The Citizen, 2006-07-27, Page 5Final Thought
A man who uses a great many words to
express his meaning is like a bad marksman
who, instead of aiming a single stone at an
object, takes-up a handful and throws at it in
14s he may hit.
— Samuel Johnson
THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, JULY 27, 2006. PAGE 5.
Other Views
Cheap talk? Not very
You want some face time with Bill
Clinton? I can make it happen,
sweetheart.
Got a yen to break bread with Deepak
Choprah? Arnie Palmer? Doctor Phil?
Just say the word and it's a done deal, baby.
I can have you rubbing elbows with ex-
astronaut Buzz Aldrin, ex-Prime Minister
Maggie Thatcher, cycling monorchidist Lance
Armstrong or Shaquille the Real Deal O'Neal
— take your pick — in next to no time at all.
Actually, you don't even need me to pimp
your rendezvous. All you need is your cheque
book.
All the aforementioned celebs are working
denizens of the After Dinner Speakers Circuit.
Any one of them would be happy to come and
give a speech at your annual Pipefitters
Convention, your monthly Rotarian coffee
klatch — even your local book club.
For a price.
If you want to hear from Deepak or Buzz,
it'll set you back somewhere between $30,000
and $50,000 U.S. A speech from Lance or
Arnie will run you about $75,000 for the
evening.
Bill Clinton? Better cash in those beer
empties. Slick Willie charges $150,000 U.S. a
0 ntario politics is undergoing tremors,
if not an earthquake, when an MPP in
a governing party accuses Israel of
being a "rogue state" that has brutally attacked
Palestinians and Lebanese.
Liberal backbencher Phil McNeely said in
an unprecedented e-mail to a Canadian Arab
organization that Israel has unacceptably
jailed Hamas politicians democratically
elected to . govern Palestine, collectively
punished and killed many innocent civilians in
both countries and thwarted Lebanon's
economic recovery by destroying its
infrastructure for a second time.
The missive fell in the hands of a newspaper.
Premier Dalton McGuinty's office, not
wanting to offend Jewish voters who are
influential and key in some ridings, persuaded
the MPP to apologize, say the issues are
complex, his language was inappropriate and
during tension it is important to remain
respectful of others.
It also has been noticeable, and may be
evidence of declining enthusiasm for Israel's
methods, the major political parties have
avoided publicly pledging wholehearted
support to that country, as they did when it
invaded Lebanon in 1982, killing many and
also destroying much infrastructure.
This reporter at that time attended a rally
outside Toronto city hall to show solidarity
with Israel. The organizers invited the three
major political parties.
Roy McMurtry, then attorney general in the
Progressive Conservative government of
premier William Davis and now chief justice
of Ontario, arrived escorted by an honour
guard of Jewish war veterans and was given
the warmest reception.
McMurtry described himself as7a Christian
Zionist, proud to stand with ybu today in
support of Israel."
half an hour ($200 thou), or for the same price
you, could have me speak to your group once a
day including weekends from now until the
snow flies.
It's a sweet gig, all things considered. As an
after-dinner speaker you get a free meal - and
you meet interesting people, who drive you to
and from the airport and put you up in a hotel.
You also get a cheque which hardly ever
bounces.
Is it a decent way to make a living? Well, I
have had approximately 27 different kinds of
jobs in my life and I have to say that standing
up on your hind legs to address a roomful of
(usually) pleasant strangers is one of the easier
assignments I've faced (ever tried tar and
gravel roofing?). Speechifying is not, however,
a cakewalk. Most audiences are well-behaved,
enthusiastic and interested in what you have to
say.
And then there are The Others.
I remember my address to a convention of
repo men a few years back. These are chaps
who haul TVs from apartments and snatch car
keys out of peoples' fists for a living. All
evening, my audience stared me down through
squinty, Dirty Harry eyes. No one cracked a
smile for the duration of my entire speech.
Applause -was spotty and grudging. I think
they were just waiting for me to finish so they
He recalled he had visited Israel three times
in six years, among many Ontarian politicians
of all parties who have trekked there trying to
become known to Jews and win their votes.
McMurtry whipped the crowd to its most
feverish by pointing out Jews survived the
Holocaust, which he called properly "the most
demonic fury ever unleashed by man against
man," but neglected to mention was not
perpetrated by Arabs.
He also read a message from Davis in which
the premier extended warmest greetings and
said Israel has "indomitable spirit and
determination."
Liberal opposition leader and later premier
David Peterson said Canadians have the same
values as Israelis and people needed to speak
strongly against terrorism.
New Democrat leader and also future
premier Bob Rae sent greetings assuring only
a long-planned family reunion prevented him
attending, and Conservative MPP David
Rotenberg wound up lamenting "Israel stands
alone in the international community."
This reporter wrote a column saying it was
unappealing to see Ontario politicians
grubbing for votes at home rather than taking
sides on the merits of the issue.
It pointed out Davis visited Israeli three
times, declared "I am a Jerusalemite" and won
a medal from Israel for preventing the
Palestine Liberation Organization speaking in
could re-possess the lectern.
And I'll never forget my evening with the
Vancouver Bar Association. It's not news that
lawyers can be nasty creatures, but little did I
know there was an inner cadre of legal
weasels within the Association who
considered it a point of honour to drive the
annual conventions guest speaker from the
stage before he or she could finish their
speech.
