8 mixed, 64c, Toronto.
Rye -The motet is quiet, with No.
2 Spueted at 75 to 76c outside.
Buckwheat -The market is uorrilival
at 55 to 56c kt,.outsvdo • •
1.1our:---Ninay Per, Cent,. patents .ctee
geotea at,e14.35' to 44.40 in ,buyers
.saeks, east or Went-. Straight roylef
of Special brands for 'domestic trade,
ire bbla.,e $4.75 . $5. Manitoba
floors onehariged.„. No. 1 peetente,,,.$5.a
70; No..2 patents S anctstrong
bakers', $5.80 on track, Toronto.
Millfeed-At outside points bran is
quoted at $14.50 to $15, and shorts
at $17.50 to $18. Manitoba bran
lin sacks. $19. and shorts at $21.
COUNTRY PRODUCE.
Butter -The market is unchanged.
All lines bet' creamery prints are
-coining forward fairly well. Quota-
tions are unchanged.
Creainery, prints oo 21c to 22c
do, tubs • ... o 19c to 20c
bairy tubs, food to choice .15c to 16e
do medium • • 180 to 14c
'do inferior grades ... 10c to 3 2e
Dairy lb. rolls, good to
choice • o. . • 16c to 3 7c
'do medtum . . 14e to 35c
Cheese -The market here is steady
OM quoted unchanged af 101e to
10Sc -for Jorge and 10fc to 3.1c for
i wins in job lots here.
Log's -Receipts. of new laid 'are al-
most nil, arid they are quoted nomin-
al •at 22c to 23c per dozen. Fresh
are unchanged at 20e to 21c and
limed at 20e. .
• Poultry -There is a good 'demand
for fresh., 'dry...plucked, but compara-
tively little of this kind is coining
forward.Quotations are unchanged
Turkeys aro quoted at .18c to 14c for
yeting ann 10c to, 11e. for old. Ducks
and geese at 8Sc to 9c. Chickens at
5Ic to 9c, and hens at 5e 'to 60.
Potatoes -The market is unchanged
with a rather firm tone. Ontario
stock quoted at 613c to 700 on track
and 75c to SOc out of store. Eastern
at 750 to 80c on track and 90e to
95c out of store.
Dressed Hogs -Are quoted stea'dy at
$6.25 to 86.80 per cwt. for selected
weights on track here.
. Baled Hay -The movement is fairly
heavy.' Quotations are unchanged at
08 Per ton for No. 1 timothy on
track Sore and $7 to $7.50 for No.
2 and enixed clover.
Baled Straw -Is scarce and the mar-
ket is firm in tone at $6 to $6 50 per
ton -for car lots on track here,
MONTREAL ..MARKETS.
Montreal, Dec. 6. -Oats -40c to ,40Sc
for No. 2 and at 39c to 89.Se for
No. 8 per buehel ex -store.
Flour -Manitoba soiring wheat pat-
ents, - $5.80; strong bakers', $5.50;
winter wheat patents; *5.70 to $5o
80; Straight ,rollers, $546 to $5.50,
and in bagso$2,§5 to 82,60.
Feed-anianitoba bran 0.
bags, , 7
to 0,8; ihorts, e$21 pei too; OietitSio.'
bran'in bulk; $3.5.50 to $16.50; shorts
$19 to $po, and mouilley .$24 to $28.
per ten,,:ae to „quality: .
MearesTlie' demand **steady and
sales weep made at $2.121 per bag.
A fair business was dona in ebrinneal
at $1.35 to $1.25 per bag.
Hay -No. '3, $9 to $9.25; No. 2,
$S to 88.2.5; cloyer mixed, $7 to $7.-
25, ankl pure clover, $6.25 to
perBetdorns_inchconitce•
les, $i.40 to $1.-
15 por bushel, 81.85 to $1.871 in
car lots.
Preyisions--Ticavy Canadian sho,t
cut pork, 816.50 to $17.50; light
short cut, $16.50 to $17; American
clear fat backs, $20; camper:nil
6Sc to 7c; Canadian lard, 61c to
7Se; kettle rendered, 8ac to 9Sc ac-
cording to quality; hams, 12c to 13c;
bacon, 12c to 13c; fresh killed abat-
toir hogs, $7 to 87.25; heavy fat
hog, $4.50; mixed lots, $4.50 to $5;
select, $5 to $5.12S off caro.
