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The Exeter Advocate, 1898-3-4, Page 6ate me HOSPITAL WINDOW. Ain't the stare purty Up there in the akr Shinin an shines, Oh. ever so bight LB' s hie here. Bella. An (aunt 'eel, an see How inany's welkin -et you an at me. abet rune yet; we'll Git over it soon; leetoh em weenies, An start wee the meth, One, two, thees, foar, ave. allele side 0,:e you on This aide er that side? 1001gYi its9 stone! Cloud Imes CO=0 over. Wait ACM: thine anew, itt a minute - This side is mine. Why, tberees e lot nore Cemeoet anee. Lees sese Start it all over. Begin -one, two, three. Looly there, Billy: See that tiling: Wiloo•eei elyin aereet there - :lay, what eau it be? Seeman an zIin- VU bet sanethiet's wrong. That there tleng's tail ia Balt a rage long. S'Iterel Its oil gone now. Why, Sala, S Millioes bees cease train Where thet me has gongs. Pellets: We earet tie it. We never eea beep Tallythey cense so. Iseei es go to eleep. Biley-eyeaelt me, Now. who-ele Toe e'pe= 'amber's the Kars in When all the night goes? Bete -he =et !oart-work Along before -day, 'Belle be C13114 -never Pat all -of -em 'wee. -41=1 Smith in leelicsIlona Jointure. THE NEW'S GHOST. 011AILLES13. Would. you believe% that so tete ate the year 198na fine clipper ship bad to be sold for aemit,'" aud converted into a cleat berg° bevauee of a ghost ahoarcl wbich gave her a had nme? e7uell was the ease. The Nemo WaS a Clyde built ship and was launrebed 11 1S7e. Sbe was but icer and owned by Py Joslyn of Liverpeol, wbo Was eho owner et sie other ehies,aU voyaging to India or itustralia. As a rule, Use or three men are nilled and at; many more bedly ineureel in the building ond el/tieing of a ship, bet in the ease of the Nemo liO mala met with the scratch of a linger. The Mauch was the faireet of a score of ehips fruit the same yard, and wean fully rigged and ready for her Illaitleu voyage the new create:a woe said to he the handsomest vessel hailing from the great pore. .A. valuable caego WaS ready fee her. axid tho owner bad the luck to Beeure a skipper in the person of Captain Halpin, who haticonimanded half a dozen dtilerent shies and never met with a serious acci- dent. We got to sea ono day in a way to please all hands, and inside (of 21 hours we found the craft to be a with for eailing. When she gotsettled down to her pace. eu how - �d the speed of a steam. r and carried fa - 'ramble winds for the first seven days out. Then, one night at Io o'clock, the breeze died away until the Nemo lost steerage- way, and it was at 11 o'clock that the ghest was first heard of. A man mimed Charles :knees was on watch on tbe bows at that bour. He eves a saber, dignified man and the beg vearnan of the crow. Ail tiard mate of tbe slap I had the wateh at that time, while the captain and the other mates were asleep and seven or eight men were lounging about on the fore and main ;leeks. Of a smiden jones screamed out stud earth runniug nit in a state of great excitement. He was in eueli a state of alarm that it was five minutes before he could relate his story. He was pacing to and fro, be said, keeping a bright lookout and not thinking of anything in particu- lar wben he suddenly found something walking bcside him. Be heard no step or <sound, but a "something" stood shoulder to shoulder with him. It wasn't exactly a mannor yet was it a shadow. The mil- er felt'its breath on his cbeek and turned to seize it, but the "something" laughed at him and glided away. I was greatly provoked with the man and charged him with having slept on his post, though I knew that I did him injustice in this. It was a cloudy nigbt, with the moon break- ing through nowand then, and I contend- ed that bis "something" was but %shadow • and ordered him back to his post. Noth- ing further happened that night, and the next morning tia captain called the old man aft and gave hire to understand that if he saw or felt any more ghostly vieitors It would be bad for him. The crew would toile the matter over and side with Jones, but that anything further would be seen of the "something" no man believed. Four nights later and two hours after midnight, while the ship was making a good eight knots per hour and everything was going smoothly, as the first mate had the deck, the eutire ship was aroused by something which happened in the deck- house. There were eight or nine men sleeping there, and a man from the watch on deck went in to his hest to get a plug of tobacco. The slush lamp had been turned down, so that the place was but dimly lighted. The man was bending over his chest when something seized him in a clammy embrace and forced him to the floor. He thought it was one of the crew playing him a trick, but he scrambled up to