Loading...
The Citizen, 2003-08-20, Page 5THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20, 2003. PAGE 5. Other Views Rage today I have a dead mouse nailed to my office wall. I killed it personally. With my bare hands. Don’t call the SPCA - this is not the four­ legged, furry cheese-lusting kind of mouse. My wall trophy is plastic. It’s the gizmo that you palpate to move around the little arrow on your computer monitor. I’ve never been abidingly fond of my computer, but one day, when it did something profoundly annoying, I was, ds they say, somewhat overcome with emotion. I felt an intense desire to wrench the device from my desk and pitch it overhand through the window, but that would have been expensive. lt would also have let the flies in. That’s when my eye fell upon my wee mouse, quivering on its mouse pad. I balled my right fist and brought it down like the hammer of Thor. Set me back $19.95, but my, it felt grand. I’m not the first person to go postal over a computer. As a‘ matter of fact, a recent study revealed that 50 per cent of web surfers lose their tempers at least once a week. It’s not just computers of course - we’re living in the Age of Rage. Testosterone-heavy drivers who used to glare at each other and perhaps tap their horn once or twice now exchange obscene gestures, foam at the mouth and cut each other off. Road Rage. And of course, there’s Air Rage. A British banker by the name of Finneran flipped out on a flight from Buenos-Aires to New York last year, assaulting three flight attendants and defecating on a food trolley. A simple. ‘I’m not hungry’ would have been sufficient, sir. But when I heard about the assault on the Ads have helped win elections The TV commercials paid for by taxpayers that most helped a party win an election were put on by a Progressive Conservative government and advised “life is good, Ontario: preserve it, conserve it.” An emphasis on “conserve” prompted the thought life was good for most in Ontario and the Conservatives were managing the province and deserved some credit. The ads helped premier William Davis win a majority in 1981 after two failed attempts, but even one of his ministers, Russell Ramsay, conceded they abused public money and should not have been aired. The Conservative government under Premier Ernie Eves has not been as imaginative in the lead-up to an election, but has spent more than $400 million of taxpayers’ money on ads worded partly to helping it win. The government has been running full-page ads advising residents who lost income because of SARs they may be eligible for reimbursement, which is information it legitimately should provide. But the ads say also the government has a “comprehensive strategy to help overcome SARS” and is “making healthcare work for you,” and not that Eves went golfing in Arizona at the height of the crisis or lengthy hospital waiting lists suggest healthcare is not working that well. Those who lost through SARS also must have claimed long ago. The government has run huge ads on West Nile virus with useful information on how to guard against the disease transmitted by mosquitoes. But they say also it “takes this disease seriously” and has “an aggressive seven-point action plan” and this is another example of - it’s all the rage Arthur Black woman dressed as an Italian sausage, I knew that Rage Rage was getting out of hand. Happened during a baseball game in Milwaukee last month. A woman dressed as an Italian sausage, accompanied by a colleague wearing a hot dog costume (I am not making this up) was running around the bases between innings as part of a fast food ad campaign. One of the ball players teasingly tapped the Italian sausage impersonator with his bat, the sausage lost its balance and knocked over the human hot dog and Hey, Presto! - An Incident. The ball player was (I’m not making this up either) led off the diamond in handcuffs by gun-toting cops. An advertising executive speaking for the jostled meat puppets (perhaps overreacting ever so slightly) intoned, “This is one of the most outrageous things I’ve ever seen inside a ballpark or outside a ballpark. It sickened me to see it.” Yeah. Mascot Rage. Life doesn’t get any uglier than that. Or maybe it does. Come with me now to a quiet, leafy cul de sac in the city of Lincoln, England. You see that yellow line of police tape encircling that modest cottage? Murder investigation. The cottage owner got shot to death last week. By his next-door neighbour. Because his hedge was too high. Eric Dowd From Queen’s Park Ontario “making healthcare work for you,” and not that it laid off as part of cost-cutting experts who might have tackled the disease earlier. Viewers are unable to switch on TV without seeing Eves appealing for investment from U.S. border states and emphasizing Ontario’s “quality of life ranks with anywhere.” Investors would have no interest in the latter, because their aim is making money, and it is aimed at convincing Ontarians watching they are well off under the Tories. The government keeps deluging voters with pamphlets supposedly designed to inform, but also providing flattering pictures of Eves and his party. One has the premier answering “important questions about energy” and explaining hydro supplies are “tight” because hard-working Tories have made the economy grow so quickly, but does not mention his failure increasingly evident to provide new generating facilities. A pamphlet claiming to be an overview of Eves’s budget claims he unveiled it in an auto parts plant instead of the legislature to provide new openness, when it is clear he tried to dodge opposition party scrutiny. Just to throw in a couple of others: a government pamphlet has Eves claiming he is “listening to seniors,” which prompted a That’s right - Hedge Rage - and it’s not the first fatal case. Last May, a 74-year-old homeowner in Louth, Lincolnshire died of a heart attack following a fistfight with his