They did it with catcalls, jeers, table-
thumping, foot-stomping and bun-tossing.
I knew I was in trouble when the guy who
was introducing me got hit in the eye with a
dinner roll.
But hostile audiences are the exception to
the rule. Most often an encounter between an
after-dinner speaker and his hosts is civilized,
enlightening, and entertaining for all
concerned.
And once in a rare while, something magical
happens. I remember speaking to an animal
welfare group in Toronto a few years back.
After my speech, which was well-received, the
treasurer stood up to report on the group's
financial situation.
It wasn't good. In fact it was so bad, I
realized that my speaker's fee represented a
significant drain on their coffers.
Well, what the hell — I love animals. I stood
up and blurted that I was waiving my fee. They
could take that money and put it to good use.
Cheers all around. Everyone went home
happy.
A few weeks later I ran into the treasurer and
asked her what good use they had found for
my money.
"Actually," she said, "we put it into a fund to
get better speakers next year."
Toronto, but turned a blind eye to problems in
many other countries and, if Israel stood alone,
this may indicate its cause had flaws.
Two representatives of the Jewish human
rights organization Wnai B'rith visited the
writer in his office and, while they did not
quarrel much with facts used in the column,
said its tone was insensitive, suggested Jews
conspire to control society and resembled anti-
Semitism and the Ku Klux. Klan.
In the 43 years this writer has covered the
legislature hundreds of MPPs have voiced
support for Israel and only two for its Arab
residents, the other being New Democrat
backbencher Peter Kormos, who said in 2000
that Israel uses excessive force and deprives
them of. land.
Residents will know from personal
observation this almost unvarying show of
support for Israel does not reflect the views of
many Ontarians and therefore MPPs and
suspect, as this reporter has found by talking to
the latter, they fear they also will be accused of
anti-Semitism, about the most damaging
criticism that can be made of a politician.
But MPPs are finding it hard to stifle their
real feelings on this difficult, emotional issue
and sometimes they slip out.
I'm adapting nicely
/is always a shock the first time it happens.
There's no warning, just suddenly the
moment you always knew would arrive
does. And no matter how prepared you think
you are, you never really are.
. He or she has been your best bud for several
years. Everywhere you go they want to follow.
No one can top you. Your words mean magic,
your presence means security. They love you
unconditionally, forgiving you when you fail,
even when it's them whom you've failed.
And as if all of that isn't enough, in their
eyes you are the absolute coolest person ever.
This state of being continues without a blip
for several years. Then one day, you say
something and your son or daughter looks at
you as if you'd suddenly walked into the room
dressed in a Nehru jacket and love beads.
Or, you' extend an invitation and their
rejection implies they'd rather stay home than
be seen on the town with the woman now
known as Mom. Mommy is gone forever.
The change has not come in you, of course.
After all, you know you're still as cool as ever,
and not bad company to boot.
No, the harsh truth is your baby is growing
up. It happens to everyone at some point. It
hurts, too, but usually just in the beginning. We
parents are nothing if not thick-skinned and
adaptable. We learn to live with the look that
labels us `dork', the shunning, the sudden
independence.
my husband wasn't even home yet. No, our
six-year-old grandson was visiting and his
greeting as always warmed away the cares of
the day.
Mentioning that I needed to pick up some
groceries, he asked, to my surprised delight, if
he might come along. It has been a very long
time since anyone wanted to accompany me in
the drudgery of housekeeping.
It was nice. Even a long wait at the deli
counter passed pleasantly with my little man's
conversation.
The chats continued that evening while we
watched a movie. Listening and answering,
looking at his adorably earnest face, I thought
what good company he is, better than many
adults I know. He was the perfect
conversationalist, appearing interested in what
I had to say, sharing stories of his own and full
of questions that inspired some often
interesting explanations. He even wanted to
talk about my books.
But also in that face and in those questions J
saw his daddy, his aunts and uncle. And
remembered when a trip to the grocery store
with Mommy was an alright outing. And days
spent one-on-one were much sought after on
both sides.
A little bittersweet invaded the evening
when I recognized how swiftly all those years
ago had passed. But the bitter quickly faded
when I thought about those kids today.
Certainly in the intervening years the
relationship altered, but our kids have reached
the point again where they might not exactly
find Mom and Dad that cool, bia they don't
seem to mind hanging out with us on occasion.
And while searching out some one-on-one
may be a little more one sided now than in the
past, the gesture is usually welcomed.
Add to this that when they can't be with me,
I often have the best little buddy ever visiting
and yes, I'm adapting nicely.
Too pricey? Not to worry, there's a B-list.
For around 10 grand you can be entertained by
Toronto Argonaut coach Michael (Pinball)
Clemons — or ex-PM Joe Clark.
I play this game too, albeit for less lucre. I
deliver humourous talks to conventions and
seminars, conferences and pow-wows —
although my fee is so far below the
aforementioned top guns it's laughable. Hint:
you could have Donald Trump hector you for
And then we dream of grandchildren. Mid -East violence provokes anger welcomeeof h
aocT one day last week to the
y smile and a huge hug. And