Cheesd-Ontatio fall white, 10c to
1016: colored, 10-1c to j0 -c; .Quebee,
9to. to 10e.
13u1;ter-Fi nest grades, 20e to
201c; ordinary .finent; 1Sic to 20e;
modOnn grades o 3.9c to 1946; and
westerr. ilairl/O15e to 154c.
Feee-Select new laid, 2alo to 24e;
etraieht gathered candled, in)c "to
21c, No. 2, 15.So to 1.6c,
CASTLE MAIMET.
Toronto, Dec 6 -The buyees all
sold that trade was active for the
hest kiwis of butchers' cattle and
feeders at the Western Market to-
day. and prices were maintained,
The ureply of exportere' cattle kept
limited, but the enquiry for them
was almost impereeptibte. latioera
were content to cease eperatione, and
were not desirous of trading' general-
ly in this cities or cattle, whit& are
being offered at this seasoe. The
(itiotations were nominal et $8,80 to
$4.62,1'Sor cwt.
Tsai Was brisk in sheep and Jambe
and i11jough theSdeliveries Were large
er than 'Serial, pates advanced 10
cents, mainly through the goalitY
showing an unprovement over that
of previous market4-
Midi cows continue in active de-
214a0nde,acati priees were thla at 880 to
The followthg were the • quotatienn
given for butchers' eattle:-Best
butchers', $4,15 to "$4.40; good but-
chers', loads of, $3.70 to $4,10; fair
to good, $8.50 to $3.70; eows, $2.150
to $8.f2a; common and remelt, $1.25
, The following was the range of
P1 ices preveiling u stockere and feed-
ers: -Feeders, short -keeps, 1,200 to
1,275 /ben $3.50 to $4; feedere, 1,-
050 to 1,175 lbs. 83.25 to $8.60•;
feeders, 800 to 1,0,35 The $3 to $3.-
85; stoeSers, 600 to 800 lbs., $2.25
to $2.75; stockers, 400 to 600
8$11:4705 ttoo $823;. bulls:, 900 to 1,200
T10pc•ices of sheep and lambs were
as follows; -Export ewes, $3,75 to
83.85; export bucks, $2.50 to $2.75
per ewe; cull sheep, $2 to $3 each;
lambs, $4.50 to $5.10 per cwt. .
Calves .sold at 3 to 5fc per lb. and
$2 to $10 each.
Hogs wet•e unchanged at $4.80 for
selects,. 160 to 200 Ms., of Swim.° 'ba-
con quality, off cars Toronto; $4.60
for fats and lights.
LONDON BEGGARS TRICKS
T.H.ti STORY, , OF A -CRIPPLED
IITATCHSELLERq
•
At End. of Day Diseases Vanish
A.nd He Retired to a Su-
s • ' burba,n Villa.
'A wealthy beggar was recently sen-
tenced to three months hard labor in
a London (England), court as a
rogue and vagabond. .
For many months the prisoner has
been a familiar figure in the neigh-
borhood of Bishopsgate. With head
hanging on one side, One foot drag-
ging behind him, and his limbs shak-
ing, he presented a pitiable spec-
tacle. Very few people bought the
matches he carried, ' but coins were
dropped into 'his box by city mer-
chants, Clerks, and even poverty-
stricken charwonfen, and the police
Calculated that he collected 830 a
week on, the average. The paralysis,
it Was alleged, was assumed, and on
his way home to his villa at Nor-
wood the accused became "Much bet-
ter," running up the station steps
two at a thoe. He livecl in compare.
ative comfort, and his wife only
knew that he was "something in the
city,"
Mr. F. G. Brown, surgeon to the
city police, said he thoroughly exam-
ined the accused. Smittotold• him
that e few weeks before .Christmas,
1901, he was thrown from a trap
and injured, at the back of the neck,
SETTING UP PARALYSIS.
Witness found the accused could grip
fairly. well with either hand, and the.
pupils of his eyes were quite normal.
He knew of no instance of paralysis
on record consistent with prisoner's
symptoms,:
The prisoner, whose demeanour had
quite changed since his last. appear-
ance, said he wished to withdraw his
plea of not guilty. His desire now
was to plead guilty, and "by God's
help" to tell the whole truth. But
first he would like to say a few
words to exonerate others.