neighbour over a hedge dispute. I should point out that we’re not talking little Mulberry bushes here. The hedges that are causing all the trouble are Leyland cypresses - monster trees that shoot up like bamboo on steroids. They easily grow to 30 feet and they’re very popular with Brits. Well, with some Brits. For those who hate 'em there’s Hedgeline. It’s a support group with its very own website and it lobbies on behalf of people with grievances. About hedges. A spokesman for Hedgeline estimates there are more than 100,000 victims living involuntarily in the shade of their neighbour’s hedges throughout the U.K. Well, fine - but a WEBSITE? That’s all I’d need. My neighbour throws up* a giant wall of cypresses that plunges my home into perpetual darkness. Do I protest or sneak out with a chainsaw during a thunderstorm - no. I’m a good, polite Canuck. I tum on my computer and tap in WWW.HEDGELINE.UK. And an hourglass appears. And I wait. And wait. And wait. And finally, as cobwebs begin to enshroud on my keyboard, my screen tells me THIS PAGE CANNOT BE DISPLAYED. Followed by THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN. Followed by a popup ad for Microsoft Windows Megapixel System 9.5. To hell with it. Kill your mouse. It’s more satisfying. resident to protest that her husband in a long­ term care residence is allowed only one bath a week. The government has ads in newspapers advising of highway construction and possible delays and the need to slow down and drive carefully, which is information it can provide legitimately. But do they really need to inform that “the Ernie Eves government is investing about $1.1 billion to expand and improve highways this year” and does every few feet of resurfaced highway require a sign proclaiming “building Ontario’s future together. Ernie Eves, Premier.” The Liberals and New Democrats voted in June to bring in a law that would end this by enabling an MPP to refer any government ad considered partisan to the independent provincial auditor, who would have power to stop it, but the Tories voted it down. But the problem is not only the fault of the Tories, although they have been the most prolific users of partisan ads over the years. All three parties have been in government in turn in the last decade-and-a-half and had a chance to pass a law banning governments using partisan advertising, but none took it It is not easy to give up an advantage that can help win an election. Final Thought Wherever you see^ a successful business, •xAaeone once made a courageous decision. - Peter Drucker Bonnie Gropp The short of it Lights out Well, it’s going to be awhile before we stop talking about this one, I imagine. Thursday, Aug. 14, just before 4:30 p.m., I was enroute to the basement to get the vacuum cleaner. I flipped the lightswitch at the top of the stairs and the power went out. Various thoughts ran through my head. The most likely of these it seemed to me with temperatures baking at 30°C, was that the system had overloaded. However, as news filtered in, it quickly became apparent that this was no ordinary power failure. Telephone calls from my kids in Toronto and Kitchener backed up the stories that this was a widespread blackout, the duration of which would be hard to estimate. A similar situation occurred in 1965 when 30 million people in Ontario and parts of New York State, were in the dark for a varied number of hours. It happened Nov. 9 at 5:27 p.m. It was eventually determined that the relay at a station in Niagara Falls was set too low to handle the power and consequently overloaded a station in Massena, New York. However, what it was all about then mattered little to an 11-year-old, who simply found the situation fun and exciting. Unfortunately, I’m all grown up now and from time to time in this most recent blackout, failed to be amused. But as everyone else did, between worrying about the food in my fridge and freezer I coped. Where the blame lay was bandied about from one side of the border to the other. Yet, one thing that certainly came to light so to speak, was how much we depend on electricity. From doing business to doing just about everything, we were stymied. Even after three hours, when 1 should have become accustomed to the problem, I would still find myself flipping a switch 1 couldn’t make coffee, listen to the news or finish my housecleaning. One family 1 know didn’t even have the means to cook supper and grateful they didn't have an electric can opener, settled on cold beans and crackers. In the city, life was even more chaotic. Speaking with my daughters revealed an eerie ghosttown of metropolitan proportions. Public transport was stilled and with streetlights down drivers were urged to stay home and for the most part did. Busy nightspots were closed and residences and businesses shrouded in darkness. All was creepy quiet. The same could be said at my house. The nip of mosquitoes drove us from the brighter twilight into our shadowed home sooner than we would have wanted. No hum of fans moved the thick air, nor was there television or radio to break the silence. By 9 p.m. conversation had pretty much been exhausted and reading by candlelight and flashlight challenged my already challenged eyesight. It was therefore with relief that 1 welcomed power’s return. Listening then to the radio 1 heard people who were still in the dark, but seemed to be enjoying the situation. Neighbours had gathered together on porches, one woman was roasting marshmallows by candlelight. (Though she did offer that the scented votives are not the way to go) I was faced with the certainty then, that I must be getting old, or at best am surrounded by people who are. Even if I had been inspired to turn this into a party, I didn’t get a sense that anyone else wanted to play. We just patiently waited for it to end and let us resume the familiar, comfortable life of convenience we’ve come to know and take for granted.