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The Citizen, 2003-08-27, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27, 2003. PAGE 5. Other Views You’ve been warned. Don’t drink the H20 How’s this for a delightful, ground­ breaking idea? The prime minister has announced the formation of an “Anti­ Absurdity Bureau” to deal with the government’s excessive “foolishness”. That’s the good news. The bad news is the prime minister’s name is Einars Repse, not Jean Chretien. And the country he presides over is Latvia, not Canada. Oh. well. It’s a start. Lord knows The Great White North could use an Anti-Absurdist Ministry - if only to tackle the ongoing farce of airport security. I approach the airport security desk, enroute from Victoria to Toronto. As I pass through the body scanner, my car keys, my wallet and my toiletries bag are rolling down the belt towards the X-ray machine. “Whoa! What’s this?” growls the Rent-A- Cop squatted on a stool by the X-Ray monitor. What’s he unearthed? A switchblade? A grenade launcher? A half-pound of plastique moulded into the shape of a Winnie The Pooh toothpaste dispenser? No. He has uncovered a tiny mechanical device with rotary blades and a cunning design that allows it to be concealed within the palm of oh, say a whacko extremist suicide Al Queda terrorist bent on taking over an Air Canada flight and wreaking havoc in the air, somewhere between Horsefly, B.C. and Punkeydoodles Comers, Ontario. He has uncovered my nosehair clippers. “You can’t take this on board” he declaims. “It’s a pair of clippers,” I murmur with some embarrassment. “For - you know - nose hairs.” You actually want to grab the ’dork by the earlobes and say “Look, moron! Can you imagine ANYBODY trying to commandeer a Premier Ernie Eves shops for votes Premier Ernie Eves loves politics and adores golf, but is never happier than when he is trundling a shopping cart around his local supermarket. The Progressive Conservative premier has been mentioning he does his own grocery shopping as part of his attempt to acquire an image as an ordinary joe and even indulged in a little subterfuge to promote it. Eves as finance minister and finance company executive was renowned for his costly suits and lavish dining and is scared voters will feel this means he cannot identify with their every-day concerns. * So he has reminded them that his father worked in a factory and claimed that he often drops in the more modest Tim Hortons and Swiss Chalet restaurants. Eves also said he does his shopping for food and a Toronto newspaper reported it found the premier in an IGA store in his riding on a Friday afternoon, loading his cart with fruit and veggies. It photographed him examining the lettuces and saying he insists on value when shopping, which will appeal to the many who hope a premier will be prudent, and that Ontario produce is best, which will not hurt him with farmers. A couple of other customers attested they had seen him shopping before and he appeared well-liked. But it turned out the premier’s office had tipped off the reporter he would be there. This raises the questions of whether the premier would have been in the store unless he knew the reporter was coming - whether in fact he normally does his own shopping — and whether those who said they had seen him Arthur Black 747 brandishing a dollar ninety-eight’s worth of made-in-Hong-Kong imitation-stainless- steel facial foliage trimmer?” But you don’t, because you know it would bring out the Mounties and a drug-sniffing German shepherd and several hours of im’beciiic questions in a tiny, pooriy vciiuiarcu room. So you sigh and shrug and surrender your nose-hair clippers. Could be worse. You could be a Nelson. More specifically, a David Nelson. You REALLY don’t want to be flying through the U.S. with a passport bearing the name David Nelson these days. You’ll NEVER get through security without an extreme hassle. Anytime anyone named David Nelson checks in for a flight anywhere in the U.S. the bells go off and the cops come out. Last month, it happened to six David Nelsons in the Los Angeles area, 18 in Oregon and four in Alaska. Why? Nobody seems to know - or at least want to explain. The U.S. Transportation Security Administration insists that the name David Nelson is not on any “terrorist list”. They say perhaps the “name-matching technology” currently employed at airport checkpoints matches “the presence of letters in a name.” Whatever the hell that means. What it means to me is that if my name was David Nelson, I’d be thinking about a vacation shop there before had been primed for the reporter’s visit. We may never know the answers. But it reminds that Eves, as finance minister, announced a tax cut and dropped off his clothes at a laundry he was said to visit regularly. Then when its owner popped up to thank him profusely and a newspaper reporter and photographer were on hand to record it. The newspaper did not mention it, but Eves obviously had arranged the whole event and the bemused owner even revealed later he had never seen Eves before, because he normally had his chauffeur deliver his laundry. Eves’s efforts are not making him look more a man of the people, however, particularly because some of his actions seemed more designed to help the well-off. These include Eves giving over-65s property tax relief that increases their wealth and his plan to give company owners easier access to surpluses in pension funds to which employees contributed until their protest stopped him. Opposition parties keep complaining Eves wants to put more money in the pockets of friends such as Frank Stronach, chairman of auto parts manufacturer Magna International, who was paid $56 million last year, and close to home this year. The supreme irony of the terrorism scare is that, for all of the western world’s technological sophistication, it’s amazing how vulnerable we are. Vulnerable and gullible to the most outrageous attacks of boneheaded