find them all in their bunks and to see a shadow glide away. The sailor -set up a ahora, the watch below turned out, and presently everybody was on deck, and ex- citement reigned fore and aft. In return for his story the sailor got a dose of rope's end, though , after flogging he etill main- tained that be been hugged by a ghost. On the quarter deck we explained it away by saying that the man was neevous, but everyman forward believed bis statements and was satisfied that thehip was haunt - ad. We thought it tbe best policyto treat the afeair with coratempt, and, although we could not help but notice how the men bong together in pairs after night had •eome, we gave the matter no aftention. `When ten days bad gone by and nothing more had turned up, we looked upon the ghost,' as a good joke, and the two Meg who had. seen it were the butt of ridicule. At 1 o'clock of a =thin morning, the breeze being email and the night without a moon, though lately light, the first mate stood looking to windward over the port quarter at what be believed was a sail. Efle watch were ell wide awake, and he could bear the footsteps .of the Medi on lookout as he paced to tusd fro.- Tbe roan had been standing still for parbape five minutes when he felt a band laid on his arm, an lay breath me his cheek, and as he wheeled about there was the sound of low laughter 'To his eurprise and consternation no one etas T1EbL, Ulsimpressloo a* he inueeed was that one of the other eftioers bad soft- ly approached him to test his nerve. The man at the helm, was nearest to him, but he could not be suspected of having left his Poet to play a trick on his ofticer. In fact, PO tailor aboard would have dared to take sueh a liberty, For a few seeonds the unite was as sure that he had a human be- ing to deal with as that he lived, but when Ise found nothing before him and yet beard the mookieg laughter, as if some one were timing away, his fleth began to oreep. Going back to the leinnaole, he said to the man at the wheel: "Williams, have you seen or baud any- thing queer?" "Can I speak out, sir?" asked the man, who betrayed exeitement in Ms voice. "Yea, of course. Wbat did you see?" "I seen sunthin like a shedder beside you, eir, and 1 hea-d a laugh that never come from the throat of a human being. We Sheet., eirs and Vete 4 A .00041pd thip!" The mate poohpoolseel and bulldozed to make light of the affairas it was politic to do, but though the man was reduced to silence it was evident that be was fully Fatidied tbat a spook was aboard. Neat inoreingtheniate related his experience to the eabin, and as he MIS a man whose word could not be questioned no one brought ridicule to bear. On theeMetrana taking it as an accepted fact that a ghost heel beep felt, it mat seen by three differ- ent pereens„ eve began ithing for some natural andalausible reason to account for the thing. Were the men depressed in spirit? Had they overeaten? Did Kith One eleep for the moment? Was the icy hreatie *leaden puff' at wind and we* the laugh. ter the ereektnte et bulkheads as the ship lifted °retell! We argued it out that textual; be something et the sort, but the men for- ward had tneir 0Wri ideas and were very much cowed mad pue our. However, es lo the previous Instances, the peen* of me worked something of a mire. We were bound for Australia, axed we had *fret/Owl:I away into the Iedlera omen mad weelta ba(I Roue by before we got /Another scar* This thee it eame to the captain himself. At 10 o'clock at eight he me reading in hts cabtn when a ehill suddenly passed over hint aud he fele two tee cold hands on Ms raeck. It was as if a strong Yuan had put his thumbs together ou the back of the neck and clutched the throat with Ma dogere. Captato Halpin started up and shook his wanton off and turned strike bine Ills idea was that the crew ad mutinied and one of the men had stolen in to seize him. No eersou waa there, hut as if in answer to the captains ie.nth ef asiontshment there was the some low cynieal laughter heard by the others. His stateroom door was standing onen and lead been for two Isonzo, but the laugh. ter died away in that direction and the door clued. The e,aptoin came on deck and canal me and whispered that a man bad paned into hie stateroom. Together we entered ADOmade search, and, of course, found nothing. No man could have been more upset. His experience bad been even more being than the others, and all his argument had been torn to shreds. Something had gripped htm, though no marks wero left to move it. -Some one or something had leughed, though the captain was all alone in his eabIn promised Captain Halpin Dot to say a word even to my brother officers, and he linty did not mention the matter, but eon:whew the particulars of the