The prisoner detailed ineldents of
his life in London, declaring that he
had been a respected member of so-
ciety. He had served in the Royal
Artillery until returned medically.
unfit. He then spoke of his acei-
dent and sufferings. Coming to his
stay • at Hastings, he. continued
And, gentlemen, it is at this point
that the chief trouble comMences, I
became associated with bad Com-
panyoand was obliged to put money
on horses. It was the first tine I
had'made a bet in rny life. I ven-
tured small sums at first, and be-
came elated with suceess, till I put
.on larger sums and lost. 1 .gave
vedette mem -meet 0. u.'s, but he -
came heavily involved) and, ban
unable to :pay these so-called .friends
who had led inc cin,. they. threatened
inc with exposueeo. Leitheresay sclone
of thein • are in court nOW, laughing
-at my..deimfall. I, began to think 'of
my wifeand little . girl, and what
thisexposer° would mean to • then,
and the thought crushed me, and I
decided to do the things for which
I am now brought here.
WILL REFORM.
The prisoner begged the court to
remember the time when he was a
better man. "When I have served
my sentence," he saide"whether long
or short, every friend will have turn.
• ed his back upon Ina, and every door
will be closed -probably that also of
my own home. With the help of a
higher power I intend to start again
with a clean sheet, and twelve.
months from the thee 1 am a free
man I will coin° back and prove to
you that at any rate I have tried to
do better." .
CURED BY SUGGESTION.
An interesting case of curing a
drunkard by, suggestion during his
naturhl Sleep was,,related by At
Farce, at the annual meeting of the
French Sosiety, of Jsynology and
Psychology. The man was an habi-
tual drunkard, who spent his whole
time in cafes, eonsuming wine, boor,
i•tim, absinthe, veienouth, etc. Al-
though not usually a "rowdy" alco-
holic, he occasionally became very
violeht, and at times refused any
kind of treatnient. ;Finally, sugges-
tion was employed during sleep with-
out the mane knowledge, and aftee
eoine weeks he had rio outbursts of
violence and improved steadily, 'A.S-
ter a year' aud a half of this treat -
Meet, he was ehtirely Oared, and only
drank it little light beer at his
Melds.
Mamma -Here comes nurse to bathe
you and pet you to bed. Now
be good and go quickly. Little
Girl -Oh, dear, nesnmie, I wish I
was a bight -dress! Manitha-"Why,
dear?. Little Girl --Then I should
only have to go to the wash once
Week!
IN MERRY OLD ENGLAND
NEWS ny NAIL ABOUT JOHN
BULLAND HIS PEOPLE.
Occurrences in the' .L'a,e.d, That
Reigns Supreme in the Com-
mercial World.
.It is stated that in Warminster,
birth
berma from twelve to twento are
etwoohmolimieeio,:t.wwat°Itml:tilhiciallsildjrftalghTels1
The Bible Soeiety has sent a grant
of 200 Inenli New Testaments to his
Excellency, Chou Fu, the Governor
of Shan-tung province, China, who
rules over 36,000 people.
The number of sealskins deliverable
in the London market this year is
about 23,000, made up as follows ;-
Victoria, 11,400' Japan, 7,000;
Falkland:Islands, etc., 4,600.
Mr, J. Price Rogers has acquired
22,000 acres of land in Portuguese
East 'Africa for the purpose of culti-
vating cotton.
By. typewriting 80,096 words in
seven hours, Mr. J. Weight, of New-
castle -on -Tyne, claims to have made
a world's record.
General I3ooth has opened it shelter
for the destitute in Manchester to
accommodate in residents and 50
General Sir John Fronde who
lately visited Turkey, declares -the
Ottoman ,soldier to be the nest
fighting material the world eari 151:0:-
, 'When Seaforth Erghiender un-
earthed some bass ornaatents at
Caesar's "Campo. Aldershot, he
thought he had discovered buried
treasure, butjt...was.fottod that they;
had been stdien • • sonie weeks ago
frota All Saints' Garrison church.