bureaucratic overkill. Last spring, a student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize in the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair. His entry? A petition to the people demanding immediate government action on a dangerous chemical compound currently swirling through the land. This was no joke. The odourless, tasteless liquid h: question - dihydrogen monoxide - presents a clear and present danger to the public at large. Without proper supervision, it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting - not to mention severe bums in its gaseous state. Thousands of people have died from it through accidental inhalation. It is also a major component of acid rain, erosion, and the physical degradation of metals. Doctors don’t talk about it publicly but they know that most tumours of terminal cancer patients are riddled with pockets of dihydrogen monoxide. The petition asked people if they supported a ban of this dangerous chemical compound. Hell, yes! Out of 50 respondents, 43 said they wanted the government to act now to declare dihydrogen monoxide a dangerous and illegal substance. Six of the people petitioned were undecided and wanted more time to think about it. Only one said: “Dyhydrogen monoxide. Wait a minute. Isn’t that another name for... water?” communications tycoon Ken Thomson, who is even wealthier. Eves has become identified particularly with Stronach, who allowed him to unveil his budget in a company training centre when he moved it from the legislature to reduce opponents’ opportunities to criticize, and it is still scoffed at as “the Magna budget.” Eves did not look as if he keeps the company of ordinary joes when Stronach boasted to shareholders protesting against his high pay that he deserves even more. Eves keeps the minimum wage at a meager $6.85 an hour. Liberal leader Dalton McGuinty said one difference between himself and Eves is “I’m not sending $20,000 in seniors’ property tax credit to Frank Stronach and Ted Rogers,” the cable TV tycoon. New Democrat leader Howard Hampton charged Eves’s priority is “looking after Frank Stronach, who owns a $10 million mansion, has a $56 million income and wants more tax cuts.” Mike Harris, Eves’s Tory predecessor as premier, was made a director of Stronach’s company after he retired, as was earlier Tory premier William Davis, and Eves can expect similar largesse. This does not sound like a guy who normally would do his own shopping - but politicians will do a lot of things for votes. Final Thought We can do no great things - only small things with great love. - Mother Teresa Bonnie Gropp The short of it Classic hobby Nothing says summer like antique and classic cars. And it seems they’ve been everywhere lately. Actually, just a few weeks ago, thanks to the members of the Normoska car club, these historic beauties literally were everywhere. For several days, the Bly th campgrounds and local bed and breakfasts played host to classic car owners, who spent their days tourinp from town to town, taking in local activities and showing off their pride and joys. It was an impressive display wherever they went, one which, due to the demands of this job, we could not give full attention. There was never any doubt that over 100 campers, plus a number of overnight lodgers was a boost to economy. Nor was it in question that being treated to so many gorgeous automobiles was a unique opportunity for locals. However, a small staff, a large coverage area and other activities which hold equal importance to those involved, limits time we can give to one event. Personally, I was sorry that I always seemed to be in a different place at the right time. I love looking at old cars. I have to. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve come to accept that the only thing to rival the twinkle in my hubby’s eye when he’s with our grandson is the dream-like quality he acquires when he spies a late-1960 Dodge, Plymouth or Chrysler. To try and bring the dream to life he’s been working on the restoration of one these babies, a project which has stretched over several years. He is, as should be expected, becoming somewhat impatient. After all, as one antique car afficionada said to me recently, the payoff is finally getting to show off these gems. And they are gems, ones that grow in value, over the years, not just monetarily, but sentimentally as well. I have never found a person without a memory of some particular automobile. Mine was a '64 Buick my dad bought me while I was goi.ig to school in Kitchener, which I affectionately named Isabella. She and I weathered many a Perth County blizzard together. They are pieces of our past. As such, those who save and preserve them, though their intentions may be more selfish than altruistic, do us a favour. The collections show us the evolution of the automobile and its increasing importance to society. It shortened distance and changed the way we lived — not necessarily always for the better, but such is history. For me, the attraction is based on many things. At some events, such as Southamptom’s Cruise Night, the music and beach set the tone for a summer-themed trip to the past. It’s nostalgia at its best. Esthetics is another aspect. The Mopar show in New Hamburg is an extravaganza, an event with hundreds of cars, a flea market and kids’ activities. Not only is it eye candy for car lovers, but it’s also fun for the people watchers too. The Thresher Reunion offers a more laid- back style, but one in perfect keeping with the historic importance of the automotive industry. Each year, antique cars and trucks line up at the Blyth fairgrounds, one further exhibit in the living museum. But also for me, the attraction is more personal. A well-restored automobile from decades earlier proves that age, lovingly and consistently cared for can remain a thing of beauty. New may mean faster, sportier, more extravagant, but there is a classiness that only comes with maturity.