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The Citizen, 2005-09-15, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2005. PAGE 5. Other Views Good news is now news Nobody likes the bringer of bad news. - Sophocles looked up from the crossword puzzle I was surreptitiously filling out to see my editor bearing down on me, paper in hand and thunder in his brow. Never a good sign. “Yer supposta be the funny guy around here,” he growled, tossing his burden on my desk. “Make something funny out of this.” It was a letter to the editor. A full page of sniping and whingeing about the shortcomings of our esteemed organ which boiled down to the old familiar lament: “Why don’t you just give us good news stories instead of all the gloom and doom?” The answer is simple. Newspapers don’t lean towards good news stories because nobody this side of Ned Flanders could abide a steady diet of Pollyanna pabulum. Oh, there’s nothing wrong with the occasional kitten-rescued-from-a-tree heart warmer, but people buy newspapers to be titillated, outraged and/or appalled. It’s a journalistic truism summed up in the brutally cynical editorial adage: ‘if it bleeds, it leads’. That said, I must admit that I too have had enough of forest fires, suicide bombers, carjackings, corporate crooks and ponderous editorials on the shortcomings of ‘today’s youth’. Herewith a three-flower bouquet of good news stories that didn’t make headlines, but should have. Number one: the thong is dead. Is that not good news? The underwear thong...the single most uncomfortable, unhygienic and inadequate undergarment fashion in living memory is itself poised to become a memory. Sales have plunged 20 per cent in the past year - and high time too. According to the Who is the most boring MPP? Competition for the title of most boring speaker in the Ontario legislature in memory naturally is intense, but the mantle seems to have fallen on John Williams. Williams was a Progressive Conservative MPP and briefly a minister between 1975-85 and could set members dozing faster than sleeping pills. Liberal Sean Conway, considered the legislature’s finest orator when he retired in 2003 after 28 years as a MPP and well qualified to judge, said in recalling his own career Williams was the most boring he knew. Long-serving Conservative Bob Runciman, who has heard many MPPs, said when he thought of politicians “who can speak at length and bore us all to tears,” John Williams leaped first to mind and added “I apologize, John.” Conway, New Democrats Stephen Lewis and former premier Bob Rae and Liberal Elmer Sopha often have been named among the best speakers in memory, but this is the first time one has been rated most boring. Reporters who covered the legislature at the time will agree. Williams spoke often on almost every subject, ponderously, always seriously and without any trace of humour. A lawyer, he spoke as if he was writing a legal document, never using “said” when he could substitute “enunciated” or “end” when he could say “termination.” Things were never done, but enacted, ideas not good, but meritorious, residents did not live in a riding, but within its geographic parameters, and his speeches were sprinkled with notwithstanding and therefore. Williams called the federal Liberals’ energy policy “an imbalance of priorities that surely has to be a classic example thereof.” He said of a budget “the resultant cost Arthur Black fashion editor of The London Daily Mirror. customers, and particularly women, are giving the bum’s rush to “the most ridiculous excuse for a pair of knickers since the chastity belt”. Good news item number two: an anonymous driver who pilots a city bus for B.C. Transit in Victoria, B.C. This guy follows the same route five days a week. It’s a route that takes him down suburban Ferndale road past the house of James McDonough, aged 10. One very hot day recently, the driver noticed James sitting at the end of his driveway behind a card table holding a pitcher of lemonade and a couple of dozen plastic glasses. James looked downcast. Business, obviously, was less than brisk. So our driver stopped the bus, turned to his passengers and said “C’mon, c’mon, lemonade for everybody.” The driver bought drinks for the house - or rather, the bus - out of his own pocket. A small thing? Sure, but it made the day for his passengers - not to mention for James McDonough who was left with an empty pitcher and $ 14 in his cash box. His mom says, “James just thought it was the coolest thing ever”. Item three: the saga of Sheena and Willie. Firefighters arriving at a burning house in Auckland, New Zealand recently put a ladder up to an open upper-storey window, climbed through and found... pressure, in conjunction with the decline in the relative importance of premium revenue, has generated a huge financing gap”. There are simpler ways to explain a deficit. Williams said he relished “the opportunity of pricking the balloon of the simplistic criticisms of the opposition parties.” He argued “the type of rhetoric from the opposition continues without any factual backups to substantiate those generalizations that have become nothing more than rhetoric and well-worn cliches.” When Williams assessed accurately there was “some commercial viability to the use of wind energy,” a Liberal interjected if he could bottle his own, he would be rich. During one protracted speech opponents warned they were “willing to stay here as long as you are” and “prepared to suffer.” Williams complained Liberal leader Stuart Smith was eating peanuts in the legislature, but all parties had to laugh when Smith denied it and said Williams was “even further from his tree than usual.” But Williams is remembered most because a newspaper reported that, while a vocal opponent of nude dancing in clubs, he had been seen enjoying himself in a strip bar in Washington during a visit with an all-party committee studying transportation. Williams explained he and two other Tories Sheena and Willie, struggling to get out. Sheena had the lead end of Willie’s leash in her teeth, leading him towards the firefighters. Sheena and Willie are mixed breed golden retrievers. Sheena