' During a two months' cycling tour'
Thomas Price, sentenced tat six
years.' penal servitude ot Northamp-
ton, Stole seventeen bicycles.
stole a machine at Exeter, sold it at
Weston -super -Mare, . and . so on,
was arrested at Leicester riding te
code stolen from Northampton. '
Oh. g roughly scribbled note•affixed
to a post lrauger was pleaded as the
excuse for killing and steailing a fat
sheep from a meadow at Enfield
Highway, where the distress is be -
coning acute. • •
Miss Mary, Vickerrnan, of ,Hull, who
celebrated her 100th birthday, still
attends church regularly, and can
sing and recite very well. Her twin
sister died at- eighty-four.
Arrangements are being completed
by the City of -London Iternational
Commercial Association dance in. De-
cember, at "which a thousand guests
frcini the Various trading centres of
Europe will be present: ..
The eXtraordioary scene was wit-
nessed in the South Foreshore road,
Scarborough, of a number of corpor-
ation workmen -removing certain ob-
etructions fronts before the Fisher-
men's Institute while the proprietor
drenched them with a hose pipe from
a balcony. He had 'fastened the
door; and the police looked .on pow-
erless to. the amusement of the
crowd. The proprietor, Tudor
James, has been ordered by the Re-
corder to remove the obstruCtions,
but had only, taken down a board-
ing, and •the corporation workmen
were sent to complete the work.
The Worcester motor fire -engine
has had another inishap. On the
way 'to a country firm fire at Al -
trick a tube in the motor burst, and
the engine's means of propulsion
failing, it stopped in the road three
miles. short of the fire. The brigade
hurried borne .on borrowed horses to
fetch a manual engine, and in the
meantime the farm fire burnt itself
out. The motor -engine has playe4
the brigade many tricks of this kind,
'but its first was the worst. On that
occasion it emitted se) many sparks
that it fired a passing load of straw
in a city thoroughfare and ignited
two Wayside ricks en route to the
first Outbreak.
•
INVENTIONS WANTED. •
'A bacychelanee that remain
alight. . •
An angler's scales that will "do the
lying for the: fisherman. • .
'A servant's' alerin that Will
net %yoke., up the members of the,
An automatic apple barrel that
will make ell the small apples come
to the top. •
A piano that will wend the same
to the girl playing it as it does to
the neighbors. ,
-A breakfast food that your child-
ren will eat without being forced to
do so with it stick. •
• An ..sedjustable ring that will fit
all the girls you become engaged to
during the stormier. •
A policeman who cau tell the dif-
ference between a drunken man and
one with a. fractured Sacull.
CONSOLATION.
Mr. Hackett had not been so vec-
cessful as he Was honest, and there
were times whore he felt depressed
over the failures he hael•enade. At
such times Mee. Hackett was, with
the best intentions, a dubious com-
forter.
"I don't like to hear you speak of
_
things in that doleful way, Cyrus,"
said that exeellent Woinsin on ono
occasion, "and I cloh't like you
epeakiiig as if you thought 1 over
really r(seretted our Marriage. Is it
likely I would? ;Didn't I have three
other offers'? Offers frotn men who
were handsome and interesting arid
attractive to ayoutig girl in maily
ways? And yet -I chose you, Cyrus,
after all, in spite of everything
everybody said! Now you let your
mind dwell on that"
,Competition works both ways. It
is either the lite, or death of trivia
TIM Belgians are the greatest pce
tato eaters in the world, And the
Irish come secood.
Next to the rifle and bayonet, a
soldier prefore hie belt for ptoposee
of self-defence.
irinte++++++++44-1,14+44,1444
.k F+++++4+++4
Would you hurt a woman naostk
aim at her affeetions.-Wallace.
The - more idle it woman's hand,,
gluebayth. ore
occupied her heart.-
Let woman stand upon her feniale
character as upon it foundation.-
Laub,
Women cannot see so far ces men,
can, but what they do seethey see
quicker. -Buckle,
If men knew all that women thinks
they would betwenty times more,
audacious. -Karr.
A Woman's hopes are woven as
sunbeams; a shadow annihilates
them. --George Eliot.
Beauty in worse than wine -it in-
tOxicates both the holder and the
beholder, -Zimmerman.
:Meitner wells, nor goods, nor any-
thing is More difficult to be guarded
than woman. --Alexis.
We, only demand that a woman
should be •womanly. 'That is not be-
ing exclusive. -Hunt.