incident leaked out In a day or two, and during the remainder of the voyage, tbough the ghost did not appear again, it was the hardest hind of work to maintain discipline. When we reached Sydney at lest, eery man of the crew cut and ran, and such queer stories were put in eiroulation that the Nemo bad bard work to ship a erew for the return voyage. A broken leg sent me to the hospital, and she sailed without xne, but I kept royself posted as to the ghost. Midway between Australia and the Cape the first mate bad his throat clutch- ed by cold and unseen bands as be lay in his bunk cam evening, and two nigbts later the same thing happened to a xnan in the deckhouse. While diseiplIne wee up- set and things in a bad state the trouble would have passed away if the ghost bad not played his pranks on the man at the wheel a few nights subsequently. Every mean forward then declared his determina- tion to quit the ship, and they had pro- visioised two boats and were aboutto lower them when a man-of-war hove in sight. A signal of distress brought her along, and you can judge how the minds of the men were affected when I say that they preferred going aboard of the man-of-war In irons to returning to duty. Enough men were spared to work the ship home, and though the ghost remained quietthere was an uncanny feeling with all. For four weeks after loading for India the Nemo could not ship a man. The gbost business had got into the newspapers'and the sto- ries were circulated in the taverns, and though men wouldbave taken th eir chances In a leaky ship they fought clear of spooks. A crew was at last seemed by paying extra wages, but after the Nemo had been out 17 days the ghost laid its cold bands on one of the men, and the entire crew, led by the third mate, abandoned the ship at sea. The captain and the two mates stood by her and eventually got her into a port, but her reputation was blasted forever. The case was laid before all sorts of men, and scoffers and believers alike visited the ship in search of a clew. Plenty of deductions and conclusions were arrived at, but they satisfied only a certain few. After many months the Nemo loaded at Liverpool for a South American port, and her crew was composed entirely of Germans fresh from a China voyage. Not one had ever beard of her troubles, but they were fated to End out for themselves. A week after sailing the ghost appeared as lively as ever, and again the crew put off and left her in charge of her officers. She was a doomed ship, and her owner did the wisest thing possible by selling her at the best price he could get .As a coal barge she was never troubled again by the ghost, though why it shouldn't have continued aboard no one can tell. You can form your own theories and draw your own conclusions Of the whole affair. I bothered with it for several years, hopieg to get at some satiefactory eluoidation, but it remains a mystery still. If there bad been no ghost, the ship would not have been twice abandoned and Really sold for a fifth of her cost, and that such was the case there are a bundred howspa- per articles to prove Indeed the hulk is in commission today, and is always pointed out as the "ghoot ship." Not Her Preference. He—Give me a kise? She (decidedly)—I won't, He—You .shouldn't say "I won't," to nse. You should have said, "I prefer not." She—But that wouldn't be trile.—Ilar- lam ,Life. Women In Agriculture. , Women are being trained in agriculture by the etate of Minnesota, which has just opened a wheel for the purpose that will accommodate 60 etudeuts. AGS, I have a dream that ethiewhere in the days Since when a myriad suns have burned moldiest There was a time my soul was not, for pride Of spendthrift youth, the peusioner who pays Dole for the pain of searching through the lame enters, joy lies hidden, .As the puffballs ride The %muttering wind across the stuureer's side, So winged, my spirit in a gelden blaze Of pure and careless preseut-feture naught But a sad dotard's wail-ana I was young Who now ant old. Now years like flashes seem Lartheet or gray on the great wall of thought. This is a song a poet may hetet sung. No proof remains. I have but dreamed a -Eielerk HIV inEiarPer'ii Baeaeine, OBTUSE JACK. Theodora was quite sure she had settled the question at last. For a week past ber tidal:hag hours bad been fiUed with ams all iraportan.t 511bject, or, move Properly speak- ing, two subjects, for the problem was to decide betweeia two mon who bad seen ilt to lcok upon her as a Sitting custoffian for , their tares and peeates. Ip accepting George Hunt the felt hex.