is Willie’s mom. Willie, her four-year-old pup, is stone blind. Fire sergeant Ed Buck, who carried the dogs to safety, said. “They were both trembling but unhurt. They put a lump in my throat the size of a soccer ball.” The owner of the house, a 59-year-old school teacher named Harold Dean, said he didn’t care about losing the house, “but these dogs mean everything to me. They taught me about faith after my wife died.” Turns out that Willie was born blind. The neighbours, family friends, even the local vet tut-tutted, murmured ‘too bad’ and advised Harold and his wife Joan to save themselves a lot of grief and vexation by having the pup euthanized. Joan said absolutely not. She taught Willie’s mom Sheena to be Willie’s eyes, loan trained Sheena to guide the puppy in and out of the house and around the yard by holding his leash in her mouth. Eventually, Sheena was taking Willie for extended walks all on her own. There was also a lesson for Harold Dean. “Joan died of cancer last year and 1 took it hard,” Dean says. “Then one day I was watching Sheena walking Willie in the backyard, feeling sorry for myself when it hit me - that’s what life’s all about. Fidelity and devotion. It’s what Joan and I shared during 37 years of marriage.” “Self-pity blinded me, until these mutts gave me the eyes to see again.” There now. Don’t say we never print any good news stories. went into what seemed a cocktail lounge, had no idea waitresses would strip and left immediately when one did. He charged in the legislature one of two Liberal MPPs on the committee, whom he identified, had deliberately given the newspaper false information. Williams said the Liberals were sinking to a new low in sleaze and enjoying themselves by making falsehoods public. He demanded they apologize or he would sue for slander. One of the two Liberals retorted he never gave information to the paper and unless Williams apologized he would sue. The other kept his head down, and a third Liberal added if their party sometimes laughed at Williams, it had good reason. Williams was treated badly, but he protested at such length and with such outrage the issue spread to news media that had not shown interest before. One odd twist is John Williams, who did not seem to have an a funny bone in his body, has a son, Harland, who is a stand-up comedian and has appeared in Hollywood movies including Wag the Dog and Dumb and Dumber. Who says like father like son? Final Thought There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people seem to be getting the best of you. When that happens, you only have to be patient and wait for them to self destruct. It never fails. r, - Richard Rybolt Bonnie Gropp The short of it Stuff of nightmares It’s giving me nightmares. But why wouldn’t it? The story is beydnd tragic, and often quite disturbing. It’s my own fault that my sleep's disrupted, however. I should know better than to watch the telecasts on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Working in the media, of course it’s important for me to have a clear picture of what’s going on in the world. But as a human being, as a parent, and as a grandparent, one’s emotional well-being can only stand watching so much suffering for so long. The visual confirmation of the tragedy, the complete and total devastation as outlined by the commentaries, minute after minute, night after night since Katrina blew in and submerged 80 per cent of New Orleans is beyond depressing. As one commentator remarked during last night’s telecast, for the first time in a situation such as this he has been unable to feel any sense of optimism. Perhaps it’s a failing in me, but suffering on this level I generally try to avoid watching. Does one truly have to sink themselves into pain to feel it? After all, you don’t have to slice off an arm to have a pretty good idea of how much it’s going to hurt. Without watching the extensive news coverage in the first few days I felt I could still comprehend the horrific impact Katrina had on the glorious old city, on its citizens and on the economy. But put into a situation recently where it was impossible not to watch the coverage I realized this disaster is so horrific it must be seen to be believed. If ever Mother Nature wanted to prove her awesome power over man she’s made her point. For hundreds of years New Orleans, built below sea level, survived barricaded by levees believed strong enough to withstand a category three hurricane. The message may be, never taunt Mother Nature, as she delivered Katrina considered first a rather benign force, but which built to a category five as it targeted the city. Water rushed in and survivors by the thousands were crammed into makeshift rescue centres. Also adding to what was already catastrophic are the failures of society and government. A poll on CNN asked viewers whether any level of government should be blamed for the disaster. In my opinion, it’s the wrong question. What they should have asked is whether or not someone should be blamed for what happened after Katrina hit. Why did it lake days for relief aid to arrive? And why was President Bush holidaying? Another factor never considered in any emergency planning was that of man’s dark side. With law . officers and National Guardsmen focused on saving lives, looters around the city brazenly ransacked stores for food, beer, clothing, appliances, and guns. The chaos was described by a member of B.C.’s elite search and rescue team that was deployed to assist as “far too dangerous for even the state troopers and police to wander out.” Photos on a recent newscast showed the deplorable conditions in which people had to live while waiting to be evacuated. While the scenes of human waste and debris were disturbing enough, the shots of mutilated bodies boggled the mind. That this act could be committed to another human being at anytime let alone when people need the help of others most is as disturbing as it gets. So I take these images to bed with me now, night after night. It’s a small price to pay to get minutely closer to the suffering and compels me to offer what I can to help from my blessed corner of this world right now.