Modesty in a woman is 'a virtue
most deserving, Sieice we do all we
ca,o to cure her"of lit.---Lingree:
W-oniail aro never stronger those,
when they arm thenaselves with .firein
own, weakness.-Ofme. du Deffand.
It IS rio inorepossible todo without
a who thap it is to disPinise .with
eating and drinkingeLuther..
When joyous, "a- womann, licence is:
clot to be endured; When in terrors
she is a plague. --Aeschylus.
If woman did turn man out of
Paradise, she has done her best ever
Since to make it up to hiria.--Shel-
den.
Men always say more evil of a wo-
roan thatl there really is; and there
is aiwaYs, more , than is known.--
Mezergy.
Lovers have in their language an .
infinitenumber of words in which,
each .syllable is 'a caress.-Roche-.
fedre.
Aheart which has been doxnesti-
cated by matrimony and maternity •
is as tranquil as a tame bullfinch. --
Holmes.
A. beautiful woman pleases the eye,
a good woman pleases the heart; one
is a jewel, the other a treasure.-
Napoleon.I.'
A. man cannot possess anything
that is better than it goad woman,
nor anything that is worse than a
bad OneosSimcen Ides. .
How wisely it is covstituted that'
tender and gentle women shall beS
our earliest guides, instilling .their
own spirits. -Channing.
It Os generally a feridnine eye that ,
first detects the,, moral deficiencies
hidden under the "dear deeelt" of
beauty.a-George , Eliot.
To educal e a man is to form an
indivinual who leaves nothing be -
Mod him; to educate.. a Woman is to
form future generations.-Laboill
It is not easy to be a widow.
must resume all the modesty of girl-
hood without being allowed even
to feign ignorance.-Mnie. de Girar-
din.
Beloved (leanings, who cover over
and shadow many malicious pur-
poses with a counterfeit passion of
dissimulate SOITOW and unquietness.,
-Sir Walter Raleigh.
What is it that renders frieudship
between women so lukewarm and of
so short duration? -It is the inter-
ests of love and jealousy; of con-
quest. -Rousseau.
.To give you nothing and to make
you'expect everything; to dawdle on
the threshold of love while the doors
are closed -this is all the science of
a coquette. -T. Bernard. ,
Women have a perpetual envy 'of
our vices; they are less vicious than
we, not from choice, but because we
restrict them; they are the sieves of
'order and, fashion. -Johnson.
eI any a strenuotis advocate for lib- '
erty and prOperty.e but when these
rights are, invaded by a pretty ,w
r alnt neither able to defend
money nor my freedom. -Junius,
Women speak eanily of piatolaic
Loire ; be*, Weillee they appleas to .es-
teem it highlyOthere le not al single
ribbon of .their ',toilet that *does -not
drive platonisin from our hearth. -
Ricard.
4
HOW A MUSSEL WALKS..
• Of all' the absurd forms of lOcomoe
tion practised by the creatures of
the deep,. the .most prepesterovs /9
that of the mussel, Soiils will
startle you 'bei darting baalewards,
crabs run off sideways at a lively
gait; but nothing, save 'the don
brain''' of "some kind of clam crea-
ture," pondering over the transpor-
tation peoblem in those remote
epochs when time was xi° object,
could have evolved .1so' slow and cum-
b'et`onie .a method as that resorted
to by the mussel. '
You can often see mussels climbing
Up the pile' of a wharf . toward high-
water mark. Notice the black
thvoacleattached to it.. They do the
business. The mussel shoots out a.
spray of gelatinous" sten in the direc-
tion he Wants to go, and this hard-
ens into those black threads. . tie
las go the old 0110S,' and climbs up
by the new. You can trace his pro-
gress up the pile or rock by the
bandies of old threads which he
leaves behind at Intervale. It lies
novae beerl figured out whether he
could go a mile 'in lese than a year.
but it weillel be safe to 'back tbe
rauseel in any "slow race."
•
INTERESTING CONvIDESATION,
ii the conversation
Nellie-es'You seemed much interc
ed to -night ilep
Mr. Tomilesort,"
Ldithee"Ves; his conversation wan
about sensible mattees, such hs few
of the young men of the day dis-
cuss."
Nellie -"What was it?"
th-' The superior a dv a t ag es.
of nutrried life as compared witb,
bachelordom.