- ' oelf fortiOed by a rampare of appreviug relatives and a decoroue some of propriety. As for Jack—svell, she had alwaya Med, Jack. Nverybedy liked him. Ho was a genial. good fel/ow and always ha densand at alfeactal gatherings. But he was poor, as young lawyere generally are, and while people predicted a future ter him Times dora thought of the preeent and deeided, to let Jack work eat his career alae. The clang at the doorbell was the signal , for the lee& hurried peep in the glees. Theodora felt a moment's pity for Jack as she ceughe the redeetton. They were go - M , bog to ee. ilatbaway'a soiree, and the mirror gave back to Tbeodora' s visiou all the loveliness of her gown, enhanced by the pretty bare Peek and crowned by the young feces It occurred to her several times dnrieg the eveniug that Jack was not acting espe. clally worried. Although toulght was the , time she had set as the utmost limit of her consideration, be bad not intimate/1 by look or word that he remembered this. Theodora resolved to bo /were, and it was with thie resolution in silted thee she ouggeeted sittIng out one of the &meet( which domed a serawly "J" opposite on leer pregrararna "Certaluly, it you Isiah," tie -wilted , Jack, arraeging the cushion behind bit ' head. "In fact, I begin to thitak I'm a Wee tired myself. Quite a crush Imre to- night " "Yes," said Theodora. ahould alas" continued Jack, gas- ' Ing out into the baltroem, "that Hunt • would retire from thelety, or from dancing at least. Juet look, at him now whirling around like a top that basn't been wound Up tight enough. He's beginning to web - Mal No response from Theodora "He getsterribly red in the face, too, and the way be mops his forehead is a sign of age. lio's really quite bald, isn't heft I °WY imps I'll =goober it when I get old." "Oldl" exclaimed Theodora. "Mr. Bunt Is a comparatively young Mall." "Compared to a centenarian, perhapo so." Theodora did not deign to answer. .Aftee a short silence Jack said, suddenly arrartg. Lug his head prop more emnfortably. "By the way, I've been considering the ques- tion I asked you a week ago, and. Fee con- cluded to save you the trouble of calculat- ing, matters too. It's no use, Theodora, I can't support a wife. I have figured it In every way and I can't make both ends meet" Theotiora's face hardened. "I might have saved you tho trouble of calculating by giving my answer a week ago," she said. "Then you weren't going to accept me anyway?" exclaimed Jack. "By Jove, I was almost afraid you would." "-Indeed?" "Oh, now, see hero, Tboodora," ex- claimed Jack, for the first time turning toward her. "Don't be clown on me. I supposed you'd look at this thing sensibly. Neither of us believe in long engagements, and so it is better to break off entirely Shan to worry along for six or eight years until all the poetry has disappeared from life." "You presuppose the ease. 1 nevez should have suggested waiting." Tbeodora arose and smoothed the folds of her draperies. "Since I'm going to marry another man I don't see the use of any further conver- sation on this subject." "Marry another man!" exclaimed Jack, starting forward. "I never thought ol that, Theodora." The consternation in his voice wae • satisfaction to her. "I presume not," she said aolttly. "Humbleness is not one of your virtues." He did not answer her, and she moved toward the door. "But, Theodora, you know that I love you. It is for your sake" -- "No, I do not know, nor can you make me believe it. However, that is of no con- sequence." "But It is of oonsequence, Theodora. May I ask who it is you are going to marry?" "15 18 Mr. Hunt," she replied haughtily. One day, about a month after Mrs. Hathaway's soiree, Jack met George Hunt on the street. "By the way, Hunt," Jack exclaimed, "I presume I'm a little bebindhand, but I want to congratulate you, wish you joy and all that sort of thing." "My dear fellovv, to what am I indebted for all this?" asked Hunt, shaking in a desultory manner the hand which Jack beld out. "To the honor of being the future hus- band of one of our most charming young ladies," laughed Jack. Mr. Hunt blushed unbecomingly. "You are either laboring under a delusion or eise this is a very meager joke 1 an en• gaged to no young lady." Bu t Theodora"— began Jack unguard- edly. "The young lady you mention did ilea self the honor of refusing me," said Me Hunt curtly. "I beg your parclen, by Joe I do, Hunt. It was all a inistalte. Some one misinformed ma I'm awfully sorry, but I've been behind the times fatev.,, . "It is of no consequence," said Me Hunt, passing on. Not many days afterward Theodore started for a prolongedtvisit to her aunt, who lived in a gay tow e throe distance from Theodora's home. She had seen very little of Jack since the soiree, but Just as the train was stetting he swung himself on and in his hurried passage through the oar tossed a box into her lap. "Goodby!"- he called out, and she watehed him swing himself off the Plat. form. For some unaccountable reason hes heart was behaving very strangeig. Shs • wet up the box from her lap and broke the string. A note lay on a bed of deep purple, fragrant violets, and as mho saw just the one word, "Theodora," ie the fansiliar, scrawly writing, leer heart gave a joyous boued. Sbe opened the note and reedthese words: "The fool and his money soon parted," Sae stared at the line, So deck coosids erecl bintself a f001 for spending a few pal- try cents on her, and this after their cou. versation at the Hathawayst Oh, it wait unbearable for any man to be so insult- ing, and Jack of all men! She Wok a little pencil (mw her pocket- book geld wrote underneath the obuozious message from sraels, "It woad be wise to tack the violets on to one of those ende which, will not meets" when Jack received the box addressed, in Theodora's bandwriting, be eagerly opened the package. Inside he found his poor yiolette withered, and then ha read the pen. oiled words, "It would be wise to tact the violets on to one of those ends which will not meet." "By Jove!" he exclaimed, "That bor- ders ou sarcasm. Wonder why she didn't like them. I'll take a run up Sunday aud find out." Jack was as good as his word and quite distracted Tbeodora's thoughts from her prayers wisen his ueexpected eelf swung into the church an Sunday morning. She treated him with dignity which smacked of hauteur, brie poor jaek was entireiy un- conscious. "By the way," be remarked casually Shat evening, utterly unaware of or at ieast not noticing the frigidity of Theo - 's warmer, "why didn't you keep the violets?1 meant you should, "Indeed, did eau? I did the best 1 could o restore a fool's money." "I say, that's rather bard OD me, Theo* pra. But, of course, I know you only eent it as a jolie, relax° as I did. But m sorry you did not keep them." "A sotto!" oho exclohned "I think Your jokes are in ?ether poor taste," "Oh, paver mind; that's all over now. Say, 1eongratutated iluet tho other dey, nd it didn't nem to set well," Tbeodora gasped: "How dare you do such it thing?" she exclaimed. "Hew dare you Insult, me in this way? I have never been treated so. Fleet you ProPoded ted 3310 "I didn't mean to insult you by that, Theodora." "Oh, you losow what 1 meant You told, mao you dM not want to marry me because I would he an expense, Then 'you dared to meddle in Mr. liunt'e affairs"— "Now, Theodora"--. "Then you send me a box of flowers so you can pester mowith yourexcesstre brIl. Haney of thoughts Then, eo cap all, you come up hero to taunt MOO with all this and call it all a joke. I never thought it f you. I"— "Why, Theodora, whet is the matter Don't my, for beaven's ealtel" implored Jack, attempting couselation and exhibit- ing innuenee Awkwardness. "011, I say, Theodora," be mid, "I didn't know you felt this way about 151" "I don't," sobbed Theodora. "But, may dear, you eerteluly do. Upon may word, I did not know that you were not engaged to Hunt I apologized to Mm, and it's ail right. And I sent the flowers thause I know you like violets, and the note was only it joke. .And I said that I slid not want to mem you because 1 war sure you would refuse nut at first. But I don't believe yon would marry any ono else or be engaged so soon. Tell me any- way, Theodora, wby won't you marry nse?" "Because you don't want me to," she eaid sobbingly. "-My dear Theodora, it /Rome to roe you are wonderfully dense," be said, taking eer in his arms.—Peterson's, Music Among the Negroes. One of the ohlof features of every nogrO gathering of a social cbaraoter ie the sing- ing, says W. F. liewetson in The Oban- tauquan. & xnusical people they undoubt- edly are. Not it few bay° exhibited a high degree of talent in this respeet—as, for example, Blind Tons—wbose performancea on the plasm have deiighted so many (na- tured audiences, The darky fiddler, once so prominent a feature of social gather- ings is still soughb after in some tom- munities. The popularity of so called "jubilee" singers and negro minstrels seems to increase with time. Many of the most popular songs In this country, such as "Old Kentucky Home," "The Fatal Wedding" and "Listen to the Mocking Bird," were composed by Degrees. , For the origin of most of their songs we must go back to tbe days of slavery. Just as the laboring classes of England during the seventeenth century found expression for their struggles and sufferings in the popular ballads of the time, so the Ameri- can slave gave vent to his afflictions and heartaches in song. Be sang of bis griefs —and they were many—of hardships and oppression, of loss of home, of separation from friende and relatives. In these songs one can notfail to perceive a certain plain- tive melody that seems to breathe forth centuries of Patient suffering. But the songs of the negro were not all dictated by the tragic muse. Even in slavery there were bright, sun kissed openings in the clouds of sorrow that darkened his life, and there is no better evidence of the nat- ural theerfelness and gayety of his °Isar - rester than the comic and festive songs with which he was wont to celebrate these interspaces in his grief. Moonstruck. • The moon has been held responsible for many extraordinary influences it is sup- posed to bave bad upon human beings. Some hold 15 responsible for lunacy, while others affirm that more people die at the time of the full moon than at any other period. It seems, however, to have been undoubtedly proved that the moon has a great effect on health and life. Two very extraordinary cases have been put forward in support • of this theory. These both refer to people whose fingers have been moonstruck. The first is that of a young man who always felt at the Sime of the full moon a peculiar sensation in tbe thumb nall of his left hand. His fleger nail invariably began to bleed at precisely the time when the moon came to its full The other case is that of an older ream who from his fifty-third to his fifty -W513 year always suffered from what is described as a "periodical ,evacuatton of blood from She extremity of the forefinger of his right hand." A celebrated doctor mentions another curious case of the startling effect the atooxi had OP a certait young 'lady, With the increase of the moon the invariably became plump and exceedingly hand- some and pleasant to look upon. When the moon decreased, however, her face and figure began to undergo a change She became haggard and positively ugly; so much so indeed that she made it it =a- tom to exclude herself from society for some days after the moon had commenced its decree/ie.—Pennon's Weekly, Solid Comfort. It is not enough to have rubbers keep out the wet If the fit be not perfect they will / draw the feet It costs money to employ skilled ma - pattern. kers) in order to turn out rub- bers in all the latest shoe shapes, but the Granby Rubber Co. do it and the result is that The Granby Lined Rubber is Wenn, Dry and Comfortable -made in all the shoe sheets, of the very best material. Granby Rubbers 0Overshoes are known to be right up-to.date. The thick balI and heel make them last twice as long; while the thin rub- ber used. in the other parts makes the whole very light. Insist on seeing the Granby Trade Mark on the sole, GRA.NBY RUBBERS -WEAR LIKE IRON. 09.00-eselseeaOret PLA NT OF THE POETESS. S ie Lougee to Be Vp and Away, Ind cooed Not GO, The poetess lay in her Marrow lied and stored with pain glazed eyes at the airly ceuthg overhead, outing, as one in a dream, the great holes in it and half form - ITT; it wish that it would rein no more. The sun was high in the heavens. 'With fancy's eye she could see it flooding hill and dale with golden glory, dispelling au, tuisinel mists in forme glades mat lending richer. rarer tints to the gorgeous 11A ery of the woods. In lance*, too, she could hear the sweet songs of birds, the merry laugh of harpy children gamboling on 'l1 - Inge greene, and her whole soul rose in re- volt and her heart cried out with its pixie. She longed to leave her bed and be up and away, hut she knew that it was an Mapes - she eried in her agony ot "why doesn't that washerwoman hring ray bloomers!" Beating her pillow frenzied. ly, the poetese cursed the day she chose Lt. erat met for ik profcesleal,--NeW York Sun- day Journal. leer* Tema Ka Wanted. Photographer—Now, madam, don't look too pleasant —e'llegentle Hiatter. A Sad Bereavement. I recently accompanied it medical friend of mine on a drive to see a parka living, on a farm in that tharmiug county of Penosylvama—Chester. As the doctor went into the house, leaving zee to beild the borer, I fell into conversation with the hale old farmer evbese son was now man- aging the property. "You have no grand- children?" I inquired. "She bed one," he said, jerking his thumb toward the house, "but it never lived long." "That was sad," I vottured. "Sad!" said the old man. "I'd rather hey lost the hest cow 1 hedi"—Now York Press, The Young Agitator. He had been reclining aorosshisfather's knee in an attitude somewhat lacking in elegance. 'When he was released, he wiped the moisture from his eyes and sat himself carefully down on the softest sofa pillow. "Father," he said, "I deoideffly object to your method of handling this affair." His father looked up in surprise. "And why so, sonny?" "Because," replied the youthful states- man, "it smacks too nmoh of paternal- ism."—Cleveland Plain Dealer. What,Puzzled Him. "Yes," be said thoughtfully, "I admit that I have been leading a pretty hese life, and every ono seems to agree that I ought to reform. But the fact is, I don't know what I ought to do first." "Ought to do first!" they all cried in astonishment. "Why, you ought to settle down and"— "That's just the question," be inter rupted. "Ought I to settle down or settle up first?"—Chicago Post. The Very 'Worst Yet. Low Geer --I see Wheeler has caught the new craze. Handel Barrs—How's that? Low Geer—Why, you remember he al- ways used to ride around with his little daughter Jane on the seat in front of him. He leaves ber at home now. Handel Beers—And why is that? Low Geer—He says he's bound to ride a janeless wheel.—New York Journal. Vulgarly Speaking. "I was conveyed," related Love, In speaking of it afterward, "on the duket strains of a flute." , The gods and goddesses exchanged glances. "On a toot," they exclaimed, as with one voice. "Why, the very idea!" The affair, in fact, made lots of talk in Olympus. --Detroit Journal. " Reason For a Fixed Purpose. "I can't understand efarkley's almost fanatical determination to ferret out that robber. 'You can't, oh? Well, his wife thinks he blew in the money and invented the story." ---Detroit News. . Tbe Part on Paper. Harriman Hafean—Ha 1 I see the ex- pression " Greater Chicago." What is "Greater Chicago?" Nick R. Becker—That is the Chicago of the statisticians.—New York Truth. Not Much of a Walker. "What's this item of $39 for?" asked the treasuxer (lathe Fly Chasers' union. "Car fare for the walking delegate," responded the president.—Philadelphia North American. WOMEN AND WEAK NERVES. go,•••••••••••? ives of Misery and Affliction. Marvellous ease in Manitoba. Paine's Celery Compound Proves a Wondrous Blessing. Miss Parr Says, After the First Dose Felt New Hope and New Life Coming." Nervous Prostration, Mental De- pression, and Excruciating Sufferings are Banished. Paine's Celery Compound the Great Life Builder and Vitalizer. ••••......••••••• Weals & Richardson Co., Dear Sirsi—For several years 1 havet bad Weak nerves, and was gradually running down, and lase 'March I was prostrated. with nervous debility. My sufferings were excruoiating in the ex- treme; I really thought there never was another who suffered quite as much with mental depression and weak nerves. This lasted about three months, and I was taking dodoes. medicine continually, but p Was getting -worse instead of better. Ono day, feeling quite discouraged and • wondering if I was over to get out of my ' dreadful sta,to, a dear friend said th me, "I wish you would try Paine's Celery Compound." As I had intended to try it I apted upon her advice and started using it the very same day, and from the first dose I felt new hope and new life coming. I continued using it, and am still taking it once in it while, always asking God's blessing on each bottle. I am very raueh improved, and cannot say too much 50 favor of the medicine, and would recom-i mend it to all suffering from nervous' prostration and mental depression. Yours faithfully, L. B. PARR, Crystal Oity, Man. I Fraud. Crimsonbeak—That woman fortune tell- er is a fraud. Yeast—What makes you think so? "Why, she advertised that she would' bell any one's age." "Well?" "She wouldn't tell her own."—Yonkers Statesman, unsportsmaranto. "I hyahs tell dat football is a pow'ful rough game," said Miss Miami Brown. . "Deed 'tis," replied Eraseus :Pinkley. "Dey's gittin so 'ley ain' satisaed wif buttip haids like geiriman. De las' game I wus in dey got to kickin shins."---Wath- ington Star. FALSE REPRESENTATIONS, An Ontario Lady Compels a Mer. chantto Pay for Damages. I A• lady writing front an Ontario town says: "A month ago I visited one of our town stores and asked for three packages of Diamond Dye Navy Blue for dyeing all wool goods. The merchant informed me that he was out of Navy Blue in the Diamond Dyes, and talked me into buy- ing a dye of another make, at the sa.me , time guaranteeing them to do as good f work as I could get from the Ditunond. I A lady friend was with mo at the time and heard the whole conversation. I took the strange dyes home, used them accord- ing to directions., and was sadly disap- pointed with the results. The color was , anything but a Navy ; in truth, my ma -1 torte's were spoiled. I at once took the goods to the,snevthant and told bins hie dyes were frauds. He. offered to give me more of the same dyes or my money back. I refused both offers, and after I had , threatened law proceedings het thought it best to pay for the inaterial spoiled. This merchant will never again have the chance to sell me any more dyes. I shall go where I can get the Diamond Dyes at any time they ars wanted. I have had ray last lesson with poor dyes."